Camp Griffin
by Homeydaclown
Summary: Camp Kidney & Acorn Flats are brought by a character from another animated series, & Lazlo & Patsy's relationship heats up. Camp Lazlo/Family Guy crossover. Language, drug usage & some nudity. OCs. Please comment. Now rated M. CHAPTER 21 added.
1. Chapter 1

Camp Griffin- A Camp Lazlo/Family Guy crossover.

I don't own squat, except for characters that I created. All the characters & places belongs to their owners.

This story starts in Camp Kidney, Lazlo and his buds was waking up to the morning sun in their eyes. "Ahhh! What a beautiful day!" Lazlo exclaimed. Soon as they were dressed, they went outside to the other campers. "Good morning, Edward!" Lazlo said happily when he saw the platypus. "Fuck off, Lazlo!" Edward said, pissed off. "Oh, Edward." Lazlo laughed. After all of Lazlo's greetings, all of the bean scouts went to the mess hall. Today, the breakfast was awful. "Yuck!! **I had it up to here with this place!!**" Edward shouted. All of the other campers agreed with him, because they weren't smart enough to not disagree. "**We should have a riot!!**" screamed someone off-screen. "Yeah a riot!!" shouted Edward. "Let's start breaking stuff!!" So everyone started to turn tables over, and break windows. This little so-called riot ended quickly as Lazlo stood on one of the turned over tables. "**STOP!!**" he shouted. Everyone looked at him. "We shouldn't be rioting. All rioting is gonna do is basically nothing, and we..." he was cut off as someone threw a metal stool at Lazlo. Lazlo was bleeding, but nobody cared, and continue to riot at the camp.

Meanwhile at across the lake at Acorn flats, the food there was awful, too. Mainly because the chefs were fired, and the squirrel scouts had to cook their own food. Usually this wouldn't be a problem, but with the shortage of food and layoffs, they take anything that's laying around and cooked that. Some unnamed squirrel scout was cooking breakfast. The smell of it was disgusting, but the so-called chef didn't notice. Some of the squirrel scouts was already gathered at the tables. "Oh god!" Patsy sniffed. "What the hell's that smell?" "I-I-I think that's breakfast." Nina said sickly. The awful mess was served to them. Patsy & Nina ran away to vomit, but Gretchen was cross. "That's it!" she shouted, as she kicked the plate of the nasty mess on the floor. "No more lousy food! This shit looks worst than da time, I've had food cooked by George W. Bush!"

**_(Flashback)  
_**George W. Bush: Americans, welcome to my white 'ouse B.B.Q. party. Now who's wants some of my hot 'ogs?  
Gretchen: I'll try it.

She bit into the hot dog, but it damaged some of her teeth.

Gretchen: **AAAHHHHH!! My teeth!!** What kind of hot dawgs are these?!  
Bush: Why they're my 'W. Bush' dogs, Miss. They're made out of steel, & cement. They're tough, just like me.

Gretchen threw the 'dog' at the president, and everyone cheered.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"Now I say we tear this place apart, and kill anybody who gets in da way!" Gretchen continued. The other scouts knew that they had nothing better to do, so they decided to riot with Gretchen. The riots at both camps lasted all day. Lumpus, Slinkman, Jane Doe & Rubella Mucus was away at a meeting while all this was happening. So finally when night fell, the riots had stop. Lazlo had finally came out of his hiding place. He looked around the camp, it was quiet, & messy. Some stuff was still on fire. "Oh my god!" Lazlo exclaimed to himself. "Look what those bastards did to Camp Kidney!" He was soon cut-off as he heard some talking in Lumpus' house. Lazlo tiptoed to one of the windows at Lumpus'. Lumpus was on the phone, and Lazlo barely heard what the moose said. "I'm glad someone else is buying this horrible dump and Acorn Flats, now I can concentrate on something _more_ important!" He pulled out a magazine, and he started to drool. "Damn kids! Ruining my house..." Lazlo was at a lost for words. "Why would Lumpus want to sell this place? I know it's riot-ridden, but with some paint, and help from the other campers, maybe we can,...Oooh! I feel dizzy. I-I better find a quiet place to lay down."

Lazlo stumbled his way deep into the forest, past the torn down trees. It was dark, until he saw a light. Lazlo followed the light until he saw a campfire. There sitting at Lazlo's favorite log, was Patsy. "Hi Patsy." Lazlo said to the woman of his dreams. Patsy looked up at Lazlo with a smile on her face. "Hi Lazlo." Then she looked at Lazlo's head. "What happened to you?" she said. "Oh Edward started a all day riot. I got beaned in the head for trying to stop it." Lazlo said. "You had a riot, too?" Patsy asked. "Yeah...what do you mean _'too'_? Did you guys also riot?" Lazlo asked. Patsy nodded. "Gretchen started it because some background squirrel scout cooked some disgusting unedible breakfast. And you know Gretchen." "Yeah." Lazlo said gloomily. "What's wrong?" Patsy said as she put her hand on Lazlo's shoulder. "I was eavsdropping near Lumpus' house, and he's was talking on the phone with somebody, who wanted to buy Camp Kidney & Acorn Flats." "So?" Patsy said. "So? Patsy you don't get it. If that person buys the camps, what'll happen to you & me?" Lazlo asked. "I think I might know." Patsy said gloomily. "I'll have to go back to being a auctioneer!"

**_(Another Flashback)_**  
Patsy:(speaking real fast)_ NowwegotherethebestbasketballplayerMichaelJordanhere.Startingat500.600totheguysupinfront.625?625totheJerrySeinfeldlookalike.650?650.675?675.700?700.715?715goingonce,twice?Sold!700totheAfricanAmericanrappernamed50cent!!  
**(End Flashback)**_

"No. I don't want to go back _there_, again." Patsy mumbled to herself. Then she turned to Lazlo. "Well, we just have to wait and see. Now lay your head down, you look tired." "Yeah, I'm tired." Lazlo said. "It's been a crazy day."


	2. Peter takes over

Peter takes over

The next morning, Lazlo woke up sleepily. He looked around for Patsy, but she wasn't around. "Patsy must've went back to her camp. Well, it's time to go back to Camp Hell." he said sadly. Back at the camp, Slinkman had gathered all the campers. They were all around the flagpole. "What's going on, Raj?" Lazlo asked. "I dunno, Lazlo." Raj said. "It's probably something stupid, like always!" sniffed Edward. Lumpus was standing next to a fat man, who was wearing glasses, and wearing a suit. He was also holding a suitcase full of money. Standing next to the man was a baby, who was one and a half year old. He was holding a golf club. **"Shut up!!"** shouted Lumpus. Everyone shut up. "I have good news and greater news. The great news is, that I'm retiring. The Good news is, Mr. Peter Griffin is in charge of you all for now on. See you losers later!!" Then he & Slinkman caught the next cab to the airport. All of the bean scouts had mixed emotions. "Hmmph! It's about time Lumpus finally quits!!" Edward sniffed. "We can do _anything_ now!!" Chip said. **"Let's have** **another riot!!"** Clam said stuipidly. "Hold it!" Peter said. "I'm in charge here. The first thing is to change your uniforms. That old raggety bean scouts crap won't work here in _Camp Griffin_. Stewie get the box of uniforms." he called to his son. Stewie had the box of new uniforms in no time. The new uniforms had a white T-shirt and green pants with black shoes. "Is this the uniforms we're suppose to wear?" Lazlo asked Peter. "Yeah, that's right Mr. Gorilla." Then he turned to the others. "I'll be across the lake tying ends up there. Stewie here will be temporary in charge. Do what he says." After Peter left, the former bean scouts looked at Stewie, Stewie looked at them. "What the hell are you guys staring at? **Get in your new uniforms!!**" he said as he pulled out his ray gun. They all ran to their cabins to get redressed.

Meanwhile at Acorn Flats, Peter and his dog Brian, who appeared out of nowhere, looked at the squirrel scouts, then at their cabins. "Uh, Brian are we at the right place?" he asked his talking dog. "Yeah, Peter. We are." Brian answered. "Hmmph! I feel worse than that time I was Barbie's double." Peter sniffed.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Girl: Mommy, I want that doll!

She points at Peter, who was wearing a blonde wig.

Girl's Mom: I don't know, Susie. That doll looks homely.

She then picks up Peter. Then turns him around.

Mom: Look at the price for this ugly thing, _25.99_? At that price, it should be like-sized.  
Peter: You're not a prize yourself, you crack whore!

The mom & her daughter drops Peter and runs out of the store, screaming.

Peter: Well, that's my mama! HeeHeeHeeHee!  
_**(Ends Flashback)**_

"So anyway, this place is gonna be called _Camp Griffin_." Brian said. "Yeah, plus you're not Squirrel scouts anymore, you're _Griffin scouts_." Peter announced. The former squirrel scouts were talking all at once. "Listen you!" said Patsy. "You're not gonna gonna change our camp, our names, or **ANYTHING!!**" "Yeah!" said Gretchen and Nina with fists balled up. Peter looked at the pink haired mongoose and her friends, then he leaned to Brian. "I think we're gonna have trouble with this one." "You want me to call him?" Brian asked. "Yeah." Peter said. So Brian got on his cell phone, and called. Within a few seconds, a man with a big double chin & black hair appears. He was wearing a red & yellow hawaiian, blue jeans, & black shoes. "Is there a problem, Peter?" he asked. "Yes, Mr. Quagmire, we have a problem with this camper and her two friends." Peter then pointed at Patsy, Nina, & Gretchen. "I think you know what to do." "Yes, I do!" Quagmire said as he did his headbop. He went towards the three girls. "I've never been with a weasel, & alligator before! Giggity! Giggity! Giggity! Heh! Heh! Alright!" Of course, Patsy was frightened. "Uh, okay! Okay Mr. Griffin, you win!" Patsy said scared. "Um,... yeah." Gretchen said. Patsy looked at her with a confused look. "Uh, Gretchen. I'd noticed the you paused after you said _'um'._ You was thinking about this bastard's..." Gretchen interrupted her. "Shut da hell up, Patsy!" she said as she turned red from embarassment "Heh! Works everytime!" Quagmire said. "As I was saying, you all gonna be the Griffin scouts, and have new uniforms." Peter announced. Most of the female scouts were excited about this. So Brian got the box of female uniforms. It was exactly the same as the boys uniforms at the boys' camp except the pants were skorts. "Hmm! These skorts are a nice color." Patsy said. "I hope the hats match, too." "Exactly, the hats are the same ones that Samuel L. Jackson wears." Peter said as he put down the box full of hats. After all of the former squirrel scouts were all dressed in their new uniforms, Peter had more news."This and the camp across the lake is going to be all one camp." Of course some of the scouts gasp and scream. Patsy was of course, happy to hear this news. This means she can be with Lazlo more. Gretchen was about to say something smart-alreck, but Peter had more news. "This camp is gonna close down, and gonna added to Camp Kidney." Of course, some of the scouts screamed again. Patsy smiled even bigger. "Boy this is gonna suck, just like the _NBA on ABC_" Nina sniffed.

_**(Cutaway to NBA on ABC)  
**_Crappy _Pussycat dolls_ theme plays.

Randy: Hello this is Randy Asskisser.  
Charles Barkley: And this is Charles Barkley, tha snobbiest _NBA_ player of all time.  
Randy: Get ready for the fantastic, most exciting time of your life, y'all!  
Barkley: Let's go to th' man on th' court, Jamal Williams. How are things down there, Jamal?  
Jamal:(yelling) **GAME'S CANCELLED, BECAUSE LOW RATINGS, NO TICKETS SELLS & LACK OF INTEREST!!**_(A/N: Jamal Williams is Ollie Williams' brother)_

_  
_Randy: Okay? Tune in next time, hopefully people'll have interest in the game. Stay tuned for _PGA tour_.  
_**(End cutaway)**_

Back at the new Camp Griffin, Stewie was giving orders to Edward. "Listen you mutated duck you, I want you to clean up that mess! Right Now!" "Hmmph!" Edward sniffed. Edward went to the back of his cabin, where he met his two cabinmates Chip & Skip. "D-uh, hi Edward!" they both said stupidly. "Yeah, whatever!" Edward mumbled. "What's wrong Edward?" they asked. Edward knew these two assholes wouldn't leave him alone until he answered them. "We're being order by a baby!" he shouted. "Yeah, so?" Chip said stupidly. "I think he's cute." Skip said without thinking. Edward slap his head. "Oy Vey!" he grumbled. "This must've been how Todd Bridges felt when Gary Coleman took over _'Difff'rent Strokes'_!!"

_**(Cutaway to set of Diff'rent Strokes)**_  
Willis: Arnold, I'm tellin' dad!  
Arnold: Wha'choo talkin' 'bout, Willis?

The audience laughed.

Bridges: Okay.

The audience continues to laugh.

Bridges:(getting mad) Okay!

The audience continues to laugh.

Conrad Bain: Don't worry about it, Todd. I experience this a few times in my career. Let's just sit down and let the laughter die down.

Hours later, audience still laughing.

Bridges: I thought you said it'll died down!!  
Bain: Don't worry, it'll die down. It happened before in my career.  
Bridges: Didn't you work on _Broadway_?  
Bain: Yeah, and on '_Maude'_ too.  
Bridges: Yeah, but '_Maude'_ sucked.  
Bain: Oh yeah, there was a laugh track, and the button got stuck.  
Bridges:(slaps his head) Oy Vey!!  
_**(End cutaway)**_

Edward then walked off. Meanwhile Lazlo was inside of his cabin. He was thinking. Raj was being a pain in the ass, and was irritating Lazlo, and Clam was just hoping for another riot, so he can turn things over. "Lazlo." said the annoying elephant. "What are you doing?" "Thinking!" Lazlo muttered. "Thinking about what?" **"Raj!! Shut the fuck up!!"** Lazlo shouted. "Okay! Okay! There's no need to yell, sheesh!" Raj sniffed. "How about you take Clam to town and flip some cars over or something?" Lazlo suggested. **"Flipping cars, fun!!"** Clam said. Then he ran out the door, with Raj chasing after him. "Fools!" Lazlo sniffed, and went back to thinking.

Later Brian called all of the scouts from both camps to the flagpole. "Okay everybody, Mister Griffin has got something to say." Everyone looked at Peter. "Okay everyone, since all of you didn't get all that anger out of your systems, we gonna have another riot." Most of the campers cheered to this. "But the one thing is, not to turn over my car. If you do, you get to spend all day tomorrow with Mr. Quagmire." "Yeah, I won't be easy on you, either! Giggity! Giggity!" Quagmire said as he did his trademark headbop. "Okay you're all dismissed." Peter said. So the campers decided to riot in the town and some decided to riot in the mountains, and some stayed at the campgrounds to riot. Meanwhile while all this shit was happening, Lazlo & Patsy walked into the woods to the spot they were at from the previous night. Mainly because Lazlo hates riots after yesterday's mishap, and Patsy got out all of her anger from yesterday's riots. On the way there, Patsy was the one who did all the talking. "What's the matter, Lazlo?" she asked. "You didn't compliment me on my new uniform." "Oh. Oh yeah, you look good." Lazlo said, not paying any attention to Patsy. "I'm just sad about Camp Kidney being turned into Camp Griffin. I miss Scoutmaster Lumpus and Slinkman." Patsy laughed. "Oh Lazlo, I bet they're not thinking about you!" "Well that's easy for you to say, Ms. Doe didn't care if you guys were there or not. But Lumpus sure did...well Slinkman anyway." Lazlo said. "Listen Lazlo, Ms. Doe did care about us(Squirrel scouts). That's in the past, you gotta give this new guy a chance, Lazlo." Patsy said. Lazlo thought about what Patsy had said. "You're right, Patsy! I got to give this Peter Griffin a chance! Fuck Lumpus!" Then Lazlo looked at Patsy thoroughly. "Boy Patsy, you sure look pretty today. That Dark Green skort matches with your tone." Patsy giggled. "Maybe you'll see more of me Lazlo." "What do you mean?" Lazlo asked. "Mr. Griffin decided to move the former squirrel scouts to your guys' camp. The other Mr. Griffin, the dog, decided that this was a good idea." Lazlo gave a big smile. "That means you'll keep Edward under control." Patsy laughed. "Well, something like that."


	3. Poker night

Poker night

After all the rioting that day, all of the Griffin scouts met in the mess hall. Brian was cooking some food that the campers actually eat. He had cooked Pizza, burgers, hot wings, and fries. Everyone was starving. "Come on, what's takin' ya!" said one of the background characters. "Who said that?" Brian snapped. "Who?" Edward then poke the unnamed character with a needle. "Ow!" he cried. "Oh, so it was you?" Brian said. Then he got on his cell phone again. Within a few minutes, Stewie walked calmly in. Some of the campers gasped for some dumb reason. Then Stewie with his handy golf club, knocked the unnamed character out. Then Stewie dragged the boy's body out of the mess hall. Then Stewie looked sharply back at the other campers. "What the deuce are you guys staring at?" Nobody answered, and then turned their backs. "You guys made the right decision." Stewie hissed.

Sixteen minutes after the departure of the background character, Lazlo was eating the food on his plate. "Mmm! These wings are actually good." "I'll have to agree with you there, buddy!" Raj said. **"Flipping cars!! Fun!!"** Clam said stupidly. "Clam, please try to stay with us." Lazlo sniffed."I think I'll get some more wings." He walked up to the counter. Brian was there, counting the money. Lazlo set his tray on the counter. The slam of the tray got Brian's attention. "Oh Hello Lazlo. Did you enjoy my food?" "Oh yes indeed." Lazlo said. "I think I'll get some more!" Lazlo then took his tray full of wings back to his table. Brian went back to counting his money. Few minutes later, Edward walked up the counter next. "Hey dog!" Brian looked up from his money. "What?" "This food is delicious! This is the best thing I've ever tasted, since _Pizza Hut_ created the _P'Zone!!_" Edward said.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Edward eats 20 _P'zones_. _P'zones_ boxes are everywhere. He throws his recently empty box aside, and burps.

Edward:(Burps) I-I-I wished that I had more _P'zones_.

He then hears a _Pizza Hut_ delivery truck pulled up at Lazlo's cabin. The Pizza boy knocked on the cabin's door. Lazlo opened it, then he pays for the pizza. Then the pizza boy gets in his truck, Lazlo goes back inside.

Edward:(thinking) _How do I get that P'zone from that Bananna-mouthed pain-in-the-ass? I know!!_

Lazlo was about to take a bite out of the _P'zone_, when there was a knock on the door.

Lazlo:(pissed) Coming! Coming!

Lazlo opened the door to see a yellow-skinned bald-headed fat man, with a white shirt and Blue pants. He was wearing a _Pizza Hut_ hat.

Lazlo: Yeah?  
Mysterious man: Hello, son. My name is Homer J. Simpson. I'm the manager of the local _Pizza Hut_. We've made a horrible mistake, and we actually gave you another customer's order. So I'll have to take your order back.

Lazlo: Oh okay!

Then he went to get the _P'zone_. He returned with it.

Lazlo: There you go, sir. Do I get my money back?  
Homer: Uh, yeah sure whatever kid. I'll get it from my car.

"Homer" started to walk out the door. Lazlo then look down at the floor, he noticed a beaver tail. Now Lazlo knew that humans don't have tails, and came to a conclusion that he'd been fooled. So he tiptoed to "Homer". "Homer" had his back turned, so he didn't noticed the monkey sneaking up on him. Lazlo jumped on Homer's head. There was a struggle, then finally Lazlo pulled the "Homer" mask off to see Edward. Edward was cross.

Lazlo:(laughs) Silly Platypus, _P'zones_ are for peace keepers!  
Edward:(Growls) Dammit!!  
_**(End Flashback)**_

After that, dinner was over. Then Quagmire called all of the campers to the lodge. They all went to the lodge. Peter was there sitting at a long table. There at the table with him was a man in a wheelchair named Joe, and a black man named Cleveland. "Okay campers." Peter said as he shuffled the cards. "For now on, Wednesday nights are going to be poker night." Some of the campers moaned. Edward cheered. "Yes! Finally something I'm good at!" He said as he put on his poker hat. "Can we play 'strip poker'?" asked the dung brothers stupidly. "Shut up! I've just ate!" Raj said, as he was turning green. "You guys can play any type of poker." Peter said, as he shuffled the cards again. "Any questions?" Lazlo raised his hand. "Yes, the monkey." "Uh, what if we don't know how to play poker? Can we do other stuff like play pool, or watch TV?" Lazlo asked. "Sure! You can do anything you want, execpt drive my car." Peter said. Gretchen raised her hand. "Yes, you." "Can we smoke?" Gretchen asked. "Yes, of course." Peter said. "Yes!!" Gretchen said, as she pulled out and lit a cuban cigar.

So most of the campers went to play poker, some of them went to watch the game on TV, and some of them went to play pool in the next room. Lazlo just rested on the couch. He was resting, plus he was listening to all the noise in the lodge. He heard Edward laughing at some poor sap's soul. He also heard Stewie's cursing from the pool room, and someone was complaining at the TV. "Patsy's right. This is gonna work out." Lazlo said. Then Lazlo got up and decided to look around. First, he went to TV room. The _Heat_ was playing against the _Knicks_. Lazlo sat down on the couch, and watched the game. Things was going good at the TV, until dumb Clam ate all the snacks all at once. "Well this sucks, now!" one of the squirrel scout background characters complained. "Well, I'll check out the action in the pool room." Lazlo thought to himself. When he got to the Pool room, there was more cursing and arguing than playing. Raj and Stewie was at it. "You cheated!!" Raj yelled. "Now listen to me, you hardheaded indian douche' I didn't cheat! You're just..._what's that_ _word?_ Oh yeah,...clumsy!!" Then Stewie hit Raj with the cue stick, then he drugged Raj's unconsious body outside and threw it in the lake. Lazlo then decided to watch the poker games. First he went to Peter's table, but Peter kept farting so Lazlo decided to go to the others poker tables(except the dung's table). He finally landed to the table where Patsy, Nina, Gretchen, and Brian was. "_I think I'll check how Patsy's doing?_" Lazlo thought to himself.

Patsy was doing fine. She was winning, and Gretchen wasn't liking this not one bit. "_Damn! She must be a pro at this game!!_" she muttered. _"I must create a_ _distraction, but what?"_ She looked briefly around, but found nothing. Then she looked at her cuban cigar. An evil smile spread across her face. "_I'll just_ _smoke my ultra-cuban. Th' smoke'll be so thick and so heavy, dat Patsy'll start to cough and gag, and then she'll drop her cards! Ha! Ha! What a evil plan_." "Are you gonna deal or what?" Patsy whined. "Okay, okay I'll deal. Just let me light my cigar, first." "Gretchen, don't you know that all that smoking can harm ya?" Nina nagged. "Fuck off, long neck!! I can smoke whenever I want!!" Gretchen attacked. "Okay, but your gonna be hooked on that stuff just like that time Clam was hooked on steroids." Nina warned.

_**(Flashback)  
**_Camp Kidney & Acorn flats were doing one of their picnic get-togethers. They were at the picnic table, eating. Well Clam was eating. The others were too scared to eat. Clam was bigger, taller, and stronger than anybody else on both camps.

Lazlo:(scared) Uh, C-C-Clam?  
Clam:(Super pissed, & yelling) **What the hell do you want primate?  
**Lazlo:(softly & scared)C-Can you pass the...  
Clam:(Yelling louder) **PASS THE WHAT?!  
**Lazlo:(scared for his life) s-salt.  
Clam:(Freaking out) **DAMMIT, LAZLO!!**

He then knock Patsy out with a hard blow. (He might be big & strong, but his sense of direction sucks). All of the campers from both camps just stared, but they didn't do anything to help Patsy.(Well Lazlo sort of did).

Chip & Skip:(stupidly, not noticing what happened) D-uh Clam, can you pass the mustard?

Clam:(Freaking out again) **SHUT UP!!**

He then grabbed Lumpus, and ripped him in half. All of a sudden an live studio audience appeared and they laughed and cheered. Clam then starts to get angry, again.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"This is my body, Nina. So mind yo' damn business!" Gretchen sniffed. So Nina did. Gretchen took out the biggest cuban cigar anyone had ever seen. "Where did you get that?" Patsy asked. "Uh, from Fidel Castro's office." the alligator lied. Unknown to Patsy, that the cigar's label said: _**DO NOT SMOKE**_ **_IN FRONT OF MONGOOSES_!!** Gretchen knew this, too. Anyway she put the huge cigar in her mouth, and she lit it. After a few minutes, there was a sulfuric smell coming out of the cigar. Some of the campers became frustrated with the smell, and decided to take their TV, pool tables, and poker games to the clubhouse. Gretchen then blew the smoke towards Patsy. "_Hack! Hack!_ Watch where you (_hack!_) blowing that (_hack!_) smoke!!" she cried. "Oh I'm sorry, Patsy. I didn't know dat blowin' cigar smoke bothered you." Gretchen said oily. "Well, _it does_!" Patsy squeaked. "_Good it's workin'_!" Gretchen thought. "_A few more minutes, then she will quit!!_" Few more minutes go by, Patsy started to cough more and more. So did Lazlo and the remaining card players at the table. "_'Cuff!! Cuff!! Hack!! Hack!!_ I-I-I need some air!!" Patsy cried. She dropped her cards and ran out the door. The remaining players ran out too. "It looks like I win!" Gretchen said happily. She put out her cigar, and put it back in her pocket.

Later, most of the campers who left the lodge eariler because of Gretchen's smoke, returned with the TV, pool tables, and poker games. By this time Peter grown bored playing poker, and decided to watch the game. After awhile Brian & Stewie decided to have a party in the poolroom. Most of the campers thought this was a good idea, while some thought this was a dumb idea, and they moved the pool tables back to the clubhouse to continue their game. The poker players couldn't concentrate because the music was too loud, so the poker players decided to go to the library to continue their game. Meanwhile in Lazlo's cabin, Lazlo was resting. "Tonight was a great night, despite Gretchen trying to kill us." Then he heard a coughing sound from outside. The coughing sounded soft. Lazlo decided to look out to see who was doing the coughing. "Who's there?" Lazlo demanded. "Lazlo, it's me." The voice said. "Patsy, is that you?" Lazlo questioned. "Yes." she answered. "I'll be out there in a second." Lazlo called. He then walked up to Patsy. "Are you okay, Patsy?" Lazlo asked, as he put a hand on her shoulder. "Y-Yes I am." she repiled. Then she recovered. "Lazlo, do you want to play some ball with me?" "What you mean basketball?" Lazlo questioned. "Yes." "Ok." Lazlo smiled.

Soon they reached the basketball court. Patsy picked up the ball. "How about we play 1 on 1? Whoever reaches to 30 first, wins, and get a special surpise." "What kind of surprise?" Lazlo asked. "I'm not telling." Patsy teased. Lazlo had an idea on what that surprise was, decided to play along. "Okay, Patsy. I'll play." So the game started. Lazlo pretended to block Patsy's shots. Then he fouled her. "Foul!! You have to take two shots, Lazlo." Patsy said. "Okay, Patsy." Lazlo muttered. As planned, Lazlo only made 1 of 2 shots. Of course on any other day, Lazlo would of taken Patsy to school in basketball. But not today, since Patsy said there was a surprise when one of them wins. "Oh come on, Lazlo. I know you _can_ do better." Patsy teased. Lazlo then realized that being beat in basketball by a girl would be embarassing, especially if Patsy goes around and brags about it. So he stopped pretending, and started to rough it up a bit so-to-speak.

After several more shots, it was tied 28 to 28. It was Lazlo's turn. He got himself ready to shoot the ball. Patsy was ready to block him. She went in closer & closer to Lazlo. Lazlo jumped and released the ball. Patsy tried to block the ball, but Lazlo jumped too high for her to block it. "Shit! I'm too short!!" Patsy cried. The ball went in, Lazlo had beaten Patsy! "Yeah!! In your face!!" Lazlo cheered. Patsy had mixed emotions. "Boy, I haven't felt this mixed up, since the time I was on the wrong show."

_**(Flashback)  
**_Patsy was walking through a fancy neighborhood. Everything looked real. Patsy was sort of freaking out.

Patsy:(freaking out a little bit) Where the hell am I?!

Patsy then sees a tall, thin black man. He's wearing a Michael Jordan jersey. He was buffing his car. Patsy decides to ask him, what place is this.

Patsy:(nervously) Uh, excuse me, sir?

The young man looks at her.

Young man: Yeah, can I help you?  
Patsy: Can you tell me where I am?  
Young man: Yeah, you're on the show '_The Fresh Prince of Bel-air'_. I'm Will Smith.  
Patsy: Oh! Damn it!! My nose has failed me again!!

Then she walks out of the scene. Will goes back to waxing his car. Then all of a sudden, police sirens and lights started to flash. A fat blading black man comes in the scene.

Uncle Phil: **Will! I'm gonna kill you!!  
**Will:(looks at the direction Patsy went) Hey miss! Wait for me!! I'll join you on your show!!

Will then runs off after Patsy.

Narrator: Oh! Oh! It looks like Will's in trouble again. Will Patsy ever find her show? Will, Will be a cast member on Patsy's show? Will _NBC_ still be #1 in 16 years? Only one of these questions will be answered, on the next episode of '_The Fresh Prince of Bel-air'_!  
_**(End Flashback)**_

"Okay Patsy, what's my surprise?" Lazlo asked. "Oh, I'll tell you in a second." Patsy whispered. Lazlo had his back turned, so he couldn't see what Patsy was doing. Patsy was putting some red lipstick, and some perfume. "Okay I'm ready!" she said. Lazlo turn towards her, then he started to stutter. "P-P-P-Patsy, w-w-why are y-y-you..." His words were cut off as Patsy kissed Lazlo square in the mouth. This kiss lasted for at least three minutes. Lazlo was frozen in amazement. "Patsy, I can't feel my face. I think it's frozen." Patsy giggled. "Was that your first kiss?" Lazlo quickly _thawed_ out. "Uh, yes." he whispered. "Mine's too." Patsy said. There was silence. Then Lazlo spoke. "Patsy, will you be my girlfriend?" Patsy smiled. "Why of couse, Lazlo!!" Then they hugged each other. After the hugging, Lazlo looked at his watch. "Oh my god! It's gettin' late, Patsy. I gotta go!!" "Come on, Lazlo. Stay a little longer? _Please_?" Patsy pleaded as she was holding Lazlo's arm. "I can't. You know how Stewie is when any of us is late?" "No?" Patsy answered. Lazlo thought a bit, then laughed. "I must be looking in the future or something like that." So Patsy let Lazlo go, but not before Patsy pulled on his shirt. "Do I get a goodnight kiss?" she asked in a sexy voice. "Oh course, babe." So Lazlo leaned Patsy back, and gave her a passionate kiss. "Good night, Lazlo. Sweet dreams." she said. "Good night beautiful." Lazlo called. After Patsy was out of sight, Lazlo sighed. "I finally got to kiss her!! This is the best Wednesday night of my life!!" Then he turned to go back to his cabin. After Lazlo left, Quagmire came running by. He was naked. **"I'm king of the world!!"** he said as he ran off into the darkness.

_It looks like things are getting serious between Lazlo & Patsy! This chapter dealt mostly Lazlo/Patsy. Hopefully in the next chapter, there'll be a little bit of everything._


	4. The trip

The trip

_Caution: There are WWII references, driving, drinking, betting, sexual references, fighting, shopping, and comedy ahead!_

It's now 9:30 am. Some of the campers were awake now. Lazlo was now awake. He was wiping the sleep from his eyes, when there was a knock on his window. He went to answer it. It was Patsy. "Good morning, Lazlo." she said in a sexy voice. "Good morning to you too, Patsy!" Lazlo said with wide eyes. "I'm going to the next town to get something to eat. Wanna join?" she asked. Lazlo thought a bit. "Are you sure that leaving the campgrounds without Scoutmaster Griffin's permission is a good idea?" "Don't worry about him, Lazlo. He's still asleep on the kitchen stove. That's why we're going out to eat." Patsy said. "How are we gonna get there?" Lazlo asked. "We're gonna ride in my car." Patsy said. Lazlo thought some more. "What about Raj & Clam?" "What about them?" Patsy sniffed. "Are they gonna come with us? You know how they can be?" Lazlo remarked.

**_(Flashback)  
_**Raj: Clam, did you see, Lazlo?  
Clam: Uh, no!  
Raj:(angry) I bet that damn lovesick mongeese stole him!  
Clam: Patsy, evil!  
Raj: I'm getting mighty sick of that bitch, trying to steal Lazlo from us!  
Clam:(stupidly) Patsy, Hitler! Heil!  
Raj: We must resuce him!  
Clam:(puts on pink wig) Heil, Patsy!  
Raj: Now where's my mongeese repeliant?  
Clam: In the bathroom.

Raj goes to the bathroom, and gets the Mongoose repeliant. Plus he gets several weapons. He knows there's gonna be a war. He walks back into the main room.

Raj:(eyes squinting) Clam, this means war!  
Clam:(still wearing the pink wig, puts on aqua colored hat, and does some sort of salute) Heil, Patsy!  
Raj:(frowns) Clam, be stupid on your time. Come on!  
Clam:(puts on fake trumpet) Heil, Patsy! Heil, Raj! Heil Patsy & Raj!

The two boys went out. There was a lonely piece of paper on the table. It was a note that Raj had fail to notice. It said:

_Dear Raj & Clam,_

_I am going to the music store to get some more CDs. So if you don't see me, don't go off and start wars with anyone._

_your cabin leader,  
Lazlo_

_**(End flashback)**_

"Okay. If they're awake, they can come, too!" Patsy sniffed. "Oh they are." Lazlo annouced. He then turned his back to Raj and Clam. Raj was listening to his _ipod_, and Clam was all hyped up, just in case Peter wanted everyone to riot again. "Hey guys, do you want to the next town & get somethin' to eat?" Lazlo asked. "Lazlo, we can't leave the campground without Scoutmaster Griffin's permission." Raj said in his annoying accent. "Besides how are we gonna get there?" "Patsy's gonna drive us in her car." Lazlo responded. "Wait! She can drive?!" Raj asked. "Duh! Everyone in camp can drive. Patsy can drive, Edward can drive, Clam can drive, I can drive, Brian & Stewie even can drive. Where the hell was you?" Lazlo asked. "I dunno? I think I was at the bottom of the lake on that night they taught you." Raj said stupidly. "Okay I'm in!" Lazlo turned to Clam. "How 'bout you, Clam? Are you comin'?" Do I get to flip over cars?" Clam asked. Lazlo thought about it. "Maybe we'll find a tanker truck or three for you to flip over." **"Yay!! Flipping tanker trucks** **are more fun than flipping cars!!"** Clam cheered.

Few minutes later, Patsy drove up in her black SUV. It looked brand new. "Damn Patsy. Where did you hid _this_ during the riots?" Lazlo asked in amazement. "I'd kept it hidden in the caves." she said. Then they all went inside. The inside of the SUV was pimped out. It has tv screens, dvd players, lap tops, a _PS3_, a police scanner, a storm doppler, and a _George Forman grill_. **"TV!!"** screamed Clam, and he jumped on the seat. "Um Patsy, I thought you was going with your friends?" Lazlo asked. "You guys are my friends." Patsy said. "Yeah, but I meant you, Gretchen, Nina, and yours truly." "Oh! Well Gretchen flipped over Scoutmaster Griffin's car, so she'll have to spend the day with Mr. Quagmire, and Nina's busy with Stewie, and Edward. They're creating some intelligent person's club or some shit like that." Patsy explained. "Oh!" Lazlo said. Patsy was about to drive off, when some of the background losers knocked on the SUV's window. "What the hell do you losers want?!" Patsy sniffed. "We want to go where the popular people go!" One of them whined. "Oy vey!!" Patsy groaned. "Okay you guys can come, but you'll have to sit in the trunk." "Yay!!" cheered the nobodys.

On the way there, Clam, Raj, & the nobodys were kicking the back of Patsy's & Lazlo's seats. **"Ow!! Damn it!! Ow!! Stop it nobodys!!"** Lazlo screamed. They did so, but only for 10 minutes, and they started again. "Patsy, do you got a dvd to entertain them or something?" Lazlo whined. "Oy!!" Patsy sniffed. "Do you guys wanna watch _'Good Times'_?" "_'Good Times'_? What the hell's that? Is it a porno?" asked one of the nobodys, stupidly. "See! That's why you nobodys get no airtime or stories! **Because you say stupid shit!!**" Lazlo shouted. Patsy, Clam, & Raj silently nodded their heads. "Well excuse me for askin' a simple question, Mr. 'Always hogs the spotlight'." sniffed one of the nobodys. Patsy stopped the truck. "Get out! **Get the fuck out!!**" she shouted at the smart-alreck useless character, and pointed out the window. "B-But I didn't do anything. The monkey did!" said the good-for-nothing character. Patsy unbuckled her seat belt. She got out of the truck and went to the passenger side. Then she drug the nobody out of the truck, then she went in the woods with him. Everybody else remained silent. Raj finally spoke. "What do you think she's doing to him?" "Who cares? He's a nobody." Lazlo sniffed. Few minutes later, Patsy was dusting herself off. She then got back in the truck, & pulled off. The silence was disturbing. Lazlo finally spoke. "Uh, Patsy? What did you do to that guy?" "Lazlo, I taught him how to be respectful to others." Patsy said. "In other words, you kicked his ass?" Lazlo chuckled a bit. Patsy turned to look at him. Then she laughed. "Yeah. That's right, Lazlo. I gave him such a beating, that would of made my dad proud! If scoutmaster Griffin was here, he would've gave me my _'Asskickin' badge'_." Lazlo gave a hearty laugh. "That's why I like you, Patsy. You'll give someone an ass kicking, & play off like it's nothing." Back at the woods, there was a trail like someone was drugged by their ears. Deeper in the woods, were a bunch of trees. One of the trees had chain tied on it. Blood was dripping off the chain. The blood was coming from the background character! He was beaten to a pulp. Both of his legs were broken. His mouth was covered with a gag. "Mmmm!!" he cried.

Ten minutes later, they finally found a place to eat, well sort of. "Uh, Patsy. This is a _KFC_." Lazlo whispered. "I know, Lazlo." "But fried chicken isn't breakfast-like food..._Or is it_?" Lazlo questioned. He sat there and thought about it. "Who cares?" he said at last. Then he & Patsy went inside to get the food leaving Raj, Clam, & the remaining nobodys alone in the SUV. They were looking all the technology. Clam was just drooling. "Pretty buttons." he said stupidly. Then he pressed several buttons. The dvd player blew up. Raj was cross. "You stupid douche'! You ruined Patsy's dvd player! She's gonna kick your ass." "What does 'ass' mean?" Clam asked, stupidly. Meanwhile, Patsy & Lazlo was ordering the food. Lazlo already ordered some for him and his cabin mates, but Patsy was having trouble ordering food. Mainly because the server was being hard-headed, and wasn't really paying attention. "Um, sir? Please take your _dog_ out of here." he said to Lazlo. Patsy was ready to explode. "**DOG!!** Listen here mothafucka!!" Then she grabbed the worker by the neck, choking him. "I'd already had to disable a useless worm like yourself, today. Don't make me have to beat you down like your mama." she said and spitted in his face. The scared worker apologized. "I-I-I'm sorry, ma'am! M-May I t-take your order?" "That's better." Patsy smiled, and let him go. Soon after, Lazlo & Patsy went back to the SUV. Clam was on the ground crying. Lazlo was wondering what he was doing on the ground. "Clam, what's wrong?" Clam looked up sadly. "Clam broke Patsy's dvd player!!" Then he(Clam) turned to Patsy. "Don't hurt Clam!!" Patsy raised her hand and punched Clam. He layed unconsious. "Damn Patsy. You knocked the shit out of him. Neat!!" Lazlo laughed. Patsy just smiled.

When they got back to camp, everyone was up now. Stewie was the first one to meet them. "Well, well, well. I see the Mongoose has finally returned." he sniffed. "Stewie, please? Not now." Patsy said. "Yes now! The fat man has been calling you all bloody morning!!" Stewie attacked. Patsy unwittingly gave the food to Stewie and she ran to Peter's office. Stewie sniggered. "Idiot! This'll teach her not to invite me!" then he took Patsy's food to his quarters. Patsy walked into Peter's office. Peter was reading a magazine, and smoking a cigar. "Yes, did you call me, Mr. Griffin?" Peter looked up from his magazine. "Uh, no? But while you're here, can you give me the day's schedule?" "But it's right there." Then she pointed to the table, it was close to Peter's arm. "But can you get it?! I can't reach it!!" Then Peter starts to cry. "Okay! Okay! I'll get it!!" Patsy huffed. She then looked at it. "There's nothing on here." "That's why I'd called you. Brian's suppose to list today's activities, but he's still hung over from last night. So I want you to think of something for us to do." Patsy just stared at the fat man, then at the empty notebook, then at him again. "I can do this, Mr. Griffin!" she said with her trademark smile.

Back at her cabin. Patsy was thinking of what everyone should do, when Gretchen walked in. "Hello, Gretchen. Are you enjoyin' your day with Mr. Giggity, giggity, giggity, goo!? Hee! Hee!" "Shut da fuck up, Patsy!" Gretchen blushed. "Anyway, word's goin' 'round dat you're plannin' today's activities. How 'bout we fight? I'm ready to kick some ass!" "Um, no. Remember the last time we did that?" Patsy asked.

_**(Flashback)  
**_Patsy & Gretchen are fighting in the ring. Gretchen hits Patsy square in the mouth. The crowd cheers. Patsy then punches Gretchen in the mouth, and knocks out several teeth. The crowd cheers again.

Gretchen:(spitting out teeth) Let's quit this sissy shit!! Let's fight dirty!!  
Patsy:(Taking off her gloves) Okay fine!!  
Gretchen:(also taking off gloves) **Fine!!**

They both took of their saftey gear. Patsy gives Gretchen several left hooks. The crowds cheers.

Gretchen:(blood from her mouth) Is dat all you got, weakling?  
Patsy: **No, I've just getting started!!**

Then she landed some right hooks, and a kick to the head. Gretchen was down! Mike Tyson was the refree.

Tyson: Uh, 1, 2, uh... n, uh...z!

Patsy then knocked Tyson out. Everyone cheered.

Don King:(out of nowhere, raises Patsy's arm) Only in America. Only in America!!  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"Oh yeah. I've got my green ass handed to me dat day." Gretchen sniffed, then she continued. "Anyway, some of the campers out there are bored, because one of da background losers broke da TV. So how 'bout we go to _Best Buy_ and buy a new set?" Patsy thought about it. "Thank you, Gretchen. I'll think about it!" An hour after Gretchen left, Patsy still couldn't think about what to do, when she heard Stewie talking from outside. "I say, you with the long neck and the glasses!" He was obviously talking to Nina. "Are the snobbishly, intelligent persons secret club's computers in yet?" "I'm sorry Stewie, they're not!" Nina said. "_Blast!_ We must have those in tonight!!" Then Stewie walked off in a huff. Patsy then looked in a _Best Buy_'s salespaper. "Hmmm! I think I would like to get some stuff for myself! I know what to do!!" Then she started to write it down on the empty notebook. Soon she went back to Peter's office. Peter was asleep with the magazine over his eyes. "Mr. Griffin, I'm done." Peter woke up with a start, making his chair break from all the motion he was doing. He fell on the floor on his ass. Patsy giggled a bit. Peter quickly got up. "Uh, I meant to do that. So you're finished?" Patsy nodded, and gave him the list. "Hmmm? _'Go to_ _the mall, and buy stuff for the camp._' Good idea, Ms. Smiles. Now can you tell Mr. Swanson to come in here, please?"

Meanwhile back at Lazlo's cabin. Lazlo was reading the newspaper, & snacking on some chips, Raj was listening to his _ipod_, and Clam(who'd recovered from Patsy's attack from earlier) was sitting on the floor picking his nose. "Ahhh! There's nothing like reading the newspaper on a quiet day." he said out loud. "Clam's bored!!" Clam said to Lazlo. "How 'bout I give you the comics?" "Nah. **Clam want _ipod_!!**" Clam said loudly, and pointed to Raj. Raj looked up, because Clam was pointing at him. Clam started running towards Raj. He yanked the _ipod_ off Raj's head. "**Clam!! You asshole!! Give me back** **my _ipod_!!**" Raj shouted. "**Clam wants music!!**" Clam hollered as he put the _ipod_'s headphones on his head. Then he started pressing buttons repetively. "**No!! You're gonna break it!!**" Raj cried. The _ipod_ broke. Raj was turning red. "Clam, I'm gonna..." Raj was interrupted, because Joe was calling everyone to come to the main enterance.

Everyone went to the enterance. "What the hell is it this time?" Edward groaned. "I was countin' my money from last night's poker game!!" "Okay everybody. I've noticed that everyone has been complainin' about the lack on technology here, so we all going to the mall and buy some modern technology for the camp, and maybe for yourselves." Peter announced. Then he turned to Cleveland. "Cleveland get the bus." "Uh, Scoutmaster Griffin. Some of us can drive." Patsy told him. "O-kay?" Peter said mysteriously. "Okay. The ones that can drive, drive their vehicles. Those that can't, get on the bus." Some of the campers, that couldn't drive, groaned. Being on a hot stuffy bus would make anyone groan. "The ones that can drive, you lead first. Because I don't know the area around here, and would get us lost, just like the time I lead Fat Albert & the gang to Chicago." Peter said.

_**(Flashback)  
**_Peter was driving Fat Albert & the gang. They've been on the road. Peter was looking for a hotel to sleep at.

Peter:(looking at map) Uh, _The Marriot_. _Marriot_? Uh.  
Fat Albert: Hey, Hey, Hey, Peter. I'm tired.  
Peter:(turns to him) Hey _Huge Alan_, I'm the driver here. I know where we're going.

Peter pulls up in front of a Brownstone. A gray haired thin black man with a neat looking sweater walks out. He was eating jello, & a hoagie.

Dr. Huxtable: Clair, it looks like we got guests! Get the spare beds, and extra jello.  
Fat Albert: Oh hell no!  
Rudy: No, _not_ him!  
Mushmouth: It'sa Doctor Huxable!  
Peter:(looks shocked) Whoops. This is Brookyln. I guess I shouldn't have made that right turn at Pittsburg.

Audience laughs, then applauses. Then '_The Cosby show'_ theme plays.  
_**(End flashback)**_

An hour an a half, two accidents, & a quick beer stop later they were at the mall. "Okay everyone. We split up from here." Peter announced. "What time you want us back?" Samson asked. "Uh, maybe around six o' clock? Hee!Hee!Hee!" Peter said. "Sure! Yeah! Whatever!" the campers said as they split up. "Good. While they do the shoppin', I'll go to the food court!!" Peter said sneakily. "So Patsy, what are we shoppin' for?" Lazlo asked. "I'm buyin' a laptop, and a new dvd player." Patsy said. "I think I'll buy some more cds for myself." Lazlo said. "And I have to buy a brand new _ipod_, that's Clam proof!" Raj sniffed as he looked at Clam angrily. Clam smiled nerviously. Quagmire & Gretchen was not too far behind. "Come on!!" he said as he grabbed Gretchen's hand. "Let's go to that erotic store!! Giggity!!" "Quagmire, I'm too...what da hell? It ain't gonna hurt." Gretchen sniffed. Stewie & Nina went to the furniture store. Stewie was testing the reclining chairs. "I say, this chair makes me comfortable." "Uh, look at the price." Nina pointed. "What?! _2000_ _dollars_ _for a crappy chair, that's maybe stuffed with wool?!_ They must be out of their bloody minds!!" Stewie sniffed. "I'm looking for a chair that reclines, but also spins, and have storage for my weapons. Come giraffe!!" They looked around for more recliners. Then they finally saw it. "That's it!! That's the chair! I must buy it!! You got your checkbook right?" Stewie said as he pushed Nina towards the counter. "Y-Yes, but I thought you was buying it. After all it is your club." "What do you expect me to buy it with what? My diaper?" Stewie hissed. "Oy!" Nina muttered as she got out her checkbook.

At the _Best buy_. Patsy was looking at the laptops. They were all neat and up to date. "Hmm? Which one matches with my personality?" she muttered. Then a _Best Buy_ salesman walked up. "Can I help you Miss?" "Yes. I would like that one." Patsy pointed to the black & blue laptop. "This one?" he asked. Patsy nodded. "That's a _Acer-Extensa 2310_. It has dvd, cd drive160B hard drive, built-in webcam, it's thin & light, and it's voice activated. To keep those intruders from steal and reading your files. Have you got those problems, Miss?" "Yes I do." Patsy sadly said.

_**(Flashback)  
**_Gretchen, Nina, and some of the other squirrel scouts was laying on Patsy's bed. They were laughing their asses off for some reason. They were reading a pink book. It was Patsy's diary.

Gretchen:(laughing) _Dear diary, today I saw Lazlo raking leaves. He was so strong with that rake. I wish he could throw me on those leaves.  
_Others:(laughs)  
Gretchen(still laughing)_Diary don't tell anybody, but last night I dreamt that Lazlo was giving me a piggyback ride. I think he's gonna pop the big question any day now._

_  
_Others:(laughs)

Patsy then walks in.

Patsy: Hey guys, what so funny?

She then notices that her diary in Gretchen's hands.

Gretchen: Uh, da bad reviews for da show, '_Yes Dear'_?  
Patsy:(cries) **I HATE YOU ALL! I HOPE YOU ALL BURN IN HELL!!**

She then runs out of the cabin, crying. There was silence. Nina broke the silence.

Nina: So Gretchen, what it says next?  
Gretchen: So anyway, _I hope he proposes to me pretty soon. I can't stand all of the anxiousness anymore.  
_Others & the audience:(laughs)  
_**(End flashback)**_

"That's why this laptop is for you. It also comes with sleek, neat looking bag." the salesman continued. Patsy thought about it. "Okay. I'll buy it." "Good. This is the last two in stock, Miss. They're flying off the shelves." the salesman said, as he rung up the laptop. "Also today if you buy a laptop, you'll get another one for half the price. You got any friends that need a laptop?" "_I don't know if Lazlo needed a laptop._" Patsy thought to herself. "A laptop for half-price? Hell, even I take that!!" said a voice behind her. It was Lazlo. "Is that your friend?" asked the salesman to Patsy. "Yes he is." she said. After Patsy paid, she and Lazlo bumped into Edward, Chip, Skip, and Joe. "Hey guys. It's Lazlo. Aren't you suppose to be at a herbal store getting high?" Chip and Skip laughed stupidly. "Come on Edward. They were just minding their own business. Did you forgot we got a new TV to buy?" Joe asked. "Thanks Mr. Swanson." Lazlo said. "Um Lazlo." Patsy said. "Did you forget somebody?" "Oh Damn! I forgot about Clam and Raj! Thanks Patsy." Lazlo repiled. He then went back into the store. Raj and Clam was in line. "Oh there you are, Raj." "Lazlo, we'll be there ASAP." "ASAP!!" Clam repeated stupidly. "Clam! Shut up!!" Raj shouted.

For the rest of the time. Most of the campers spend their time at the food court with Peter. While some of them loitered in front of the Sports bar, watching the game. Peter was eating. He swallowed the burger he had whole. Chip, Skip, & Clam enjoyed it. "Do it again!! Do it again!!" "Uh, okay." Peter said, and he swallowed another burger. Raj was watching the whole thing unfold. "I bet 50 dollars, that you couldn't do that again." "I betcha that I can." Peter teased. Lazlo was listening to all this. "I want a piece of the action, too!!" Then he place a 20 dollar bill on the table. "Okay that's about 70 bucks. Do you want the piece of the action, Ms. Smiles?" Peter asked Patsy. "No thanks." she said. "Come on." Peter egged. "No!!" "Come on!!" the others egged. "Okay! Okay! I bet that you can't swallow those burgers, plus fries, and drink this one gallon of _Pepsi _under 5 minutes. If you do, you'll get this 100 dollar bill." Patsy said as she hold up the 100 dollar bill. Everyone gasped. "I see you're the big time spender." Lazlo laughed. Stewie & Nina walked up to the table. "What the deuce's going on here?" Stewie asked. "Yeah, what's everyone gasping about?" Nina also asked. "We're betting that Scoutmaster Griffin can't eat all that food and drink that _Pepsi _under five minutes." Raj explained. "Plus Patsy just put up the large amount to wager." Lazlo said. "Can we get a piece of that action?" Nina asked. "Of course." Patsy said. "The table's still open." "I'll bet 95 bucks." Nina said as she put the cash on the table. Stewie then placed a wager. "Okay Fat man. I'll bet you 150 dollars in cash. That you can't eat all that, plus _this_!!" he said as he put a 20 piece bucket of chicken on the table. "Okay." Peter said. "The betting table's closed!!" Raj announced. So Peter got himself prepared. Lazlo had a stopwatch. He was counting down the seconds. "3, 2, 1, **Go!!**" Peter scarfed down the burgers in 2 minutes. He scarfed down the fries in 50 seconds, drunk the one gallon _Pepsi_ in 20 seconds. Raj, Lazlo, Patsy, & Nina was amazed, and was cursing. Peter still had the chicken to eat. "I sense that you're getting full, Fat Man." Stewie said. "Give up!!" "I-I'm not gettin' full. I'm just gettin' started!" Peter belched. Peter ate 10 pieces in 50 seconds. **"One minute left!!"** Lazlo annouced. "_Okay Griffin_." Peter said to himself." _You can do this!! You did something_ _like this before_." "Do we have time for a flashback?" Peter asked. _"No! Now finish that chicken!!"_ his brain said. So Peter scarfed down the last ten pieces. "**Time's up!!**" Lazlo shouted. Peter burped loudly. **_"Blast!!"_** Stewie said. Everyone cheered, although they lost their wagers. Peter picked up the money. "Boy, I haven't been this full since the time, I was in that hot dog eating contest."

_**(Flashback)**_  
Peter is in the annual Independence day hot dog eating contest. Peter was against eight other people. Six of them were huge. Two of them was skinny. The announcer was counting down the minutes.

Announcer: _3, 2, 1. Start eating!!_

Peter ate all the hot dogs on his plate. Then he ate all the hot dogs on the other contestant's plates, also.

Announcer: _We have a winner!! The winner, Peter Griffin!!_

The crowd cheers. President George W. Bush was in the crowd.

Bush: Here sonny, try my 'W. Bush' dog.  
Peter:(grabs the 'dog') Never heard of it, but okay.

He takes a bite out of the 'dog'. He then passes out, & falls on Bush. The crowd cheers.

Gretchen:(appears out of nowhere) Ahh! Victory is sweet!!  
_**(End Flashback)**_

It is now 6:00. All of the campers were at the mall's main enterance. Joe was tying a hitch on the back of the bus. It was the new TV. Quagmire had shopping bags from the erotic shop. Gretchen was loading them into his car. Stewie was also tying a hitch to the back of Brian's car. The background losers were loading Peter onto the bus, because he was too tired to walk and to drive. Cleveland and some of the campers, who was at the Sports bar was complaining, because the owner of the bar called security on them for loitering. "This was a good idea to go to the mall, Patsy." Lazlo said to her, as they were loading into her SUV. "Thank you, Lazlo. Hopefully Mr. Griffin has me do the schedule tomorrow, because I have lots of ideas for us to do." "Do you mean the whole camp or you & me?" Lazlo asked. "Well.." Patsy blushed. "I meant everybody, Lazlo." "No you didn't." Lazlo teased. "Okay, okay. I meant you & me. Is that a crime?" Patsy asked as she turned red from embarassment. "No. I was just asking." Lazlo said, as he put on his seat belt.

Back at the camp. Brian was waiting for them. "Hello Peter. I see that you took the campers out." "Yeah. I thought it was a good idea." Peter said as he drunk a beer. "Come on guys, get that TV unloaded!!" Cleveland called as some of the campers unloaded the TV in the lodge. Of course the large TV fell on them. They moaned. "You guys are just lazy!!" Cleveland attacked. Stewie made Nina & Edward bring his huge chair into his quarters. "Come on platypus!!" Stewie sniffed. "I lift bigger loads in my diaper, then the two of you put together! Hurry up!! I'm gonna miss my internet stories."

_**(Cutaway to Stewie's laptop)  
**_Stewie is watching '_Hell's kitchen'_.  
_**(End cutaway)**_

At Lazlo's cabin. Patsy was unloading her SUV, and was talking to Lazlo. "This was a great day, Patsy." Lazlo said as he was holding his new laptop. "It sure was. Well except that thing this morning." Patsy said. "Oh yeah. The background character, and _KFC_ thing. That was funny!!" Lazlo laughed. Her SUV was finally unloaded. "That's it." Patsy said as she dusted herself off. "Do you want to get something to eat?" Lazlo asked. "Sure why not. I know this great rib joint in the next town that we can go." Patsy said. "Okay fine with me." Lazlo said. "Good. Let's go before Raj & Clam tags along." Patsy said. "Yeah, the dumbasses." Lazlo whispered. Patsy giggled a bit. Lazlo then went back to the SUV, and Patsy then drove off. When they were out of sight, Quagmire & Gretchen was smoking her cuban cigars. "Dammit! This chapter wasn't about us at all!!" Quagmire sniffed. "This chapter wasn't suppose to be about us, stupid!!" Gretchen attacked. "It's suppose to be about a trip, and it was!!" "At least you get parts in this fanfic! We're pushed into the background!!" Dave and Ping Pong sniffed. "What are you guys complainin' about? I was hung over throughout the chapter!!" Brian complained. "What the hell are you guys cryin' about?! **I'm not even in this story!!**" cried Chris Griffin. "This chapter made me sound too stupid!!" Clam sniffed. "Shut up!!" Raj shouted at Clam. Meg Griffin appears out of nowhere. "Hey guys, what's up?" she asked. All of them just stared at her. Clam threw a stone at Meg, and knocks her out. "Ugly girl!!" Clam said. Everybody laughed.

_Well this is the longest chapter of "Camp Griffin" to date. Next chapter might be funny too!_


	5. Lazlo, Patsy, & Stewie

Lazlo, Patsy, & Stewie

After a good night's sleep. Everyone is up and about. Brian had called everbody to the flagpole. Peter was standing on a platform. "Okay everybody. Today we're gonna do somethin' different. We're gonna split up into groups of three and do stuff." "Like what?" Edward sniffed. "You know? Anything you want to do." Peter said as he opened a can of beer. Some of the campers complained about this. "If some of you have a problem with this, you can go loiter in the town." The campers cheered to this. "Good! The list is on Mr. Quagmire's desk." Peter burped. All of the campers went to Quagmire's quarters to see the list. Edward was the first to look at the list. "Good! Chip & Skip is with me!!" then he turned to the dung beetles. "Come fellas, it's time to gamble!!" "Yay!! It's time to lose our hard earned money!!" Chip & Skip cheered stupidly. Dave & Ping pong was next in line. "We get to hang with Samson?" Dave said. "Boy, this day's gonna suck worst than that time we went to that Chinese restaruant." Ping Pong sniffed.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Dave & Ping Pong was in line waiting to order their food. After the last person before them had ordered. It was their turn.

Server:(British accent) What do you fine sirs want to order?  
Dave:(amazed) You sound British.  
Ping Pong:(also amazed) I've never knew Chinese people lived in the UK.  
Server:(offended) Oh! Do you guys want me to chink it up for ya?! Well okay! (In stereotypical Chinese voice) Hello Americans, may I take order?! How 'bout Egg foo young? Or eggroll? You can eat with chopstcks. We got tasty chinese food!! So what do Americans want?!

Ping Pong & Dave:(scared a bit) W-We just want the special, please?  
Server:(still in stereotypical voice) Special? Okay, Americans. Special it is! It maybe 30 to 45 minutes, because we Chinese go slow just like we drive in car!!

Dave: Just calm down a bit. We didn't know, that you was British.  
Server:(in normal British accent) Just don't let it happen again, sirs.

The server walks off into the kitchen. Dave whispers to Ping Pong.

Dave: Let's get the hell out of here.  
Ping Pong: Yeah. We can grab a bite to eat at _Arby's_.

Then they walked, well more like ran out of there.  
_**(End Flashback)**_

"Well at least, we get a part or two in this chapter." Dave said to Ping Pong. "Yeah. The popular people always get all the stories." Nina then looked at the list. "I get to spend the day with Brain & Chris? Who the hell's Chris?" Chris Griffin walks up. "That's me!" then he looks at Lazlo. "Hello stranger, I'm Lazlo." he said happily. **"EVIL MONKEY!! RUN!!"** Chris screamed as he ran out of Quagmire's cabin. Everbody laughed at him. "_Oy vey!_ This is gonna be one hell of a day." Nina groaned. "Don't worry, after a while you won't even notice him." Brian said. "How? That boy's noisy." she asked. "I usually drink." Brian said. "I'm too young to drink." Nina said. "Well, just forget about him. We'll have a better day without him." Brian said. "That's fine with me!!" Nina said happily. Raj & Clam was next. "_Go watch TV in the lodge all day_." "**TV!! Fun!!**" Clam shouted. "That's somethin' we can do!!" Raj said happily. Gretchen was up next. _"Spend day with Mr. Quagmire & Mr. Swanson?!"_ Patsy was mocking her in the background. "Shut up!!" Gretchen sniffed. Secretly, she enjoyed being with Quagmire. _"I hope wheelchair man, doesn't ruin stuff for me and Quaggie."_ Gretchen muttered to herself. Joe & Quagmire came up to her. "Hello Gretchen." Quagmire said as he did his trademark head bop. "Ready to spend the day together, again?" "Yeah!" Gretchen said excitedly. "Then what are we just standin' here for?!" Joe shouted. **"LET'S DO THIS!!"** Then he rolled off, with Gretchen & Quagmire following. Lazlo was next, he looked at the list. "_Spend day with Patsy & Stewie._ Great!" "Hi Lazlo." a feminine voice said behind him. Lazlo turned to see it was Patsy. "Hi Patsy. Guess what?" "What?" she asked. "I get to spend the day with you & Stewie." "Oh Lazlo, I'm so glad I'm spending my day with you." Patsy said happily. "So, uh what do you want to do first?" Lazlo asked her. "How 'bout we get Stewie first, then we'll continue from there." Patsy said. "Okay." Lazlo said.

At Stewie's quarters, Stewie was reading the _New York Times_. "I see the stock market's down. Damn those Iraqis for rising the oil prices!!" Then there was a knock on his door. "Come in!! The bloody door's not locked!!" Patsy and Lazlo walked in. "It's the mongoose and the banana mouthed monkey. What the deuce do you want?" Stewie asked. "We've came to spend the day with you." Patsy said as she climbed into Stewie's bed. "Yeah. Scoutmaster Griffin wrote it on today's activities." Lazlo said, also climbing into the bed. "What? I wasn't warned about this invasion?" Stewie asked. Patsy & Lazlo laughed. "This isn't an invasion, silly." Lazlo laughed. "We've just wanted to be your friends." Patsy added. Stewie thought about this. _"Hmmm? I say, should I go along with_ _this? Maybe they're telling the truth. It's not like I got anything important to do."_ "Are we gonna eat?" Stewie asked. "Of course we are." Lazlo said. Stewie made his decision. "Okay mongoose & monkey. I'll do it. I'll be your(shudders) friend." "That's great, but first you gotta learn our names." Patsy said. "I already know your names!!" Stewie sniffed. "You do? What are they?" Lazlo asked. "You're _banana mouth_, and you're _pink hair_! Now let's go!!" Stewie hissed. Lazlo just shrugged his shoulders at Patsy. "Maybe by the end of the day he'll know our names by then, Lazlo." Patsy said. "Hopefully." Lazlo added.

Outside Stewie was waiting impatiently. "Well, hurry up you two!! I'm starting to grow gray here!!" "I don't see any gray on him. Do you Patsy?" Lazlo teased. "I don't see gray on him at all, Lazlo. Matter of fact he's bald as a cue ball!!" Patsy laughed. Stewie was cross. "Curses for being bald!!" "We were just joking with ya." Lazlo said. "Nothing personal." Patsy giggled. "Hmm. I s'pose I walked into that one." Stewie laughed. "Look at me! I'm bald, with only a few strings of hair. I look more like a football than a cue ball!!" Lazlo & Patsy laughed. The jokes lasted for 30 minutes, "Oh god!" Patsy said as she wiped a straying tear from her eye. "I haven't laughed like that since the time I saw Mike Tyson get beat.

**_(Flashback)  
_**Mike Tyson is at some spelling bee. He was up next.

Judge: Ok Mr. Tyson, spell Chicago.  
Tyson: Uh, can you use it in a sentence?  
Judge: Of course I can. Do you think the _Chicago Bulls_ do great this year?  
Tyson: Is that a question?  
Judge: Well, it's a question and the sentence.  
Tyson: Do I have to answer it?  
Judge: Answer what?  
Tyson: The question.  
Judge: Yes, and spell Chicago.  
Tyson: Okay. 5 and yes they'll do great!  
(Buzzer)  
Judge: I'm sorry. Well not really. That's wrong, and the _Bulls_ will suck this year.  
Tyson: Oh dang!  
Patsy:(in audience) Ha! Ha! Ha!

Then audience starts to laugh.

Tyson: Oh dang! I haven't felt this bad since Charlie Murphy whooped my ass.  
_**(Tyson's Flashback)**_

Charlie Murphy and Tyson was in the ring. The crowd was cheering for Murphy to win. Both fighters went to the middle of the ring.

Ref: Remember the rules. Keep it clean.

Then the bell rang. Murphy knocked Tyson out with one punch. The crowd goes wild.

Charlie Murphy:(taking bows) Thank you! Thank you! Watch me on da '_Chappelle's show'_ every Wednesday night on _Comedy Central_!  
_**(End both Flashbacks)**_

Patsy got up and dusted herself off. "I think I'll go check the food in my cabin. Will you two be okay?" "Oh sure. _Banana mouth_ and I will be okay." Stewie laughed. "Just go, Patsy!" Lazlo said. Patsy ran to her cabin, just to see that Gretchen, Quagmire, and Joe was in there. They were smoking cigars and playing poker. "Hey Patsy!!" Gretchen shouted. "Close da door, yo' lettin' all of da cool air out!!" "Oh, sorry." Patsy said sarcastically. She then checked the refrigerator. It was empty. Quagmire looked up. "Oh by the way, Patsy. We ate all the food in your fridge, so you're gonna have to buy some more food." "Oy!" Patsy muttered as she got her SUV keys. **"DON'T FORGET TO BUY BEER!!"** Joe shouted at her. "Damn Mr. Swanson, I'm just standing next to you!!" Patsy sniffed. **"STOP TALKIN' MONGOOSE, AND GET DA FOOD!!"** Gretchen attacked. "_Maybe I'll buy a muzzle for your ass!!_" Patsy said under her breath. Lazlo & Stewie was laying on the ground. Lazlo was looking at the clouds, and Stewie was trying his best not to go to sleep. When Patsy walked up. "I'm goin' to the store to get some things. Do you guys wanna come along?" Lazlo & Stewie set up. "Of course, Patsy!" Lazlo said. "I'll go, if only you'll buy me some chips!" Stewie sniffed. "Okay." Patsy said.

At the store, the three of them had a cart, and was walking down the aisle. The cart was old and had fucked up wheels. "It's always true. You always get the cart with the fucked up wheels." Lazlo laughed. "Oh god!!" Stewie sniffed. "That joke's lamer than the programming on _CBS_."

_**(Cutaway to CBS)**_  
Announcer: Tonight on _CBS _is, '_In the heat of the night'_.

Then shows parts of the show. Chief Gillespie was interogating a suspect, that's off-camera.

Gillespie:(shouting) **WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THAT DEAD BODY?!**

It shows him yelling at a dog. The dog just licked it's privates.

Announcer: After that it's, '_Survivor: Life in New York City'._

It shows one of the contestants trying to get a cab.

Unknown contestant:(raises his hand) Taxi! Taxi!  
Taxi driver:(shouts from window) Take your ass back to Maine, you friggin' (bleep)!!  
Announcer: All this, plus crap tonight only on _CBS_! _CBS, why watch us while something's better on cable.  
**(End cutaway)**_

Patsy took out a list from out of nowhere. "Let me see. Chips, fried chicken, pizza, buns, beer, soda, bullets, guns, turkey, ham, and...what's this?" She handed Lazlo the list. "It's says _'some poison to kill the monkey, the mongoose, the Fat Man, & Lois'_?" they both looked at Stewie. "What the deuce are you two staring at?" "Did you write this down?" Lazlo asked. "Um, no. It was Kevin James!!" Stewie said and he pointed at the actor/comedian, who was nearby. "Whoa! Whoa! This isn't about me, it's about _you_." James sniffed. Patsy & Lazlo looked at Stewie crossily. "Well, I'm gonna make you forget that!!" Stewie hissed as he put on some dark sunglasses. Then he pulled out his _Men In Black_ memory eraser. "Say cheese!" Stewie said as he pressed the button. There was a bright flash. "...Turkey, Ham, & some tea. _Great!_" Patsy said happily. _"Stewie, you're such a genius!!"_ Stewie said to himself sneakily. Twenty minutes later, their cart was full. "What else is on the list?" Lazlo asked. "I think that's it. Well except the fried chicken" Patsy said. "Let's go to the 'Free Sample aisle'." They went to the 'Free Sample aisle'. Down that way, there was a bunch of free samples. The first one they went to was called, _J.J's deep fried_ _ghetto chicken_. "Hello, I'm Jimmie 'J.J.' Walker. Do you want to try my ghetto chicken?" said the comedian to the trio. "Why it's called 'ghetto chicken'?" Lazlo asked. "Because it's fried in the projects." Walker said. "Come on, Lazlo. Let's just try it." Patsy sniffed. All three of them grabbed a piece of chicken. "Damn! This shit's good!!" Patsy said using her street slang. "This chicken's not bad." Lazlo added. "Oh my bloody god!!" Stewie awed. "I haven't taste anything this good since the time I ate tacos for the first time!!"

_**(Flashback)  
**_Stewie is eating at _Taco Bell_. Stewie was looking at the taco with a confused look.

Stewie: I say, what the hell is this?  
Chris: It's called a taco, dude.  
Stewie: A taco eh? How the hell do you suppose to eat this?  
Chris: Just pick it up, and bite it, dude.

So Stewie did.

Stewie: I say, this is good! The mexicans sure has created a neat dish! I want _more_!!

Stewie then runs into the kitchen area, and starts eating all the tacos, burritos, nachos, and anything that's in the way.

Lois: Uh Peter, we better get him, and leave.  
Peter:(looks at Lois with a amazed look on his face) Lois, what you doing in this fan fic?  
Lois:(shouts) **SHUT UP & GET HIM!!**

So Peter goes to the kitchen, and gets Stewie.

Stewie:(grabs the counter) **No! No!! I don't want to go home!! I want tacos!!  
**Peter: Maybe some liquor will calm you down.  
_**(End Flashback)**_

"So will you buy some? And if so, how many pieces?" Walker asked. "Yes, please." Patsy said as she got out her wallet. "I'll take the 50 piece. But can you say it?" "Say what?" Walker asked. Patsy giggled. "You know..." "Oy vey! I'll say it. **_Dy-no-mite!!_**" Walker said as he handed her the bucket of chicken. "Thank you." Patsy smiled. After they left, Walker was thinking to himself. "_Always a crazy fan. Always a crazy fan_." Then they headed towards the ckeck-out lanes, when Lazlo remembered something. "Patsy, did you get that muzzle?" "Damn! No." "Never mind Patsy, I'll get it. While you two go check-out." Lazlo said. "Thanks Lazlo." Patsy blushed & smiled at him. Stewie was watching this unfold. "I say, mongoose. Do you love him?" Patsy popped back into reality. "N-No. Of course not. We're just good friends." "Uh huh." Stewie sarcastically said. "Okay, I love him. So what?!" Patsy sniffed. "I'm telling him and everybody back at camp!" Stewie laughed. "Go ahead! **Half of them already knows!!**" Patsy attacked. "Did ya tell him? Did the both of you kiss yet?" Stewie teased. Patsy was starting to get irritated. "Listen!! He knows!! We kissed!! It was very romantic!! Now if you don't mind, I would like to end this subject!! **Now!!**" Stewie was looking at her. "Okay, okay. I'll end it. There's no need to get your tail in a knot!" he sniffed.

At the check-out, there was a long line. Patsy groaned. "Shit! We're gonna be standing here for the rest of the day." "This is a fine time to take a nap!" Stewie yawned. "I can help anyone over here!" said a cheery, perky voice. Patsy noticed the voice. "That voice sounds very familar. Can that be...? No, it can't." She said as she pushed the cart to where to voice came from. Patsy was shocked to see that it belonged to Jane Doe. "Ms. Doe? Is that you?" "Patsy, hello. How are you?" Doe said as she started taking to groceries out of the cart and onto the scanner. "I'm doin' fine." Patsy said. "How's everyone else?" "Some of them are doin' fine, but some of them still aren't adjust to the changes." Patsy muttered. "What changes?" Doe asked Patsy. "Well, we've merged with the boys' camp. So we're one big camp now." Patsy smiled. "I see you're happy. That means you get to be with your monkey friend now." Doe teased. Patsy blushed a bit. "Who's your little friend?" Doe then pointed at Stewie. "Oh! That's Scoutmaster Griffin's son, Stewie." "Doesn't he look cute?" Ms. Doe said. "Well, he may look cute, but he sure has a mouth on him." Patsy said. "What do you mean?" Doe asked. "I mean he curses, plus he has a Posh upper class British accent." Patsy said. Stewie woked up. "I say, mongoose. If you gonna talk, don't talk loudly in my fucking ear. Please?" Ms. Doe looked amazed. "Patsy, you wasn't lying." Stewie then looked at Ms. Doe, then back at Patsy. "Uh, mongoose. Is that your mother?" Both Patsy and Jane Doe laughed. "No, silly." Patsy giggled. "Why you'd say that?" "Because both of you sound the same, and have the same long pointy snouts." Stewie said. They both laughed at Stewie again. "So why are you workin' here, Ms. Doe?" Patsy asked. "I'm the assistant manager of the store." Doe smiled. "What happen to all that money, Scoutmaster Peter Griffin gave you?" "I still got it." Jane Doe said. "I'm just keepin' it all for a rainy day."

Lazlo then walked up with the muzzle. "There you are, Patsy. I've been looking for you." Then he looked at Ms. Doe. "Hiya, Ms. Doe. How are you doin', sweetie?" Patsy's smile faded a bit when Lazlo said that. Ms. Doe giggled. "I'm doing great, Lazlo." "What are you doin' here?" Lazlo asked. "I'm the assistant manager of the store." Doe said. "Does that mean you make some of the decisions around here?" "Well _some_ of them." Jane Doe muttered. "Was that your idea to have Jimmie 'J.J.' Walker sell his chicken here?" Lazlo asked. "No, it was John Amos' idea." Doe said. "You mean '_All about the_ _Andersons'_ John Amos?" Patsy asked. "Yes." Doe answered. "Do you mean the dad from _'Good Times'_?" Lazlo asked. "Yes!" "Wow! I wonder what would a talented actor like him is doing owning a store?" Lazlo asked. "Well, getting acting jobs are hard to get now. You just gotta get by. That's why I'm working here." Ms. Doe said. "Oh, I thought you was only here just to get more parts in this fic." Stewie sniffed. "Yeah well, that too." Doe said. Just then a bald black man with a mustache walkes into the scene. "Doe!! Stop breakin' th' fourth wall, and bring yo' ass to my office. You gotta help me move my couch!!" "I'm coming sir. Just as soon as I get these customers on their way." Jane Doe said. Amos then walked off. "I'm pretty glad, I went to this line." Patsy said as she grabbed the bags. "I'm pretty glad that you went to this line, too!" Jane Doe smiled. "Because that line you came from, is ran by the new guys." Back at the first line. It was now longer. Several of the other check-out lanes had opened now. The first line was being ran by Ed, Edd & Eddy. Ed was throwing the groceries pass the scanner, and breaking it at the same time. Double D was trying to calculate all of the groceries that rushed by, and Eddy was just sitting on his ass, drooling at all the money that was in the cash register door. "Eddy, can you at least help me?!" the sockheaded boy whined. "Sorry Double Dee, I'm on break." Eddy said lazily. **"You've been saying that for the last 4 hours!!"** Double Dee shouted. Then Ed threw a bottle of pickles at Double Dee's head. It hit Double Dee, and it broke on the floor. "It wasn't me, Double Dee!!" said the monobrowed idiot. "Oh great! _More_ work for me to do!!" Double D sniffed. "Come on Patsy, let's go." Lazlo pleaded. "The crowd in here is gonna start rioting any second." "Good bye, Ms. Doe." Patsy waved. "Good bye, Patsy. We've got to meet again for lunch some day." Jane Doe called. After the trio left, Doe got on the phone with Amos. "Um John, I can't move that couch. There's gonna be a riot." "Another riot? Are th' new guys doin' it?" asked Amos from the other end. "They're not doing it, they're causing it. The customers look pretty pissed." Ms. Doe said. "Okay, close up your lane and meet me at employee parking lot in 5 minutes." "Make that under 2 minutes." Doe said as she was getting her purse and car keys. "Okay fine." Amos said. Then he called Walker. "J.J. get out of here now, riot alert!! Employee parking lot. This is not a drill!!" "Not again!!" Walker said as he packed up his chicken recipes.

Back at camp, Patsy unloaded the groceries from the SUV. "I gotta take all these to the greedy threesome!!" Patsy said to Lazlo, & Stewie. "Can we help?" Lazlo asked. "If you want to." Patsy said. At Patsy's cabin, Gretchen, Quagmire, & Joe was still playing poker. "Well, well, well! Ya'll finally back!!" Gretchen sniffed. "It only took about 30 years." "Come on Gretchen, at least she made it here at all." Quagmire said. "Yeah, with all that stuff we put on the list for her to buy. I'm surprised she isn't _still_ at the store." Joe said. Patsy, Lazlo, & Stewie set the groceries on the table. Gretchen walked up to the table. "Come on, mongoose!! Make me a sandwhich!!" she said as she slapped Patsy on the back of the head. Patsy's eye twitch. Then she made a growling-like sound. Then she turned to Lazlo. "Lazlo, give me the muzzle and some rope." Lazlo promptly gave her the muzzle & the rope. "Thanks Lazlo. Now it's time to shut yo' punk ass up!!" Patsy then jumped Gretchen. All the guys in the cabin was getting a cheap thrill. Stewie pulled on Lazlo's tail. "I say, monkey. Lift me up!!" "Sure buddy." Lazlo said, and he pick up Stewie. The scuffle lasted for 5 minutes. After all the dust had settled, everyone in the cabin stopped cheering. "Mmmmmm!!" Gretchen said. The muzzle was on her mouth and her hands and feet was tied with rope. Patsy was breathing heavily. "_Puff! Puff!_ That'll teach you, _bitch!!_" Then she gave Gretchen a hard kick in the stomach. Gretchen whinced. "Damn!! I've never saw you whoop Gretchen's ass before, Patsy." Lazlo said amazed. "Heh! Heh! Patsy, you're turnin' me on!! Giggity!!" Quagmire said. "Whoa! You can be a part of my police force!!" Joe said. "I guess I had you all wrong, mongoose." Stewie said as he smiled at her. Lazlo then went over towards Patsy. "Patsy, you're bleeding!" "Where?" she asked. Lazlo then pointed at her tail, and her arm. Patsy was getting mad again. "You punk ass mothafucka!!" She said as she went towards Gretchen. **"How dare you made me bleed my own blood!!"** Patsy then started kicking Gretchen in the head, chest, and stomach. "**MMM!!**" Gretchen mumbled in pain. The kicking lasted for 3 minutes. **"That's for biting my tail!!"** Patsy shouted as she gave Gretchen one final painful kick. Then Gretchen passed out. All the males in the cabin laughed and cheered. Lazlo & Stewie then helped Patsy out of the cabin. Quagmire & Joe just stood there(well Quagmire did, anyway) all silent. Then Quagmire broke the silence. "Should we help her?" "Well yes, we should stop the bleeding. And no, she had it coming to her." So Quagmire stop Gretchen's bleeding, and Joe untied the rope from her feet. "What about her hands?" Quagmire asked. "Those hands are gonna stay tied. She might take the muzzle off her mouth, and I don't feel like in the mood to listen her voice anymore." Joe sniffed.

Lazlo & Stewie helped Patsy all the way to Lazlo's cabin. "Be careful with her." Lazlo said to Stewie as Stewie layed Patsy on Lazlo's bed. Lazlo then went to get the 1st aid kit. He came back in a flash. He wrapped bandages on Patsy's tail, and then on her arm. "Thank you for stopping the bleeding, Lazlo." Patsy said. "You're welcomed." Lazlo said as he put a hand on her shoulder. "So what do you want to do now?" Stewie asked. "Let's talk about that fight!" Lazlo said. "Damn!! That fight would've selled _a lot_ of tickets!!" Patsy smiled at the two boys. "She had it comin'. I should at least get my _'Asskickin' badge'_ today." Peter then called Patsy to his office. "Oh shit! I'm in for it now." Patsy frowned. "Don't worry mongoose. I'll get the Fat Man to let you stay." Stewie comforted her. "And I'm behind you 100 percent!" Lazlo said. Patsy smiled at them. "Thank you, guys." At Peter's office, Patsy wasn't alone in the waiting room. Dave & Ping Pong was there, so was Clam, and some of the background nobodys. Brian came out of the office. "Patsy Smiles." he called. Patsy walked miserably in. Peter had his back turned to her. "Please sit down, Ms. Smiles." She sat down on the comfty chair. "I've heard from the other campers that you has been beatin' up the other campers yesterday & today. Am I right?" "Y-Yes sir." Patsy said nervously. Peter turned to Brian. "Brian, give me her vest." Patsy's heart sank. "D-Don't tell m-me I-I'm being kicked out?" she said as she was on the verge of tears. Peter didn't answer her. "W-Well?" Peter then turned to her. "Here's your vest." Patsy looked at her vest. "I-It's my _'Asskickin' badge'_!! Thank you Mr. Griffin! But why do I have two?" "One of them is for kicking one of the background character's ass, Ms. Smiles. Don't worry, if you kick someone's ass, it's not a crime here." Peter said. Then he turned to Brian. "Brian give her some tissue." "Okay Peter." Brian said as he escorted her out of the office. "Dave & Ping Pong." he called. "I wonder what we did?" Dave said. "I don't know. At least, we're being mentioned." Ping Pong said.

Back at Lazlo's cabin, Lazlo & Stewie was impatiently waiting. "I say, monkey. I think you and the mongoose make a great couple." Stewie said. Lazlo got up. "Do you really think so, Stewie?" "Yeah. Anybody with perfectly good eyesight can see that!" Stewie laughed. Patsy then walked in. "Well?" the two boys asked her. "Well nothing. I got my _'Asskickin' badges_!" she smiled as she show off her vest. "Patsy, I'm so happy for you!" Lazlo said as he hugged her. Stewie was watching them hug. "Oh what the hell?" He then went over and hugged too. Stewie then looked sharpily at them. "Tell anybody, and I shall kill you both!! _Very slowily and painfully_." "It's a secret between us." Lazlo said. The hugging soon stopped. "So, what do you want to do now?" Stewie asked. "How 'bout we just hang out here for the rest of the day?" Lazlo asked. "I got cable TV?" "That's fine with me, Lazlo." Patsy smiled. "Fine with me, too." Stewie said. Then he thought a bit. "I say, mongoo...I mean Patsy." "Yes?" Patsy asked. "Can we go back to your Sports Utility Vehicle and get my groceries?" "Yes of course. Matter of fact, I'll just bring it here." Patsy said. Then she went to get it. Lazlo got out the TV and Stewie sat on Lazlo's bed. Lazlo was flipping through channels. "What do you wanna watch? '_Martin_'? _'In Living Color'_? '_Seinfeld_'?" "_Seinfeld_, monk...I mean Lazlo." Stewie said. Several minutes later, Patsy drove up in her SUV. She brought in the remaining groceries, and they had lunch. During the commerical breaks from '_Seinfeld_', Stewie was bragging. "I say, you two." Stewie said as he took a bite out of his sandwhich. "Did you know that I was one of the writers for '_Seinfeld_'?" "You was?" Lazlo asked. "Get outta here." Patsy laughed. "No really." Stewie said.

_**(Flashback)**_  
Stewie was writing an episode of '_Seinfeld_', when Peter walks in to his room.

Peter: Hey Stewie, wanna play baseball?  
Stewie: Fat Man, I can't play...uh, what did you call it?  
Peter: Baseball.  
Stewie: Yes. I can't play baseball with you today.  
Peter:(Offended) Fine!! I'll play with Meg!!** Meg!!**

Stewie goes back to writing the script. Meanwhile Peter plays catch with Meg.

Stewie:(reads the script) Okay. Jerry and George are in the apartment. George complains about his sex life, Kramer busts in, and says. "Yo Yo Ma!" Jerry says "What?". I think I smell an emmy winning episode here!

Meanwhile Peter hits the baseball with the bat. The ball hits Meg and knocks her unconcious. Peter then looks around to see if anybody was looking. Then he drags Meg's body and put it in the trash can.  
_**(End Flashback)**_

Hours later, it's 7:30 now. Most of the campers are still doing stuff. Brain, Nina, & Peter was playing pool in the clubhouse. Edward was fixing his Hummer with Chip & Skip. Raj & Clam was playing basketball. Quagmire, Joe, & Gretchen was having an arm wrestling contest. While everybody else was watching TV in the lodge. At Lazlo's cabin, Lazlo, Patsy, & Stewie was fast asleep. The TV had '_The King of Queens'_ on. The sound was turned down. Lazlo suddenly woke up. He looked at his watch. "It's 7:30. We missed dinner." Then he turned to Patsy & Stewie. "Wake up, Patsy." Lazlo said as he shook Patsy. "What do you want, Lazlo?" Patsy yawned as she sat up. "It's almost time for the sun to set." "Yeah, so?" Patsy asked. "So, I want to see the sunset with you." Lazlo replied. "Oh! What about Stewie?" Patsy questioned. "He'll catch up with us." Lazlo said as he put up his TV. Soon Lazlo & Patsy was at the lake. Chris was there fishing, when he saw them walk up. **"EVIL MONKEY!! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!"** Then Chris jumped into the lake and swam away. "That's just gettin' old!!" Lazlo sniffed. Patsy comforted him. "I don't think you're evil at all. I think you're sweet." "Thanks Patsy." Lazlo said as he sat down. They both watched the sun set and some of the stars were coming out. Stewie suddenly walked up. "Oh there you are. I didn't interrupt anything did I?" "No. We were watching the sun set." Patsy said. Lazlo's stomach then rumbled. "I'm hungry." "How 'bout we go grab a bite to eat at _J.J's_ _ghetto chicken_? My treat." Patsy said as she pulled out her keys. "You mean go back to that store?" Stewie asked. "No. _J.J's_ is located at the mall." Patsy said. "That's fine with me!" Lazlo said. "I'll come along, but this time don't squeeze me tight in the seat this time, Patsy!!" Stewie sniffed.

It's now 10:00. Some of the campers are heading to bed now. "That was a great dinner!" Patsy said as she parked the SUV. Stewie got out with a box of chicken. "I say, I sure had a great day with you two. Good night, Patsy. Good night, Lazlo." then he walked into his quarters. "See, I told you that by the end of the day he'll know our names, Lazlo." Patsy bragged. "Yeah you was right." Lazlo said sleepily. "I had a great day Patsy." "I did too, Lazlo." Patsy smiled. Then Lazlo gave her a good night kiss. "Good night Patsy." "Good night Lazlo. See you in the morning." Patsy said and locked her SUV. Lazlo walked into his cabin. Raj and Clam was there. "Hello Lazlo. Where have you been? We've haven't seen you since early this morning." Raj asked. "I've been spending the day with Patsy & Stewie." Lazlo said. "Did you and her kiss today?" Raj teased. "Yes." Lazlo said embarassed. "Our Lazlo is turning into a man." Clam said. Lazlo & Raj looked at Clam. "What?" Clam asked. "Clam, that's the stupidiest thing you've said all day." Raj sniffed. "Sorry Raj!" Clam said and he went to sleep. Soon Raj & Lazlo went to sleep. Lazlo turned off the lights in the cabin, then he layed on his pillow. Then he dreamt about the wonderful day he had with Patsy, his new friend Stewie, and whooping Chris Griffin's ass.

_This chapter got to be longer than the last one now. Next chapter coming up soon._


	6. Patsy's cousin

Patsy's cousin

The very next morning. Brian was getting the day's mail. He then sat the mail on Peter's table. "Here's the mail, Peter." Peter was sitting in his nice leather chair asleep. "Well... I can sort out the mail, since fatty's not doing his job." Brian sniffed. At his quarters, Brian was looking through the mail. "Let me see. _**YOU MAY ALREADY BE A WINNER!!**_ Yeah right!" Brian said as he threw the junk letter in the trash. He continued. "Bill, Bill, Junk, Bill. A letter for Patsy, and a box of wine for me. Well, I better call Patsy down here to get her letter." Meanwhile at Patsy's cabin, Patsy was just getting up. Her cabinmates, Nina & Gretchen had already left. "Oh god!" Patsy said as she stretched. "This bed is sure is uncomfortable. It's not comfortable like Lazlo's. Well, I better get up now." So she got up from her bed to do her morning routine(You know brushing teeth, showering, etc.).

After she got done doing her morning routine. Patsy went outside. "What a wonderful morning." she sighed. Lazlo, Raj, & Clam was also up. They were just sitting on the steps that leads to their cabin. Lazlo was typing on his laptop, Raj & Clam was arguing over something stupid. "I say Redd Foxx is dead, Clam!" Raj sniffed. "But Raj, I swear to god that Redd Foxx is still alive!!" Clam cried. "Do you got any proof?" Raj questioned. "Yeah!" Clam said. "What is it then?" Raj asked. "I saw him walking through the camp last night!!" Clam explained. "Oh yeah, what time?" Raj asked again. "At 11:30." Raj laughed. "I thought so! You was dreaming, stupid!!" "I wasn't dreaming! And don't call me 'stupid', _shithead_!!" Clam screamed. Raj & Clam was ready to fight, when Patsy interrupted them. "Hey Lazlo." Then she looked at Raj & Clam. "Did I interrupt something?" "Well, yes. I was about to knock Raj silly!!" Clam sniffed. "And I was about to rip Clam a new one!!" Raj attacked. Lazlo closed his laptop. "Okay, I can't get any work done here." then he went towards Patsy. "Come Patsy, let's go and let these two knock each other silly." Patsy & Lazlo left. Raj & Clam continued their fight. **"Redd Foxx is dead!!"** Raj screamed. **"No he isn't!!"** Clam attacked. Edward was nearby. He heard all of the commotion. **"Hey everbody!! The jelly fruits are havin' a fist fight!!"** The area got packed with campers pretty quickly. "I bet 40 bucks for Raj to win!!" said one camper. "I'll bet _70 dollars_ for Clam to win!!" said another camper. Edward laughed evily, as he took the campers' money.

Lazlo & Patsy was walking. "So how are you this morning, Lazlo?" she asked. "I'm doing great, Patsy." Lazlo smiled. "I see that you're enjoying that laptop." "Oh yeah. It's great!" Lazlo said. "So what do you want to do today?" Patsy thought a bit. "I don't know. Wanna hang out?" "That sounds good." Lazlo said. Just then Brian called Patsy down to Peter's office. "I wonder what he wants?" Patsy sniffed. Patsy then ran to Peter's office. She stood at the front desk. Brian walked up. "Yes, Mr. Griffin?" "You got a letter." Brian said as he handed her the letter. "I wonder who could be writing me here?" Patsy thought. She opened and read the letter.

_Dear Patsy,_

_Due to problems at her job in Detroit and other things, your cousin, will spend the summer with you. Please make her feel comfortable._

_Love,  
Mom_

"That's great!!" Patsy smiled. "With my cousin here, I'll have double the muscle in case Gretchen wants to act like a bitch again." she said as she walked back to the area she lefted Lazlo. Lazlo was busy typing on his laptop again, when Patsy arrived. Lazlo looked up. "So, what did they want?" "I'd just got a letter." Patsy replied. "Is it bad news?" Lazlo asked. "No. It's good news." Patsy said. "What is it?" Lazlo questioned. "My cousin is coming here to spend the summer with me." Patsy said. "That's great!" Lazlo said happily. Then he thought for a bit. "Uh, Patsy? What does she look like?" "She kinda looks like me, except she has black hair, wears bling, is an inch taller than me, and a bit stronger, too." Patsy explained. "When she's coming?" Lazlo asked. "Tomorrow." Patsy said. "I got so many things for us to do. Don't worry Lazlo, you're invited to do some of the stuff with us, too." "Thanks Patsy." Lazlo smiled. "Do you wanna go back to my cabin, and watch Raj & Clam fight?" "Yeah, why not." Patsy said. "Hopefully, it'll be an all day thing." "Probably. Come on!" Lazlo said.

Back at Lazlo's cabin, everybody was hooting and hollering. Peter was throwing snacks & drinks at the campers. "Chips, peanuts, hot dogs, _Pepsi_, _Mountain Dew_, and butt scratchas!!" he called. Stewie was the refree. "You can use weapons in this fight. The first one to fall on the ground, wins!!" he said to Clam & Raj. Stewie blew the whistle. Raj & Clam each grabbed a weapon. **"Come on, Raj!!"** shouted Joe.** "I'm betting all of my paycheck on you to** **win!!"** "D-uh, go Clam!!" Chip & Skip said. Raj hit Clam in the head. **"Redd Foxx is dead!!"** **"No, he isn't!!"** Clam attacked as he hit Raj in the face. The crowd went wild. After a while well, more like hours later, Clam started to get tired. "Gettin' tired?" Raj teased. "_Puff!_ _Puff!_ C-Clam gives up!!" Then Clam falls on the ground. Stewie runs in and raises Raj's arm. **"Winner, Raj!!"** The crowd cheers. Joe was so overwhelmed, that his chair suddenly unlocked itself, and it started rolling off. It then rolled Joe into the lake. "Damn, I lost my bet!!" sniffed Gretchen. "Yay!! We lost our bets!!" cheered Chip & Skip stupidly. "Uh, maybe we should go to your cabin, Patsy. Until this crowd leaves." Lazlo said to her. "Good idea." Patsy agreed. "I can tell you stories about my cousin from there." Back at Patsy's cabin. Patsy was telling Lazlo stories about her cousin. "One time my cousin beat up Gordon Ramsay." she said. "For real?" Lazlo asked. "For real. She was on that show, '_Hell's kitchen'_." Patsy added.

_**(Flashback)  
**_All of the contestants were cooking. Patsy's cousin was on the red team. She just got done cooking some _Beef Wellington_, and she was bringing it to the hot plate for Chef Ramsay to inspect. He, of course frowned.

Ramsay: Oi you!!  
Patsy's cousin: Yeah chef?  
Ramsay: Look at the plate, and tell me what you see.

She looked at the plate with a confused look.

Patsy's cousin: What's wrong with it?  
Ramsay:(yelling) **THE MEAT IS ON THE WRONG SIDE!! THE VEGETABLES ARE UPSIDE DOWN!!  
**Patsy's cousin: What are you talkin' about?  
Ramsay:(still yelling) **DON'T YOU HAVE EYES!? DO I HAVE TO GIVE YOU EYE SURGEY? BETTER YET DO I HAVE TO SKIN YOU ALIVE?!**

He then picks up the plate and throws it in her chest.

Ramsay:(yelling still) **MAKE IT AGAIN!! MOVE YOUR ARSE!!**

Patsy's cousin was turning redder and redder. She took the plate off her chest, and set the plate on the counter.

Patsy's cousin: No!!  
Ramsay: **WHAT?  
**Patsy's cousin:(yelling also) **YOU HEARD ME MUTHAFUCKA. I SAID, 'NO'!!  
**Ramsay:(turning red and pointing towards the back door)** YOU GET OUT!!**

Patsy's cousin then grabbed Ramsay by his throat.

Patsy's cousin: How 'bout I beat tha livin' shit outta yo' ass?

She then threw Ramsay out the back door. Ramsay's head hit the dumpster. Patsy's cousin soon came out.

Patsy's cousin:(cracking her knuckles) I'm gonna give you tha ass whoopin' dat you've been askin' for!!

Black red team contestant: Dis shit's gonna be good!!

Then she beats up Ramsay. The beating lasted for 2 hours. After the beating, Patsy's cousin went back inside the restaurant. All of the other contestants were silent, until one of them started to applaued. Then all of the contestants applaued. Then everybody in the restaurant started to applaued, also. Patsy's cousin bowed.

Blue team contestant: Damn, you're brave. I would've _never _done that!  
Patsy's cousin:(laughs) Of course you wouldn't. Yo' a spineless loser.  
Black red team contestant:(pats her on the back) I'm glad dat you whoop his ass, because if he did dat to me, well... let's just say it wouldn't be very pretty.

Patsy's cousin: Well, somebody had to do it!! Say, how 'bout we whoop his ass next time? Together?  
Black red team contestant: Okay fine wit me, if I'm not eliminated.

Ramsay then crawled in. He was bleeding and bruised.

Ramsay: Damn! A lady just w-whopped my arse! H-How _hot_ is that?!

Patsy's cousin then came over to Ramsay, and she kicked his privates. The audience goes wild.

Ramsay:(holding his privates) **Me biscuits!!  
**Patsy's cousin: Fuckin' british prick!!  
_**(End Flashback)**_

"She sounds interesting." Lazlo said. "I can't wait to see her tomorrow." "Yeah, me too." Patsy smiled. "So what do you want to do, now?" "Wanna get something to eat?" Lazlo asked. "Sure, why not." Patsy said as she got up from her bed. Sometime later, it was getting dark. "See you in the morning, Lazlo." Patsy said sleepily. "Sweet dreams, Patsy." Lazlo said & waved at her.

The next morning. Lazlo was waiting for Patsy. Peter then walked up. "Hey Mr. Lazlo." then he stopped suddenly. "That is your name right?" "Yes, it is Scoutmaster Griffin." Lazlo said excitedly. "Why are you so excited?" Peter asked him. "I'm excited because Patsy's cousin arrives today." "Patsy's got a cousin? Matter of fact, who the hell's_ Patsy_? Who are you? Where am I? **This isn't Quaghog!!**" Peter asked. Brian then walked up. "Come Peter, you've been in the sun too long. It's time for you to rest." "Oooh your fur is so soft. _Oh my god!_ You can talk!!" Peter exclaimed as Brian took him to his office. Patsy then walked up. "What's up with Mr. Griffin?" she asked. "I think the sun cooked his brain or something?" Lazlo muttered, then he turned to her. "How are you this morning?" "I'm doing fine, Lazlo. Can you come to my cabin with me? I got somebody who you want to meet." Patsy said. "Sure." Lazlo said happily.

In Patsy's cabin, Patsy had Lazlo sit down on her bed. "You sit tight, while I go to the next room." Patsy said. Lazlo decided to make himself comfortable, and layed down on Patsy's bed, but he then quickly sat back up when he heard Patsy coming back. "Lazlo." Patsy smiled. "I want you to meet my cousin, Annette Smiles." Then a black ponytailed haired female mongoose wearing a _Pittsburg Steelers_ jersey, black jean shorts, a dew rag, and bling walked in. "Hey, my name's Annette, but you can just call me 'Penny'." she said. "Hi, I'm Lazlo." Lazlo greeted. "So you're Lazlo. Yo' right, Patsy. _He is handsome_." Lazlo was embarassed. He soon recovered. "So, you're here to spend your summer with Patsy?" "Yeah." Penny said. "So, well, welcome to Camp Griffin." Lazlo said as he shook her hand. Penny accidently tried to break his hand. "Ow!" Lazlo cried as he held his hurting hand. "Sorry. I-I mustn't know my own strength." Penny laughed nervously. Then she went outside. "I'll be out there to show you around" Patsy called after her. Then she turned to Lazlo. "I'm sorry about that, Lazlo." Patsy soothed. "Never mind about that, Patsy. You was right about her, she's very pretty like you, nice, friendly, smart, & strong too!" Lazlo said. "All females in my family are!" Patsy laughed. "Now please excuse me Lazlo, I've got to go get her an uniform."

At Peter's office, Peter was drinking some _Sprite_. "Ahh. I feel much better now. I wonder what's on TV?" He turned on his TV. '_Everybody loves_ _Raymond'_ was on. "Alright! _'Everybody loves Raymond'_! I wonder if this is the one when Debra whoops Marie?"

_**(Cut to his TV)  
**_Debra was cooking Ray some breakfast, when Marie comes in uninvitied like always.

Marie: Hello Debra.  
Debra:(cross) Hi Marie.  
Marie: What are you cooking?  
Debra: I'm cooking omelettes, Marie.

Marie looks at the skillet. She made a displeased face.

Marie: Oh those are omelettes?  
Debra: Yeah.

Marie then takes the skillet from Debra.

Marie: I'll show you how to make omelettes right.  
Debra:(angry) **Marie!** **I'm sick and tired of you coming into my house, and tellin' me how to clean, how to do laundry, how to cook, and how to raise my family! I want you out!!**

Marie just ignores her. Debra then took out another skillet, and hits Marie in the head.

Debra:(yelling) **HOW DARE YOU IGNORE ME?!**

Ray runs in. He was amazed at the sight before him.

Ray: Debra, what are you doing?  
Debra: I'm doing something that I _should've_ done long time ago. I'm whoopin' your mother's ass!!  
Ray: O-kay. When you get done, can you cook me some bacon?  
Debra:(Throws punch at Marie)Yeah, whatever.  
Robert:(appears out of nowhere) Why does _Raymond_ have a fight in his kitchen? Why can't _my_ wife whoop mom in _my_ kitchen?  
Ray: Because you don't have a wife. Hell, you don't even have a ktichen.  
Robert: Good things _always_ happen to Raymond. _Always_.  
Audience:(laughs)  
_**(End cut)**_

Brian walked in. "Patsy & some guest are here to see you, Peter." "Okay send them in." Peter ordered. Patsy & Penny came in and sat in the comfortable chairs. "So wadda want, Ms. Smiles?" Peter asked. "Do you have an extra female uniform?" Patsy asked. "Yeah. What size?" Peter asked. "'Bout the same size that fits me." Patsy said. "Why you need it for?" Peter asked again. "It's for my cousin." Patsy said, and she pointed at Penny. Peter then looked at Penny then back at Patsy. "What I'm suppose to do now?" "_Give her the uniform_." Brian whispered. "Okay." Peter said as he gave Penny the uniform. Then he turned to Patsy. "Ms. Smiles, explain all the rules & crap like that to her." "I sure will, Mr. Griffin." Patsy smiled. Back at her cabin, Patsy was looking Penny over. "Okay, let's get rid of this jersey." she said taking off the jersey. "Okay." Penny agreed. "Let's get rid of this bling..." Patsy started. Penny grabbed her arm. "**My bling stays on!!**" Penny growled. "Okay, okay!! The bling stays on. J-Just don't break my arm!!" Patsy whimpered. "Perfect." Penny said as she let Patsy's arm go. Patsy took off more of Penny's clothes and shoes, and then put the uniform on her. "That's better." Patsy said as she dusted off her hands. "Wanna look at yourself in the mirror?" She asked Penny. "Sure why not." Penny said. She then walked over to the mirror. "Not bad, cousin. Not bad." Penny said as she smiled at her reflection. "Do you have a green scrunchie?" Patsy gave her a green scrunchie. Penny threw her old scrunchie towards the bed, then she put on her new scrunchie. "There, perfect!" she smiled.

Outside, Patsy showed Penny around. "Over there's the lodge, and poolroom." "You guys got a poolroom?" Penny asked. "Yeah." Patsy smiled. "Now let me introduce you to everybody." After Patsy introduce Penny to everybody, they rested. "Well, that's everybody." Patsy said. "I thought this was a all females camp?" Penny asked. "Well it was, until Mr. Griffin brought it, and Camp Kidney. Then he merged us with them. Some of the girls weren't too happy about this, and still ain't!" Patsy laughed when she said the last part. "I bet some of th' dudes weren't too glad about this, either." Penny laughed. "Some of them weren't, but Lazlo sure was." Patsy said. "About this Lazlo. Did you and him kiss yet?" Penny teased. Patsy blushed. "Ah, ya'll kissed. Dat's _so_ sweet." Penny teased. Lazlo then walked up. "Speak of tha devil." Penny said. "Hi Patsy. Hi Penny. What are you doing?" "We're just talking." Patsy replied. Lazlo then looked at Penny then back at Patsy. "Was you guys talkin' 'bout me?" "Well sort of." Penny said. There was silence. "Uh what do you want to do?" Lazlo asked. "How 'bout we play 2 on 2 basketball?" Penny asked. "Sure fine with me." Patsy said. "Okay with me." Lazlo said. "Just let me get Stewie."

At the basketball court, Lazlo had Stewie. Quagmire was the refree. "Okay guys & chicks. Whoever reaches to 50 first, wins!! And whoever wins, gets these!!" He then pulls out some coupons. "The coupons for a nightclub at the mall, giggity!" Penny looked hard at the coupons in Quagmire's hands. Then she whispered to Patsy. "_I'm a pro at this game. We're gonna win those coupons_!!" "You're a better pro than me at this, so you go first." Patsy said. So Quagmire released the ball. Stewie grabbed it, and ran from Patsy. He shot the ball. "2 to zip! _In your face, mongoose!_" Stewie gloated. Patsy then gave the ball to Penny. Penny made a 3 point shot. "Damn!" Stewie sniffed. Lazlo had the ball. Patsy was guarding him. Lazlo went for the layup, but Patsy blocked the ball. Stewie saw all this. "How dare she? I'll show her!!" Patsy had the ball, and Stewie tripped her. "Ha! Ha!" he laughed. "Try and catch me!" Then a jet pack appeared on his back. "Shit! He's got a jet pack." Patsy sniffed. Stewie then flew to the net and made the shot. "Hey!! Dat's not fair!!" Penny said. "It's fair!!" Quagmire said. "Oy!!" Penny groaned. Later it's tied 40 to 40. Patsy & Penny was talking. "Damn it's tied!!" Patsy sniffed. "It's time to stop playin' and get tough!!" Penny attacked. "Yes, but how? Stewie knows every move we're gonna make." Patsy asked. "You leave dat to me!!" Penny hissed. They went back to the court. Quagmire released the ball in the air, Penny grabbed the ball. She knocked Stewie down. "Hey! Watch the head!!" Stewie sniffed. Penny made the shot. A bit later, it was tied. "Damn! It's tied 48 to 48!!" Stewie shouted. "It doesn't matter if we win or lose. It's the way we play that counts." Lazlo said happily. Stewie looked at him. "That's the stupidiest shit I've ever heard." he sniffed. "It is?" Lazlo asked. "Yes it is. While we're on the subject, didn't you beat Patsy in a basketball game couple chapters back?" "Well that's different." Lazlo said. "What do you mean _'that's_ _different'_?" Stewie asked. "Well, it's just is." Lazlo ranted. "_This is the chance to beat them, Penny_." Patsy whispered to her. Penny nodded. She grabbed the ball, and passed it to Patsy. She makes the shot, it went in. **"Patsy's team win!!"** Quagmire shouted. Lazlo & Stewie looked amazed. "Good job, Penny. Good job Patsy." Lazlo said to them. "Hmmph!! That monkey's the worst teammate since Kobe Bryant had Shaq." Stewie sniffed.

**_(Flashback)  
_**Kobe: Hey Shaq, give me the ball.  
Shaq: Okay.

He throws the ball at Kobe, but it hits Lebron James.

Ref: Foul! Shaq, you take two shots.

He gives Shaq the ball. Shaq shoots the ball, but he misses. The crowd laughs. Shaq tries again, but he misses.

Kobe: Shaq, you suck!!  
Shaq: You're the greatest, Kobe!  
Kobe: That's right and don't you _forget_ it, either!!  
**_(End Flashback)_**

Quagmire gives Patsy & Penny the coupons. Patsy looked at the coupons. "These coupons are expired!!" Quagmire laughed nervously. "Uh, my laundry's done. See ya!" then he ran away. "Well, this sucks!!" Penny sniffed. "Wanna watch TV?" Patsy asked. "Yeah." Penny muttered. "I'll join you." Lazlo added. Then he turned to Stewie. "Wanna join, Stewie?" "No, No! I'll go boss that rhino boy around." Stewie said as he walked off. Later at the lodge, Patsy was flipping through the channels. "What do you wanna watch?" Patsy asked Lazlo & Penny. "How 'bout '_106th & Park'_?" Penny asked. "No. It's not on." Patsy said. Lazlo looked at his watch. "How 'bout we watch the news?" Patsy & Penny groaned. "Come on, Lazlo. Tha news is so predictable." Penny sniffed. "It's always _'stocks are down'_ this, and _'Iraq'_ dat." "Okay. How about we watch _'Maury'_?" Lazlo asked. **"NO!!"** Patsy & Penny shouted. "Well nothing else is on, so we'll just have to watch the news." Patsy sniffed. Just like Penny said, the news was predictable. "Oh god! You're right, this is predictable and boring." Lazlo sniffed. "Do you got any places to hang at?" Penny asked. "Well, there's the mall." Patsy said. "How 'bout we go there?" Penny asked. "Okay. I'll drive." Patsy said as she pulled out her keys. "No, I'll drive." Penny said.

Lazlo & Patsy was waiting for Penny, when Peter walked up. "Hey guys, what are you doin'?" "We're just about to go out." Lazlo said. "That's good. Can you go to the store and buy some things?" Peter asked. Lazlo looked at Patsy. "_No!!_" she mouthed. "Uh, maybe." Lazlo lied. "Good. Now here's the list." Peter said as he gave Lazlo the list. "Don't forget anything." Peter called. Penny then pulled up in a dark navy blue colored SUV. The inside of the SUV was 'pimped' out just like Patsy's. "Damn, your SUV is pimped out." Lazlo said amazed. "You can thank Gordon Ramsay for dat!" Penny laughed. Then she looked at the list in Lazlo's hand. "What's dat?" "Huh? Oh, that? Nothing." Lazlo said as he ripped up the shopping list. "Patsy, give me tha directions to th' mall." Penny ordered. "Just go down the highway, until you see the Donald Trump building. It's just to the left of it." Patsy explained. "Thanks." Penny said.

At the mall, all three of them was looking around. "How 'bout we go to dat car accessories store?" Penny asked. "I could use some new 20's." "Okay." Patsy said. Inside the store, they looked around. "How about this?" Patsy said as she picked up a gold painted hubcap. "No, but good thinkin', Patsy." Penny said. Lazlo then picked up a spinner. "How 'bout _this_, Penny?" he asked. "Yeah, dat's it." Penny said as she took the hubcap from him. "Um, can you get seven more please?" "Seven more? But why?" Lazlo asked her. "Tha four extras are for Patsy's ride." Penny said. "_Well, new hubcaps will make_ _my SUV better_." Patsy thought outloud. "Can you buy me a new dvd player for my SUV also?" "Of course." Penny said. Soon after they brought the spinners and the dvd player, they rested. Well sort of. **"EVIL MONGOOSE!! RUN!!"** cried Chris. "That crackhead got some problems." Patsy sniffed. "You're right, Lazlo. That's getting old." "Who tha fuck's dat?" Penny asked. "That's Scoutmaster Griffin's fat crazy son." Lazlo sniffed. "He's been going crazy every time he sees us." Patsy added. Just then Gretchen & Nina walked up with some shopping bags. "What are you guys doin' here?" Patsy asked them. "Quagmire's out of his special wine." Gretchen said. "Plus we have to make an appearance in this chapter." Nina added. "Uh, no you don't. You've already been mentioned earlier in the chapter." Patsy said. "Uh, we kind of have to." Gretchen muttered. "Especially what we did to get into this chapter." Nina said gloomily.

_**(Flashback)  
**_Gretchen is smoking in bed. In bed with her was Nina and Seth MacFarlane.

Seth: Oh god! Now that's sex.  
Nina: So are we in the chapter now?  
Seth: I'm not sure.  
Gretchen: You wanna go again?  
Seth: Well, I'll go again, if another girl comes along.

Penny then shows up, wearing nothing but bra & undies.  
Penny:(In sexy voice) I wanna be introduced in tha next chapter, Seth.  
Seth:(eyes wide) Okay, all three of you are in the next chapter. Now let me slap that ass!

Penny then bends over, and MacFarlane slapped her ass.  
Quagmire:(from out of nowhere) Room for one more? Giggity! Giggty! Heh! Heh! Alright!  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"No wonder she looks so familar." Nina muttered. "Stop talkin', long neck!" Gretchen sniffed. "Quaggie's waitin'!!" "_Quaggie_." Patsy teased in a sing-song voice. "**Shut da fuck up, Patsy!!**" Gretchen snapped while turning red from embarassment. "Gretchen & Quagmire in love! Ha! Ha! Ha!" laughed Lazlo. "Shut up, monkey!" Gretchen hissed, while blushing. "Gee Gretchen, I haven't seen you this red, since the other night at Seth's house." Nina teased. Everybody started laughing at the female alligator's expense. **"Everbody, shut up!!"** Gretchen shouted. Everybody stopped. "Dat's better!!" she sniffed, and went away. Nina was mocking her. Everybody snickered. After Nina & Gretchen left, Lazlo looked at his watch. "It's almost dinnertime. Let's get something to eat." "Where?" Penny asked. "Do you guys got a rib place around here?" "Yeah, but it's not here in the mall. It's a bit further down the road." Patsy said. "Who's gonna treat?" Lazlo asked. "I'll treat." Patsy said. At the SUV, Penny was putting on the spinners. "So, what's tha name of this rib joint?" "It's called, _Gangsta's ribs & mo'_. It'll be real easy to spot. It's the building with all the graffiti on it." Patsy answered. "Do you have to put on those spinners now?" Lazlo asked Penny. "Yeah, while it's still fresh in my mind." Penny replied. "Oh." Lazlo muttered. Soon she was done. "I'm finally done, now we can go to dat restaruant." Penny announced.

Five minutes later, they were at _Gangsta's_. They sat at a table. The place had rap music playing. The tvs was on _BET_. There was cussing coming from the kitchen. "Just like tha rib places back at home." Penny said happily. A heavy set black man came to their table. "I'm Cedric. I'd be yo' waiter, tonight. So what do you bloods want tonight?" "I'll take the B.B.Q. chicken." Lazlo said. "I'll take the rib tips." Patsy added. "I'll take ribs, rib tips, & catfish. I want some hot sauce on tha side, blood!" Penny said. "Okay. What do you bloods want to drink?" Cedric asked. "_RC cola_." Lazlo said. "Me too." Patsy added. "I'll take _Sprite_, dawg." finished Penny. Cedric wrote their orders down on a notepad. "Okay, yo' food will be here in a couple minutes, homies." He left. Lazlo got up. "I gotta use the bathroom. Will you guys be okay?" he asked Penny & Patsy. "Yeah. Go ahead, G. This is our peeps." Penny said to him. After Lazlo left, Patsy & Penny started a conversation. "I see that you've got your ears pierced." Patsy said to Penny. "Oh yeah. I'd got them pierced two weeks before I left Detroit," Penny said. "I'm thinkin' about havin' my nose pierced." "Did it hurt?" Patsy asked her. "It hurted like hell!!" Penny laughed. "I guess that was a dumb question." Patsy said sheepishly. Lazlo soon came back. "Boy, that bathroom has more smoke in it then my cousin Rollo's in LA."

**_(Flashback)  
_**Lazlo was reading the newspaper, when the door slam open. A monkey that looks indentical to Lazlo, except he has a goatee, wearing a dew rag, bling, and a joint in his mouth walks in.

Lazlo:(happily)Hey Rollo!!  
Rollo: Yeah kid.  
Lazlo: What are you doing?  
Rollo: Um, nothing!  
Lazlo: Why there's smoke coming out of the bathroom?  
Rollo: Uh, th' Bloods threw a smoke bomb in there, and I threw it back out.  
Lazlo:(laughs) That's like I like you, Rollo. You don't take trash from anyone!  
Rollo: Sure, whatever kid.

Lazlo then notices the joint in Rollo's mouth.

Lazlo:(points at joint) Rollo, what's that?  
Rollo: What this? It's a ghetto sucker.  
Lazlo: Can I have one?  
Rollo: Whoa! No you can't have one, Lazlo. It's too advance for you.  
Lazlo:(laughs again) That's why I like you, Rollo. You sound like Charlie Murphy, plus you're smart.  
Rollo: Um, yeah.

Then he relights the joint behind Lazlo's back.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

Cedric soon came with their dinners & drinks. "There y'all go. Enjoy tha meal, bloods." he said. Penny grabbed the hot sauce, and poured it all over her food. Patsy was watching all this. Penny looked up at her. "Do you want some hot sauce, Patsy?" she asked. "Maybe a little bit." Patsy said nervously. Penny put a little bit of the hot sauce on Patsy's tips, then Penny turned to Lazlo. "How 'bout you, Lazlo. Want some?" "No! No!" he said politely. "Okay more for me then." Penny smiled. A bit later, they was done. "Damn, dat shit was good!" Penny said. "I haven't ate this good in two days." Lazlo burped. Cedric came to pick up their plates. "Can I interest you dawgs some dessert?" "No thanks." Penny burped. "I'll bring ya'll tha check." Cedric said. Few seconds later, Cedric brought them the check. "Okay, let's see the damages." Patsy said as she looked at the check. "35.99. Not too bad." she said as she took out her wallet. "I'm gonna leave dat fine server a tip!" Penny said as she got out a 50 dollar bill. Cedric soon came to pick up the check. "Do y'all want change back?" "No. Keep the change." Patsy said. "Here's a tip." Penny gave Cedric the 50. "50 bucks?" Cedric asked. "Yeah. You did a good job servin' our food, son." Penny said. Cedric smiled. "Thank you Miss. If I had more people tip tha same amount of money like you, I can reitre!" Penny giggled at the comment.

Back at camp, some of the campers were heading to bed. Penny was locking up her SUV. She then walked over to Lazlo & Patsy. "Here." she said as she gave Lazlo a bag of used hubcaps. "What I'm suppose to do with these? My car already has spinners." Lazlo said. "You can give them to Clam." Penny said. "Oh yeah, I forgot that Clam likes used hubcaps." Lazlo laughed. "I'm gonna put those new spinners on yo' ride first thing in tha mornin', Patsy." Penny said to her. "Do you got a place to sleep tonight, Penny?" Lazlo asked her. "I'm gonna sleep with Patsy." she said as she yawned. "Good night, Lazlo. It was a pleasure meetin' you." Patsy then walked over to Lazlo. "Thank you for being nice to my cousin, Lazlo." she said. "You're welcome, Patsy." Lazlo said. Then he gave her a good night kiss. "Good night, Patsy." "Good night, Lazlo. Sweet dreams." Patsy called to him. Inside of Patsy's cabin, everyone was getting ready for bed. Gretchen was already fast asleep. Nina was putting up her books. Patsy was putting on her nightgown, and Penny was watching a miniature tv that she brought from home. "I had a good day with yo' boy today, Patsy." she said as Patsy got into bed. "I did too." Patsy said sleepily. "Maybe we can do it again tomorrow." Penny suggested. "Do what tomorrow?" Patsy asked Penny. "You know hangin' out." Penny said. "Oh!" Patsy said. Nina turned off the light. "Good night, Penny." Patsy said her final words before falling asleep. "Good night, Patsy. See you in th' mornin'." Penny said softly as she turned off her TV. Penny was so happy & tired that she fell asleep at once.


	7. The Night club

The Night club

It's now 9:00. All of the campers are up now. Penny was listening to Tupac's _'How do U want it'_ while putting on the new spinners on Patsy's SUV, when Stewie walked up. "I say, urban mongoose. What are you doing?" "I'm puttin' spinners on Patsy's ride." she replied. "Oh my bloody god! What's that smutt you're listening to?" Stewie asked as he pointed at her CD player. "It's Tupac. He's singing, _'How do U want it'_" Penny said. "May I listen with you?" Stewie asked. "Sure, why not?" Penny replied. So Stewie listened to the rest of the song. "I say, that Tupac fellow sure does a whole lot of cursing." Stewie said when the song finished. "Well, he _did_ a lot of cussin'." Penny said. "What do you mean _'did'_?" Stewie asked her. "Well, he's dead now." Penny responded. "Oh." Stewie said softly. Then he looked at the old hubcaps from Patsy's SUV. "Uh urban mongoose, can I have these old hubcaps?" "Tha name's Annette, and yes you can have them." she said. Stewie then took the old hubacps to his quarters. Lazlo then walked up to her. "Hi Penny." Penny looked up at him. "Good mornin' Lazlo. So how's my homie today?" "I'm doing fine Penny." Lazlo said. "Dat Stewie kid came over here." Penny added. "Oh. What did he want?" Lazlo asked her. "He just wanted to know what I was listenin' to. Dat kid's a trip." Penny sniffed. "I know." Lazlo muttered. "How old is he, anyway?" Penny asked. "He's 1." Lazlo said. Penny stood up. "You're done?" Lazlo asked her. "I'm done puttin' tha spinners on. All I have to do is install tha new dvd player, then I'll be done." she said to him. "Okay. I'll go see what Patsy's doing." Lazlo said happily as he walked off.

Patsy was on her laptop. "Damn _Wikipedia_ bastards!" she growled. Then she heard a knock on her cabin door. "Come on in, whoever you are!" she called. Lazlo walked in. "Good morning Patsy. How are you?" he asked her. "I'm doing fine, Lazlo." Patsy said as she typed in her laptop. "What are you doing?" Lazlo asked. "I'm editing my profile on _Wikipedia_." she said. "**Those spamming bastards keeping changing my profile!!**" "I hate that place." Lazlo sniffed. "Only half of the information on there are true." Patsy was soon done. "There. Hopefully, nobody won't screw it up again." she said as she put up her laptop. Then she went towards Lazlo. "How are you this morning, honey?" "I'm doing fine, Patsy." Lazlo said. "So what do you want to do today?" "I don't know. Uh do you want to hang with me & Penny?" Patsy asked him. "Sure why not." then Lazlo stopped and thought a bit. "Uh Patsy, haven't you noticed that lately Scoutmaster Griffin haven't been tellin' us our daily activites?" "So? What's wrong with that?" Patsy asked. "Well,...uh nothing I guess, since everybody's doing their own thing!" Lazlo said. Penny then walked in. "Patsy, can you give me yo' keys?" "Why you need them?" Patsy asked her. "I'm installin' yo' new dvd player in yo' ride." Penny said. So Patsy threw Penny the keys. "So do you want to watch TV in my cabin?" Lazlo asked Patsy. "Of course Lazlo. Your bed is _so_ comfty!" Patsy sighed.

At Lazlo's cabin, Raj & Clam was having another dumb arguement. "I say _'Seinfeld'_ was the best sitcom on network TV, Clam!!" Raj shouted. "No it isn't!! '_Cheers'_ was!!" Clam attacked. Lazlo was getting cross. "Guys! If you're gonna argue; go to New York City & argue!!" "Okay, fine!" Raj sniffed. Then he turned to Clam. "Clam, get the luggage ready, and call the train station. We're going to New York City." "**New York City!! _New York Knicks!!_ Spike Lee!!** _**New York Yankees!!**_ **Smog!!**" Clam shouted as he got his suitcase. Raj just rolled his eyes. "God, what an idiot!" he said as he grabbed his suitcase. Lazlo turned to Patsy. "Now with those two outta the way, let me get my TV." "Do you have to hide your TV?" Patsy asked. "Yeah. If I leave it out, that dumb ass Clam will break it. Just like the time, he broke my CDs."

_**(Flashback)  
**_Lazlo was reading a newspaper. Clam had a hammer and was hitting it against the floor. The noise was disturbing.

Lazlo: Clam!! What the hell are you doing?  
Clam:(nervous) Uh, nothing.

Lazlo then looked at what Clam was doing.

Lazlo: M-My CDs. Clam!!  
Clam:(stupidly) Uh, Happy Birthday!!  
Lazlo:(angry) I'm gonna _kick_ your ass!  
Clam:(stupidly again) **Yay!!  
_(End Flashback)_**

"Okay then." Patsy said as she sat on Lazlo's bed. Lazlo flipped through the channels. "You wanna watch, _'Jerry Springer'_?" "That's fine with me." Patsy said. An hour later the show went off. "So do you want to watch _'Judge Hatchett'_?" Lazlo asked. "No thanks." Patsy said. "How 'bout we go hang with Penny for awhile?" "Come on Patsy. This is a_ new_ episode!" Lazlo whined. "Alright, alright! You can watch her, I'll just won't pay any attention to it." Patsy sniffed. So Lazlo watched the crappy court show. After the show went off, Lazlo got up. "Okay Patsy, the show's over. Let's go." "Finally." she sniffed.

Outside, Edward was smoking with Chip & Skip when Lazlo & Patsy walked by. "Hey guys! It's Lazlo & his broad!" Edward teased. Chip & Skip laughed stupidly. "Make sure you & your bitch don't have any babies now!" Patsy grabbed Edward by his throat. "What'd you say, muthafucka?" "I-I-I said, "W-What a lovely morning to g-gamble, P-Patsy!" Edward struggled to say. "That's better." she said as she let him go. "Oooh Edward. You just got roughed up by a _girl_!" Chip said. "Cool! I was Patsy would rough _me_ up like that!" Skip said stupidly. "Assholes!" Edward sniffed. Soon Patsy & Lazlo walked up to Penny. She was wiping off her hands. "Well, I'm finally done. Do you Gs wanna play pool?" "Yeah." Patsy said. "I'll just watch." Lazlo said. "I haven't played pool since that time I was in Las Vegas."

_**(Flashback)  
**_Lazlo was playing pool. He was lining up the cue ball. He hits the ball too hard and it bounce off one of the corners of the table. It then flew off the table.

Lazlo: Oops!  
Stock tips man:(on cell phone) That's right, Earl. I want you to invest in...

The cue ball hits him in the head.

Stock tips man: Cake! Sweet chocolately cake!  
Earl:(shouts) Cake, everyone!  
Stock investors: **Cake! Cake! Cake!  
**Overseas investors:**Cake! Cake! Cake!  
_(End Flashback)_**

In the poolroom, Quagmire & Cleveland was just finishing up. "You win two coupons!" Quagmire said as he gave Cleveland the coupons. Cleveland looked at the coupons. "Wait! These coupons are old! **Give me some money, you bastard!!**" he said as he grabbed Quagmire by his collar. "Okay here!!" he said as he gave Cleveland the cash. "That's perfect." Cleveland said as he ripped up the old nightclub coupons. Penny grabbed the cue sticks, and Patsy set up the balls. "Do you wanna play for fun or profit?" Penny asked. "Fun." Patsy said. Penny barely tapped the cue ball. "_Um, maybe 150 bucks per_ _ball._" Patsy said oily. Penny secretly laugh to herself. Patsy hit the ball into the side pocket, but she missed the next shot. "It's my turn!" Penny shouted. Then she turned her back to the table with cue stick in hand and hit the cue ball. The cue ball then hit the rest of the balls. The balls each went into the side pockets. Penny then turned to Patsy. "Dat'll be _2400 dead presidents_, Patsy!" "**_Damn!!_**" Patsy sniffed as she took out her checkbook. Lazlo walked up to Penny. "Damn Penny. You shot all the balls at once. How you do that?" "I was taught by tha greatest pool player, Garrett Morris." Penny bragged. Then she looked off-screen. "_Do we have a clip?_ No? Oh damn." Patsy handed her the check. Peter busted in. "I smell a expensive check!!" "How did you know?" Lazlo asked. "I have a special tool installed in my brain." "Um, yeah..." Lazlo said. "Do I, do I at least get half of that cash?" Peter asked Penny. "Um, I guess so, but after I cash this in." she lied.

Later on, Patsy, Penny, & Lazlo was just hanging out, when Brian walked up. "Uh Lazlo. Peter wants to see you." "Oh god! What do he wants now?" Lazlo sniffed. "Take your time, Lazlo." Patsy said. "Do you wanna listen to tha radio?" Penny asked her. "Sure. I could use some _'reading the newspaper_ _music'_." Patsy said as she got a newspaper from out of nowhere. Penny turned on the radio. There was crap on the radio. "Just turn it off, Penny." Patsy sniffed. Then Patsy came across an article that caught her eye. "What's this?" she said outloud. "What?" Penny asked. "There's a new nightclub in the next town." Patsy said. Penny thought a bit. "Patsy, how 'bout we go to dat nightclub, tonight?" "Okay. Hopefully this nightclub won't be like the last one we went to." Patsy sniffed.

**_(Flashback)  
_**Patsy & Penny was at Sarah Jessica Parker's nightclub called _'The Skank'_. Patsy was drinking heavily.

Penny:(concerned) Um Patsy, do you think you had enough?  
Patsy:(drunkily) I-I-I'll tell you when I have, have, uh...have...uh?  
Penny: Enough?  
Patsy:Yeah, yeah, thanks. I-I'll tell you when I have enough!

Then she stood up on the stool.

Patsy: **Hey everybody. Look at my boobs!!**

She then lifts up her shirt. All the males started to hoot and holler.

Quagmire: Now's that a woman!!

It then shows a man with some flash cards.

Quagmire: That's a car, that's a sandwhich, and that's a bus!!

Penny then looks at Patsy's glass.

Penny: Wait a minute!

She sniffs the glass.

Penny: This isn't Ginger Ale. It's scotch!

Sarah Jessica Parker then walks up.

Parker:(laughs) That's right! A little scotch will do ya! Your cousin will be a great addition to my show, _'Sex & the city'_.  
Penny:(punches Parker) **_'Sex & the city'_ sucks! No one makes a sap outta my cousin, but me!!  
**Pasty: Wooo! I'm queen of the...

She passes out, and breaks one of the tables.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"Come Patsy, let's go and buy some clubbin' clothes." Penny said as she got out her keys. "What about Lazlo?" Patsy asked. "He's busy with Scoutmaster Big Boy, so he won't notice we're gone." Penny said. Meanwhile at Peter's office, Lazlo was waiting patiently. "Lazlo, please come in." Peter said to him. Lazlo sat in the comfty chair. "So what do you want, Scoutmaster Griffin?" he asked. "So how are you doin'?" Peter asked. "I'm doin' fine, sir." Lazlo said. "Do you wanna hang out?" Peter asked. "Uh, no thanks. I'm busy." Lazlo laughed nervously. "Oh okay then." Peter said. "I-I guess I'll see you around." Lazlo said as he ran out of the office. "Okay then." Peter said as he got out his magazine. Lazlo came to the spot where he left Patsy & Penny. "I guess Patsy & Penny got bored waiting for me. _I guess I'll go take a swim!_" he said happily.

Later on, Patsy & Penny returned. "I can't wait to try these on tonight." Penny said. "_I wonder what Lazlo's doing?_" Patsy muttered to herself. Speaking of which, Lazlo showed up. "Hiya guys. I was wondering where you guys were." Then he looked at the bags in their hands. "I see you went shopping." "Yeah." Penny said. "I hope yo' not busy later, G." "No I'm not busy. Why?" Lazlo asked her. "Patsy'll tell you." Penny said, and walked away. Lazlo then turned to Patsy. "Come walk with me, Lazlo." Patsy said. "Anyway, you've missed a great afternoon, Patsy." Lazlo said happily. "Tell me what happened." Patsy said. "Well, first Stewie whooped Edward in front of everybody!!" Lazlo laughed. "Damn! I should've been there." Patsy sniffed. "Then Cleveland, Gretchen, Joe, & Quagmire wrestled. It was cool!!" Lazlo continued. "Damn! Uh, who won?" Pasty asked him. "Cleveland won!!" Lazlo repiled. "But Quagmire & Gretchen continued to wrestle." "Uh, I think they weren't wrestling, Lazlo. I think they were having sex." Pasty muttered. "Oh! I thought somethin' was up, when Quagmire ripped off his pants." Lazlo mumbled. "So, what do you got to tell me?" "Well, there's this new hip nightclub opening in the next town, and I want to ask you if you want to go?" Patsy asked. "With you?" Lazlo asked. Patsy nodded. "Is Penny going, also?" Patsy nodded again. "Sure, I'll go with you two. This'll be a chance to wear my new clothes that my cousin gave me!" Lazlo said happily. "Good!" Patsy said. Then she looked around. "Why are you lookin' around for?" Lazlo asked her. "I'm making sure that Stewie, Scoutmaster Griffin, Quagmire, Gretchen, Nina, or anybody else is around. I don't want any of them to come with us. You know how Scoutmaster Griffin, & Gretchen are when they're in contact with liquior." "Yeah, of course." Lazlo laughed. "Well, I gotta get ready now, Lazlo." Patsy said as she went back to her cabin. Lazlo then walked off. Little did they know, that Stewie had his survilance equipment, and he was listening to every word from a nearby bush. "I say, that Patsy, Lazlo, & the urban mongoose are going to this trendy after hours club. I must tell the fat man about this!"

At Peter's office. Peter, Cleveland, Quagmire, & Joe was playing poker, when Stewie walked in. "I say, Fat man! Fat man!" Peter looked at him. "Yeah Stewie?" "You know that urban mongoose girl?" Stewie asked him. "Uh no. Who the hell's that?" Peter asked. "I think he means _Penny_, Peter." Cleveland said. "Who's Penny?" the fat man asked. "You know, Patsy's cousin." Quagmire butted in. Peter thought a bit, then it came to him. "Oh! _That black-haired_ _girl with the ponytail, and wears bling, that can drive._ So what about her, Stewie?" "Well, she, that pink-haired girl, and the produce shaped mouth primate are going to this new trendy hip hop club tonight." Stewie said. "Yeah so?" Peter asked the baby. "Well, I'm hoping that you can stop them, Fat man." Stewie said. "Why stop them? They're going out for a night of fun." Joe sniffed. Stewie just slapped on his head. "Okay Stewie. You can go along without them knowing it. If that's gonna make you happy and hopefully leaves us alone. More power to ya!" Peter said. **"Victory is mines!!" **Stewie shouted. Before he ran out of there, Peter stopped him. "Uh, Stewie. While you're doing that, can you at least learn some of the campers names?" _"Blast!!"_ Stewie sniffed.

A little bit later, it was getting dark. Lazlo was getting ready to go to the nightclub. He put on a black t-shirt, black pants, a belt, and black dress shoes. "And now two more stuff to make my outfit complete!" he said. He opened a small bag. In it was some bling. Then he put on a black flat cap, then he went to look at himself in the mirror. "Damn Lazlo. You're a bad mofo!" he said to his reflection. Then he looked at his hat. "I better turn this hat back." he said as he turned his hat backwards. "I better put on some colonge, also!" he added. "There! Now I'm ready for a night full of fun!" Lazlo chirped. Outside he met Penny. "Hi Penny. You sure look pretty tonight." Penny was wearing a aqua colored T-shirt, that showed her shapely sexy figure. She also was wearing dark navy blue jeans with the legs of the jeans rolled up a bit to show a bit of her leg above her socks, and white sneakers. Of course she was still wearing her bling, and wearing a midnight blue flat cap. "Thanks, dawg." she smiled. Then Penny looked at Lazlo. "You sure do look dope tonight." "Thanks Penny." Lazlo said. Then he thought a bit. "Uh, Penny. What does 'dope' mean?" "It's just a hip way to say neat." she said. "Oh!" Lazlo muttered. Patsy soon walked up. She was wearing a pink short crop top shirt which also showed her sexy figure. She was also wearing dark navy blue jeans, some bling, white sneakers, and a pink flat cap. "Are you guys ready to go?" she asked them as she got out her keys. "Sure! I'm ready to par-tay!" Penny said. "You look very _sexy_ tonight, Patsy." Lazlo said. Patsy giggled at the comment. "Thank you, Lazlo." she said as she put the keys in the ignation. Nearby, Stewie was in Brian's car. He was wearing the same outfit that Lazlo was wearing. He also had a camcorder. "Good! I'm ready to spy on these individuals." he said as the SUV drove by. "This'll be easy just like the time I spied on Gilbert Arenas."

**_(Flashback)  
_**Gilbert Arenas was on his laptop. He was typing on his blog.

Arenas: Celtic fans. I am betting that my team, the _Washington Wizards_. Will beat the _Boston Celtics_ at their home opener. So you guys might as well cheer for me & my team, because you guys are gonna **lose!!**

Stewie was outside of Arenas' manison. He was pretending to be Arenas' gardener, Alberto.

Stewie: I say, that Arenas fellow is predicting that his team will beat the _Celtics_! I must tell the _Celtics_ about this!

Then Stewie took out his laptop.

Stewie:(typing) Dear Doc Rivers, I want your team the _Boston Celtics_ to beat the so-called mighty _Washington Wizards_ at your home opener. Good! This'll be good!

_(Cutaway to the end of the game)_

The _Celtics_ beat the _Wizards_.

Arenas: Oh Damn!  
Stewie: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!  
**_(End Flashback & cutaway)_**

Soon Patsy pulled up in front of a lit up building. There was a long line outside of it. "Look at that line!" Lazlo said. "This place must be worth it!" Penny said. "You two get out, while I'll go find a parking space. Save a spot in line for me!" Patsy called. About a block & a half away, Stewie pulled up. "Good!" he said. "There they are. Look at them! They make me sick!! Now time to put _'Get Patsy, Lazlo, & Hip hop girl in trouble'_ operation begin!" Back at the line, Lazlo, & Penny was waiting for Patsy. Lazlo was wondering out loud. "I wonder if this place check IDs." "I doubt dat, G." Penny said. "In tha newspaper ad, it said people under 12 ain't allowed." "Thank god for being older!" Lazlo laughed. Patsy finally walked up. "Sorry. I couldn't find any place to park. Too many damn cars in the lot! But I finally found one!" Penny saw the bouncer walking up & down the line choosing what people should go in. "Shit! It's one of those clubs, dat have tha bouncers pick at random." "Okay. Let's just act like we don't care if we get in or not." Patsy said. The bouncer picked the person before Penny. Then he picked Penny & Patsy. He skipped Lazlo. "Oh come on!" Lazlo cried. "Sorry, club rules!" the bouncer said. Penny was watching this scene. "You go ahead and get a table, Patsy. I'll strengthened this out!" "Ok." Patsy said. Penny walked up to the bouncer. "Penny, what are you doing?" Lazlo asked her. "Just shut up & stand there!" Penny hissed. "Excuse me, but you didn't let my friend in." "Yeah, I know!" the bouncer said. "Club rules." "Do tha club rules say dat you couldn't take bribes?" Penny said as she got out a 100 dollar bill. The bouncer looked at the bill in Penny's hand. "**No, it doesn't!!**" then he turned to Lazlo. "Okay, you can come in." Lazlo went inside, and Penny gave the bouncer the 100 dollar bill.

Inside, some of the crowd was up & dancing to the music, while others was sitting at the bar & tables. Patsy was sitting at the bar, when Lazlo & Penny came up. "Sorry, there isn't any tables available." "Dat's okay, Patsy. This'll give me a chance to check this place out!" Penny said. "Where's the bartender?" Lazlo asked out loud. After Lazlo said that, the bartender walked up. "Slinkman, is that you?" Lazlo asked the bartender. Slinkman looked up. "Lazlo? Patsy? What are you guys doing here?" "We're out for a night of fun." Lazlo answered. "Do you work here now?" Patsy asked Slinkman. "Yeah. I'm also the assistant manager." he said. "What do you guys want to drink?" "Um, I'll just take water." Lazlo said. "Ice tea for me." Patsy added. Slinkman then turned to Penny. "...and for you, miss?" "I'll take a _Bloody Mary_." Penny said. "Ok. Your drinks will be up in a sec." Slinkman said. Penny looked around then she tapped on Patsy's shoulder. "Hey Patsy. Check out th' blonde lust over there!" Patsy turned to see what Penny was looking at. _"Holy_ _shit!"_ Patsy exclaimed and turned to the bar. "What's wrong?" Lazlo asked her. Patsy whispered in Lazlo's ear. "Ms. Doe's over there!" "Yeah, so?" Lazlo asked her. "It looks like she's been drinkin'." Patsy muttered. "Yeah, and?" Lazlo asked again. "And, when she drinks, she flirts with anyone that's around her." Patsy said. "Oh." Lazlo said. "Hopefully, she stays over there." Unfortunately she didn't. "H-Hey P-Patsy. I-I see that you're with your _man_!" Doe said drunkily. "Uh, yeah." Patsy said nervously. "I-I wish that I had a, had a... uh, had a.. uh?" Doe stuttered. _"A man?"_ Penny asked. "Yeah. Yeah! A man! Thanks P-Patsy!" Doe said to Penny. Then Doe looked straight into Penny's face. "W-Wait! You're not Patsy! _You're a s-stranger!_ Well anyway stranger, my eggs are too good to be w-wasted!!" Then Jane Doe fell onto the floor with a hard _'thud'_! "Okay, dat was disturbin'." Penny said to Patsy.

Meanwhile in the line, Stewie was the next one to go in. The bouncer was questioning the baby. "Hey son, yo' way too young to come in here." "Well." Stewie stated. "How about you let me in, **now?!**" He then pulled out one of his ray guns. "I'll give you to the count of three, and if you don't let me in, **I'll** **vaporize you!!** 1,...2,..." "Alright, alright little man. You can come in!" the frightened bouncer said. "Good choice, my man!" Stewie said as he threw a 50 dollar bill at the bouncer. Inside, Stewie was looking for a place to sit. "_Ah ha!_ There's the perfect spot!!" There was a recently empty table by the bar. "That's perfect!" Stewie said as he turned on the camcorder. "I hope I can get them in a suggestive pose!" Back at the bar, Slinkman finally brought Lazlo's, Patsy's, & Penny's drinks. "Sorry, it took me so long. There are your drinks." "That's okay." Lazlo said. "**Ah ha!! That hip hop mongoose girl's drinking** **alcohol!!**" Stewie shouted as he zoomed the camera's lenses. After drinking another _Bloody Mary_, Penny got up. "Do you wanna dance, Lazlo?" "M-Me?" he asked. Penny nodded. "W-Well, well, well..." Lazlo stuttered and looked at Patsy. "Go ahead, Lazlo. I'll be fine." she said. "Ok!" Lazlo smiled. Patsy went back to drinking her ice tea. Slinkman gave her another ice tea. "I didn't order another ice tea." Patsy said. "It's on me. I can afford it!" Slinkman said. Patsy decided to have a conversation with him. "So Slinkman, I thought you went to Hawaii with Lumpus?" "Oh, that wasn't me. That was my stunt double." the slug said. "So you're the assistant manager & bartender? The pay must be pretty good." Patsy said. "Oh yes it is! The tips are _perfect!!_ _The hours are great!!_" Slinkman said.

At the dancefloor, Lazlo & Penny was dancing. "Come on, Penny. **Shake your moneymaker!!**" Lazlo shouted. Penny started to shake her ass. All the males on the dancefloor started to throw cash at her. Stewie was drinking, when he saw this. "Pahtooite! _This is what I'm looking for!!_" he said as he grabbed the camera. Back at the bar, Slinkman was seeing the crowd at the dancefloor. "Who's that girl with Lazlo?" he asked Patsy. "That's Penny, my cousin." she said. "She's quite a good dancer." Slinkman added. "She sure is. Please excuse me, I've gotta dance with my man." Patsy said. Back at the dancefloor, Penny was picking up the cash from the floor. "Damn! I made a 1000 bucks!" she said, when Patsy walked up. "I can make 2000 bucks!" Patsy bragged. "Go ahead then." Penny teased. So Patsy started to dance with Lazlo. Again, all the males started to throw cash. "Damn, girl's got skill!" Penny said. Stewie was recording everything. "_Oh yes!! Shake your can for the Fat Man._" he said. Lazlo was watching Patsy shaking her can. "Jesus Christ!! Look at that ass jiggle!!" he said. "_Slap her ass!!_" said someone in the crowd. "Yeah, Lazlo. Slap my ass!" Patsy said in a sexy voice. "Okay!!" Lazlo smiled. He slaps her ass hard! "_Oooh!_" Patsy smiled. "_I say, that monkey boy slapped mongoose girl's rump!!_ " Stewie said with a amazed look on his face. "_H-How hot is that?_" After a while, Lazlo got tired of dancing. "Whoo, I'm tired. Let's rest." he panted. Back at the bar, Slinkman gave them more drinks. "Boy, I haven't seen that much ass shaking since, _since never_!!" he exclaimed. "Thanks!" Patsy said. "I haven't shook my ass so much since th' time, I tried out for tha _Fly Girls_!!" Penny said.

_**(Flashback)**_  
Penny was at the _'Fly Girls'_ auditions. She was shaking her ass. Keenan Ivory Wayans was impressed.

Keenan Ivory Wayans: Damn! Look at that ass!!  
_FOX_ executive: Pick that girl! She's gonna make my network #1!!  
Roise Perez:(Annoying accent) Uh, uh! No wan, an eye mean no wan outstages my ass shakin', but me!!

Penny: But, but...  
Perez: **NEXT!!**

Penny walks away defeated. Jennifer Lopez walks up. She starts to dance & shake her ass.

Perez: She's purfect! You're hired!!  
Lopez: _Yes!!_  
Penny:(cross) Hmmph!! I bet, dat bitch will be back on tha streets in no time!  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"Well, it's a good thing I'd whooped Perez's ass after tha auditions, because dat bitch's voice was annoyin' as hell!" Penny laughed. Back at the table, Stewie turned off his camera. "There! I got plenty of evidence of these three to show the fat man!!" he said. "Now to get the hell out of here!!" He got up from the table, but unfortunately he bumped into the drunken Ms. Doe. "_Ooooh,_ look at the little m-man. I-I want t-to have s-sex with you." she said as she picked him up. "**Put me down, you drunken slut!!** **PUT ME DOWN NOW!!**" Stewie shouted as he kicked and screamed. The camcorder in Stewie's hand started to slip. It fell on the floor & broke into a million pieces. "**MY EVIDENCE TAPE!! DAMN!!**" "D-Don't worry about your v-video camera, sweetie. I-I got one set up and ready at h-home!" Doe said. "**Noooooo!!**" Stewie shouted. Lazlo turned his head. "What's wrong, Lazlo?" Patsy asked him. "I could of swear, that I'd just heard Stewie." "You must've been hearing things." Patsy laughed. "Yeah." Lazlo muttered.

The time's 1:00 am. "Damn! It's one in the morning!!" Lazlo said as he looked at his watch. "It's time to close up." Slinkman said. "I'm ready to go, Lazlo." Patsy said. "Okay, I'm ready to go, too." Then he looked around. "Hey, where's Penny?" "She's over there." Slinkman pointed out. Penny was passed out on a table, with a half a glass of vodka in her hand. "Boy, she's gonna have one hell of a hangover in the morning." Patsy laughed as she picked up her unconsicous cousin. "Well, good night Slinkman." Lazlo said. "Good night, Lazlo. Make sure you three come back!" Slinkman called.

Back at camp. It's 1:30 now. Lazlo was holding Penny, while Patsy locked up her SUV. "I hope everyone's asleep." Lazlo said. "I hope so too, Lazlo." Patsy said as she put her keys in her pocket. "Uh, are we just gonna set her in the bed?" Lazlo asked Patsy. "Yeah. It'll be too much of a hassle to get her undressed and put her nightgown on." she said. Then she tried to open the door that leads to her cabin, but it was locked. "Damn! It's locked. I bet that damn Gretchen locked it!!" Patsy hissed. "Do you got a key?" Lazlo asked her. "Yeah, but it's in my uniform." Patsy muttered. "Well since Raj & Clam gone to New York, how 'bout you sleep in their beds?" Lazlo suggested. "Okay! _Your beds are so comfty!!_" Patsy sighed dreamily. "Uh, Patsy are you ok?" Lazlo asked. Patsy popped back to reality. "Uh, yes. Yes. Sure!" she stuttered. "Okay then, let's go." Lazlo said. "Wait! Can you wait a bit, Lazlo? I need to go back to my SUV to get something." Patsy asked. "Ok." Lazlo said. Patsy ran to her SUV and was back in five seconds. "What took ya?" Lazlo joked. Patsy giggled. "What's in your hand?" he asked. "It's my spare uniform & nightgown." Patsy replied.

On the way to Lazlo's cabin, they met Edward. He was out smoking. "Edward, what are you doin' up?" Lazlo asked him. "I'm smoking, _clueless_." the platypus sniffed. "I know that, but why are you doin' up at this hour?" Lazlo asked again. "I always have a smoke at 1:30 in the morning. _Do you got a_ _problem with that?_" Lazlo nodded. "Good! I see that you & your two broads..." Edward then looked at Patsy. She was frowning and balling her fists. "I-I mean your two girls, went out tonight." "Yes, we went out." Lazlo said. Edward then looked at Penny. "What happened to her?" he pointed to the unconsicous mongoose in Lazlo's arms. "She drank too much." Patsy said. "Oh! Have you guys seen that Stewie kid around?" Edward asked. "No? Why?" Lazlo & Patsy asked. "Because he didn't show up to the _snobbishly, intelligent persons club_ meeting." he explained. "Don't worry, Edward. He'll turn up." Lazlo said as he walked away. "Yeah. Well good night, Eddy." Patsy said. "Yeah, whatever!" Edward sniffed and took another puff from his cigarette.

At Lazlo's cabin, Lazlo set Penny in Clam's bed. Patsy then covered her up. Then she went into the bathroom to get into her nightgown. Lazlo quickly undressed and went into his PJs. "Well, I sure had fun tonight." he yawned. "I had fun too, Lazlo." Patsy whispered. "I did too." Lazlo got into his bed. "Good night, Patsy." he said. Patsy just sat there in Raj's bed, she made a soft whimpering sound that got Lazlo's attention. "W-What's wrong?" he asked her. "You didn't say anything nice about my nightgown." Patsy murmured. "Oops. Sorry Patsy. Your red nightgown looks very sexy on your _sexy_ body." Lazlo said. Patsy giggled a bit, then she thought of something. "C-Can I sleep with you?" she asked him. "Sure, why not?" Lazlo said. Patsy smiled as she quickly layed next to him. Lazlo turned to her, and he looked into her sparkling eyes. "I bet, you want your goodnight kiss?" "_Yes_." she whispered in a sexy voice. "Ok." Lazlo said and gave her a passionate goodnight kiss. "Good night, Patsy." Lazlo said sleepily. "Good night, Lazlo dear. Sweet dreams." Patsy said as she turned off the light.

Meanwhile at Stewie's quarters, Stewie was washing himself off. "Oh my bloody god! T-That _was_ horrible, but it certainly felt good!" he shouted. "But what do I tell the fat man? Maybe I just tell him that I didn't go, and that'll make him all giddy and all that gay shit!" he said to himself as he crawled into his bed.

_Tune in next chapter, it'll be as good!_


	8. Fight Night

Fight Night

It was 6:00 am. The sun rose, and it shone on everything. It reflected off the lake, and at the lake there was a small boat. In that boat was, Peter, Brian, Joe, & Cleveland. They were fishing. "Ah! There's nothing like fishing on a quiet lake, drinking beer, eating sandwiches, & burping in the morning breeze!" said Peter as he burped in the cool morning breeze. "This is the perfect time to go fishing, before the campers wake up!" Joe said as he put his line back in the water. "I wonder where's Quagmire?" Cleveland wondered outloud. "He's probably sleeping with some slut!" Brian sniffed.

**_(Cutaway to Quagmire theme title song)  
_**Announcer: _Who else, but Quagmire_.  
Singers: _He's Quagmire, Quagmire. You never really know what he's gonna do next. He's Quagmire, Quagmire.  
_Quagmire: _Giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity! Let's have sex!_

Quagmire was waking up.

Quagmire: Oh damn! W-What happened last night?

Then he looks at around.

Quagmire: Wait a minute! This isn't my quarters! This is Patsy's cabin! I-I hope I didn't have s-sex with her!

Gretchen wakes up.

Gretchen:(in a seductive voice) Mmmm! Good morning, Glenn honey. I enjoyed _our_ night last night.  
Quagmire:(confused) Uh, our night?  
Gretchen:(still in seductive voice) Yes.  
Quagmire: Uh, was I good?  
Gretchen: Yes!  
Quagmire:(does his trademark head bop) Heh! Heh! Alllllllright!  
Announcer: _Who else, but Quagmire?  
_Singers: _He's Quagmire, Quagmire._  
Quagmire: _Giggity! Giggity! Goo!  
**(End cutaway)**_

Suddenly, Peter's line started tugging. "Alright! I got one!" he said as he grabbed his fishing pole. "Hold on to it, Peter!" Brian shouted. Peter pulled his line from out of the water. "Come on, you bastard!" he groaned. He finally pulled the line out of the water. "Look at that bad boy!" Cleveland shouted. "He's sure is a fighter!" Joe added. The fish was large. It barely fits on their small boat. "Damn this fucker's huge!" Brian said. "It'll feed everyone at camp!" "I wonder who's gonna gut it, clean it, & cook it?" Joe asked. "Cleveland. Since you're a butcher, you & some of the campers have to gut it & clean it." Peter said. "Alright Peter. I know just the campers to do it!" Cleveland said as he took out a small notepad. Peter looked at the giant fish. "Boy, I haven't caught something this big, since the time I went to the Pacific." Peter said.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Peter was fishing in his big shipliner. His crew wasn't paying any attention to their net. Suddenly, the net started to tug.

Crewman: Oy! Le net has fallen in ze water!  
Peter: Don't just stand there get it out of there, you cheeky french bastard!!

The french crewman was having a hard time getting the net out.

French crewman: I can't get ze net out, Capitain!  
Peter: Okay, **use the crane then!!**

Then the Peter's crew use the giant crane that was on top of the boat. It is then revealed to be a spy submarine.

Peter: Whoa! That's the strangest fish I ever seen!  
French crewman: sacre' bleu! What a douche!  
Russian spy: Dumb american-ski! You ruined Russia's plan to dominate world!  
Peter:(laughs) You're so cute! I'll think I'll adopt you!  
**_(End Flashback)_**

Peter's cell phone rings. He answers it. "Yeah, who is it? Oh, it's you. How are you? So you're gonna come to the camp today? Okay. The plan is now in effect." "Um, Peter who was that?" Brian asked as Peter closed his cell phone. "Oh! That's just Walter Murphy. He's coming here to do the music for now on!" Peter said. "It's about time!" Joe sniffed. "I was getting tired of this crappy ass backwoods music!" "So, are you guys gonna watch the fights tonight?" Cleveland asked. "On TV?" Peter asked. "Of course, where else would it be?" Cleveland asked. "I thought it would be here. I thought the campers were gonna fight each other, again." Peter muttered. "No. Tonight's fight is gonna be great!!" Cleveland said. After catching several more fish, Peter decided to call it a morning. "Okay guys, that's enough fish. Let's go back to the camp." Brian rowed the boat back to land. "I just realized something guys." Peter said. "What?" the others said as they got out the boat. "This is the first time since the second chapter, that we have most of the chapter to ourselves!" Peter exclamied. "I wonder if there's gonna be more parts like this throughout the fan fic?" Cleveland asked. "I doubt it." Joe said. "But it would be nice, though!" "Let's just forget about it." Brian said as he tied the boat to the dock. "Let's get back to camp. The campers are probably gettin' up now."

At Lazlo's cabin, Lazlo was just waking up. He found Patsy awake and she was looking sedutively at him. "Good morning, Lazlo." she said. "Good morning to you too, Patsy!" Lazlo said with wide eyes. "Boy, the sun's light make you look sexier than usual!" Patsy giggled seductively. "Thanks dear." Then Patsy crawled onto him. "Lazlo, do you wanna fool around?" "Uh, you mean have _sex_?" he asked. "Yes." Patsy whispered. "A-Are you sure, Patsy? Right here? Right now?" Lazlo stuttered. Patsy kissed him in the lips. "Does that answer your question?" she asked. "Yeah. W-What about Penny? She's just over there." Lazlo asked, scared. "Never mind about her, honey." Patsy said in a erotic voice. "Just shut up, and take off my gown!!" So Lazlo slid one of the gown's straps off of her shoulders, and Patsy kissed him again. This little so-called lovemaking scene ended, when there was groaning coming from Clam's bed. It was of course Penny. "Oohh! My head!! W-What happened to me l-last night?" she asked weakly. Patsy knew it was time to get up. "Well Penny's up." Lazlo said. "I guess we have to continue this later." Patsy said as she got off of him. "Later? You mean sometime tonight?" he asked her. "Maybe." Patsy said in a sexy voice. "Can you two please stop talkin'? I got a splitting headache!" Penny groaned.

Soon after she got done doing her morning routine, Patsy quickly got dressed. "Lazlo dear, can you keep an eye on Penny? I got to go get her uniform, and make her a hangover cure." "Of course, Patsy." Lazlo said. "**STOP DAT STOMPIN'!!**" Penny hissed. "Please hurry back, Patsy. I can't stand to see her like this!" Lazlo whispered. Patsy nodded and left. Back at her cabin, Patsy found Nina, Gretchen, & Quagmire up. Quagmire was rushing. "Hi Patsy! Bye Patsy!" he said as he ran out of the cabin. "Uh, Nothing happened here, did it?" she asked. "Yeah, Patsy. Gretchen & Quagmire had sex last night!" Nina said. "Yeah, it was great!" Gretchen bragged. "I'm not too surprised." Patsy said. "You been tryin' to hook up with him since you two met!" "Did you, Lazlo, & Penny had _fun_ at the club last night?" Nina asked. "How did you know about the club?" Patsy asked her. "I know everything, Patsy! I _know_ everything!" Nina said. "You don't know everything, Neckerly. You read dat newspaper ad!" Gretchen sniffed. Then she turned to Patsy. "Did you, Penny, & Lazlo had a threesome?" "No!" Patsy sniffed. "Now shut the fuck up!" "Oooh! It's looks like someone's sensitive about somethin', Nina!" "Come on Gretchen. It's not any of our business if she & Penny had sex with Lazlo." Nina said. Patsy gave Nina a mean look. "Not, that you did anything like that!" she said sheepishly. "Now please excuse me you two, I got to get Penny's uniform, a glass, some orange juice, some pop, some cherry sherbert, & a energy drink!" Patsy said.

Lazlo was sitting on his bed, tying his shoes. "L-Lazlo, is dat you?" Penny asked. "Yes, it's me Penny." he said. "C-Can you do me a favor?" she asked. "Yes?" Lazlo asked. "Can you stop tyin' your shoes, please? Tha tyin' are makin' my hangover worst!!" "S-Sure whatever." Lazlo said softly. Patsy finally came back. "I'm back!" she called. "**SHUT UP!!**" Penny hissed. "Patsy, she's driving me crazy with her whining!" Lazlo cried. "Don't worry, honey. I got the stuff here to make her hangover go away." Patsy said. "What are they?" Lazlo asked. "It's a hangover remedy, that my mom showed me." Patsy said as she put the sherbert into the glass. "It looks more like a dessert then a hangover remedy." Lazlo laughed. "Well Lazlo, it's both." Patsy said as she stirred the drink with a spoon. "**STOP DAT SPOON STIRRIN'!!**" Penny shouted. "Is it done?" Lazlo asked Patsy. "Yes, it's done!" she said. Penny got up. "**HOW MANY TIMES, DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU MUTHAFUCKAS, TO SHUT THA HELL UP?!**" "Here's your drink." Patsy said as she gave Penny the remedy. She dranked up the remedy. "Ah! Thanks Patsy. _Now what was I about to do again?_ Oh yeah, I was about to..." Then she drop to the floor. "Uh, Patsy, she passed out right onto the floor." Lazlo said. "I know, Lazlo. It's part of the remedy. After twenty minutes, she'll be sober." Patsy said. Twenty minutes later, Penny got up. "I feel better!" she said. "I guess dat remedy really works!" "Here's your uniform." Patsy said as she gave her cousin her uniform. After she got dressed, Penny gave Patsy her clubbin' clothes. "Ready to go outside, now?" Patsy asked her. "Yeah." Penny said. "Wait Penny!" Lazlo called. "You might want these sunglasses. The sun's pretty bright." "Good idea, Lazlo!" Patsy said. She dug into her pocket. "Here Penny, here's some gum." "Thanks Gs." Penny said as she put on the glasses and put the gum in her mouth.

Outside, most of the other campers are up. "Is it just me, or is it just a bit nippy this morning?" Penny asked. "It's kinda nippy." Patsy answered. "It's probably gonna be hot as hell later." Lazlo sniffed. Just then Brian got on the PA. "_Attention, campers. Please report to the flagpole. Attendance is mandantory! I repeat **mandantory**!_" "What tha hell does big boy want now?" Penny moaned. "It's probably somethin' stupid, like always." Patsy sniffed. At the flagpole, Peter was standing on a table. He had a bullhorn. "_Okay everybody, shut up now! I've got some good news. The music is gonna be played by Walter Murphy & Ron Jones for now on!_" "It's about time!" Edward sniffed. "This Alabama banjo/_SpongeBob_ crap is startin' to suck!" "Yeah. None of this shitty ass music doesn't fit my personality!" Penny sniffed. "_Don't worry, Mr. Murphy & Mr. Jones will give each of you your own individual theme music!_" Peter called. "_Second thing is, tonight's fight night._" "What channel is this fight on?" asked a nobody. "_It's on the local FOX station._" Peter responded. "_FOX_? Isn't dat da cool network?" Gretchen asked. "Yes it is!" Patsy butted in. "It's the best network with the best shows!!" Then she looked straight at the camera and smiled. "I hope I get a pay raise for that!" "Tha shows on _FOX_ are tight, except for; _'24'_, _'American Idol'_, _'Prison break'_, _'K-ville'_, _'House M.D.'_, _'Bones'_, _'Are you smarter than a 5th grader?'_, _'Mad TV'_, _'Back to you'_, _'The Next Great American Band'_, _'So you think you can_ _dance'_, & _'Don't forget the lyrics'_. Those shows **suck!!**" Penny sniffed. "D-uh! I always thought that _'Caveman'_ show was pretty neat!" Chip said. There was silence. "D-uh, I always thought that _'The Andy Milonakis Show'_ is pretty good!" Skip said. The silence continued. " Oy vey! Wrong networks, shitheads!" Edward sniffed. "That _Milonakis_ shit is on _MTV_, and that god awful _'Caveman'_ crap is on _ABC_! Read the TV listings more!" "That _'Family Guy'_ show is pretty good." Lazlo said. Peter smiled. "Brian, please give Lazlo his _'Asskissin' badge'_!" "That MacFarlene guy's a genius!" Patsy chirped. "Brian, get another _'asskissin' badge'_ for Ms. Smiles, please?" Peter called. "How 'bout _CBS_? Or _NBC_, _ABC_, or the _CW_? Those networks got good stuff." said a background nobody. Everybody gave him a mean look. "Didn't I tied your ass to a tree, a couple of chapters ago?" Patsy asked him. "Yes." he said stupidly. "How 'bout I put your head in a bucket of cement, and throw your useless ass in the lake?!" Patsy growled. Everyone applaued & cheered. "This'll make the ratings good!" Lazlo said. So Patsy grabbed the nobody, Peter got a bucket & Cleveland got the cement. "**Is it a crime to have** **free speech?!**" cried the loser. "No, **but it is a crime to say stupid shit in a fic, where your ass is not wanted!!**" Peter said as Patsy put the nobody's head in the bucket. Cleveland poured the cement into the bucket. "**Tell my family, that I love them!!**" the nobody screamed. "Ah, **fuck** **off!!**" Edward shouted at him. The cement hardened immediately, and Stewie tied the background loser's body with chains, then Patsy & Penny threw the loser's body into the lake. "_There! Is there anybody think those crappy networks got good stuff?!_" Peter asked. Nobody answered. "_Perfect! Okay everyone, meeting's over!_"

At the mess hall's kitchen, Cleveland was washing his hands. "Okay Mr. fish, it's time to get gutted!" Then he took out his small notepad. "Okay, the lucky campers to help me are: Edward, Patsy, Lazlo, & Penny. I better get them down here." Back at his cabin, Lazlo was watching the morning news with Penny & Patsy. "So dat's tha loser, dat you whooped and tied to a tree?" Penny asked. "Yep! That's the loser, Penny." Patsy said as she drunk some juice. "Those background losers are just a _waste_ of animation!" Lazlo sniffed. Just then on the TV, a photo of Raj & Clam popped up. "Hey, ain't dat those Raj & Clam dudes?" Penny pointed out. "Turn it up, Lazlo. That'll be a wise thing." Patsy said.

_**(Cutaway to TV)**_  
Tom Tucker: Yesterday, there was a big disturbance at the _UN_. It was caused by a Pinkish-Orangish elephant, and a pigmy albino rhino.

_**(Cutaway to the UN)  
**_Clam was hooked up on sweets. He was at the microphone stand.

Clam:(talking faster than normal) **Fuck you, Cuba! Fuck you, Vietnam! Fuck you, Turkey!! I declare war on Switzerland!! I declare war on Egypt!! I declare war on Germany!**

**  
**Cuban: Smoke some cubans, american douche!  
Vietnam: I'll bomb you!  
Turkey: Kiss my feathery ass!  
Switzerland: **Go die on some forsaken rock!!**

Raj finally runs in, and he's alramed at the view before him. Everyone was rioting!!

Raj: **CLAM!!** See what you did! You've caused World War 3!!  
Clam:(stupidly) **CANDY!! SUGAR!! TACOS!!  
**Raj: **Oy vey!!** Stupid ass!  
_**(End UN cutaway)**_

Tom Tucker: Things soon calm down, after _NYPD's riot squad_ arrived. These two are being held in a New York prison. Bail is set at 200,000 bucks. After interviewing these two, their answers was; _'I'm too young to be in jail!'_, & _'Bring more sweets!'_ God! What douches!  
_**(End TV news cutaway)**_

"Assholes! I told them to take a trip to New York City to handle a arguement, instead they caused a riot at the _UN_!" Lazlo sniffed. "I hope some time in jail, serves them right!!" "Come on, playa. Raj didn't know, dat Clam was gonna eat a lot of sweets, and started WWIII." Penny said. "Yeah." Patsy added. "You've gotta get them out, sweetie." "No!" Lazlo sniffed. "Please?" Penny pleaded. "No!" "Please Lazlo? _For me_?" Patsy asked as she fluttered her lashes. "Okay. I couldn't say no to those _sexy eyes_." Lazlo said. Patsy giggled. "I promise, I'll pay you back, dear!" Soon Lazlo was at the camp's post office. Nobody was at the counter. "This happens to me every fuckin' time!" he sniffed. He then rang the service bell. Cedric the entertainer walks up. "Cedric the entertainer? What are _you_ doin' here?" Lazlo asked. "I don't know, dawg. One second I was at home, chillin', drinking _Kool-aid_ & wine, & watchin' _'Dr. Phil'_. Tha next second I'm here. So how can I help ya?" "I would like this check sent to New York City, please." Lazlo said. "Okay dawg." Cedric said as he took the check. Cleveland then walked up to him. "Lazlo, can you come to mess hall kitchen with Patsy & Penny please?" "Okay Mr. Brown." Lazlo said. "Now to get that Edward fellow." Cleveland muttered. Then he saw Stewie walking by. "Hey Stewie, come here." "What the deuce do you want?" the baby asked. "I was wondering can you get Edward for me, please?" Cleveland asked. "Alright, since I don't have anything important to do!" Stewie sniffed, and went away. He soon found Edward. "I say, platypus! I've been looking for you!" he called. Edward turned to see him. "Well, well, well. Look who's back." he sniffed. "You've missed the meeting last night." "**I know! Don't rub it in!!**" Stewie shouted. "Listen you, Cleveland needs to see you." "Oy! What does he want now?" Edward groaned. "I don't know, just go and see what he wants, _duh_!" Stewie said.

At the kitchen, Cleveland was cutting up the fish, when Edward walks in. "Yeah, what the hell do you want?" he sniffed. "I want you to help me gut this fish." Cleveland said. Edward looked at the fish. "_Hmm! Guttin' this fish will give me practice on how to kill a person!_ **Okay!!**" he exclaimed. "All right then." Cleveland said as he tossed a knife at him, and Edward started gutting & cutting the fish immediately. Meanwhile, Lazlo went back to his cabin. Patsy & Penny was still watching TV when he came in. "Well, the check's on it's way." he said. "That's good." Patsy said. "Please come and sit down, Lazlo. Next to me." "I can't Patsy. Mr. Brown needs to see all three of us at the mess hall kitchen right away." Lazlo said. "I wonder what he wants?" Penny asked as she got up from the bed. "Probably he's gonna cook us some soul food." Patsy said. "Maybe. He didn't tell me." Lazlo said. At the kitchen, Edward was cutting up the fish, when Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny walked in. "What the hell are _you_ doin' here, sad sack?" he sniffed. "I told them to come down here." Cleveland butted in. "What did you call us down here for, Mr. Brown?" Patsy asked. "I think, he wants us to help him gut & clean this fish here." Penny said. "That's right." Cleveland said. Penny smiled. "It's about time we get to _gut_ something!" Patsy exclaimed as she got a knife. "It's time to show off my Gordon Ramsay expertise!!" Penny said as she did some tricks with a knife. "At least it gives us somethin' to do." Lazlo said as he got a knife. "**Oh hell nawl!**" Edward shouted. "**I'm not gonna be guttin' & cleanin' fish next to sissy boy & his bitches!!**" Penny stopped cutting the fish. "What did you call us?" "What do you have a hearin' problem? I said, that you & her are bitches!" Edward repeated. Penny, with the knife still in her hand, threw the knife towards Edward. The knife slit his shirt open, and it wedged itself on the wall. Edward was in shock, as was everybody else. "**Next time, it won't** **be yo' shirt I be aimin' at, it'll be yo' fuckin' head!! NOW APOLOGIZE!!**" Penny demanded angrily. "I-I-I'm s-s-sorry, P-P-Penny. I mean Ms. P-P-P Penny!" Edward said in a scared voice. "Dat's better!" Penny said, with anger decreasing. "E-Excuse me, I-I-I think I hear my mom callin' me!!" Edward said and ran out of the kitchen. Everybody just stared at Penny. "What?" she asked. They kept staring. Cleveland finally broke the silence. "Oh my god! **That's was one of the coolest things I ever seen!!**" "You almost killed a person. **Cool!!**" Lazlo exclaimed as he applaued. "Boy Penny, I've never seen you so mad since the time, we was both three years old, and that third grader wouldn't leave us alone." Patsy chimed happily.

_**(Flashback)  
**_Penny, & Patsy; who was visting Detroit with her parents, was playing in the playground. Penny & Patsy was riding their bikes. They was having fun.

Little Patsy: Come Penny, let's go to the swings!  
Little Penny: Okay Patsy!

They stopped by the swings, and they get on the swings and started swinging.

Patsy: I bet, that I can swing over the bar before you, Penny.  
Penny: Bet you can't!  
Patsy: _Can!_  
Penny: _Can't!_

Just then a 150 lb. third grader walks towards the swings. He grabbed both of the swings the little girls was on.

Bully: What are you two little shrimps doin' at my hangout?  
Patsy:(scared) W-What?  
Bully:(shaking Patsy's swing) **WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' TRESSPASSIN' ON MY LAND?!  
**Penny:(staying cool) We didn't _know_ it was _yo'_ hangout. How could we? We're only four years old.  
Bully: Well, since ya'll are only four years old; I'll let this pass, but if I caught ya'll over here again; I'll beat the snot outta ya'll!  
Penny: You can't do dat. Dat's child abuse, and yo' ass'll go to Juvie!  
Bully: You have a point there.

Then he looks at their new bikes.

Bully: Okay then. If you're over here again, I'll steal your pretty little bikes!  
Patsy: Okay! J-Just let us go!

The bully let the little girls go. They get off the swings, and ran to their bikes.

Patsy: I wonder if we're gonna see him again? I hope not! He scared five years of my life from me!  
Penny:(runs her hand through her braided hair) I hope not, too. His breath _was_ kickin'!  
Patsy:(plays with her pigtails sheepishly) I wish I can stay cool in a situation like that, like _you_ Penny.  
Penny: Years of practice, Patsy. Years of practice. Come on, our parents are probably ready to go.

They leave. It was the next day. Patsy & Penny's parents brought them back to the park, again. Penny & Patsy decided to avoid the swings, and go to the slide instead. They got off their bikes. Patsy was looking around back & fourth.

Penny: Patsy, what are you doin'?  
Patsy: I'm lookin' around to see if that bully's around.  
Penny: Oh, dat bully's probably in school, Patsy. So relax.  
Patsy: Yeah you're right, Penny. I should relax. He's in school!

So she rounded a curve, and bumped into the bully. He was cross!

Bully:(getting angry) I thought I told ya'll twerps, not to tresspass on my land?  
Patsy:(scared) I-I-I thought you meant the swings?  
Bully: **NOT JUST THE SWINGS, GENUIS!! EVERYTHING IN THE PARK!!** Now I'm gonna steal those little bikes!!  
Patsy:(runs after him) **NO!! NOT MY BIKE!! NOT THE BIKE, THAT MY MOMMY GAVE ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!**

The bully gives Patsy a hard shove. She falls and bumps her head against a tree trunk. She starts crying. Penny was watching this all unfold, she starts getting angry.

Penny:(mad, running towards the bully) **NO ONE'S STEALS OUR BIKES, AND NO ONE MAKES MY COUSIN CRY BUT ME!!**

The bully heard her, and he put his hand on her head. Making her run in one place.

Penny:(mad) **Get yo' dirty hands offa my head!  
**Bully: **No! I warned you, but you didn't listen! So the only way you babies are gonna learn, is for me to sell these bikes for scrap!  
**Penny: **Oh hell nawl!! You ain't turnin' _my_ bike into scrap!!**

She starts swinging punches, but with the boy's heavy hand holding her in place, the punches aren't landing.

Bully:(jeering) Ha! Ha! You can't hit me!! Ha! Ha!  
Patsy:(stops crying) Just give up, Penny!  
Penny: **NO!!**

She looks for a area on the bully to hit, she finally found it! It was the bully's private area. She remembered the woman's self defense exercises from tv. She lifted up a leg and kicked his privates. The bully cries out in pain, and falls to the ground, holding his croutch in pain. Penny then goes towards him and kicked his privates some more.

Penny:(kicking) **DAT'S FOR MAKIN' PATSY CRY!!**

The kick lands. The bully cries in pain.

Penny:(ready to land final kick) **AND THIS IS FOR STEALIN' OUR BIKES!!**

The kick lands. The boy is crying. Penny dusts off her Grant Hill _Detroit Pistons_ jersey, then she takes the bikes back.

Patsy:(amazed) Boy Penny, you made him cry! _Neat!!_ I wish I can do that!  
Penny:(gives Patsy her bike) I can teach you, but don't show it off to yo' ear drum bustin' daddy!  
Patsy:(gets on her bike) I won't!!

They look at the bully.

Patsy:(laughs) I bet we won't see him here, anymore!  
Penny:(also laughing) Nope! He'll probably gonna be in tha hospital for at least a year or two!

They ride off still laughing, while the bully cries.

Bully:(cries) I-I want m-m-my m-mommy!  
Audience: (laughs)  
**_(End flashback)_**

"I bet he's _still_ in tha hospital!" Penny laughed, as she cut up some more fish. "Probably. You did one hell of a kickin' job on him!" Patsy giggled. "Gee, that was one hell of a flashback, Penny!" Lazlo said. "It was kinda long, _wasn't_ it?" Penny asked. "Who cares? Just as long it's funny!" Patsy sniffed, as she cut up more of the fish. "Less breakin' tha fourth wall, and more fish cuttin'!" Cleveland ordered. "I bet Edward's gonna be afraid of you for now on, Penny!" Lazlo laughed. "Yeah." Penny said. "I was about to put _his_ ass on tha menu." "Can you teach me to do that?" Lazlo asked. "To do what?" Penny asked. "To throw the knife like that. It was pretty dope!!" Lazlo awed. "It was wasn't it? It's all in tha hand, son. It's all in tha hand." she said. Some time later, the fish was gutted, cut, & cleaned. "Now with that done, it's time to corn meal them, and fry them." Cleveland said. "Do you need us to help you with that?" Patsy asked. "No thanks, I can do it." Cleveland said. "You can go now." "Boy, that was fun!" Lazlo said. Patsy looked at her watch. "It's almost 1:00!" "Damn, we've missed lunch!" Lazlo cried. "How 'bout we get some fast food?" Patsy asked as she took out her keys. "Yeah. I'll pay!" Lazlo said. "Okay." Patsy said. Then they left the kitchen. Penny was about to leave, when she stopped. "Uh, C. Brown?" she asked. Cleveland looked up. "Yes, Penny?" "Can I give you some advice?" she asked. "Sure." Cleveland said. "What is it?" "Can you add a little bit of Hot Sauce to tha corn meal? It gives tha fish a little zig." Penny explained. Cleveland smiled. "Thanks Penny. I'll remember this, when I make out your paycheck." Penny giggled a bit.

Outside, Lazlo & Patsy was waiting for Penny. Lazlo was thinking of something. "Uh Patsy, when did Scoutmaster Griffin say what time the music is suppose to change?" Patsy looked at her watch. "Around now." The crappy backwoods music stopped, and more cheery instrumental _'Family Guy'_ music started. "I kinda like this music!" Lazlo exclaimed. "I like it too!" Patsy said. Penny walks up. "I hear tha new music playin'. I bet it's gonna be played only there's no dialogue." "So are you ready to go?" Patsy asked. "Yeah!" Penny exclaimed. Suddenly Brian's voice came over the PA. "_Would Penny Smiles report to the main office._" "Oh god! I wonder what _tubby_ want now?" Penny groaned. She turned to Patsy. "You guys go ahead. Bring me somethin' back!" "Okay then." Patsy said.

At Peter's office, Penny was sitting in the waiting room. Along with her was Quagmire, Gretchen, Nina, the russian spy, and two nobodys. Brian walked up to them. "Penny, you're next." he said. She went into Peter's main office. The russian spy ran up to Brian. "Dog-ski, when is it Boris' turn? Boris is getting sick & tired of sitting next to american-ski gigglo Quagmire-ski, the alligator-ski won't stop smoking, giraffe-ski won't leave Boris alone about Boris' bad english, and the nobody-skis won't stop crying to Boris!" "Sit your _U.S.S.R._ ass down!" Brian sniffed. "You're up after Penny!" "Time to drink Russia's vodka for celebration!" Boris said as he took out a glass cup from out of nowhere. Penny sat in the leather chair. Peter turned to her. "I've heard there was an incident in the mess hall kitchen this morning with Mr. Edward." he said. "**Yeah!! Dat duck billed punk called me a bitch!!** **So I scared him by throwin' my knife at his ass!!**" Penny sniffed. A smile came onto Peter's face. "I'm gonna reward you the _'knife-thowin' badge'_. One of the top rated badges of _Camp Griffin_. You're the first & maybe the _only_ camper to receive it!" he exclaimed. "Uh, Big Poppa. I'm not really into this collectin' badges shit." Penny said. "Did I mention, that you get a 700 dollar check?" Peter asked. "**No, you didn't!!**" Penny exclaimed as she took off her green vest. "Yeah, you get 700 bucks, when you get the badge." Peter explained as he put the badge on Penny's vest. "Do tha badges come off?" Penny asked. "Yes, why you ask?" Peter asked her, as he gave her the check. "I'm thinkin' about changin' vest colors from green to black." Penny explained. "Oh! Yes the badges do come off." Peter said as he gave her vest back. "And I don't mind if you change your vest, Ms. Penny." "How 'bout shoes?" Penny asked. "Yeah, you can change your shoes, too." Peter said. "Can Patsy change her vest & shoes too?" Penny asked as she stood up. "Of course." Peter said. "Thanks, Scoutmaster." Penny smiled, and left. Peter got onto his intercom. "Brian, send in Boris please." Peter then put on some headphones and turned on his cd player.

Sometime later, like Lazlo said, it was hot as hell outside. Most of everyone was at the lake. Quagmire was driving his motorboat nicknamed, _'The rod'_. Some of the female campers were water skiing behind his boat. He was looking at them. "Heh! Heh! Allriiight!" he laughed. Gretchen elbowed him. "Ow! Why you do that for?" he asked. "Because yo' starin' at those _sluts_, instead of yo' prize right here!" Gretchen sniffed. "Oh! S-Sorry!" Quagmire said nervously. Edward had his boat at the dock. He & Stewie was arguing about which one of them to drive it. "I say, I should drive the boat. I got a boating licence!" Stewie sniffed. "Well I should drive the boat! It is **MY **boat!!" Edward retorted. "Well, it was **MY** bloody idea!!" Stewie shouted. "**No it** **wasn't!!**" Edward attacked. Peter walked up. "Stewie, what's goin' on here?" "Platypus here, won't let me drive the boat!" he explained. "That's because it's my boat!!" Edward sniffed. "Okay. I came up with a decision. Fuck you two, **I'll drive the boat!!**" Peter exclaimed as he jumped into Edward's boat. "**Hey!!**" Stewie & Edward said in unison. Lazlo walked up to them. "Hey guys. What's happenin'?" "Look Stewie, it's _sad sack Lazlo_!" Edward teased. Stewie laughed, then he stopped. "What does 'sad sack' mean?" Penny suddenly appears. "Is there a problem here, G?" she asked. "Uh. N-N-No, there i-i-isn't a p-p-problem, Ms. P-Penny!" Edward stuttered. "Come Stewie, let's get the hell outta here!" "I could get use to this new reputation!" Penny said as she jumped into Peter's new boat. Patsy walked up. Lazlo turned to her. "Are you ready to water ski?" he asked her. "Yes Lazlo dear!" she exclaimed. "Good!" Lazlo said as he jumped into the boat.

Peter drove the boat to the lake's far end. "Okay, who's goin' first?" he asked. "We all going." Lazlo said. "_All three of you_?" Peter asked, astounded. "Yep!" Patsy said, as she was taking off her uniform. "Yeah. We gonna do this stunt we saw on TV!!" Penny added, also taking off her uniform. "Uh, yeah. Just hurry up & get done. I want _my_ turn!!" Peter sniffed. So he started the boat. "Okay. Are you guys ready?" Lazlo asked Patsy & Penny. "Yeah!" they both said. So Lazlo held the bar. It was hard kinda hard for him to hold the bar and his weight, but he tried. Patsy & Penny climbed over his back, then they grabbed his legs. They held his legs like a bar, and they ski in the water for a little bit. After a several seconds, they let his legs go, and Lazlo let the bar go. They sort of slid on top of the water on their buttoms. "Whee! This is so fuckin' fun!" Patsy cried. Peter stopped the boat. "Okay! Okay! My turn!" So they traded places. "**Come on!! Start it up already!!**" Peter shouted. The boat started. Penny & Lazlo was getting dried off, and was putting their uniforms back on. "That was fun, Penny!" Lazlo said. "Yeah, we gotta do dat again sometime." Penny said. Patsy was driving the boat. "How's scoutmaster Griffin doin'?" she asked. Penny looked back to Peter. He was in the water, gargling, and pointing up. "**He's wants to go faster!!**" she shouted at Patsy. So Patsy went faster & faster. Peter was out of the water. "Hee! Hee! Hee! Bye fishies!" he laughed. "**Go faster!!**" The boat was at full speed. Peter's feet leaves the water. "**I'm flying!! I want to go higher! Higher than any man!!**" Peter shouted from above. "**It's at full speed!!**" Patsy shouted to him. The boat's engine started to smoke, then it caught on fire. Peter noticed the smoke. "Uh, **slow down!**" he called. The tow line caught on fire. "**Slow down!!**" he called again, but it was too late. The tow rope broke. Peter was loose. He got caught in the wind, and blew him away. "I didn't know dat _manatees_ can fly!!" Penny jokenly teased as the audience laughed.

Peter was looking at the view. "Boy, **look at the view!!**" he exclaimed. "There's the _Sears' tower_, and the _gateway arch_, and..." he was cut off because he hit a wall on his house. "Oh god!" he muttered. Then he was surprised when he saw at the sight before him. Boris was reading Peter's private magazines. Boris was startled. "Uh, Griffin-ski, it isn't what it looks like. Boris was, uh cleaning up messy room!" "Boris, I'm gonna..." Peter started to say, but he fell off, and landed onto Meg. "Thank god, a _piggie_ was here to break my fall!" Peter said as he got up. He looked at his watch. "It's time for dinner!" He left to go to the mess hall, Meg gets up. "**I'm not a _pig_, you fuckin' fat ass!!**" she shouted.

It's around 8:00 now. Everyone is at the lodge. They was getting ready to watch the big fight on _FOX_. Peter was sitting in his massager recliner. Brian, Cleveland, & Joe brought in the snacks, and Quagmire brought in some beer & sodas. Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo was sitting in the front row. "These are some good seats, Penny!" Lazlo said. "How'd you get them?" "Well G, I just scared several of tha others, and they was _too_ happy to give up tha seats." Penny bragged. Patsy got up. "Where are you goin', Patsy?" Lazlo asked worriedly. "I'm goin' to place a bet, dear." she said. She went to one of the tables to place bets at. Quagmire & Gretchen was the bookies. "So how much do you wanna place?" Gretchen asked her. "I'm placing 150 dollars!" Patsy said as she placed the money on the table. Quagmire picked up the money. "Okay Patsy, the bet is placed!!" "Shut up everyone! The fight's starting!" Peter announced.

_**(Cut to TV)  
**_Announcer: _Ladies & Gentlemen. In the gold corner, he's 5'9, from Mexico City, with 70 wins and he's wearing gold & black Juan Prinze!!_

He bows, and the crowd cheers.

Announcer: _In the black corner, he's been in jail for the most of his life, he's 5'6, from the Bronx, and he's wearing black & red, Tupac 'Biggie' Lawerence._

The crowd cheers again. The fighters go to the center of the ring. The refree tell them the rules. The fight starts. Prinze throws a punch, but it missed. Lawrence throws a punch, and it hits Prinze in the face. It knocked him out. The fight was over.

Ref: 1, 2, 3! Prinze's out the winner Tupac 'Biggie' Lawerence!

The crowd cheers.

Lawrence: Thank ya! Remember everyone; smoke crack, everyday!  
_**(End cut)**_

"**Dat's it?!**" Penny exclaimed. "I've seen longer fights at _my_ school & tha projects!!" "Oh stop your bloody crying, hip hop girl!" Stewie sniffed. "You're giving me a headache!!" Penny turned to him. "Shut tha fuck up, you damn prom night dumpster baby!!" Stewie slaps her. Penny slaps him back! Stewie punches her, and Penny punches him back. Everyone started to cheer. Most of them ran up to the booking table. "**I bet 200 bucks for the baby to win!!**" Edward shouted, as he slammed his money on the table. Patsy threw him away. "Outta my way, douche!! **I bet 500 dollars for Penny to win!!**" she shouted. "**I bet 1,000 dollars, and my contract to tha Hilton Jacobs projects, for tha girl to win!!**" Thurgood Stubbs shouted, as he slam the money & papers on the table. "Outta my way, shithead!!" Nina sniffed as she pushed Thurgood away. "**I'll bet 5,000,000 dollars for Stewie to** **win!!**" Gretchen & Quagmire looked at all the money piling on the table. "Damn Quaggie, I feel like we're in Vegas!" Gretchen exclaimed. "Been there! Slept with a lot of women!" Quagmire said, as he was collecting the money. "_Hey! **SHUT UP!!** My commercial's on!_" Peter announced with his bullhorn. Everybody stopped & looked at the TV.

_**(Cut to TV)**_  
Peter was doing a commercial for _'Subway'_. He was holding a piece of paper, and was standing in front of a screen with a sandwhich on it.

Peter: Hey! Tell me somethin'. There's a delicious _'Subway'_ food montage goin' on right behind me, isn't there? Yep, I can smell it! Well, that's gonna make it hard to focus, but here we go!

Some music starts to play.

Peter: _'An ode to the 'Subway' feast'_! Turkey, Salami, cheese with Roast Beef. Pepperoni & Ham, write this down, chief! We got them all on freshly baked bread. The _'Subway'_ feast, as big as my head!

It shows the complete sandwich behind him.

Peter: Beat _that_, Jared! Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee! _'Subway'_, eat fresh!  
_**(End Cut)**_

"Well, what do you think?" Peter asked. "When did you do that commercial?" Lazlo asked. "I did it before I brought this place." Peter bragged. "Do you know any people, because _I_ want to star in a commercial." Patsy asked. "Yes I do. I probably can hook you up, Ms. Smiles." Peter said. So Penny's & Stewie's fight continued. Stewie threw a few punches at Penny, and she threw a few more punches back at Stewie. The fighting lasted until midnight. It was a hard, tough, & long fight, but Penny beat Stewie! The campers that had betted for Stewie to win, lost their bets. The ones that betted for Penny to win, went to their cabins with full pockets & wallets. Everyone was getting ready for bed now. Patsy was walking with Lazlo. She was holding his arm. "I sure had a great day today, sweetie." she said. "I did too, Patsy. I did too." Lazlo said sleepily. Then a thought popped into his head. "Are you gonna sleep in my cabin tonight?" he asked her. "Yeah, Quagmire's gonna sleep with Gretchen again, and Penny's gonna sleep in my bed." Patsy explained. "Oh." Lazlo muttered, as he opened the door to his cabin.

Shortly, Lazlo got into his shorts, and Patsy got into her red nightgown. Lazlo noticed that she had something in her hand. "Uh, Patsy. What's that?" he asked. "It's my fight winnings, dear." Patsy replied. "How much?" Lazlo asked again, as he got up and looked out the window. "About 650 bucks!" Patsy said, as she put the money in her uniform pocket. "I guess everyone must've been very tired." Lazlo said. "Why you say that, honey?" Patsy asked. "Just come over here to the window." Lazlo said. So she came to the window. Every cabin at _Camp Griffin_ was dark. The moon reflected off the lake. Everything was silent. "I guess, we're the only ones that still up!" Patsy said. "Yep!" Lazlo said, as he locked the many locks on his cabin door. Then he yawned. "I'm too tired to fool around, Patsy." "I know what you mean, dear." Patsy yawned. They got into bed. Lazlo then hugged Patsy. "What are you doin' sweetie?" Patsy asked. "I'm tryin' to keep you warm. It's kinda nippy with that air conditioner on." Lazlo whispered. Patsy turned to him. "It's not _that_ cold, Lazlo." she teased in a sexy voice. "I know, honey!" Lazlo said. Then he gave Patsy her good night kiss. "Good night, Patsy sweetie." "Good night, Lazlo dear." Patsy said. Then she turned off the light, and they went happily to sleep.


	9. The Lottery

_Before we start the next chapter of_ _'Camp Griffin'_. _It's time for_ _'Rantin' with Edward'_.

Edward: You know what really makes me pissed? As you know in the last chapter, yours truly was almost done in by the hip hop listenin', Ice Cube-worshippin' skank, Penny! I mean what's her deal?! I called her & Patsy bitches? So what? It's like they were never called that before! Well, probably not in their faces, but I must admit that when that chick threw that knife, it was sorta turned me on a bit!!

_Okay then? Now, time for the next chapter!_

The Lottery

It was a cloudy morning at _Camp Griffin_. The wind was up a bit. It was blowing dried leaves around on the ground, and the trees swayed. Peter was up, and he was making his breakfast. "Mmmm!" he said. "There's nothin' like eatin' a cold sub sandwich in the mornin'!" So when the sandwich was done, Peter took it to his couch. He turned on the TV. There was commercials on. "Ah, damn!" he sniffed. "I'd just missed the weather!" He looks on the table, there was the daily newspaper. "Well, might as well read the paper." Peter said, as he opened the paper, and took a bite from his sandwich. He was only reading the paper for a few seconds, when there was a commerical that caught his eye. "Oooh! This looks interesting." Peter said as he turned up the TV.

_**(Cutaway to TV)  
**_It shows some people with cash in their hands. They were sitting in fancy chairs and they was drinking wine,

Man: I say, I wonder what the poor working class are doing?  
Woman: They probably working their fingers to the down to the bloody bone!  
Announcer: _You can live a fancy life like this too, if you play this week's lottery! This week, it's up 300,000,000 dollars!!_

It then shows a butler pouring the rich people some wine into their fancy glasses.

Butler: I think, I should play the lottery!  
Announcer: _Geez, what a poor bastard!  
**(End TV cutaway)**_

"I think I should go out, and get some lottery tickets right now! That'll be a wise thing!" Peter said, as he put his sandwich & drink in the refridgerator. Outside, Peter bumped into Cleveland. "Hey Cleveland. Do you wanna go and get some lottery tickets?" "No. Basically, the lottery is one of many excuses for the government to waste all of the tax payers' money!" Cleveland sniffed. "Did I mention, that this week it's 300,000,000 bucks?" Peter asked. "_No you didn't!_" Cleveland exclaimed. "Okay Peter, I'll go with you. That'll be a wise idea." At his car, Peter & Cleveland got into it, when Brian walked up. "Hey guys. Where are you goin'?" "We're goin' to the store and get us some lottery tickets, Brian." Peter explained. "May I go with you?" the dog asked. "Sure!" Peter said. "But hurry up before Joe, Quagmire, or any of the campers want to come along!" So Brian jumped into the car, and Peter drove away.

At Lazlo's cabin, Lazlo was waking up. "What a perfect night's sleep!" he said, as he stretched and yawned. Then he turned to Patsy. She was awake, and was reading the newspaper. She turned to him. "Good morning, Lazlo dear." "Good morning to you too, my pet!" Lazlo said. "That was some fight last night, wasn't it dear?" Patsy asked him. "Uh, which one?" Lazlo asked. "The one with Penny against Stewie!" Patsy laughed. "Oh yeah! That _was_ funny!" Lazlo laughed. "Especially at the end, when Nina lost all that money!" Patsy added, as she sat up. "I bet that taught her not to bet her entire savings at once!" Lazlo said, as he got up. "Yeah, what an ass!" Patsy said, as she got her uniform in her hand. Soon, Patsy was dressed. So was Lazlo. "Boy, the wind's sure is howlin' today!" he said as he turned on his TV. "I think it's gonna storm today, dear." Patsy muttered. "I can feel it in my bones." Just then the lottery commerical came on the TV, again. "It looks like the lottery's up this week." Lazlo said. "Yeah, and it's up to 300,000,000 dollars this week!" Patsy exclaimed. Lazlo turned to her. "Patsy, I think we should play the lottery! That'll be a wise thing." "Yeah! It'll be a way for me to pay you back, dear." Patsy said. "I hope it wouldn't end up like the last time I played the lottery."

_**(Flashback)**_  
Patsy had a lottery ticket. She was watching the lottery numbers on TV. She was nervous as hell.

Patsy:(nervous, & sweating a bit) I hope I got all the right numbers!

Just then the announcer announced the lottery numbers.

Announcer: _The lottery numbers are: 9, 1, 5, 0, 9, 1, and the blue ball number; 03!_

Patsy read the numbers on her ticket.

Patsy:(amazed) Holy shit! **I WON!! I WON!! I WON!! I WON!!**

She looks at the back of the ticket.

Patsy:(reads the fine print) _'If you're the winner of ticket, go to local lottery commission.'_ Okay, I'll go to the local lottery commission first thing in the morning!!

Next morning, Patsy went to the local lottery commission. There was a line full of people, claiming that they had won the lottery.

Teller: _**Next!!**_  
Patsy: I have the winning ticket.  
Teller:(rolls her eyes) Yeah right!!  
Patsy:(digs into her pocket) It's true! I got proof!!

She takes out the winning ticket, and shows it to the ignorant teller.

Patsy: See?  
Teller:(amazed) I _don't_ believe it!! Okay. Give me the ticket, and I'll give you the money!

Patsy gave the teller the winning lottery ticket, and the teller gave her the so-called lottery winnings.

Patsy:(looks confused) Is this it?  
Teller: Yep! We've got to give everybody, who played the lottery this week, 5 bucks each.  
Patsy: **_WHAT?!_** I don't get to have the 100,000,000 dollars?  
Teller: Nope! It's one of congress' new rules!  
Patsy:(cross) Fuckin' republicans and your rich, snooty make-out parties, and your glass candy!  
_**(End Flashback)**_

Outside, everyone's up now. Peter's car drove up to his house. "Boy Peter, you & Cleveland sure got a lot of lottery tickets." Brian said. "Yeah, we thought it'll be a wise idea to get a lot of tickets!" Peter said as he opened the door to his house. "Especially since that store clerk apologize to us, after that incident in the store." Cleveland added.

**_(Flashback to store)_**  
Peter, Brian, & Cleveland was in the store. Brian was looking at the liquor. Cleveland was getting himself some B.B.Q. flavored _Fritos_, a hot dog, & a pop, and Peter had some nachos, and he was getting some cheese sauce to put on the chips. Like usual, Peter was being a total idiot.

Peter:(pours cheese over himself) Hey guys look! I'm Tisha Campbell on a thirty day beinge!

Brian & Cleveland laughs. The store clerk was watching all this. He was cross.

Store Clerk:(Indian accent) **Ahhhhh!!** You fat american idiot!! You're wasting all that saucy cheese sauce!!  
Peter:(laughing) Cool out, Gandhi! We're just havin' fun!  
Clerk: **This is not a place to have fun!! This is a place of shopping & business!! Get out!!**  
Peter:(offended) Come fellows, let's get our food elsewhere!

Brian, Cleveland, & Peter started to leave. For some reason, the floor was wet, and the _'Caution: Wet floor'_ sign wasn't placed at the wet spot. Peter slipped in that area.

Peter:(surprised) What the...?!

He falls on his back. Peter struggled to get up, but he couldn't.

Peter:(groaning) Oh god! I think, I'd broke my back!! Ahh!  
Clerk: Oh shit!

Cleveland & Brian runs over to Peter.

Cleveland: Can you get up, Peter?  
Peter: No, I can't!!  
Brian:(turns to the clerk) Looks like, you're gonna get sued!  
Clerk:(frightened) Oh budda, not again!  
Peter: **I'M GONNA SUE YOU BLIND!!**  
Cleveland: **I saw everything!  
**Brian: You don't stand a chance, especially if a _witness_ testifies!  
Clerk: Holy crap!  
Peter: Say good-bye to your store! Because, when I get done takin' your ass to court, they'll gonna deport your ass back to India!  
Clerk: Oh no! _Not India!!_ No! Not that! Please americans, I'll do anything. I'll give you _anything_ in my store!! Please don't sue & deport my sorry ass!

Peter:(sneakily) Anything, eh?

Shortly, Peter & Cleveland had free lottery tickets, some _Fritos_, hot dogs, nachos, and some pop. And Brian had some liquor.

Peter:(gets into his car) Thank you, old bean!  
Clerk: Come back anytime!! Tell your friends!

Peter drives off.

Peter: Hee!Hee!Hee! Sucker!  
_**(End Flashback)**_

At Patsy's cabin, Quagmire was waking up. So was Gretchen. "Quaggie dear. Are you gonna sleep with me tonight?" she asked. "Uh, probably!" Quagmire said, as he did his trademark headbop. Penny was up. She was lifting some weights, when Patsy walked in. "Morning, Penny." she said, as she walked towards her. "Mornin', Patsy. Did you have a good night with _Lazlo_?" Penny teased. "Shut up!" Patsy sniffed, as she sat on her bed. Quagmire walked up to them. "Hey Patsy, sexy girl. How are you this morning?" "I'm doing fine, Quaggie." she said. Then she giggled to herself. "_Quaggie_." Quagmire then looked at Penny. "Oooh! I do like the way a woman works out, Oh! Look at all that sweat drippin' off those sexy abs!! And look at those breasts move in that workout shirt!!" he awed. Penny smiled a bit, then she turned to him. "I'm flattered, but yo' not tha type of men dat I like & date." Quagmire was at a loss of words. "W-What are the type of men that you like & date?" he asked. "I only like & date tha type of men, dat's not gonna use me for sex! Tha type of men, dat's not gonna leave me while I sleep! Other words, men dat's not heartless sex hound bastards like you!" Penny said. "This is how rejection feels like?" Quagmire said softly. "It's a sucky feeling." Patsy laughed at the expression on his face. Quagmire's face fell off his head, and landed on the floor. Penny & Patsy laughed. Gretchen walked into the scene. "Quaggie, what happened?" "**I've been rejected!**" Quagmire said. "Who rejected you?!" Gretchen asked angrily, as she picked up his face. "Penny did." Quagmire said. Gretchen turned to Penny. "What? I had to. He was flirtin' with me, and what was I suppose to do? Besides, he's in a relationship with you!" Penny explained. "Yeah?" Gretchen said. Then she turned sharpily at him. "What the fuck are you doin' flirtin', when yo' my man?! Huh?!" "W-Well. Well. Well." Quagmire stuttered. "Dat's enough!" Gretchen snapped. "Just for dat, we're gonna be hangin' with dat Meg girl for the rest of the day!" "No, _not Meg!!_" Quagmire cried. "**I hate Meg!! She sucks!!**" "Well you should of thought of dat, before you started flirtin'!!" Gretchen sniffed. They left. Patsy turned back to Penny. "So how long have you been liftin' those weights?" "I've been liftin' them since tha quarter to six this morning." Penny said. "Dat's around tha same time, dat Nina girl left." "She's probably gonna have to work like a slave to get her savings back." Patsy muttered. Penny was soon done. "You're done?" Patsy asked. "Yep!" Penny bragged. "You look buffed!" Patsy added. "Thanks!" Penny said. "So what do you wanna do today?" Patsy asked. "I want to go shoppin' and buy us some new vests & shoes." Penny said. "Uh, now?" Patsy asked. Penny nodded. "Okay." Patsy said as she took out her keys.

Meanwhile, at Peter's office, he was finishing up his breakfast. "Tasty sandwich! Tasty sandwich!" he sung as he ate the sandwich. Brian walks in. "Uh, Peter. Boris is here to see you, again." "Oh god!" Peter said, as he slapped his head. "What the hell do he want?" "He's probably wants to continue, where he lefted off yesterday." Brian said. "Okay, send the bastard in!" Peter groaned. Boris ran to Peter's desk. "Griffin-ski! **Boris is gettin' tired of camp!!** **Edward-ski's cheating Boris in dice!! Almondine-ski's acting too nerdy!! Cleveland-ski acts too black! Meg-ski's too annoying! Mongoose-skis are gettin' too much attention!! Sampson-ski's too clean!! Chip & Skip-skis are too dirty!! Lazlo-ski's too girly!! Baby Griffin-ski talks funny! Dog-ski drinks Boris' vodka!! Joe-ski don't walk, he uses chair with wheels!! Dave & Ping Pon-ski's necks are too long!! Ollie Williams-ski yells too much!! Chris-ski's too fat!! Lois-ski's nose too big!! And Boris don't get paid!!**" he ranted. Peter sat there, looking at him. Then he broke the silence. "Well Boris, I can't do too much about the campers, but I will do somethin' about your money problems, Boris." Then Peter dug into his pocket, and took out some cash. He gave it to Boris. "Here's your cash, comrad." Peter said. Boris looked at the money. "No, Griffin-ski!! Boris wants money! Russian money!!" he sniffed. "Well, you can always go back to your country if that helps!" Peter said. "Russia? Home? Boris'll go home! Thanks Griffin-ski!!" he said, and left the office. "Boy, I'm gonna miss that bastard!" Peter whispered. Then he went to his intercom. "Brian, can you come in here, please?" Brian walks in. "What do you want, Peter?" he asked. "Is there a camper named Almondine?" Peter asked. "Y-eah. She's that female owl with the glasses." Brian explained. "Oh! Her!" Peter said. "She's one of the few nobodys with a name. I wonder why she hasn't any lines in this fic?" "Don't you remember Peter? That after you got done interviewing her, you said that talking to her is like talking to Meg." Brian explained.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Almondine was sitting in Peter's office. He was interviewing her.

Peter: So Ms. Almondine.

He looks at his papers.

Peter: What that's it? You only have a first name! What the fuck's up with that?  
Almondine: Well sir. For some reason our original creator was too damn lazy to give some of us any last names. So he just gave us some first names, and that's it.

Peter: Whatever. So tell me about yourself.  
Almondine:(lights cigarette) Well first, as you might know, I'm a background character. I have ten brothers & sisters, and I'm the second youngest. My mother & father are divorced. Before you brought us, I did had an episode about me, even though that slut Patsy, with all her make-up, eye shadow, & that red and black nightgown dress took must of the attention away from me. And I was almost lynched, because of that bitch!! I was suppose to star in that _'Squirrel Seats'_ episode, but they decided to focus on Patsy wantin' to sit next to Lazlo, but I did make a cameo in that episode. I did wanted Edward to sit next to me, but like usual, he was being an ass, and refused.

Peter:(writes the all of her info) Okay. What makes you pissed off?  
Almondine:(takes a puff from her cigarette) That little bitch, Patsy!! Did her father dropped her on her head when she was a baby? I mean, it's always, 'Lazlo' this, and 'Lazlo' that!! Can't she see that he isn't interested in her! Damn!! What's up with that high-pitched voice? It hurts my ears!! She sounds like Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, & Jessica Simpson!! God!! I think this mongoose got a few screws loose in her head!!

Almondine ranted about how she hates Patsy for three hours. Peter was getting sleepy.

Peter:(yawns) Okay, Ms. Almondine. That's all I wanted to know, thanks.

She gets up and leaves. Brian walks in.

Brian: Damn Peter, you've been in here with her for 'bout three hours. Was she talking that long?  
Peter:(drinks water) Yeah! She was talkin' about how much she hates Patsy, and how much she wants to kill Patsy! She complains, and kinda looks like Meg!

Brian: That's kinda creepy.  
Peter: Yeah it is. We can't have a nutcase here at camp, wantin' to kill somebody!

He then thought of something.

Peter: How 'bout we leave her as a background nobody? That'll give her a chance to cool off a bit.  
Brian: Yeah, that'll be a wise thing. And probably for Patsy's safety.  
Peter: Brain, who's next?  
Brian:(looks at clipboard) Uh, Mr. Edward.

Edward walks in.

Edward:(takes a puff from his cigar) You know, what really grind my gears?  
Peter: No, what?  
Edward: **THAT FUCKIN' HIPPY, LAZLO!**  
Peter: Hee!Hee!Hee! You know, Mr. Edward. I'm gonna like you!! Did you ever think about havin' your own segment, at the start of the chapters?

Edward:(takes cigar out from his mouth) My own segment? **I'll take it!!**  
Peter:(shakes Edward's hand) Okay, Mr. Edward.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"Well, Ms. Almondine & me can be cool!" Peter sniffed. "Just as long, she doesn't act too nerdy like Meg!" "So, what are we gonna do, today?" Brian asked. "How 'bout we do nothing, and watch TV, & play in the lake?" Peter asked. "Um Peter, I wouldn't suggest goin' to the lake today. The waves are up." Brian said. "Okay." Peter said. Then he thought of something. "How 'bout we make a announcement about the lottery?" "Okay." Brian said. Soon Brian had the microphone. "Okay." Peter said, as he grabbed the mike. "_Attention campers! Attention campers! Testicles! I repeat testicles!_ _Today's lottery is gonna be 300,000,000 dollars. So if any of you want to go and get some lottery tickets, meet at the camp enterance! Thank you!_" Then he turned to Brian. "Brian, please tell Cleveland & Joe to get the bus." Peter ordered. "Alright, Peter." the dog said.

Everybody was at the enterance. Most of them was in their vehicles. Cleveland brought the bus. Like always, they complained because they didn't feel like riding a hot, stuffy, & smelly bus. "Is everybody here?" Peter asked. Joe looked at the campers. "Everyone's here, except Lazlo." he said. "Okay, let's leave before he shows up!" Peter exclaimed. So they got into the bus or their vehicles, and left for the store. Minutes later, Lazlo showed up. "Damn! They left without me!" He looks around the empty camp. "I'm all alone. I've never been alone in camp before!" he said, as a tumbleweed blew passed. "Well, I think I'll go watch TV!" Lazlo exclaimed happily. At his cabin, a thought popped into his head. "_Holy shit! I forgot to tell Patsy to get me some lottery tickets!_" Then he took out his cell phone, and sent a text message.

Meanwhile at the men's clothing store, Patsy was looking at some black vests. "Um, which one suits me?" she wondered. Just then she felt her cell phone vibrate. "Oh, I just got a message!" she said as she opened her cell phone. "It's from Lazlo." She read the message. "_'Buy me some lottery tickets!'_ Okay!" Patsy said, as she text messaged Lazlo back. After she got done doing that, Patsy finally found the vest she wanted. "Ah! That's the perfect black vest!" she said, as she grabbed it. After she got done paying for her vest, Patsy went to the _'Foot Locker'_. Penny was there. She greeted her. "Hey Patsy. Did you buy yo' vest yet?" "Yep!" Patsy smiled. "Well, if you need me, I'll be at tha men's clothin' store, lookin' for a new vest." Penny said. Some time later, Patsy had brought her new shoes. Penny walked up to her. "So, are you ready to go?" she asked. "Yep!" Patsy said. "All we have to do is get tha lottery tickets!" Penny said as she got into the SUV. "I wonder what everybody's else is doin'?" Patsy wondered.

**_(Cutaway to store)_**  
Peter, Brian, Joe, Cleveland, and all of the campers was at the store, that he, Brian, and Cleveland was at eariler. Most of the campers was in line buying some lottery tickets, and some of them was getting some snacks, food, and drinks.

Clerk:(amazed) I haven't seen a crowd like this, since ridiculous day! The prices was so low, that it was ridiculous! Thanks, Mr. Griffin!  
Peter: Yeah, whatever! Just keep handin' out the tickets!

Stewie & Edward was next. Edward lifted him up to the counter.

Stewie: I say, I want to buy some lottery tickets!  
Clerk: I'm sorry, but I can't! He's not old enough to play the lottery.  
Stewie:(growls) _Blast!_ Okay platypus, give me off here!

Edward set him on the floor.

Stewie: Damn foreigners, and your strange fancy customs!!

He went by the same wet area, that Peter slipped on eariler. It still didn't had any caution signs out to warn the patrons.

Stewie: I'm getting the hell...

He slips on the puddle, and fell on his face. The clerk was watching this.

Clerk:(groans) Not again!  
Stewie:(holds his chin in pain) **Ow! I think, I'm bleeding!! Ow!**  
Edward: **I SAW EVERYTHING!!**  
Peter: You're gonna get sued!  
Clerk:(in begging position) Please Mr. Griffin, don't sue me!

Peter thinks about it.

Peter: Okay! Only if you give us free lottery tickets, and don't let us pay for the refreshments.  
Clerk: It's a deal!

He gives everyone free lottery tickets, and the free refreshments. Then they left.

Clerk: Please come again!  
Peter:(laughs) God, what a douche!  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"Who knows? Tha greaseball probably teachin' them how to fart!" Penny laughed. "Yeah, that Griffin guy's a hoot!" Patsy said. Later, they was at the store. The store clerk was mopping the area, that Peter & Stewie slipped on. The service bell rang. "Oh more customers!" he exclaimed, as he dropped his mop. He ran up to the counter. "Yeah, my I help you?" he asked. "Yes. I would like to purchase four lottery tickets, please?" Patsy said. "Okay!" the clerk said, as he rang up the tickets. "That'll be 7.00 dollars, please?" Patsy gave him the money, and took the tickets. Penny was next. "I would like to purchase two lottery tickets, my fine sir." "Okay Ms. Luckily for you, that's the _last_ two lottery tickets. Everybody been comin' in here, buying tickets! That'll be 3.50, please?" Penny was about to pay up, when she heard someone fall on the floor. "Not _again_?!" the clerk groaned. He went over to the wet spot. Patsy had slipped on it, and she was holding her knee. "_Ow! My knee!_" she cried. "**I'm gonna sue!!**" "No please, don't sue my ass! I have two people fell in the same spot today! I don't wanna go back to India! **I'll do anything!!**" Patsy thought about it."Okay! Give Penny free tickets!" "What for the lottery?" the clerk asked. "Yeah, muthafucka!" Penny sniffed. "Okay!" the clerk said. He gave Penny the free tickets. "We would like to have some free food, snacks & drinks, also." Penny added. "Okay Ms." the clerk said. After the clerk gave them the free refreshments, Penny & Patsy left. "**Please come again!**" the clerk shouted. "Have you noticed that the clerk said that two people fell in that wet area eariler before we came?" Patsy asked, as she started up the SUV. "Yep! It's gonna take a person with authority, to finally close dat Indian store down!" Penny sniffed, as she sipped her drink.

Back at camp, the sun was breaking through the clouds, but the wind still howled. Everyone was doing their own thing. "Looks like the same normal routine, Penny." Patsy said, as she locked her SUV. Penny got out of the SUV. "Let's go see what Lazlo's doin'." she suggested. "That's a wise idea, Penny." Patsy said. Lazlo was watching TV in his cabin. "Gee, I wonder what's takin' Penny & Patsy?" he said worriedly. "I can't concentrate on this show! I gotta find Patsy & Penny!" So Lazlo turned off his TV, and went outside. When he was outside, he bumped into Patsy & Penny. "There you guys are." Lazlo exclaimed. "Was you lookin' for us?" Penny asked. "Y-Yeah." Lazlo said, nervously. He then looked at the bags on their arms, and the food in their hands. "I see that you went clothes shoppin', and got somethin' to eat." "Yep! In the bags, are our new shoes & vests!" Patsy explained. "It is?" Lazlo asked. Patsy nodded. "And we got free food from dat conveince store down th' road." Penny added. "Did you get some food for me?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah." Patsy said, as she gave him his cut of the free food. "So was you guys on your way to your cabin?" Lazlo asked. "Well, I was. I don't know where Patsy was goin'." Penny said. "I was goin' to see Lazlo, _Penny_!" Patsy attacked. "Just forget about it, and let's try these new clothes on!" Penny sniffed. "Come Lazlo. You can wait outside of my cabin, while me & Penny change clothes." Patsy said.

Soon, Lazlo was sitting outside of Patsy's cabin. "I wonder how Patsy's & Penny's new clothes look like?" he muttered, as he ate some of the free food. Just then Stewie & Edward walked up. "I say, platypus. It's _'Curious George'_." "_'Curious George'_? **Ha! Ha! Ha! Good one!!**" Edward laughed, then he looked around. "Hey Lazlo, where's your knife throwin' slut at?" "You mean Penny? She's in there, getting dressed with Patsy." Lazlo said. "I say, Edward. Hip hop girl, and that Patsy's gonna give monkey boy some giggity!" Stewie laughed. "**Ha! Ha! Ha!** Can you imagine how their kids'll look like? **Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!**" Edward laughed loudly. Just then, Penny came out. "I see, dat sad sack Edward, and tha test tube baby are here." she said as she went towards Edward. "Uh, y-yes. I-I was just talkin' to L-Lazlo, Ms. P-Penny." he stuttered. "Yes! _We were talking!!_" Stewie added quickly. Patsy walked up. "What the fuck are you cheeky bastards doin' here?" she demanded. "We were just hangin' with Lazlo." Edward said, sweating. "Wasn't we Stewie?" "Y-Yes, we was having a conversation! Yeah! Yeah!" Stewie stuttered. "Right." Patsy said. Lazlo looked at Patsy & Penny. "I like your new black vests, and your black shoes." he said. "Thanks dawg." Penny said. Patsy giggled. "Thank you, Lazlo dear!" Lazlo got up. "Now if you'll excuse us, we got some stuff to do." Then he & Patsy left. "And I'll see yo' ass later." Penny teased, as she made a slashing motion on Edward's throat with her finger. Edward was speechless, as well as sweaty. "A chick just made a slashing motion on my throat. _H-How hot is that?_" he exclaimed. "Did you see how buffed _she_ was?" Stewie asked. "Yeah! She wasn't that buffed yesterday." Edward said. "Hip hop girl's melons look _nice & sexy!_" Stewie started, then he felt something. "I say, it appears that my wee-wee has been stricken with Rigor mortis!!"

Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny was at the poolroom. Quagmire, Gretchen, & Meg was playing pool. "Come on, Quaggie!" Gretchen sniffed. "I don't have all day!" "Okay Gretchen, dear!" Quagmire said, as he lined up his cue stick. He hit the ball, and the ball went in the side pocket. "Looks like you lose, _hawg!_" Gretchen said to Meg. "**I'm sick and tired of everyone callin' me a pig! I'm fat!! I know that!!**" she sniffed. "Let's go and cause trouble at the local correction facility!" Quagmire said, as he took out his car keys. "Okay, Quaggie dear. " Gretchen said, as she grabbed Meg by her throat. Penny & Patsy walked up to the pool table. "Are you gonna play?" Patsy asked Lazlo. "Uh no thanks." Lazlo said sheepishly. "Okay then." Penny said. The little game started. Penny shot one of the balls, and the ball went into the corner pocket. Then Patsy shot another ball, and the ball bounce off the wall. "_Damn_!" she sniffed. "**Ha! Ha! My turn!**" Penny shouted, and she shot the ball, and made the shot. After a while, they were at the last shot. Penny shot the ball, but it bounce off the wall of the table. "_Shit!_" she sniffed. "**My turn!**" Patsy exclaimed. She shot the ball, and it went into the corner pocket. "**I win!!**" she shouted at Penny. "_Damn!_" Penny sniffed. Peter showed up from nowhere. "_Da, Da, Da, Da, Dun, Dun! Yun-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n!_" "Uh, Scoutmaster Griffin. What was that for?" Patsy asked. "Well, I had to say somethin' it's been _too_ long since I said anything." "Uh yeah." Patsy said. "Come on, guys let's go. It's smells like _someone_ farted in here!" Lazlo complained. "Oops! Sorry! I-I _accidently_ let one out!" Patsy said, as she blushed from embarassment.

Back at his cabin, Lazlo was watching TV. He wasn't really paying any attention to the show, and Patsy was seeing this. "What's wrong, dear?" she asked him. "Oh! I was just wondering what Raj & Clam are doin', that's all Patsy." Lazlo muttered. "Oh they're probably all right, Lazlo." Patsy soothed. "Are you sure?" he asked her. Patsy nodded. "Thanks for makin' me feel better, Patsy!" Lazlo smiled. "Anytime dear." she said. Then Patsy thought to herself. "_Those poor bastards! I bet they're havin' a horrible time, tryin' to keep each other from being shanked by the killers, & drug lords._"

**_(Cutaway to NY prison)_**  
Raj & Clam was in the prison's cafeteria with the other inmates. They were separated with the rest of the pity lawbreakers from the killers & drug lords.

Raj: Boy, Clam. I wonder if Lazlo's gonna pay for the bail.  
Clam: **Clam, wants to stay in jail!!**

Raj: What's that in your hand?  
Clam: Uh, it's a _shank_!  
Raj: What the hell are you doin' with a _shank_?  
Clam: Big Dogg showed it to Clam! Isn't that right, Big Dogg?

A big black man, with two big tattoos that said, '_Big'_ on one arm, and _'Dogg'_ on the other shows up.

Big Dogg: Yep! Dat's right _'C. Money'_! Do ya'll wanna have a prison riot?  
Clam 'C Money': **Yeah! Let's riot!!**

So Big Dogg, and Clam started throwing tables, trays, chairs, and inmates at the guards & other inmates.

Guard: Call the S.W.A.T. team!  
Raj: Clam, what the hell are you doin?  
Clam: **Rioting!!** Duh!

Just then the top guard walks in, and everyone stops rioting.

Top guard:(points at Raj & Clam) **Hey you two!!** Come here!  
Raj:(rolls his eyes) Clam, what you do now?  
Clam: Clam, didn't do anything!  
Top guard: Your bail had just been paid! You're free.  
Raj: **It's about time!! Let's get the hell outta here!!**

Clam looks sadily at the inmates, and they look sadily back at him.

Big Dogg: Don't worry, _C. Money_. When I get out, we'll riot & rob banks until sunset!  
Clam: **Okay!! We'll have fun!!**  
Raj:(slaps his head) For the love of god!  
**_(End cutaway)_**

All of a sudden, Penny started getting sleepy. "Oh god! I'm tired." she said. "Lazlo, dear. Can we take a nap?" Patsy asked. "Sure." Lazlo yawned. "There's isn't much on, plus the wind keep blowin' out the cable!" So all three of them took their naps. It wasn't until sometime later, that all three of them woke up. "Man, that was some nap!" Lazlo said as he stretched. Patsy & Penny soon woke up. "There's nothin' like takin' a nap to get rid of tha stress from yo' day!" Penny yawned. Patsy looked at her watch. "It's almost 6:30." "So, do ya'll wanna get dinner?" Penny asked. "Yeah, let's!" Patsy said. "I'll pay!" Lazlo said. "And I'll do tha drivin'!" Penny added, as she took out her keys.

Sometime later, it was getting dark now. The wind was still blowing. Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny just came back. "Oh, god! Dat was some meal!" Penny said, as she was cleaning her teeth with a toothpick. "You can say that again." Patsy said. "Okay, I will. _Oh god! Dat was some meal!_" Penny repeated. They bumped into Quagmire, Gretchen, Joe, & Meg; who was gagged and had her arms & legs tied up. "Hey guys! Hey Patsy!" Quagmire said, as he did his trademark headbop. Gretchen slapped him on the head. "Why you do that for?" he asked. "Because, you doin' dat flirtin', again!" Gretchen sniffed. "Anyway," Joe said, as he rolled his eyes. "Are you guys gonna watch the lottery drawing tonight?" "Yeah. Of course we are, Mr. Swanson." Lazlo said. Then he looked at Meg. "What happened to her?" "We tied her up, because nobody likes her!!" Gretchen said. "Plus we tied up Lois too, because, um _just because!_" Quagmire said, as he did his headbop. "_Mmmmm!_" Lois cried. "_Giggity! Giggity! Giggity! Gigg_...Oh, I just _shited_ on myself!" Everybody took a step away from him. "Dat's worser than tha time, _I_ was expose to tha school during a fire drill!" Penny said.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Penny was in the ladies' locker room. _P.E._ just ended. She and some other girls just got out of the shower.

Penny:(opens her locker) With _P.E._ done, I can finally relax in tha final class of tha day, _Geometery_!  
Other girl: So you're gonna sleep in _Geometery_, Penny?  
Penny:(dries her hair with towel) Yep! It's been a long day.

Just then the fire alarm went off.

Penny:(surprised) _Oh snap!_ **It's a fuckin' fire drill!!  
**Other girl: _Shit!_

The ladies P.E. teacher appears.

Teacher: Don't just stand there, get out! It's a fire drill!!  
Penny: Now?  
Teacher: **YEAH NOW!!**  
Other girl: But we're still dryin' off!  
Teacher: **Put on a towel!! Nobody'll notice!!**

So Penny and the few remaining girls put on a towel, to cover themselves up. Outside, everyone was talking, smoking, making jokes, drinking, and eating. Some of the students got into their cars, and went home. Penny was shivering.

Penny:(shivering) C-Come on! Hurry u-up!! I-I'm gettin' cold!!

Another girl came out with a wet towel, and she was cold, too.

Girl: I-I-It's chilly!! I-I-I should get another towel!!

She looks around, then she found Penny.

Girl:(sneakily) I-I'll just take _hers_!!

The girl snatches the dry towel off of Penny's body. She gasped loudly, as the towel was snatched off.

Penny:(surprised) **WHERE THA FUCK'S MY TOWEL?!**

Everybody looked at her. All of the boys started to hoot & holler, and the other girls laughed.

Penny:(embarassed, and trying to hide her nakedness) Things couldn't _possibly_ get any worst!!

The P.E. teacher walks up to her.

Teacher: Smiles, you got 4 days of after school detention!  
Penny:(turning red from anger & embarassment) **Dammit!! This is tha most embarassin' moment of my life!! I'm gonna get dat bitch, who stole my towel!**  
**_(End Flashback)_**

It was 9:50. Everyone was at the lodge. Most of the campers were playing dice, while some of them was having an arm wrestling contest, and some of them was playing on the new foosball table, that Joe brought. Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo was throwing knives at a dartboard, that Stewie made. It said, _"Kill_ _Lois!"_ "Why are we using knives instead of darts?" Lazlo asked. "Because tha baby said, dat knives are better!" Penny said, as she threw the knife at the dartboard. "Plus, it'll be a better way for Penny to pratice her knife-throwin' skills, honey." Patsy said, as she threw a knife. "Oh." Lazlo muttered. After the praticing was over, Penny walked up to the dartboard. She taped a piece of paper on it. It was a drawing of Edward. It had _'shithead'_ written above his head. Penny started throwing ten knives at the drawing. All but two knives, hit the drawing. Stewie, & Brian walked up to them. "I say, are you three enjoying that new dartboard I'd made?" Stewie asked. "Yep!" Patsy said. "It really helps me on my knife-throwin' skills!" Penny added, as she took the knives down. Brian looked at the picture on the dartboard. "Is that a drawing of Edward?" "Yeah, it is!" Penny said, as she threw the knife at the drawing. "O-kay then." the dog said. Stewie looked at his watch. "I say, it's time for the lottery numbers!" "**Finally!!**" Lazlo said, as he accidently threw the knife at someone off-screen. They screamed of course. Patsy turned to Penny. "Come Penny. It's time for the lottery numbers!" "What already? Okay!" she said, as she threw the knife. The knife went towards Edward. He was picking up his dice & cash. The knife took his hat and wedged it against the wall. He tried to stand up, but his head hit the handle of the knife. "**WHO THE HELL THREW THIS...**" Edward stopped and looked at Penny walking away to the TV. "_Oh god!_" he thought. "_If she wanted my attention, she sure has it, now!!_" he smiled.

Everyone was gathering by the TV. "Okay everyone, take out your tickets!" Peter said, as he drunk his beer. So everyone did. Some of them took out cigars to celebrate, in case any one of them won. Quagmire, Gretchen, Cleveland, Brian, & Joe took out some beer. After two awful minutes of commericals, the lottery came on.

**_(Cutaway to TV)_**  
Announcer: I hope all of you viewers got your lottery tickets ready? Good luck!!

He turned on a machine, that had the balls mixing up.

Announcer: Okay the first number is 86, the second one is 3, the third number is 33, the fourth number 91, the fifth number 32, and the final number 23! So the winning numbers again are: 86, 3, 33, 91, 32, & 23! If you won, congradulations!! Up next, _"Homicide: Life on Sesame Street"_, and after that _"Late night with Rocko"_ .

**_(End TV cutaway)_**

Everybody rips up their tickets. "_Blast!_ **BURN IN HELL!!**" Stewie shouted at the TV. "Gawd dammit!" Gretchen sniffed. "Damn! Damn! Shit! Fuck! Hell! Son of a bitch!" Peter sniffed, as he stomped on the floor. "**THIS SUCKS!!**" Joe shouted. "Damn!" Cleveland moaned. "I'm so pissed!" Edward sniffed. "_Not_ **alright!!**" Quagmire said, as he nodded his head no. "Fuckin' republicans!" Patsy sniffed. "**SHIT!!**" Penny shouted. "**A waste of time!!**" Lazlo added. "**EVIL MONKEY!!**" Chris exclaimed. "**MUST KILL PATSY!!**" Almondine shouted. Everyone looked at her. "What? Oh, I mean; **dammit to hell!!**" she said. "This is like a kick to the groin!!" Brian sniffed. "**D'oh!!**" said Homer, appearing from out of nowhere. After everyone got done cussing & the audience stopped laughing, they went to bed. Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo was outside. "Dat sucked!!" Penny sniffed. "Yeah, what a waste of excitement!!" Patsy added. "Let's just forget about it!" Lazlo said. "Yeah." Penny said, calming down a bit. "So, are you guys gonna sleep in your cabin, tonight?" "No, because that Meg girl's gonna sleep in my bed!" Patsy sniffed. "Well you guys can sleep in Clam's & Raj's beds again, tonight." Lazlo said. "Okay." Patsy said. "You guys go ahead, I'll just sleep in _Double N_'s bed." Penny said. "Okay then. Good night Penny." Lazlo said. "Good night, dawg." Penny said sleepily. "That just means, it'll be the two of _us_ again, dear." Patsy said. "_Heh! Heh! All riiiiiight!_" Lazlo said, as he did his Quagmire impression. "Oh Lazlo. That's so funny! You sound just like him!" Patsy laughed.

At Lazlo's cabin, Patsy was getting into her nightgown, while Lazlo got into his shorts. "That was some crazy day, Patsy!" Lazlo said, as he got into his bed. "Yeah, it sure was, honey." Patsy said as she climbed into the bed, also. Then Lazlo covered them up, then he chuckled a bit. "What so funny, dear?" Patsy asked. "I-I was just thinking about when you farted eariler, that was funny!" "It was, wasn't it?" Patsy asked. "Yeah." Lazlo said. "I usually try to keep those in!" Patsy giggled. Then she thought of something. "How 'bout that flashback Penny had? That was funny!" "It sure was! She was naked in school!" Lazlo laughed. The laughing soon stopped. They listened to the wind howling outside, a thought popped into Patsy's head. "Hey Lazlo. If nobody at camp didn't win the lottery, who did?" she asked.

**_(Cutaway to John Amos' store)_**  
Nina was working at Amos' grocery store. She was working the checkout lane and she was listening to the radio.

Nina:(thinking to herself) _God, this sucks! I hope I win the lottery, so I don't have to work here anymore_.

She took out her lottery ticket. Just then the radio announced the winning lottery numbers.

Radio: _86, 3, 33, 91, 32, & 23!_  
Nina: 86, 3, 33, 91, 32, & 23?! **I WON!! I WON!! I WON THE 300,000,000 bucks!!**

John Amos walks up.

Amos: Neckerly, stop dancin' and get back to work!  
Nina:(stops celebrating) Yes sir.

She goes back to scanning the items.  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"Who cares?" Lazlo said sleepily. "Yeah, who cares." Patsy yawned. Lazlo then hugged her, and she turned to him. "The lottery sucks, doesn't it?" Patsy asked in a sexy voice. "Yeah, it does." Lazlo yawned. He then kissed her. "Good night, my pet." "Good night, Lazlo my prince." Patsy said sleepily. Lazlo turned off the light. It was dark and silent. It wasn't silent for long, as the wind howled again. The howling wind eased them happily to sleep.


	10. The Storm

_Once again, it's time for America's favorite ranting platypus. Starring in; 'Rantin' with Edward'!_

Edward: Before I start my rant, I would like to announce that Stewie Griffin will be joinin' me durin' these rants of mine. Stewie?  
Stewie: Thanks, platypus. The first thing I would like to rant about, is that clerk at the store. I mean, how dumb is he? Mopping the floor, and then not putting the caution sign out. **What an bloody loser!!** Edward?

Edward: Yeah he sure is, Stewie. I think in this chapter, he's gonna get his!! What's the forcast for this, Ollie?  
Ollie Williams: **HE'S GON'A GET ARRESTED!!**  
Edward: Thanks, Ollie! So my rant is about the last chapter!! I've noticed, there was some nudity scenes!! Especially from Penny's flashback!! One thing I noticed was, that I wasn't in that flashback!! I would've like to _see_ her naked!! Why wasn't _I_ in it?! But I must admit, that was the _sexiest_ thing I've ever seen!! Stewie?

Stewie:(drooling) It sure was! I mean, according to the script for this chapter, there's suppose to be more nudity from either hip hop girl or that Patsy girl. I forget which. Let's get Ollie Williams' opinion on Hip Hop girl's flashback, Ollie?

Ollie: **GIRL'S SEXY!!**  
Edward: Thanks Ollie! Now for,... uh, uh um, oh shit!  
Stewie: What? What's wrong? What do you...uh, oh god!!

Penny walks in the scene.

Penny: Hey! I've heard what you fuckas just said!  
Edward: Oh snap! What are you doin' here? You're not suppose to be out here! **It's my time!**  
Stewie: I think, she's gonna cut our heads off, and hang them on her wall at home!  
Edward:(begging) **Don't cut off my head!!** I still got a lot of gamblin' & evil deeds to do before I die!  
Stewie:(also begging) I still need to kill Lois, and dominate the world!! Please don't kill me, Hip Hop girl!  
Penny: No, I ain't gonna hurt ya. I've got tha rest of tha fic to hurt y'all. I just wanted to thank ya for mentionin' about my body!  
Edward: No, thank you for havin' a sexy flashback!  
Stewie: And thank you for having a sexy body!  
Penny:(laughs) I don't take all tha credit. You can thank tha big G, Chappellelazlo for dat!!

She smiles at the hard-working author, and gives him a wink.

Ollie: **DAMN, GIRL'S A PLAYA!!**  
Edward: Okay? I'm Edward.  
Stewie: And I'm Stewie.  
Edward: Join us next time, on _'Rantin' with Edward'_!

The Storm

It was another cloudy morning at Camp Griffin. The wind was blowing harder than it was yesterday. It was knocking over some trash cans, and it was dark, too. Penny was up, and she was at the lodge. She was lifiting weights. "Damn, it's kinda lonely in here." she said. "Who cares? It's just 6:30. I don't expect anybody else to be up, yet." But Penny was wrong. She heard the lodge door slam. "Who tha hell's dat? Who could be up at this early hour besides me, news anchors, 5-0's, and crackheads?" So Penny sat the weight down, and went towards the door. She tiptoed towards the strange figure with a knife, and she made the attack. There was a scuffle. "**Get off!! It's me!!**" said a voice. Penny stopped wrestling. "_Double N_, is dat you?" "Yeah. What the fuck's your problem?" Nina sniffed. "I thought dat you was a punk-ass hood, G!" Penny said, as she put her unused knife away. "Well, I'm not!" Nina said, as she dusted herself off. "What tha hell are you doin' up at this hour?" Penny asked. "I'd just came back from work." Nina said. "Boy, yo' ass must be tired." Penny laughed. "You've been workin' for tha man since yesterday mornin'." "Well, I don't have to work anymore, Penny." Nina said. "Why?" Penny asked. "Because, I won the lottery!!" "Yeah right!" Penny laughed. "No really!!" Nina said, as she took out the winning lottery ticket. Penny looked at the ticket. "Damn _Double N_, you're tellin' tha truth!" she awed. "I told ya!" Nina said. "So, you're gonna take it to tha local lottery comission later?" Penny asked. "Yes." Nina said sleepily. Then she looked at her. "What are you doin' up?" "I was just liftin' weights." Penny said. "That's good." Nina said, before falling asleep. "I think, I'll leave. Dat'll be a wise thing!" Penny whispered, as she picked up her weights.

At Peter's house. The blowing wind woke him up. "Ahh! What the hell's that?" He looked around, then he looked out the window. "Oh! It's just the wind!" He looked at the clock. "Well, might as well get up, and make some breakfast." Peter said, as he got up from his bed. Soon, he was eating his breakfast. "It's sure is cloudy out, today." Peter muttered, as he turned on his TV. "I wonder what Ollie Williams got to say about it."

**_(Cutaway to TV)_**  
The TV news was doing the weather, and it shows Ollie Williams. The background shows a picture of dark storm clouds, and lightning.

Ollie: **IT'S GON' STORM!!  
_(End TV cutaway)_**

"_Hee!Hee!Hee!_ **That's Ollie Williams' funny!!**" Peter laughed, as he ate his doughnut. "It's gonna storm later, that's good!" Then he turned the TV to another channel. Of course, there was nothing on. "Well, since there's nothin' good on, might as well pratice my poker face!!" Peter said. Then he started making faces at a mirror. One of the faces he made frightened him. "**Monster!! RUN!!**" he shouted. Peter ran into the wall, and knocked himself unconscious.

At Lazlo's cabin, Patsy was already up. She was quietly watching Lazlo sleep. Lazlo woke up, then he turned to her. "Good morning, Patsy dear." "Good morning to you too." Patsy said. Lazlo got up from his bed, and went to get dressed. Soon he was dressed, and so was Patsy. "Have you looked outside, dear?" Patsy asked him. "No. Why?" Lazlo asked. "Because, it's dark & cloudy out." Patsy said, as she turned on the TV. So Lazlo looked outside. "You're right, Patsy. It's sure is dark out! I wonder if anybody gonna do some outside activities today?" "I doubt that, dear. That wouldn't be a wise thing, and everyone's gonna be either in their cabins or the lodge." Patsy said. "Yeah, maybe." Lazlo said, as he sat on his bed. Patsy had the remote and turned the TV. "I wonder what's on?" she said outloud. "I don't know." Lazlo said, as he looked at the TV schedule in the newspaper. He looked in the paper, until he found some a program that was interesting. "It says that, _'Fat Albert'_ is on." "Okay." Patsy said, as she turned the TV to the station. "The schedule as says, it's suppose to be a good one!" Lazlo added. "I bet it's the one, where Rudy accidently explodes!!" Patsy said.

**_(Cutaway to TV)_**  
It shows the junkyard/railyard, where the gang hangs out at. They was having a meeting at their badly-builted clubhouse.

Rudy: Okay, okay. Shut up, now!! Now first things first, _Dumb Dick_, do you got tha weapons?  
Dumb Donald: **Uh, th' name's _'Dumb Donald'_, you piece of shit!!** And yes, I got tha weapons!!

He pulls out a plate full of cream puffs, doughnuts, cakes, Philadelphia fried cheesesteaks sandwiches, chili-cheese dogs & fries, polish sausages, and philly deep-fried pies.

Rudy:(evil smile) **Perfect!!** When Fat Albert eats these dangerous goodies; he'll explode, and tha show will be called, _'The Rudy comedy hour'_!  
Russell: Rudy, you're just like college on a holiday!  
Rudy: How am I just like college on a holiday?  
Russell: Easy! _No class!!_

Everyone & the audience laughs.

Rudy:(growls) Shut da fuck up, you muthafuckin' midget!!

Just then the ground starts to shake.

Rudy: Oh god! Here comes big boy!! Let's hide!!

They hid. The shaking and rumbling gets closer. The door opened.

Fat Albert:(takes deep breath) Hey! Hey! Hey! I smell somethin' sweet to eat!!

He looks at the plate full of the tasty, dangerous goodies on the raggety table. It had a note that said, _"Help yourself!!"_.

Fat Albert:(walks towards the food) Hey! Hey! Hey! Someone's good on my book!!

He picks up a chili-cheese dog, but he noticed something. He saw a shadow moving from behind the clubhouse's TV.

Fat Albert: Who's there?!

Rudy pops his head from behind the TV.

Fat Albert: Rudy, did you put these tasty snacks here?  
Rudy: Yeah, Fat Albert. I sure did!  
Fat Albert: Why?  
Rudy: Just because!! Go ahead and eat!  
Fat Albert: Would you like to join me?  
Rudy: No, I'd just ate!  
Fat Albert: Come on?  
Gang: Yeah Rudy, _join_ him!  
Rudy: Alright, alright!!

He unwittingly picked up a cheesesteak, and bit into it. His head blew up!! There was silence. Just then the audience applaued.

Fat Albert: Yo! Yo! Yo! I guess, dat's tha end of him!  
Bill: Come, Albert. Let's go somewhere and get somethin' that we can actually eat!

So they left. Mushmouth picked up a doughnut.

Mushmouth: Mmmm! Aba boughnut!!

He bit the doughnut, and his head explodes, too. The audience laughs.  
**_(End TV cutaway)_**

Meanwhile at Patsy's cabin, everyone was up. Quagmire & Gretchen was having an arm wrestling contest, and Penny was watching them. Quagmire wasn't really paying attention to the contest, and he was looking at Penny. "Oooh! **_Look at the cleavage on you!_**" he exclaimed at Penny. Gretchen slammed Quagmire's arm on the table, breaking it during the process. "Oh! Oh!" Quagmire whispered. "Oh snap! She's pissed at yo' ass, _Q_!" Penny said. "**I'm sick of yo' ass doin' dat flirtin'!!**" Gretchen shouted. "**I'm yo' woman!! UNDERSTAND!?**" "Y-Y-Yeah!" Quagmire said softly. "Perfect!" Gretchen said. Then she went into the next room. "Geez, what a overactin' diva!" Quagmire sniffed loudly. Gretchen ran back into the room. "**What'd you say?!**" "N-Nothing!" Quagmire stuttered nervously. "Are you standin'?" she asked. "No!" Quagmire responded. "**Are you standin' up to me?!**" Gretchen demanded. "N-No!" he said, scared. "**What makes you think, dat I won't cut you?!**" Gretchen attacked. "I-I don't w-want a-any trouble, G-Gretchen!" Quagmire said, scared for his life. "I-I gotta go!" He runs out of there. "**Yeah! You better run away!! I will put yo' big-jawed ass in a box, bitch!!**" Gretchen shouted after him. Then she walks into the other room, slamming the door behind her. Penny was alone. "Damn! All of this, because _Q_ was makin' a nice compliment to me. I think, I'll check on Patsy, before dat Gretchen comes back and bite my leg off!" she said, as she ran out of the cabin.

Soon Penny met Patsy & Lazlo. "Hey bloods. I see ya'll up! Did you do anythin' last night?" Penny teased. "No!" Patsy sniffed. "So what do you want?" "I'd just wanted to see what you was doin'." Penny said. "We'd just got done, watching _'Fat Albert'_." Lazlo said. "Damn! I'd missed it!!" Penny sniffed. "I haven't felt so pissed since dat time I was declined for dat job."

**_(Flashback)_**  
Penny was sitting in a fancy waiting room. She was wearing a red suit, black heels, and black skirt. Her hair was combed neatly. Just then a man, with a neatly ironed shirt, and tie walks into the scene.

Man: Annette Smiles?  
Penny:(talking clearly) That's me!  
Man: Please come in, and make yourself comfortable.

Penny sat in the chair, that was in front of the man's desk.

Man: So, Ms. Smiles, tell me why you want this job?  
Penny: Well, Mr..

She looks at the man's nameplate.

Penny:(reads nameplate) _Mr. Bunker_. Well anyway, I want this job, because I'm a expert. I can type 300 words a minute on a computer. Hell, I can do anything!!

Mr. Bunker: That's pretty good.

Just then the phone rang.

Bunker: Excuse me, Ms. Smiles. I gotta answer the horn there.

He walks off to answer the phone. He came back a few minutes later.

Bunker: I'm sorry Ms. Smiles, but I can't give you that job.  
Penny: Why?  
Bunker: Because the company just made a policy not to hire any mongooses. **So get lost!!**

He throws Penny out the door. She lands in a puddle. Then Bunker hung up a sign that said, **_"No Mongooses allowed!"_** Penny got up. She was dripping wet & cross.

Penny:(back talking in ebonics) **Oh, so it's like dat? Well, looks like I have to beat tha shit outta dat muthafucka!!**

The audience started to hoot & holler in a _'Married...with Children'_ fashion. Penny stomps back into the building, and into Bunker's office. He turned his head and was shocked to see Penny back in there.

Bunker: **Can't _you_ read?!** It strictly says...  
Penny: **FUCK DA SIGN!! IT'S TIME TO WHOOP TH' BOUGIE OFF YO' ASS!!**

So Penny grabbed the man by his throat, and started to whoop his ass. The _'Married...with children'_ & _FOX_ audience started to hoot & holler again. The ass beating continued for thirty minutes. After the beating ended, Penny left the office.

Penny:(dusting off her hands) **Dat'll teach yo' ass, punk!!**

Bunker crawled to the door.

Bunker: I-I-I never judge a mongoose, ever again.

He passes out, and the audience cheered, laughed, & applaued.

Penny: Fuckin' snooty assed, stuck-up nosed Rhode Island bastard!!  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"So, what do you wanna do today?" Lazlo asked. "I don't know. Wanna listen to the old school rap station on the radio?" Patsy asked. "Sure, but let's get somethin' to eat, first." Penny said. "Good idea." Patsy said. "That'll be a wise thing." Lazlo added. Meanwhile in his quarters, Stewie was just waking up. "Oh my bloody god!" Stewie said, as he stretched. "I wonder if Fat man's up yet?" Then Stewie got out of his bed. Outside, he bumped into Brian. "Hey dog. What are you doing?" "I'm goin' to Peter's office. He had knock himself unconscious again." Brian sniffed. "That Fat man's sure is dumb!" Stewie sniffed. "Yeah, he sure is." Brian muttered. "Please excuse me, dog. That platypus and I are gonna trash talk about Maury Povich's shitty ass talk show." Then he went towards Edward's cabin. "Uh yeah." Brian said, as he went into Peter's house.

Sometime later, everyone was at the lodge. Peter, who had been unconscious early in the chapter, was watching TV with some of the other campers. Cleveland was playing basketball with some of the campers, Joe was having a arm wrestling contest with Gretchen & Quagmire, while most of the campers were playing pool in the poolroom, & Stewie & Edward was playing 'darts'. "I say, Edward. That Maury Povich is such a loser!" Stewie said, as he threw a knife at the 'Lois' picture. "Yep! He sure is!! What a loser!!" Edward said, as he threw a knife. The knife hit someone off-screen. They screamed. "**Yes!! GOT 'EM!!**" Edward shouted happily. Meanwhile at Patsy's cabin, Patsy, Penny, & Lazlo was listening to the old school rap station on the radio. Just then the music started to fade. "Damn! Tha fuckin' wind's blowin' out tha signal!!" Penny sniffed. "So what? Change the station." Patsy said. So Penny changed the radio stations, but there was nothing but static. "Just turn it off, Penny." Patsy muttered. "Well this sucks!" Lazlo said. There was silence, then Penny spoke. "Hey playas, do you wanna watch TV?" "Yeah." Patsy said. "Might as well." Lazlo muttered. So Penny turned on the TV. The news was on. It showed a photo of the convience store, that everyone visited last chapter. "It's looks like dat Indian's finally gettin' his!" Penny laughed.

**_(Cutaway to TV)_**  
Diane Simmons: In other news, a local convience store owner & clerk is being charged of neglect of running his store. He also being charged for assulting an officer.

It shows the store clerk being arrested, and being thrown into the back of a police car.

Clerk: **Don't send me back to India!! I'll give you anything!! ANYTHING!!**  
Arresting officer: **SHUT UP!!** **You're gonna get more charges, for bribing an officer!!**  
Simmons: This all started when the lazy clerk didn't put out the _'Caution: Wet floor'_ sign next to the wet spot, and the officer slipped in that area. And when asked about why wasn't a sign there to warn patrons about the wet spot, the clerk's answer was; "Free doughnuts!" The clerk will be charged and will be deported back to India. While the store will be runned by Spike Lee.  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"What a douchebag!" Patsy exclaimed, as she turned the TV off. "Do you guys wanna go play knives again?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah!" Penny said, as she got her Edward drawing. At the lodge, Peter was getting up from the couch. "Well, might as well go back to my office." he said, as he stretched. "I think he's gonna read his porn magazines, again." said a nobody at the couch. "Damn, I wish we had _some_ porn magazines to look at." another nobody complained stupidly. Penny was at the dartboard, throwing knives at the Edward sketch. "**Ha! Ha! Bullseye!!**" she exclaimed. "Oh snap! You'd hit the drawing in between his eyes! **Cool!!**" Lazlo awed. "It was, wasn't it?" Penny asked, as she threw another knife. "It sure was!" Patsy added. After the game ended, Penny looked at her watch. "It's 11:30." "Time for lunch." Patsy said. "I wonder who's cookin'?" Lazlo wondered. "I say, **shut up imbelciles!!**" Stewie shouted from a table. Everyone looked at him. "Today, I'm going to be cooking your bloody lunch! **So I suggest that you don't dwadle!!**" Everyone moaned. They knew, that a baby like Stewie couldn't cook. "W-ell, do you guys wanna go out for lunch?" Patsy asked. "Yeah!" Lazlo said. "I'll pay." "Dat's a wise idea, G!" Penny said.

At his office, Peter was scribbling something on the paper, when there was a knock on his door. "Come in, whoever you are." he shouted. Stewie walked in. "Hey Stewie. What do you want?" "I say, fat man. As you know, that I'm cooking lunch today." Stewie said. "Yeah?" Peter asked. "Go on." "Well, when I told the campers about this, a whole lot of them sounded disgusted!" Stewie explained. "Well, cook the food anyway." Peter said. "That'll be a wise thing." "What that's it? That's your answer? _'Cook the food anyway'_? **This is the worst answer, that I ever heard!!**" Stewie ranted, then he thought a bit. "Well, that's not the worst answer I've ever heard. The worst answer I ever heard was, when you was on _'The Price is Right'_ that time."

**_(Flashback)_**  
Peter was one of the contestants on the game show, _'The Price is Right'_. He was in contestant's row. It was his turn to place a bid.

Bob Barker: And Peter, what's your bid?  
Peter: That'll be the capital "O" Bob.  
Barker: What?  
Peter: The capital _"O"_.  
Barker:(sighs) God! What an idiot!  
Peter: Thank you! Hee!Hee!Hee!  
**_(End Flashback)_**

Sometime later, it was 12:30. Everyone just got done eating lunch. Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo just came back. "Oh god! That was a _good_ lunch!" Patsy burped. "It sure was." Lazlo added. Penny looked at the sky. "It's still dark & cloudy." "I think, it's gonna rain. I can feel it!" Patsy said, as the wind blew a bit. "Yep! She'd be a brutal one!" said a voice from behind them. They turned to see an old sailor. He had wooden pegs for legs & arms. He also wore an eyepatch. "Who tha hell are you?" Penny asked. "I'd be Seamus. I've seen this type of weather plenty of times on the sea! Yep! It had taken me three friends' lives, so you three be alert!" Seamus said in a dramatic way. "So how was that?" he asked them. "That was pretty dramatic." Patsy said. "Bone-chillin'!" Lazlo added. "Nice serious touch to a comical fic!" Penny said. "It was, wasn't it?" Seamus asked. Penny, Lazlo, & Patsy nodded in agreement. "We should hangout more often." Seamus said. "Um, yeah." Lazlo said. "So, you guys wanna just chill?" Penny asked. "Yeah." Patsy answered. "Might as well." Lazlo said.

Meanwhile, Brian was sitting at his desk in Peter's office. He was listening to his cd player and was reading a magazine. "It looks like the _Clippers_ are gonna suck again, this year." he muttered. Just then a policeman walked in. "Excuse me, but are you responsible for these two?" Brian looked up to see the officer with Raj & Clam. "Yes, officer I am." Brian said. The officer turned to Raj & Clam. "Now, promise me that you boys won't come back to New York and cause another riot." "I promise, but I'm not sure idiot boy here doesn't." Raj sniffed. "**Riots, fun!!**" Clam said stupidly. The cop accepted Clam's answer. "Uh, yeah. Just stay out of the _UN_. Geez, what a cheeky twat!!" he sighed. Brian turned to Raj & Clam. "Okay, ya'll can go off, now." "Come, dummy. Let's go see what Lazlo's doin'." Raj said. "_**Hip Hop Hooray!!**_" Clam shouted stupidly. Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny was throwing stones at Lois. "_Oww!!_ **Quit it!! Fuckin' stupid kids!!**" she sniffed. "**Shut da fuck up!!**" Patsy attacked, as she threw another stone at Lois. "Ha! Ha! You got her in the _eye_ with that one, Patsy!" Lazlo laughed. Raj & Clam walked up. "Hey Lazlo. Why are you guys throwin' stones at that big-nosed red-headed woman?" Raj asked. "Oh, we're just bored, Raj." Lazlo said. "Can we throw some stones, too?" "Sure! **Grab a stone!!**" Penny exclaimed. So Raj grabbed some stones, and Clam grabbed a giant boulder. Raj threw the stones at Lois, but he missed. "Ha! Ha! **You missed!!**" Lois jeered. "**CLAM'S TURN!!**" Clam shouted, as he picked up his giant boulder. "**BOCCIE BALLS!!**" Lois shouted. "This shit's gonna be good!" Penny laughed. "**Go Clam!!**" Lazlo cheered. "**Break that huge honker off her face!!**" Patsy called. Clam threw the huge boulder at Lois. The rock crushed her head. Everyone cheered, just then Stewie walked up. "I say, what the deuce are you weed sniffers doing?" he asked. "Don't look now, Stewie, but Clam just got Lois!!" Patsy said. "What the hell are you talking about, mongoose?" Stewie asked, with a puzzled look on his face. Lazlo pushed the boulder off of Lois. "Just look." Stewie looked at the sight. "Oh god!!" he exclaimed. "Rhino boy did this?" Everyone nodded. "Well then. The rhino _must_ die!!" Stewie hissed, and walked away. "God, what a fuckin' whiner!" Penny sniffed. Patsy looked at Lois' squashed face. "This is the messiest thing, that I ever seen! Let's get Ollie Williams' cripplin' forcast on it, Ollie?" "**LADY'S FACE FUCKED UP FOR LIFE!!**" Ollie shouted. "Thanks Ollie." Patsy said. "I think, there's gonna be a joke about this pretty soon." Penny said. "So Lazlo, what do you wanna do now?" Raj asked. "Well, I was gonna check the e-mail on my laptop." Lazlo said. "Oh, I forgot, that you got a laptop." Raj muttered, then a crazy idea popped into his head. "Hey Clam, how 'bout we hang with Mr. Swanson?" "**YEAH!! WHEELCHAIR, FUN!!**" Clam exclaimed happily, as he ran off to find Joe. "I hope, he doesn't steal Mr. Swanson's chair, like he did the last time." Raj muttered.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Raj & Clam was with Joe. They were fixing Peter's car. Like usual, Clam was being stupid.

Clam:(staring at Joe's wheelchair) Wheelchair. _Must... ride... in... it_.  
Raj: Clam, what are you doin?  
Clam: Uh, doin' my William Shanter impressions.  
Raj: Oh! It needs a little bit more work.  
Joe:(from underneath car) Raj, can you give me the oil can?  
Raj: Sure.

Clam stared at Joe's chair again.

Clam:(freaking out) **CLAM, MUST RIDE IN CHAIR!!**

He jumps into the chair, and release the brakes. And the chair goes off.

Clam: **Wheeeeeeee!!**

Joe rolls from under the car.

Joe:(amazed) **WHAT THE FUCK?! THAT STUPID ASS STOLE MY CHAIR!! COME BACK HERE!!**

Raj: **Clam!!** Bring Mr. Swanson's chair back here, **now!  
**Clam: **NO!!**

Clam was having the time of his life, but he didn't noticed that small twig in the road. He hit it, and he goes flying off of the chair.

Clam: **WHEEEEEEEEEE!! I CAN FLY!!**

This boost of self-esteem was shortly lived, as Clam hit his head against a brick wall. Raj soon came afterwards.

Raj: I hope this teaches yo' ass not to steal wheelchairs, Clam!  
Clam: Uh, ketchup!  
Audience:(laughs)  
Raj: Fuckin' live studio audience!  
Clam: _'Chico & the Man'_!  
Audience:(laughs again)  
_**(End flashback)**_

Sometime later, it was getting close to 3:00 now. The wind was blowing harder now. The skies are getting darker, and thunder started to rumble. Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny was watching TV. They were watching _'Good Times'_. "You know, that this show was pretty good, before they killed James off." Patsy said. "It sure was." Lazlo answered. "They should've cancelled it after Amos left." Penny sniffed. "Tha show had Florida preachin' every fuckin' episode!" "Shh! James is 'bout to go off!" Patsy said.

**_(Cutaway to TV)_**  
James was complaining about Thelma dating a older guy. Like usual, Florida was trying to calm him down, but it wasn't working like usual.

James:(shouting) **STAY OUTTA DIS FLORIDA!! I DON'T WANT MY DAUGHTER DATIN' A OLDER MAN!!**  
Florida:(about to cry) But James...  
James: **DON'T INTERUPT ME WHILE I'M IN A MOOD, FLORIDA!! IT'S NOT GROOVY!!**  
Thelma:(about to cry too) But daddy...  
James: **STAY OUTTA THIS, THELMA!! DIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!! AND IF I GET INTERUPTTED AGAIN, SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET IT!! NOW, 'BOUT YOU DATIN'...**

Thelma: **Daddy stop!!**

James knocked Thelma out with a left hook. The audience laughs. J.J. walks in the scene.

J.J. Damn, dad. You knocked her out!! **That was _dy-no-mite_!!**  
Audience:(laughs)  
**_(End TV cutaway)_**

"Now, that was pretty funny!!" Lazlo laughed. "That was an wise idea to punch Thelma unconscious. **I hate that bitch!!**" Patsy laughed. Just then Penny got up. "Where are you goin' Penny, old bean?" Lazlo asked in a british accent for some dumb reason. "I'm goin' to get me somethin' to drink." Penny said, as she left. Patsy turned to Lazlo. "What's with the Britsh _'old bean'_ shit?" she asked. "I don't know. I thought it'll be funny." Lazlo said. "Oh, just don't do that shitty ass southern accent like Gretchen. That'll be a wise thing." Patsy said. "Wise thing, indeed." Lazlo added.

Meanwhile, Peter was laying back in his easy chair. He was listening to the blowing wind outside, plus he was rubbing his chin. "Hmmm? I wonder, if I can use one of the campers as a mustache?" he said outloud. Just then, he saw Penny outside. Then an crazy idea popped into his head. "**I just got a crazy idea!!**" Peter shouted. He put his finger in the electric pencil sharpener. "_Ow!_ **OW!! Why?! WHY?!**" Then another thought popped into his head. "**I'd just got another crazy idea!!**" Peter got up and opened up his window. He looked at Penny. "Excuse me Ms. Penny, but can you come in here, please?" Soon Penny was in Peter's office. "Yeah?" she asked. "I would like for you to do me a little favor." Peter said. "Okay. So what do you want?" Penny asked. "Can you give me that duct tape?" Peter said, as he pointed to the table. "Yeah, okay?" Penny asked mysteriously, as she got the tape. "Thanks!" Peter said. Then he looked out the window. It had started rainning. "Well, Ms. Penny, since it's started rainin', how 'bout you stay here until the storm passes?" Penny thought about it. "Okay. It's not like I have anythin' to do!" she said. "Good!" Peter said. Back at Lazlo's cabin, the cable connection went out. "Well, there's goes the tv." Lazlo said. Patsy sat up. "It's looks like it's gettin' worst out." she said. "I hope Penny's gonna be okay." "Patsy, if she grew up in the projects in Detroit, I'm sure no little storm's gonna bother her." Lazlo soothed. "Yeah you're right, dear." Patsy said. Then she thought of something. "Uh, Lazlo. Aren't you concerned about Raj & Clam?" "No, I'm not concerned about them, Patsy." Lazlo said. "The last time I checked, they were in Mr. Swanson's hands."

**_(Cutaway to clubhouse)_**  
Joe: **GET OFFA MY HEAD!!**  
Clam:(stupidly) Damn, this chair needs some oil!!

Clam was riding on Joe's head.

Raj: **Get off of Mr. Swanson's head, you long-nosed fucka!!**

Then Clam put his hands over Joe's eyes.

Joe: **HEY!! I CAN'T SEE!! GET YOUR HANDS OFFA MY EYES!! THAT'LL BE A WISE THING, YEAH!!**  
Clam: **Talley-ho, old chap!!**

They rolled away. On the other side of the clubhouse, Gretchen & Quagmire was playing with the new roulette wheel, that Brain builted. They crashed into the roulette wheel. Money flew everywhere.

Gretchen: **HEY!! WATCH IT!!** **Gawd damn drunks!!**  
Quagmire: Doesn't matter anyway, _I won!!_

Joe crashed into the wall. Clam stood up.

Clam: **THAT WAS FUN!! DO IT AGAIN!! DO IT AGAIN!!  
**Joe:(moans) Oh god!  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"So, what do you wanna do now?" Lazlo asked Patsy. "I dunno. Wanna just talk?" she asked. "Yeah." Lazlo said. Patsy turned to him. "Okay dear, what do you want to talk about?" "How 'bout anything?" Lazlo asked. "Okay." Patsy said. "Did I tell you about the time when my cousin Mercedes beat up a second grader?" "No. I would like to hear & see that in flashback form please." Lazlo said. "Okay then." Patsy answered.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Patsy's other cousin, Mercedes was shopping one day. She had red & black hair. It was tied up in a neat ponytail. She was also wearing bling, a red _Chicago Bulls_ Michael Jordan jersey & shorts, black _Nikes_, and a black hat turned sideways. She was going back to her deep black _Jeep Grand Cherokee_.

Mercedes:(taking out her keys) With dat done. Now I can chill with my homies!

Just then a second grade girl walked up to her.

Girl: Ooooh! Look at the kitty!! I's like kitties!! Pet the kitty! Pet the kitty!!

She knocks Mercedes down on the ground, and starts petting her so to speak.

Mercedes: Oh snap!! This lil' _beeoutch_ is fuckin' up my rags, and my track, son!  
Girl: Pet the kitty!! Nice kitty!!  
Mercedes: _Ow!!_ I'm not a _cat_!! I'm a fuckin' _mongoose_!!

But the girl wasn't listening to her.

Girl: Good kitty!!  
Mercedes:(getting mad) Gonna attack!!  
Girl: Kitty!!  
Mercedes: **Gonna attack!!**

Then Mercedes attacks the girl. She beats the girl to a bloody pulp. The girl runs away crying.

Mercedes: **I WAS TRYIN' TO TELL YO' ASS, BUT YO' STUPID ASS WOULDN'T LISTEN!!**

Brian walks up to the scene.

Brian: Damn girl, you whooped her ass. _Damn!!_ Even when that special boy petted me, _I_ didn't even _do_ that!! Damn, Patsy's family sure can fight!! _How hot is that?_

Mercedes:(dustes herself off) **Fuckin' kids!!**

She turns to Brian.

Mercedes:(picks up her hat) Excuse me, playa, but I must be goin'.  
Brian: Okay, Mercedes. Hopefully one day, we'll met again.  
Mercedes: Yeah, and hopefully _I_ get to guest star or _star_ in a fic pretty soon.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"That was a pretty funny flashback, Patsy." Lazlo said. "It was, wasn't it?" Patsy asked. Lazlo nodded. "**_It sure was!!_**" Brian said, popping from out of nowhere. "I'd wondered why _he_ was in that flashback." Lazlo muttered. "After this storm ceases, **_I'll let Peter know about Mercedes!!_**" Brian exclaimed. "Um Patsy, do all of your cousins know about me?" Lazlo asked out of curiousity. "Well, _most_ of them do." Patsy said sheepishly. "Are they all females?" Lazlo asked. Patsy nodded. "W-Well then." Lazlo said as he blushed a bit from embarassment. "But you don't need to worry about them, sweetie. They can dream, but _I'm_ the only one who got the _real_ thing!" Patsy said, as she touched his face with her finger. "Oh damn, Patsy. _Y-You're makin' me sweat!!_" Lazlo said nervously. Patsy giggled seductively. "I love it when I make you sweat, dear." she said in a sexy voice. "_Oh snap!!_" Lazlo exclaimed. "Don't tell me, that you're gonna flirt with me in front of Brian, are you?" Patsy looked over towards the dog. He was busy reading a book. "Well, I _was_ gonna flirt with you a little bit, dear." she said. "Oh." Lazlo muttered. "So you got anymore crazy stories about your family?" "Yeah." Patsy said, as thunder rumbled in the background. "Oh good! Tell away!" Lazlo said.

It was almost 7:50, now. The storm had stopped for the time being. Brian woke up. "Oh!! I think the storm has passed!" He looked over towards Lazlo's bed. Lazlo was asleep, while Patsy was reading a magazine. Brian got up from his location. Patsy noticed him. "Where you goin'?" she asked. "I'm gonna get something to eat, Patsy." Brian said. Patsy's stomach rumbled. "I-I guess, I could get something to eat, too." Patsy said, as she put her magazine down. Then she gave Lazlo a little shove. "W-Who there? Who there?" Lazlo asked confused. " It's just me, dear." Patsy said. "Why you woke me up for?" Lazlo asked, as he stretched. "I'd just wanted to get somethin' to eat, and you're were sleeping on my hips." Patsy explained. "Oh, I'm sorry. Grabbin' something to eat sounds like a wise idea." Lazlo said. Then he looked around. "I see, that Penny still haven't came back yet." "It's been almost four hours now." Patsy said worriedly. "Don't worry guys. Penny's probably playin' some pool." Brian said. "Maybe." Lazlo said. "Let's go see." "That'll be a wise thing." Patsy added.

After stopping by the mess hall, and got herself something to eat; Patsy went to the poolroom, to see if Penny was in there. She wasn't. "_Maybe she's at the clubhouse._" Patsy said to herself. She checked the clubhouse, Penny wasn't there either. All Patsy saw was Clam was trying to steal Joe's wheelchair again, Joe trying to grab Clam by his throat, Raj trying to break it up, Stewie trying to kill Clam with his ray gun but he was unsuccessful, Gretchen scolding Quagmire for flirting again, and Chip & Skip playing strip poker. "She's not in here, either!!" Patsy sniffed. "Just a clubhouse full of stupid fuckas!!" Then a thought popped into her head. "I know! She's probably at my cabin watching TV!" Patsy said, as she left the clubhouse. At her cabin, Penny wasn't there either, only Nina. She was counting her lottery winnings. "Uh, Nina. Have you seen Penny?" Patsy asked her. "I haven't seen Penny since early this morning, Patsy." Nina said, as she counted some cash. "Damn, I could of swear that she'll be here!" Patsy sniffed. "How 'bout you go to Scoutmaster Griffin and tell him what happened to her." Nina said. "Okay. I will." Patsy said. Then she looked at all of the money in Nina's hands. "Nina, where'd you get all that money?" "Uh, um, from Hillary Clinton?" Nina lied, as she laughed nervously. Patsy walked closer to Nina. "Don't tell me that you're last night's lottery winner?" "**Yeah, I am!!** **Now please leave me and my money alone!! That'll be a wise thing!!**"Nina sniffed. "_Cheeky assed long neck 'ho!!_" Patsy mumbled.

At Peter's office, Peter was laying back in his massage chair, and was looking out the window when Patsy walked in. "Uh, Scoutmaster Griffin?" she asked. "_Yes_?" Peter said. His voice sounded strange to Patsy. "What's wrong with your voice, sir?" she asked. "_Uh, nothing's wrong with my voice, Ms. Smiles. So what do you want?_" he asked. "Well sir, I was wondering if you seen Penny? It seems like, no matter where I look, I can't find her." Patsy explained. "_No, Ms. Smiles. I haven't seen Ms. Penny._" Peter said. Then Patsy sees a white T-shirt and a black vest on the floor. "Is this Penny's shirt and vest?" she asked, as she picked up the two pieces of clothing. "_**Uh, no it's not!!**_" Peter exclaimed. Patsy turned Peter's chair around to see that Penny was taped on top of his upper lip. "_**What the hell's that?!**_" Patsy demanded. "_It's my mustache, Ms. Smiles._" Peter said stupidly. "What?" Patsy asked. "_It's my brand new mustache!! It's makes me look cool._" Peter said in a laid back type of way. "Patsy, would you mind gettin' me down or somethin' like dat?" Penny asked. "**SHUT UP, MUSTACHE!!**" Peter shouted. "I know, that having a mustache makes men cool and shit like that, but please let Penny down." Patsy pleaded. "**_No! I don't wanna go back to bein' bare lipped Peter!!_**" Peter sniffed. "_**Even if this mustache has gas!!**_" Penny burped & farted. "_Oop!_ _Mustache burp & fart!!_" Peter laughed. "Maybe next time I should not eat so much mexican food." Penny muttered. Cleveland walked into the scene. "Hey, have ya'll seen..." He looks at Peter with Penny taped to his lip. "Uh, maybe I should come back, when ya'll's not _so_ busy." He walks away. Peter ripped Penny off his lip. "**Wait up Cleveland!!**" He runs after Cleveland. Penny got up, and walks towards Patsy, who was still holding her shirt & vest. "God, this shit's gonna hurt like hell, when I take this tape off." Penny said, as she looked at the tape on her six pack abs. Edward & Stewie accidently walks in. "Oop! We didn't _interupt_ anything, did we?" "**No!! Now get da fuck outta here!!**" Penny sniffed, as she ripped some of the tape off. It hurted a bit. Edward & Stewie walked back out. "_Damn, she was in her bra!_ **Nice breastes!!**" Edward exclaimed. "**_Boy, I thought Hip Hop girl's milk jugs was gonna pop out of her bra!!_**" Stewie exclaimed happily. "**Fuckin' punks!!** **This must've how _B_ felt when Big Boy did this to him!!**" Penny sniffed as she put her shirt back on. "Probably." Patsy said. "So, do you wanna go tease Lois with me & Lazlo?" "No thanks, _P_." Penny said. "_FOX_ is doin' _'The best of the '90's'_, again tonight."

**_(Cutaway to TV)_**  
Announcer: _Tonight on FOX's 'The best of the '90's' it's; 'Married...with children', 'In Living Color', 'Martin', & 'Roc'. Plus some commentary from the stars of the former shows._

Martin Lawrence: The show was pretty fun to do, until tha writing staff started gettin' high, and **writin' ridculious shit!!** Thanks a lot, Campbell!!  
Damon Wayans: You know, I miss _'In Living color'_, you know? My show, _'My wife & kids'_, was a success, except two things bothered me about it. First, it was on _ABC_, & tha second thing was dat Campbell woman was casted as my wife. I kinda wanted Beyonce to be my wife, but shitty ass _ABC_ refused!! **Bastards!!**

Announcer: _All this & more!! You'll laugh. You'll cry. Well, you might cry, and you'll definately get laughs!! All on FOX tonight!!_ _FOX: We're different._ **_GOT A PROBLEM, WITH THAT?!_**  
**_(End TV cutaway)_**

Later, it was getting closer to 11:00 now. Everyone's heading to bed now. The storm clouds have returned. Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny was outside talking. "Well, this had been some day." Lazlo yawned. "Yeah, it was pretty interesting!" Patsy added. "Yeah, especially when Clam threw dat boulder at dat red-headed slut!!" Penny laughed. "That _was_ pretty funny!!" Lazlo laughed. "Well, this had been fun. I'm goin' to bed." Penny said sleepily, and walked away. Lazlo turned to Patsy. "Well, looks like we're not gonna sleep with each other tonight." Lazlo said sadly. "Don't worry dear. In two years, we'll both be 18 and be able to sleep together legally." Patsy soothed. "Why?" Lazlo asked stupidly. "Because, we'll be adults then, silly!!" Patsy laughed. "_Oh!_ _**God bless America!!**_" Lazlo said, as he did a salute. "**YEAH!! WE'RE #1!! YEAH!!**" Joe shouted, popping from out of nowhere. "So, how was that?" Lazlo asked Patsy. "That was pretty patriotic, dear!!" she said. "But it was missing something." "What?" Lazlo asked. "**FIREWORKS!!**" Patsy exclaimed loudly. Just then thunder rumbled and lightning struck something behind her. "Well, there's your fireworks, Patsy!" Lazlo laughed. "I-I guess it was." Patsy giggled nervously. "I guess, that's god's way of tellin' us to get inside. That'll be a wise thing." Lazlo said. Patsy got closer to him. "Good night, honey." Patsy said, as she kissed Lazlo good night. "Sweet dreams, Patsy honey." Lazlo said, as he hugged her. After the kissing & hugging, Patsy & Lazlo went to their respective cabins. Shortly after they got to their cabins, it started to downpour. The sound of the rain eased everyone at camp to sleep.


	11. Patsy's commercial

_For reasons unknown, it's time again for 'Ranting with Edward'._

Stewie: If you all wondering where's Edward, He's making a guest appearance on the show, _'American dad'_, but he'll be in this coming chapter. Before I start my rant. I would like to announce that _'Ranting with Edward'_ will be changed to, _'Ranting with Edward & Stewie'_ for now on. Also, after this chapter, The _'Ranting with Edward & Stewie'_ segments will began every few chapters for now on. Alright, my rant is about what happened to me in Chapter 7. I'm gonna explain what happened to me, because I'm getting sick and tired of people asking me what happened. Cue the flashback.

_**(Flashback)**_  
Stewie was trying to break from Jane Doe's tight-ass grip.

Stewie: **AHHH!! YOU'VE BROKEN MY CAMCORDER, YOU SKANK!!**  
Doe:(drunk, of course)D-Don't w-worry, little m-mans. I-I's got a camcorder h-hooked up!!

She was struggling to put her door keys in her pocket, and to hold onto Stewie at the same time. She stumbled into her apartment. She set Stewie on her bed.

Doe: N-Now, don't g-go anywhere d-dear. I-I-I'll be in the next r-r-r-room changing into somethin' more c-c-c-comfortable.

She stumbles into the next room. Stewie looked around to see if there was a way out.

Stewie: There's gotta be a way to get away from the drunken Bambi?

He looks at a opened window.

Stewie: That's the way out!!

Doe comes from the next room. She had taken off her clothes, and was in her bra & undies. She must be so drunk, that she probably forgot that she never wear any undies or pants for that matter.

Doe: I-I'm ready to have s-sex now!  
Stewie:(backing away) Oh dear god, help me!!  
Doe:(getting closer to him) C-Come over here, d-dear. Hee! Hee! I-I said, _'c-cum'_, Hee!Hee!Hee!

Then she suddenly passes out right onto the floor. Stewie came to her.

Stewie:(takes her pulse) Yep, she's unconscious! It's time to get the hell out!!

He runs to the opened window, and jumps out. He runs all the way back to Brian's car.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

Stewie: That was awful!! But I must admit, when that female deer came in nothing but her bra & undies; it was kinda arousing!! Also, this is gonna be the author's last one going by _'Chappellelazlo'_. After this chapter, he's gonna be named _'Homeydaclown'_. Also in this chapter, there's gonna be some drug usage, sexual terms, and ghetto, rap, hip-hop, black acting. Oooh! Sounds like hip-hop girl's kind of chapter. Hopefully, she'll be showing her breastes, like the shorty she is. Oh bloody hell, it's starting already! Okay, I'm Stewie, and join me next time on _'Ranting with Stewie & Edward'_, I mean, _'Ranting with Edward & Stewie'_.

Patsy's commercial

It was the next morning. The storms from the previous night left the area. The sun was shining, and the birds were singing. Everyone was still asleep, except one camper. Penny was up. She was doing her daily weight lifting exercises. "This is tha perfect time to do my excercises, since dat baby, Edward, & Quagmire are still sleepin'." she said. Just then she heard a soft yawn. It was Patsy. "Good morning, Penny." she said, as stretched. "Good mornin', _P_." Penny replied. Patsy's joints cracked loudly as she stretched. "Damn, you sound like tha fourth of July, with all dat noise,_ P_!" Penny teased. "It sounds kinda like Gretchen chowin' down on some chicken bones!" Patsy laughed. "It sounds like someone needs to exercise." Penny teased again. "I do exercise, Penny!!" Patsy sniffed loudly. Then she looked over towards Nina to see if she had awaken her. Fortunately, she was still snoring loudly in her bed. "Like I was sayin', I do exercise!!" Patsy repeated. "Yeah, those sissy-ass UK exercises, dat Cousin Liz showed you dat one time." Penny sniffed.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Patsy was at her home. She just put on her workout clothes, and was carrying her sportsbottle, some weights, & a towel. Penny also had the same things.

Patsy: I can't wait to try Liz's new exercises, Penny.  
Penny: Well, I can. Who knows what kind of british shit she's gonna do.  
Patsy:(scoffs) Come on Penny. It's never hurts to try new things. Who knows, you'll might even enjoy it!  
Penny:(rolls her eyes) Okay _P_.

Just then Elizabeth walks in. She had Magenta colored hair, and it was the same style as Patsy's. She also wore a monocle, and wearing some jewerly. She was also wearing some workout clothes, too.

Elizabeth: I say, it's time to show you me exercises now.  
Patsy: Okay.

Penny: Oh god.  
Elizabeth: Okay, old chaps. First, you take out your whoop-ass stick.

Penny & Patsy took out some clubs from out of nowhere.

Elizabeth: Okay. Now take your ass-whooping stick and hit it against this red-headed pissheaded slag!! That'll be a wise thing!

She hits the stick against Lois, who just happened to be there.

Lois: **OW!! Quit it!!** Fuckin' big breasted whore!!  
Elizabeth: I say, naff off you nob sucking slapper!!

She stops hitting Lois, and looks at Patsy & Penny.

Elizabeth: Wanna give her a jolly old spiffing, Patsy old girl?  
Patsy: Hell yeah!

She gives Lois another beating.

Elizabeth: How 'bout you, Penny old bean? Want a go at it?  
Penny: Hell naw!! I'm sorry Liz, but this isn't what we call exercise here in tha states. Dat's just Rodney King type shit here, G!  
Elizabeth: Oh, I'm sorry that you have a stroppy over this, Penny old girl; but that's the way we exercise but in the UK, old bean.

Just then, there was a loud popping sound.

Patsy: _HA! HA!!_ **Got her!!  
**Elizabeth:(excited) I say, sounds like you got her in the upper virberate with that one, Patsy old bean!! That was going to be the next step!! Jolly good job!!

Patsy: Thanks!!

Penny was watching this scene. She was getting jealous.

Penny: I can do better!!

She goes over to them. She picks up her club, and strikes Lois in the lower back, the spine, and the collar bone with fast hard blows. Elizabeth & Patsy looked at Penny with amazed looks on their faces. There was silence. Elizabeth broke the silence.

Elizabeth: I say, that was a jolly good old fashioned UK beating, Penny old chap!! T-That's almost the same type of beatings, _I_ always give!!  
Patsy: Damn Penny, that was dope!!

Penny:(smiles & laughs) Thanks Gs!  
Patsy: See? Didn't I tell you, that you'll enjoy this?  
Penny: Yeah. Let's go & shoot some pool.  
Elizabeth: Yeah!  
Lois:(groans)  
Patsy: Is she gonna be okay?  
Penny: Yeah, she's gonna be fine.

They leave. Stewie walks into the scene. He looks at Lois.

Stewie: Damn Lois, you got pwned by Hip hop girl, Patsy, & British mongoose girl!! _H-How hot is that?_

Elizabeth comes back to get her stick. Stewie looks at her, closely.

Stewie:(eyes wide) Oh I say, you some _nice_ melons in your workout shirt there, UK mongoose girl!  
Elizabeth: I say, thanks for complimenting about me chest, Stewie old bean.  
Stewie: I would like to suck on those!  
Elizabeth: Uh, let's end this flashback now, before he grab me breasts!! That'll be a wise thing!  
**_(End Flashback)_**

Patsy then thought about it. "I'm starting to think, that you're right, Penny." she said, as she got up from her bed. "I could do some exercises. My muscles are feeling kinda weak." "Okay! Hurry up, and get dressed. I want to go out for a jog!!" Penny exclaimed. Soon Patsy was dressed. "So, where are we gonna jog to?" she asked Penny. "Well, I'm thinkin' 'bout we jog to dat toilet town over by tha lake, and then jog to tha mountains." Penny said. "Okay." Patsy said. "Oh! And by the way, that _'toilet town'_ you call it, is Prickly Pines." "Yeah, sure whatever. Who cares? Let's go, before those cheeky bastards; Quagmire, Edward, & Stewie wakes up and it starts gettin' hot out!" Penny sniffed.

At Peter's house, his alarm clock was going off. "Ahh! That was a good night's sleep!" he said as he turned off the alarming clock. Peter walked towards the window, and he took a deep breath. "It's a perfect sunny day to do scoutmaster duties, isn't it Jerry?" Jerry Seinfeld walks up. "It sure is, Peter. Why do they call it _'scoutmaster duties'_? Do the scoutmaster uses the bathroom? Well, I'm here to inform you that, Yes, he does." Jerry said as the _'Seinfeld'_ solo bass guitar plays. Soon Peter was dressed, Brian walks in with the morning mail. "Good morning, Peter." the dog said, as he set the mail bag on Peter's table. "Hey Brian. I see that you got the day's mail early today." "Yep. The postal service decided to deliver the mail early, because all of them are having a drinking party or some shit like that." Brian sniffed. Peter looked through the mail. "Junk, bill, Samson's letter, junk, bill, _'Arby's'_ coupons, _'Pizza Hut'_ coupons, and a letter for me!" he said as he took his letter and coupons. "Um Peter, what about the rest of the mail?" Brian asked. "You throw them in the garbage, duh!" Peter said, and went to his TV. Brian picked up the 'garbage'. "Looks like, I have to pay the bills, again!!" the dog sniffed. Peter opened his letter. "Ah, it's from the people who got me to do that _subway_ commercial. It says, that they are holding auditions for a commerical down at the mall. Sweet! I must tell the campers about this!!" he exclaimed. "That'll be a wise thing!!"

Sometime later at Lazlo's cabin, Lazlo was the last one to wake up. "God! That was some night's sleep!" he said as he got up from his bed. Raj & Clam was up also. "I see you're up." the annoying elephant teased. "Yeah, I'm up! So?" Lazlo asked. "So? Um, I don't know. I was just makin' conversation." Raj said. "Chit chat!!" Clam said stupidly. "God! You're a stupid muthafucka, Clam!" Lazlo sniffed as he got up from his bed. "Yeah, I know!" Clam laughed stupidly. Soon Lazlo was dressed. He wanted to watch the morning news on his TV, but he couldn't with Raj & Clam around. So he decided to read the newspaper instead. "Hmm! Looks like it haves the same news like always. _Iraq this_, _George W. Bush that!_" Lazlo said. He stood up. "I think, I'll go see Patsy." he said, then he left. Raj was looking to see if the coast was clear. When it was, he turned to Clam. "Hey Clam, do you wanna get high?" he asked as he took out a small bag. "**_Yeah!! Clam loves crack!!_**" Clam exclaimed stupidly.

Outside, Lazlo went towards Patsy's cabin. "Gee, I wonder what's gonna happen to us today?" he said to himself. He soon bumped into Stewie. "I say, _Shazlo_. Have you seen that rhino of yours?" "The name's Lazlo, and yeah I seen him. Why you want him?" Lazlo asked. "Uh, well, I have a surprise for him. Yes! A surprise for him." Stewie said evily. "What kind of surpise is it?" the monkey asked. "Um, it's just a quick little surprise." Stewie replied. "Oh! He's in my cabin with Raj. Smoking crack!" said Lazlo. "**Victory is mine's!!**" Stewie shouted as he ran towards Lazlo's cabin. Soon Lazlo was at Patsy's cabin. He knocked on the cabin door. Nina answered it. "Oh hello there, Lazlo! It's-a lovely a-day-a!" Nina greeted in an italian accent for some dumb reason. "Yes, it is." Lazlo replied. "I'm-a surprised it-a isn't-a still a-rainin'!" Nina said. "Um, what's with the italian accent?" Lazlo asked her. "Oh, I'd just thought it'll be funny." Nina said back in her normal accent. "Yeah? So anyway Nina, is Patsy and or Penny inside?" Lazlo asked. "No, they're not. I think they went for a morning jog or some shit like that." Nina said. "Oh! Well, I must be goin'." Lazlo said. "See ya." Lazlo went back to his cabin. Just when he was about to enter his cabin, he heard some panting behind him. He thought it was Clam. "Clam, can't you go pant on..." He turned to see it was Patsy. "Raj." "I would like to pant on Raj, but I rather pant on _you_, honey." Patsy smiled as she panted. Lazlo looked at her. Her workout shirt was covered in sweat, and sweat was dripping off from areas on her body. "Damn Patsy, you look more _sexy_ than usual!!" Lazlo exclaimed with wide eyes. Patsy looked at him, and held his chin. "Thank you dear. I'd just came back from a jog with Penny." she explained. "Yeah, Nina told me." Lazlo said. Patsy looks at herself. "Looks like I need to take a shower, that'll be a wise idea." "Okay, you do that, and I'll go see Penny." Lazlo said. "Alright then, I'll see you after I take my shower." Patsy said in a sexy voice.

Penny, just got done getting a shower and she was in her uniform now. She just left Patsy's cabin. "God! There's nothin' like gettin' a cold shower after a long, hot, sweaty jog!!" she said. Then Lazlo walked up to her. "Hey Penny!" "'Sup Lazlo." Penny greeted. "How's my boy this mornin'?" "I'm doin' fine. Did you enjoy your jog?" Lazlo asked her. "Yeah we did." Penny said. "But along tha way, we sorta had some problems." "What type of problems?" Lazlo asked. "And I want it in flashback form, please." "Aight then." Penny started."Cue Flashback!!"

**_(Flashback)_**  
Penny & Patsy was on their jog. Penny was ahead, and poor Patsy was struggling to catch up.

Penny: Come on, _P_!! Lift those legs!! Run faster!  
Patsy:(panting) I-I'm trying, but I-I-I'm too tired!!

Penny: Just take a drink of dat _'Gatorade'_, tha tiredness will go away.

So Patsy took a slip of her strawberry flavored '_Gatorade'_, and started running faster. Miles later, Patsy started getting tired again.

Patsy:(panting & sweating) P-Penny, can we take a break? Please?  
Penny:(cross) Sure!

They sat down on a nearby stone. Penny took out a small towel, and started wiping herself with it. Patsy did the same thing with her towel.

Penny: Okay _P_, from this point on, we'll take it easy, and walk.  
Patsy:(confused) Did you just call me, _'P'_?  
Penny: Yes, I did. So as I was sayin', let's take it easy and just walk for tha rest of tha way.  
Patsy: Yeah, let's.

Patsy then thought of something.

Patsy: Penny, how 'bout we watch _'Sanford & son'_ when we get back to camp?

Penny: Yeah. I'm in tha mood to watch Fred givin' Lamont a right hook!  
Patsy: Boy, Penny. You're sweatin' like a muthafucka!  
Penny:(wipes herself with her towel) Shit, dat's what a 7 mile jog do to ya! At least tha three head fuckas of 'Pervert University' ain't here to see us!

Just then Quagmire showed up from out of nowhere, on cue.

Quagmire:(eyes wide, and tongue out) Oh!! Look at those sweaty, busty, sexy breasts in those small workout shirts,_ oh_!!  
Penny: Shit, I spoke too soon!  
Quagmire: _Giggity!_ _Giggity!_ Patsy's breasts are so moist!  
Patsy:(offended) Cheeky double-chinned pig fucker!  
Penny:(standing up now) Let's whoop his ass, _P_! Dat'll be a wise thing!  
Patsy:(also standing up) Yeah!! I'm gonna put my size 5's in his skinny ass!  
Quagmire:(excited) _Alriiiiiight!!_

They whooped his ass, and the studio audience cheered, laughed, & applaued. 25 minutes later, Patsy & Penny leaves.

Patsy:(dusting herself off) Stupid ass bastard!  
Penny: Fuckin' slick haired, big-toothed n(bleep)a!

Quagmire was laying on the ground, bleeding.

Quagmire: Oh! Oh! Gretchen's gonna be pissed, when I don't come back with this chronic!

Patsy comes back and takes Quagmire's weed.

Quagmire: T-Thanks Patsy! You-You're a l-lifesaver. Give this to Gretchen for me, please.  
Patsy: I'm not gonna give this to Gretchen, I'm gonna give this to my dad. He smokes this kind of shit!! He's gonna be high like a muthafucka!!

She leaves.

Quagmire: Oh, god! Gretchen's gonna hurt my boys!  
Audience:(laughs)  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"That Quagmire, he's such a nut!!" Lazlo laughed. "Yeah, what a bastard!!" Penny sniffed. Just then Gretchen walks up. "Hey! Have ya'll seen Quaggie? He's suppose to come back with my cocaine." "Yeah, I saw him. He'd just left dat toilet town, Prickly Pines, and he said he was gonna make some green, and sell tha coke to his shorties back in Watts, G." Penny lied to Gretchen. Of course, Gretchen was pissed. "Dat gawd damm fuckin' prick!! Wait until I see him, I'm gonna _rip_ his balls off and play table tennis with them, until they turn into dust!" she ranted, and ran off. "Boy, Quagmire's gonna be in a world of pain!!" Lazlo laughed. "Yeah, I know!!" Penny laughed. "Dat ho's gonna fuck him up!" Patsy walked up to them. "Okay, now that I had my shower, let's bounce to my cabin, and watch _'Sanford & Son'_." she said. "Yeah, let's." Penny added. Just then Peter got on the PA system. "_Attention campers! There's gonna be a short meeting at the flagpole! Thank you very much!_" "Shit, I hope this meeting doesn't take too long!!" Patsy sniffed. "I hope not either, I read dat _'Sanford & Son'_ is gonna be good today. It's suppose to be tha one, where Fred joins tha cast of _'The Jeffersons'_." Penny explained.

**_(Cutaway to 'Sanford & Son)_**  
George Jefferson just came home from a day's work at Jefferson Cleaners. He was tired.

Jefferson: God! I'm tired! Cleanin' up suits makes a rich black man, like myself very tired.

He walks into the kitchen, just to see Fred in there cooking.

Jefferson: Who tha hell are you?  
Sanford: I'm Fred. Yo' new butler.  
Jefferson: What?  
Sanford: I'm yo' new butler. You know, tha butler dat you hired durin' last night's poker game?

George stood there, trying to remember what happened the previous night.

Jefferson: Oh yeah! I remember now! Okay, I want you to make me some dinner.  
Sanford: Sorry, I can't.  
Jefferson: Why?  
Sanford:(shows his watch) Union break!  
Jefferson: First Florance, now you! I just can't get a break!  
Sanford: Okay, I'm gonna take my break now. My 'Arthur-itis' is actin' up.  
Audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

Everyone was at the flagpole. Peter walks up now. "Okay everyone, shut up now!" They shut up. "Right. Okay, I got some news. You know that _'Subway'_ commercial, that I did in Chapter 8?" he asked them. "Oh no, we're not gonna watch it _again_, are we?" said that bear nobody. "No." Peter said. "Just for that remark, your ass is gonna have to watch it for the rest of the day!! Okay. The agents are holdin' audtions for their next commercial in the mall, today at 2." Everyone chatted about this. "Okay until 2:00 then, disappear!" Peter said. Everyone goes back to doing their activities. "Oop! Where do you think, you're goin'?" Peter asked the bear kid. "I was gonna..." the bear started to say. "How dumb can you be? Did you forget, that you're gonna have to watch my commercial for the rest of the day?" Peter asked. "Uh, no." the bear said. "Just for that, you don't get to participate in the audtions for the commercial, either." Peter said. "Oh man. Why?" the annoying bear asked. "Because, I'm the _HFBIC_, kid. The _HFBIC_." Peter said. "_HFBIC_? What does that mean?" the bear asked stupidly. "_Head Fat Bastard In Charge_, stupid, duh!" Peter shouted. "Just for that, you get to watch my commercial for the next day, too! And get to be Meg's assistant, also." "Oh damn!" the bear said. "I rather have my dick sucked by that stupid 'Honey' girl, then be Meg's assistant!!" "Well, you should've stop yourself from sayin' somethin' stupid about my commercial!!" Peter sniffed. Just then, Honey walks up. "D-uh! Did somebody call me? Or wanted their dick sucked?" she drooled stupidly. "No, Ms. Honey. Now get lost, you little hooker, that'll be a wise thing!!" Peter said. "D-uh, okay Scoutmaster Griffin, sir. I'm gonna go asleep now. Bye-Bye, you dick." Honey said, and left. Peter turned to Cleveland, & Brian. "What the hell is she suppose to be anyway?" "I don't know, Peter. Probably some kind of bear, lion, or dog? Somethin' like that." Cleveland said. "If she's a dog, that's a dog I don't want to know personally." Brian said. "Or even at all!"

Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo was watching _'Sanford & Son'_ at Patsy's cabin, moments later. "Well, I'm glad dat meetin' didn't last too long." Penny said. "I'm glad, too." Patsy said. "Especially, since a good episode of _'Sanford & son'_ was on!!" "Yeah." Penny said. Lazlo sat up. "I wonder if we have to act out, or read a script that they give us for the part for the commercial?" he wondered. "Who knows? Maybe dear?" Patsy said. Just then Gretchen walks in. "Hey ya'll! I see dat Quagmire still didn't show his skinny ass up, yet!" she sniffed. "No, it appears, dat tha muthafucka didn't." Penny said. "Well, his ass is gonna git got! One way or tha other!" Gretchen said as she sat on her bed. Patsy turned to her. "So, Gretchen. Are you nervous about auditioning for the commercial?" she asked. "Hell naw, I'm ain't nervous mongoose!" Gretchen huffed. "My family always been prepared for this type of shit! Just like tha time, my cousin Gina was in dat internet provider commercial."

**_(Flashback)_**  
Gretchen's cousin, Gina was doing a _Vonage_ commercial. She had black hair, with green streaks. She too, like Gretchen, had a bad attitude. It came in handy for this commercial. A man wearing a neatly ironed blue shirt and a dark blue tie with white stripes, with the words _'The phone company'_ walks up.

Phone company man: The phone company has an important message for it's customers. Don't listen to _Vonage_!

Then Gina walks up next to the man with a golden bar.

Gina: Well, over 2 million people already switched to _Vonage_.  
Phone company man: Oh really?

He tries to push the bar, but it didn't budge.

Gina: With _Vonage_, ya'll get unlimited local & long distance calls, just for 24.99 a month.

The bar pushes the man a little more.

PC man: Unlimited? For just 24.99? Your company sucks!!

Gina pulls out a gun, and shoots the man several times. He falls dead to the floor.

Gina: **Gawd damn cheeky ass bastard!!** **Sign up with _Vonage_ or else!!**  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"See, yo' not tha only one, dat can have various family members in random flashbacks, mongoose." Gretchen bragged. "I know that!" Patsy sniffed. "Scoutmaster Griffin, Stewie, and them do it all the time!! Tell me something I don't know!!" Gretchen stood up. "Well, since I can't make you jealous, I think I'll keep lookin' for Quaggie!!" "Dat's fine with us." Penny said. Gretchen leaves. "Cheeky slut!" Patsy sniffed. Soon the show was over, Lazlo stood up. "I think, I'll go check on Raj, Stewie, & Clam now." "They're probably higher than tha _Harlem Globetrotters_ by now!" Penny laughed. "Maybe." Lazlo replied. After Lazlo left, Patsy turned to Penny. "So, what do you want to do now?" she asked. "Let's play b'ball." Penny exclaimed. "Okay." Patsy said. At his cabin, Lazlo found Raj, Clam, & Stewie on the floor. They were high, of course. "Look at all these stupid bastards in here. All high and shit!" Lazlo teased. Raj sat up. "Oh! It's L-Lazlo! W-Why do you close y-your eyes, w-when we make l-love?" Stewie & Clam sat up now. "H-Hey rhino, I wanted t-to tell you somethin'. I-I was originally w-was goin' to kill you, for what you did in the l-last chapter, but that w-wasn't the case!! Instead, I got high!! Ha! Ha! Ha!" Stewie laughed highly. "**D-Distraction!!**" Clam exclaimed. Lazlo looked at them. "Looks like, you fuckas need some air, and probably a shower." Lazlo said. "I don't need a shower, I-I need somethin' to drink!" Raj said. "Fuck that! I-I need somethin' to eat! I've got the munchies!" Stewie added. "**Food!!**" Clam shouted. "Bastards!" Lazlo muttered.

At the ball court, Penny & Patsy was playing 1 on 1. Penny was ahead by five points. "Damn _P_, this is probably tha first time in a while, dat yo' actually close to me!" Penny said. "Well, I've been praticing, Penny." Patsy said as she dribbled the ball. "Stop bouncin' tha ball, and make a move already!!" Penny hollered. So Patsy did some fancy footwork. Penny was guarding her real good, and was wise to Patsy's every move. Patsy went one way, Penny guarded that way. Patsy tried the other way, but Penny guarded that way, too. "_Damn, I can't shake her!!_" Patsy thought to herself. Then she had an idea. "I know! I can perform my patented five point shot!" she said evily. "What a plan! What a plan!" "Give up, _P_! I've got yo' ass surrounded!!" Penny laughed. "Oh, I'm not gonna give up!" Patsy said as she threw the ball at the net. The ball bounced off the rim, but Patsy grabbed it and made the dunk. "**Dammit!!**" Penny sniffed loudly. "Ha! Ha! It's tied now, Penny!" Patsy laughed. Penny picked up the ball. "Okay _P_, who ever makes tha next basket, wins, and gets tha 100 dollars." "Okay Penny." Patsy said. So Penny rereleased the ball, and Patsy grabbed the ball right away. "Looks like I'm about to beat you for the first time ever, Penny!!" she exclaimed as she ran towards the basket to make a dunk. Patsy made the shot. "**DAMMIT!!**" Penny shouted. Patsy started celebrating. "Oh yeah! I finally beat your ass in b'ball!! Oh yeah!!" she gloated. "Damn, I haven't felt this so pissed, since tha time I found out dat _'Chappelle's show'_ was cancelled." Penny said.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Penny just came home from school & work. She set her binder & keys on the table.

Penny:(stretching) Oh god, what a long, tirin' day!

She looks at the clock.

Penny: It's almost 9:00! It's almost time for _'Chappelle's Show'_! Looks like I have to study when tha show goes off. It's not like, I have a lot of studyin' to do anyway!

She goes into the refridgerator, and took out some cold fried chicken & pop. Then she goes into the living room, and turned the TV to _Comedy Central_.

Penny:(takes a bite from chicken) Now to sit back, and laugh at tha king of black comedy!

Just then, an unknown announcer's voice came on the tv.

Announcer's voice: For those who are tunin' in to see the new episode of _'Chappelle's show'_, you're outta luck!! _'Chappelle's show'_ has been cancelled. Now time for it's replacement, _'All in the George W. Bush's family'_.

From this news, Penny was pissed.

Penny:(pissed) What no more _'Chappelle's show'_? Damn!! What am I gonna watch now at 9:00, when nothin's on _FOX_?

She turns the channel to _BET_. The show, _'Girlfriends'_ was on.

Penny: Oh god!! This shit's worst!! Well, might as well study.

Just then, there was a knock on her front door. She answers it. There standing there was a tall man, he was in the shadows, so Penny couldn't see his face.

Penny: Yeah, what do you want?  
Man: Are you, Annette Smiles?  
Penny: Yeah, so what do you want?  
Man: Looks like I found the right apartment!

The man steps into the light, it was Dave Chappelle.

Penny:(gasps) **Oh my god! It's Dave Chappelle!! I have Dave Chappelle in my apartment!!  
**Chappelle: Shhh!! Not so loud!! I don't want anybody to know, that I'm here.  
Penny: Oh sorry. So, why yo' here?  
Chappelle: I came to tell jokes, since my show was cancelled.  
Penny: Well, I was gonna study, but listenin' to yo' jokes sounds like a betta idea. Okay, you can come in.  
Chappelle: Can I have a piece of chicken?  
Penny: Sure, just don't parade around in yo' underwear, like some sick European dude, dat'll be a wise thing!  
Chappelle: Don't worry, just between you & me, I'm not wearing any.  
Penny:(backs away a bit) Uh, okay.

Quagmire pops out from out of nowhere, again. He was naked.

Quagmire: Heh! Heh! I'm not wearin' _any_ clothes, Penny!! Let's have sex!  
Chappelle: Stupid double-chinned n(bleep)a!  
Penny: **GET YO' NAKED TINY DICK ASS OUTTA MY APARTMENT, NOW!!**  
Quagmire: Oooh! I like a woman with attitude, _oh!!_ Giggity! Giggity! Goo!  
Audience:(laughs)  
**_(End flashback)_**

"You owe me 100 bucks, Penny!" Patsy chirped. "Damn!!" Penny sniffed as she got the money. "Thanks Penny! Now you know how it feels to lose, Penny!" Patsy teased. Just then Gretchen walks up. "I'd just heard Quagmire's voice from yo' flashback!! Is he 'round here somewhere?" "No. What happened to calling Quagmire; _'Quaggie'_, Gretchen?" Patsy giggled. "Shut up, mongoose!!" Gretchen sniffed. "Oooh! When I see dat Quagmire, I'm gonna rip his skin off!!" She went away. Penny looked at her watch. "It's almost lunchtime!!" "How 'bout we have some pizza delivered?" Patsy asked. "I thought you was allergic to cheese, and you get all bloated & shit if you eat it?" Penny asked her. "That was for that episode only!!" Patsy replied. Penny thought about it. "Okay, pizza it is. Just as long yo' payin'." "Yeah, I'm gonna pay." Patsy said as she took out her cell phone. "Dat's tight!! I'll get tha pop!!" Penny said as she ran off.

Later, it was getting close to 2:00 now. Brian had gathered the campers, that couldn't drive, into the bus. Lazlo was talking to Patsy. "So, are you nervous about the auditions, Patsy?" he asked her as he got into her SUV. "No, I'm not nervous, dear. I'm not nervous at all." Patsy said as she got in. "I'm not nervous at all." "At least, this gives us something to do." Lazlo muttered. "Yeah." Patsy said as she started up her ride. "Probably, by the end of the day, maybe someone at camp will win the part." Lazlo said. "So, how was Stewie, Clam, & Raj? Are they okay from smoking crack?" Patsy teased. "Yeah, they're okay. I'm not too sure about Stewie, though. Anyway, Edward's back, and he'll handle Stewie." Lazlo explained. "Oh." Patsy said as she pulled off. Soon everyone's at the mall, Peter led everybody to the tryout tables for the commercial. "Okay everybody, you know what to do. When you get done, meet me back at the food court." he said. "The food court. Of course!!" the campers moaned. The auditions started. Patsy, Penny, & Lazlo was the last ones in line. Edward was ahead of them. He was with Stewie. "Damn, we're the last ones!!" Patsy sniffed. "I knew we should've avoided that tanker accident!!" "Too bad that traffic couldn't have been rerouted." Lazlo added. Stewie was having a conversation with Edward. "I say, platypus. Did you enjoy your guest appearance on _'American Dad'_?" "I didn't like it too much, Stewie." Edward muttered. "They have me playin' the part of the alien."

**_(Flashback)_**  
The Smith family was sitting in their kitchen, eating breakfast. Stan was talking about his past CIA adventures. Francine just set out a plate for Roger, then she looked around.

Francine: Uh, Stan, have you seen Roger?  
Stan: I think he's still watching soap operas.  
Hayley: Should I get him?  
Stan: No, I'll get him!!

He shoots holes into the ceiling, until Roger falls through. Actually, it was Edward in a 'Roger' suit.

Edward/Roger:(nasually voice) Oh god, I sure am lonely. I could use a drink!  
Stan: God, Roger. You sure look different for some reason, today. Did you get a haircut?  
Edward/Roger: No.  
Stan: Did you lose some weight?  
Edward/Roger:(getting angry a bit) No!  
Stan: Did you gain some.  
Edward:(rips off the 'Roger' suit) **THAT'S IT!! I HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH THIS SHOW & THIS STUPID BIG JAWED MORON!! I'M GOIN' BACK TO MY OWN SHOW!!**

He walks out of there. Everyone was stunned. Stan broke the silence.

Stan: God, I wonder what's up in his ass?  
Klaus:(East german accent) Do I need to get a mirror, und show you?  
Stan: What?  
Hayley: God, what a stupid bastard!  
Audience:(laughs)  
Stan: What the hell was that?  
Steve: That was the studio audience, dad.  
Stan: Since when, our show had a studio audience?  
Steve: Since the flashback began, and it'll end when the flashback's over.  
Stan: What the hell's a flashback?  
Francine:(slaps her head) God, what a stupid cheeky bastard!  
Audience:(laughs)  
**_(End Flashback)_**

The line for the auditions started to move, and pretty quickly too. "Damn, this line's goin' fast, like two buckets of fried chicken at scoutmaster Griffin's house!" Lazlo said. "I guess the agents must be very picky." Patsy said. A nobody ran past them, crying. "And probably total complete bastards, too." Penny added. Edward turned to them. "You guys might as well leave, because Stewie & I have this bitch in the bag!" "Yeah right!!" Penny laughed. "Yo' asses are gonna get tossed outta here, faster than scoutmaster tubby's shit on Chili nachos & hot sauce night!" "Wanna bet, hip hop girl?" Stewie asked. "Yeah!!" Penny said. "I bet for 60 bucks & a brand new _TiVo_, dat you two won't get tha part!" Stewie & Edward thought over this. "Should we?" Stewie asked Edward. "Yeah we should. Maybe we could get a peek at her rack, too." Edward said. "Oooh Edward, you're a cheeky bastard!!" Stewie laughed. "Yeah, I know!" Edward said. They turned to Penny. "Okay hip hop girl, if we get that part, you'll have to give us the 60 bucks, and buy us two new brand new _TiVos_, and you have to show us your chest." Stewie said. "Okay fucka, it's a deal!!" Penny said.

Edward & Stewie was soon next. "Okay Stewie, let's show our stuff!" Edward whispered. "Yeah." Stewie said evily. The agents gave each of them a script. "Okay." Edward said as he straightened his eyes. "_Hey, do ya call this a jersey? This is no jersey, it's crap..._" "_**Next!!**_" said one of the agents. Stewie was next. "I say, _do you..._" "No babies, **_NEXT!!_**" shouted the agent again. "_Blast!!_" Stewie sniffed. "Ha! Ha! Looks like you muthafuckas lose tha bet!!" Penny laughed as she went up. "I wanna see my brand new _TiVo_, and tha 60 dead presidents when we get back to camp!" "I hope she doesn't get the part!!" Edward sniffed. "Yeah, then we all be even!!" Stewie said. Then he thought of something. "I say, that didn't make sense at all, did it?" "Nope, it didn't." Edward said. The agents gave Penny the script. "_Hey, do yo' ass call dat a jersey? Dat's no jersey,..._" "_**Next!!**_" the agent shouted. Edward & Stewie laughed. Penny noticed. "What da fuck are you two bitches laughin' at?!" she said as she grabbed them by the throats."Oh shit! She's gonna fuck us up!!" Edward exclaimed. "H-How hot is this?" Stewie laughed nervously. "Dead meat, muthafuckas, dead meat!!" Penny hissed. Patsy was the last one to tryout. "Good luck, Patsy!!" Lazlo called to her. "Better you than me!!" Patsy looked over the script. "Okay. _Do ya'll call those fuckas jersey? Those fuckas ain't jerseys!! They're rags!!_" Then she pulls out a black _Air Jordan_ jersey from out of nowhere. "_Now, this is a jersey!! A real american jersey!!_" The agents were silent, until one of them broke the silence. "You've got the part!! Go to the next table, and get more information." Patsy smiled at the news. An hour & a half later, Patsy went to the food court where the others were. Lazlo & Penny was the first ones to see her. "Well, did you get the part?" he asked. Patsy smiled at him. "Yes I did!! Then they told me to go to the sport clothing store on the other side of the mall, and they shot the commercial from there!!" she explained. "I'm so proud of you, Patsy!!" Lazlo said, then he a thought popped into his head. "When are they airing the commercial?" "They're gonna air it tonight on _FOX_ during, _'Kitchen Nightmares'_, and again on _BET_. Plus, I get paid a lot! That's means, I can finally pay you off, dear!" Patsy explained. "That's good." Lazlo said. "Dat's good for you, _P_." Penny said. Peter than walked up to the trio. He had four bags of _Checkers_ burgers. "So, are you guys done auditionin' for the commercial?" "Yeah." Lazlo said. "That's good! It's time to go back to camp, and check on that annoyin' bear kid, & Brian, just to make sure that pain-in-the-ass honey fucker doesn't get out of watchin' my commercial and bein' Meg's assistant. That'll be a wise thing!" Peter said. Then he turned to Penny. "Ms. Penny, can you get Cleveland & Joe, and tell them to gather the others?" "Yeah, you lazy fucka!" Penny sniffed as she went away.

Back at camp, everyone went back to doing their activities. The news of Patsy winning the part for the commercial spread like fire across the camp. Some of the other campers weren't too pleased about the news. "_Hmmpt!_ What makes her _so_ special?" one of the female nobodys sniffed. "Yeah! What was wrong with me?! **I'm smarter, nicer, & _far_ better than Patsy!!**" Almondine ranted. Then the female owl grabbed Gretchen. "**WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH ME?! I'M PERFECT!!**" she said as she shook the alligator violently. "First of all, Patsy don't go 'round shakin' tha shit outta folks for no reason!! Second, she's a main character; and third, **GIT YO' HANDS OFFA ME BEFORE I DIP YO' ASS IN ELEVEN 'ERBS & SPICES, AND THEN FRY YO' ASS IN A PRESSURE COOKER FOR DA COLONEL!!**" "Oh! Sorry! Sorry!" Almondine said sheepishly as she let Gretchen go. "Cheeky ass Meg lookin' chicken!!" Gretchen sniffed. Patsy & Penny went back to their cabin. Patsy was on her laptop, while Penny was watching her. "So, yo' checkin' yo' e-mail, _P_?" Penny asked. "Yep!" Patsy said. "You know most of those e-mails are junk mail." Penny said. "Yeah, I know. That's why, I always check my e-mail, Penny." Patsy said as she deleted some of the crappy ass junk mail. Soon Patsy was done. "Okay, I'm done." she said as she put up her laptop. Penny turned to her. "So _P_, do you wanna watch, _'Shine on me'_?" she asked. "_'Shine on me'_? What kinda show is that?" Patsy asked. "It's was a so-called spinoff of _'Amen'_, dat never really got off tha ground. It also starred Sherman Hemsley, plus it lasted only seven episodes." Penny explained. "Oh. Did it had the same type of theme song as _'Amen'_?" Patsy asked. "Yep. Matter of fact, it was tha same one." Penny said. "It sounds pretty good, let's watch it!" Patsy exclaimed. So Penny turned on the TV, and the show came on.

**_(Cutaway to TV)  
_**The show started the same way _'Amen'_ did; except it was called, _'Shine on me'_. It shows the inside of the church. The deacon, Ernest Frye was talking about a new member joining the church.

Deacon: Well, it's been a year since an member joined the church.  
Rolly: Yeah, so?  
Deacon: So, that means I would like to introduce our new member of the church. Please come in, Ms. Bridges.

Just then a teenage Jane Doe walks in stumbling.

Doe/Bridges:(drunk again) L-Like, hey e-everybody. L-Like, I'm very pleased to be a member of y-your church.  
Deacon: Um, yeah.  
Rolly: Looks like you got yo'self a good one! Ha! Ha!

Then Doe stumbles drunkenly towards the deacon.

Doe/Bridges: Like, I'm y-your biggest fan, Mr. G-George J-J-Jefferson. L-Like, I always dreamed the day, t-that I meet you. N-No, wait! T-That isn't my line! Hee! Hee!

Hemsley: God, what a drunken slut!  
Doe: Like, thank you! Y-You know, t-that I slept with the director? Hee! Hee! That was, like, fun & stuff!! Hee! Hee!

Then she passes on right onto the floor, and the set fell on top of her. The audience laughed.

Hemsley: Well, I guess this show's cancelled now!  
Hairston: Yep! At least, I have _'Family Matters'_ to look to.

Steve Urkel appears from out of nowhere.

Urkel: Did I do that?  
Audience:(laughs)  
Hairston: Oh, for tha love of god!  
Hemsley:(nudges his elbow on him) Good luck on that!  
**_(End TV cutaway)_**

"Oh my god, that was Ms. Doe's drunken ass!" Patsy exclaimed. "You mean dat blonde lust, dat we saw at tha club several chapters back?" Penny asked. Patsy nodded. "Damn, no wonder they cancelled dat show! Dat bitch must've started suckin' dick when she was twelve." Penny said. "Well Penny," Patsy started. "She actually started doing that, when she was eight." "And she probably started drinkin' at nine, too?" Penny laughed. "Yeah!" Patsy said as she giggled at the thought of a nine year old Jane Doe drinking hard liquor & giving head. "What a drunken ho'." Penny laughed. "Yeah, I know!" Patsy laughed. Then there was silence, Penny broke the silence. "You don't mind if I turn tha radio on, do ya?" "I don't mind at all." Patsy replied. So Penny turned on the radio, Janet Jackson's _'That's the way love goes'_ plays on the radio. "Oh snap!" Penny exclaimed. "Dat's my song!!" "You know this song discribes me & Lazlo a whole lot!" Patsy said. "Only to you, _P_. It sounds like another popular R&B song to me!" Penny said. After the song went off the radio, Penny turned off the radio. "Well, I'm goin' to tha music store, and buy dat cd." she said as she took out her keys. "Okay see ya later, Penny!" Patsy said. After Penny left, Patsy was alone. "Maybe I should go practice a little bit of pool." she said as she left the cabin.

Sometime later, it was getting dark. Most of the campers just left the mess hall. Patsy, Penny, & Lazlo was eating what's left of their dinner on their way to the clubhouse, to play with the new roulette wheel. "Oh damn. Dat grub sure was good!" Penny said as she finished off her sandwich. "It sure was, G!" Lazlo said. At the clubhouse, the roulette wheel was already being used by Chip, Skip, Edward, & Stewie, plus there was a long line of campers waiting to play it. "Oh fuck!! Look how long that line is!" Patsy sniffed. "How 'bout we play knives again?" Lazlo asked. "No, I don't think so, dawg." Penny said. "Because, dat Gretchen slut is busy praticin' throwin' knives at a picture of Quagmire all afternoon." "So, do you wanna go and make fun of Meg?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah! There's still plenty of time, before my commercial comes on." Patsy said. "Stop talkin', and let's go find dat fat ass, high lookin' bitch!" Penny said.

Little bit later, it was going towards 11:00. Most of the campers started going back to their cabins for the night, while some of the others was in the lodge. Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo was watching TV. "Patsy, I thought you said that your commercial was suppose to air during _'Kitchen Nightmares'_? The show's almost over." Lazlo asked. "Don't worry, dear. They're gonna air it!!" Patsy said. "I hope so, because I'm gettin' sleepy!" Lazlo yawned. "Is dat it right there, _P_?" Penny asked as she pointed to the TV. "Yep!" Patsy said.

**_(Cutaway to TV commercial)_**  
It shows a couple of guys standing around on a basketball court. They was talking, well, more like arguing over their jerseys.

Man#1: Yo son, I'm wearin' da best jersey, G!  
Man#2: Yo' ass must be smokin' dat shit again! Dat rag's old!! I'm wearin' tha best jersey, you know what I'm sayin'?!

Just then Patsy walks up wearing a red muscle shirt, black shorts, white socks, & black _nikes_.

Patsy: Ya'll must be trippin'!! Do ya'll call those fuckas jerseys? Those fuckas ain't jersey!! They're rags!!

She pulls out a black _Air Jordan_ jersey from out of nowhere.

Patsy: Now, this is a jersey!! A real american jersey!! Give me da' ball!!

One of the men threw her the ball. She bounces the ball pass the men, who was guarding her. She goes for the layup, and makes the dunk.

Patsy: In yo' face, muthafuckas!  
Announcer: That's right, _Air Jordan_'s jerseys are far way better than _AND1_, and cheap rip-offs. _Air Jordan_ jerseys makes you a better basketball player. _Air Jordan: Just f(bleep)k the cheap rip-offs_.  
**_(End TV commercial)_**

"Damn, dat was a dope commercial, _P_!" Penny exclaimed. "That was cool, Patsy!" Lazlo exclaimed happily. "Thanks!" Patsy smiled. Peter, who was watching the whole commercial behind them, came up to Patsy. "That commercial ranks in the same level as mine's!! Pretty good job, Ms. Smiles." he said and left. Just then Penny got up. "My god, I'm tired." she yawned. "I think, I better go to bed. G' night dawgs!" "That sounds like a good idea, good night Penny." Patsy yawned. Soon everyone started to go to bed, Lazlo was talking to Patsy outside. "I really enjoyed your commercial, Patsy!!" Lazlo said. Patsy laughed. "I'm glad that you enjoyed it, honey." she said. "It was worth the wait, too!" Lazlo exclaimed happily. Then he thought of something. "Um, Patsy. When will your paycheck for that commercial's gonna come?" "I think sometime tomorrow or the day after." Patsy said. Then Lazlo gave Patsy her goodnight kiss. "Good night, Patsy honey." he said. "Good night, Lazlo dear. I'll see you in the morning." Patsy said as she went into her cabin.

Everyone was asleep at _Camp Griffin_. It was dark & quiet. Just then a lonely figure came from behind the mess hall. The figure was Quagmire. "I hope Gretchen's asleep!" he whispered as he tiptoed to his quarters. He took out his keys, and unlock the door to his quarters. "Ahh! Made it safe to my quarters. Now to hit that bed!" Quagmire said as he turned a light on. When he turned the light on, Quagmire was in for a shock of his life. There, waiting was Gretchen. She had knives, brass knuckles, & clubs. "Where's my weed, muthafucka?!" she grunted. "What?" Quagmire stuttered stupidly. "Don't play dumb, n(bleep)a! Where's my crack at?!" Gretchen demanded. "W-W-Well Gretchen, P-P-Patsy took it, after she & Penny whooped my ass. S-She said, she was gonna mail it off, to her f-father." Quagmire stuttered. Gretchen was ready to explode. "**IT'S TIME TO WHOOP DAT ASS, UNTIL I CAN'T SEE YO' ASS NO MO'!!**" she said as she put on the brass knuckles. "Oh oh!" Quagmire whimpered as the scene faded to black.

Quagmire soon woke up, to find himself in the nursing station. "Oooh! What happened?" he moaned. He was covered in bandages. Then he looked around to see Lois in the bed next to him. She too, was in bandages. "Lois, what are you doin' here?" he asked. "I was beaten by that Patsy, Penny, & Elizabeth girls, and I had my nose smashed in by that Clam thing, Glenn." Lois said. "What happened to you?" "I was sixteen hours late, gettin' back to Gretchen with her weed. Then she beat the shit outta me." Quagmire explained. "I wonder, if we're gonna be well enough to be in the next chapter?" Lois wondered. "I hope so! I need to make up with Gretchen, so she'll give me some giggity! _Oh!_" Quagmire exclaimed excitedly as he did his headbop. "_Ow!_ Hopefully in the next chapter, I'll be well enough to do my headbop!" After he got done saying that, Quagmire went to sleep, and with much strength & pain, Lois turned off the lights in the room.


	12. Another poker night

Another Poker night

It was another sunny Wednesday at Camp Griffin, and Wednesday always mean; Poker night. Everyone was doing stuff. Lazlo was reading his newspaper, since Raj & Clam was still in the cabin. Raj was listening to his new _ipod_, while Clam was playing with an old truck tire. "Lazlo." the annoying pain-in-the-ass elephant said. "What the hell you want this time, you whiny bastard?" Lazlo said. "I was wondering, if you're gonna play poker tonight?" Raj questioned. "I don't know. Maybe?" Lazlo answered as he put down the newspaper. "Why you ask?" "Because Clam & I want you to be on our team." Raj said. "Oh." Lazlo muttered. "I'll play, if I don't have anything planned. But if I have plans, you'll have to find somebody else to be on your team." "Okay Lazlo." Raj said. Just then, Clam popped his truck tire. "Oh fuck, Clam busted the tire." Lazlo said. "What an ass!" Raj sniffed. "Ass?! _Where?! Where?!_" Clam exclaimed happily. "Looks like he's over losing his tire." Raj said. "Um, Samson's got the ass, Clam." Lazlo lied. "_Ass ahoy!!_ **Clam go bug whiny, nerdy camper!!**" Clam exclaimed as he left the cabin. Lazlo & Raj looked at each other. "What a loser." Raj sniffed. "Yeah, cheeky bastard he is." Lazlo said as he left the cabin.

Meanwhile at Patsy's cabin, Patsy & Penny was lifting weights. "Hey _P_, did ya hear what happen to Quagmire's ass last night?" "Yeah! It serves him right! Double-chinned bastard!!" Patsy laughed. Penny put down her weight. "You don't mind, if I grab somethin' to eat from yo' fridge, do you, _P_?" she asked Patsy. "No, I don't mind, Penny. That's what it's for." Patsy said. So Penny took out some bread, cheese, lettuce, tomato, thin-sliced turkey & ham, some leftover cooked bacon, _Miracle Whip_, mustard, Chilli-cheese _Fritos_, a bottle of _Sprite_ & a glass with ice. She made a sandwich. "So, what are we gonna do today, _P_?" Penny said as she took a bite out of her sandwich. "I don't know, but you know tonight's _'Poker night'_." Patsy said. "No, I didn't know dat." Penny said. "You didn't tell me dat, when you was explainin' everything at camp." "Oh! Well Penny, since Scoutmaster Griffin brought us, he officially named Wednesday nights, poker night." Patsy explained. "Dat's good! As you might know _P_, dat I'm a awesome poker player." Penny bragged as she continued eating her sandwich. "I know that, Penny." Patsy laughed. "I remember what you did at our yearly family poker game last year."

_**(Flashback)**_  
Patsy's entire family was having the yearly card games at Penny's parents large suburban home. The men of the family was playing against the other men, the women against the women, the older kids against the other older kids, and some of the younger kids were playing _52 pickup_, while the other young ones watched TV. The men tried to watch their language around them, but some of them failed at that. Penny was at a table with her older sister; Kelly, Elizabeth, Lela, Kyla, & Harlem cousin, Tichina. Penny & Tichina was the only players left playing at their table. Penny was winning.

Penny: So Tichina, how much you call?  
Tichina: I call, everything!!

She pushes all of her chips & some cash. Kyla walks up to her.

Kyla: Are you sho' you wanna do dat, _T_?  
Tichina: Of course.  
Penny: Aight, _T_. I'll raise 5 bucks.  
Tichina: Hmmm, 5 bucks, eh? Ha! Ha! I fold!! An ace, two spades, a king, and a joka!  
Penny: Ooop! Looks like I got a _Straight house_ on yo' ass, _T_!!

Then she took all of Tichina's chips & cash.

Tichina: **DAMMIT!!** I knew I shouldn't call everything!! This is whack!  
Elizabeth: I say, you need to do better at poker, old bean.  
Lela: Ha! Yo' ass sho' got beat, _T_!  
Kyla: Ha! Ha! Dat's fo' sho', sis!!

Kelly walks up to Penny.

Kelly:(puts a hand on Penny's back) You did a good job, _'nette_. I guess, I taught you everything.  
Penny: I know what you tryin' to do _K_, but you ain't gonna get some of this cash or anything from me!!  
Kelly: What? Why, _'nette_?  
Penny:(counts the cash) 'Cause dat's how I roll, G! Dat's how I roll!!

Patsy walks up to Penny.

Patsy:(looks at the cash in Penny's hands) Looks like you kick some ass, Penny.  
Penny: Yep _P_. I'm thinkin' 'bout buyin' myself Ice Cube's _'Death Certificate'_ cd from dat music shop in downtown.  
Patsy: Can I come with you?  
Penny: Sure, you can come, _P_. Maybe I'll buy you some bling & some new kicks, too.  
Patsy: Gee, thanks, Penny!  
Kelly:(jealous of course) Sure, you ain't gonna buy yo' own flesh & blood somethin', but yo' gonna buy Patsy somethin'!! Damn _'nette_, yo' a playa hata!

Penny: Dat's 'cause _P_, didn't whoop my ass, when we was younger. Besides, dat's how I roll, dat's how I roll, blood!  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"Dat's reminds me, how yo' lil' blood doin'?" Penny asked Patsy. "You mean my little bro? He's doing fine, especially since he scammed cousin, Cole that day. He's rich as a muthafucka!" Patsy said. Then Penny stood up. "I'm gonna go, and play knives, again." she said. "Wait Penny!" Patsy called. "You're forgettin' your Edward sketch!!" "No, I ain't usin' dat anymore." Penny said. "I'm gonna use tha real body!!" "Oh. Just don't miss." Patsy called.

Meanwhile, Peter was in his office. He was counting out his cash for the poker games later on. "Ah, twenty, fourty, sixty, eighty, a hundred, plus another hundred; adds up to 200 bucks!!" he said as he counted the money. Just then Quagmire walks in. Peter looks at him. "Well, well, well. Looks who's outta the hospital bed?" he teased. "I-I guess, I deserve that." Quagmire said. "So, what brings you here, old bean?" Peter asked as he put his cash in the drawer. "Well Peter, I-I was wonderin' where was the closest drug dealer? I need to make it up to Gretchen." Quagmire explained. "Well, I wouldn't know Quagmire, but I think some of the campers probably know." Peter said. Quagmire stood up. "Thanks Peter!" and lefted. Soon after that, Cleveland walks in. "Hey Cleveland!! Are you ready for another poker night?" Peter asked. "No." Cleveland answered. "What?! Why?" Peter asked. "Because, I'm gonna watch the game tonight." Cleveland explained. "Oh. So, did you place your bet yet?" the fat man asked. "Yeah, I did." Cleveland said. "And some of the campers did, also." "Oh. Well, good luck winnin' that bet tonight." Peter said, and went back to counting his money.

Lazlo was practing his b'ball moves. He release the ball, when Penny walked up to him. "**Brick!!**" she shouted. The ball bounced off the rim and fell to the ground. Lazlo turned to her. "_Penny!!_" he sniffed. "Ha! Ha! Ha! I-I'm sorry!! I _couldn't_ resist." Penny laughed, then she recovered. "So, how's my playa doin' today?" "I'm doing fine, Penny." Lazlo said. "So G, do you wanna get Edward & Stewie and play knives?" Penny asked him. "Yes." Lazlo started then he thought of something. "Um Penny. Why do you need Edward & Stewie, when you usually use the 'Edward sketch' as a target?" "I decided it's time to actually throw knives at dat Edward bastard." Penny said. "You're not gonna throw knives at Stewie, are you?" Lazlo asked. "No, I'm not gonna throw knives at him." Penny said. "What kind of person I'll be, if I throw a knife at a baby, G?" "Well, you'll be an italian." Lazlo said. Penny thought what Lazlo had said. "Yeah, dat would be somethin' a pizza maker would do." she said. "Come on, let's get 'em." Lazlo said.

Stewie & Edward was playing pool in the poolroom. Edward was winning. "Well, looks like I'm gonna win, Stewie." he bragged as he lined up his cuestick on the table. Then he hit the cue ball, and it bounced off against the wall of the table, and missed the other balls. "**DAMMIT!!**" he sniffed. "_Ha!_ **My turn!!**" Stewie shouted. Then he lined up the cuestick and hit the ball. The balls went in. "_Yes!!_" Stewie exclaimed. "This is my first time, winning in pool! This probably how Minnesota Fats felt, when he won his first pool match."

**_(Cutaway to Minnesota Fats)_**  
He was lining up his cuestick. He quickly looks up.

Minnesota Fats: You don't know who I am, do you?

He hits the ball, and it goes in.  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"Okay platypus, it's time for you to pay me!" Stewie gloated. "_Damn!!_ I guess I have to wait until sometime next month, to get that addition for my pimped out ride!" Edward sniffed as he got out the money. Stewie counted the money. "50, 60, plus fourty; equals to a hundred!! Thanks platypus. I didn't need to bring out my golf club, _this_ time!!" Stewie said. Just then Lazlo & Penny walked in the scene. "I say Edward, it's that _Curious George_ fellow & that hip-hop girl." "What the hell do you want, Lazlo?" Edward asked rudely. "Well Edward, Penny & I..." Lazlo started, but Penny interrupted him. "I'll handle this, G. Look fucka. I want to see you, and tha kid, in tha lodge, right away!!" Penny demanded. Edward started to get sweaty. "Um,...okay!!" he stuttered. "Oh I say! It looks like hip hop girl's gonna give us some, uh what was that word Quagmire always use? Oh yeah, _giggity_!" Stewie said. "**_It's about time!!_**" Edward exclaimed as he & Stewie left for the lodge.

At the lodge, Penny was waiting for Edward. Edward & Stewie walked up to her. "Finally ya'll showed up!" she teased. "Okay, what do you want, Ms. Penny?" Edward asked. "I just want you to stand right there at tha wall for me. Just you." Penny said. Edward promptly did as Penny told him. "So, I'm at the wall. What do you want me to do now?" he asked. "Just close yo' eyes, and wait for a surprise." Penny said. So Edward closed his eyes. "_Oh snap!_ _Ms. Penny's finally gonna flirt with me!!_" he said to himself. Penny took out one of her knives, and threw it at him. The knife wedged itself above Edward's head. "You can open yo' eyes now." Penny said. When Edward opened his eyes, he found the knife above his head. "W-What the..." he started to say, when another knife wedged itself next to his neck. "I-I-I think, y-you've proved your point, M-Ms. P-P-Penny!! You can throw knives!! I-I-I think we better leave Stewie!!" Edward said, as he was white as a ghost. "Damn platypus. You look paler than the time, the fat man walked into the wrong show." Stewie said.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Peter was asleep in his bed. The alarm clock went off. Peter pressed the snooze button. Minutes later, the alarm went off, and Peter once again, pressed the snooze button. The alarm went off for the third time an hour later. Peter got up and turn off the alarm.

Peter: Oh god! It's time for work.

Then he lookes at the clock.

Peter: _Oh shit!! I'm an hour late for work!!_

He jumps out of bed, and runs to the closet. Then he runs to the kitchen, picks up his breakfast & coffee, and accidently grabs Stewie. Then he goes to his car, and speeds away. Soon he was at his location.

Peter:(panting) _Gonna be late!! Gonna be late!!_  
Stewie: I say, put me down, fat man!  
Peter: _Can't!! I'm gonna be late!!_

He runs to a gray building, and goes inside. Then he runs down the hallway, until he found a door. It had the number 11 on it.

Peter: Room 11. This is the right room!!

He opens the door that leads into the room. Peter was surprised at the sight before him. In the room with him, was Gabe Kotter and the sweathogs. They all turned and look at him.

Peter:(looks around) Where the hell am I?  
Kotter: Hey stranger, you're in my show, _'Welcome back kotter'_.  
Peter:(turns white) Oh no!  
Epstein: Oh yes, buddy!  
Stewie: I say fat man, let's leave, that'll be a wise thing!  
Peter:(regains his color) Yeah, let's!  
Kotter: Wait! I'm about to tell one of my bad jokes about my relatives!  
Everybody else: **OH GOD!! NOT AGAIN!!**  
The audience laughs as the _'Welcome back Kotter'_ theme plays.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"That was some knife-throwin', Penny!" Lazlo said. "You almost stab Edward! _Cool!!_" "I think, I scared five more years offa him!" Penny laughed. Then Quagmire walked up to her. "Uh, Penny?" he said as he tapped her arm. "Yeah, what do you want, bitch?" Penny sniffed. "Can I see you for a minute?" Quagmire asked. Penny rolled her eyes. "Aight, I'll come. Just as long, you don't try dat flirtin' shit. Dat'll be a wise thing." she said. Soon, Penny was with Quagmire. "So, what is it?" she asked him. "Well, I was wonderin', if you know where to get chronic?" Quagmire asked. "Why tha fuck are you askin' me for? I don't know tha area around here." Penny sniffed. "Well, I thought, I thought..." Quagmire stuttered. "But I do know someone, who do know where to get some." Penny said. So she told Quagmire the location to meet the person. "Okay, Thank you, Penny." he said as he wrote down the location on a piece of paper. "Anytime, _Q_. Anytime." Penny said. Quagmire leaves. Lazlo comes up to Penny. "So, what was all that about?" he asked her. "Oh, _Q_ just wanted to know where he can get some bud." Penny explained. "Oh." Lazlo said, then he thought of something. "So, what do you wanna do now?" "I dunno. Wanna play with tha roulette wheel?" Penny asked. "Yeah." Lazlo said, and they went to the clubhouse to play with the roulette wheel.

At the clubhouse, Cleveland & Joe was playing with the roulette wheel. They was talking about tonight's activities. "You know Cleveland, tonight's another poker night." Joe said. "Yeah, I know that." Cleveland said. "But you know, the game's on tonight." "The game? Oh damn, I forgot about that!!" Joe muttered. "Well anyway." huffed Cleveland. "Let's just forget about it for the time bein', and let's get this game started." So they started playing with the wheel when Lazlo and Penny walked up. "Dammit! The wheel's already taken!!" Penny sniffed. "Well, I guess, I'll go see what Raj & Clam are doin'." Lazlo said. "They're probably gettin' high again, G!" Penny laughed. "Probably." Lazlo laughed.

**_(Cutaway to Raj & Clam)_**  
Raj & Clam was at Lazlo's cabin. They were laying on their beds, smoking blow. The whole cabin was filled with smoke.

Raj:(high, of course) Damn, this shit feels good, C-Clam!  
Clam:(high also) **_Oooh! Look at all the colors!!_**  
Raj:(sits up) Clam, please tell me, that-that-that I-I-I don't have to be here right now? P-Please tell me that-that I don't have to be here right now?

Clam: You don't have to be here right now.  
Raj: **Psyche'!!** I ain't goin' nowhere!

Clam suddenly sits up.

Clam: Shhhh!  
Raj: What?  
Clam: I see somethin'!  
Raj: What do you see?  
Clam: I see black people!!  
Raj: I knew, I shouldn't give you the stronger shit!  
Clam: Oh fuck!! He's comin' at us with a _357_, son!!

Raj takes the already lit blunt.

Raj: That's enough for you, today.  
Clam: _Oh my god!!_ It's Ice Cube!! He's gonna _fuck_ us up!!

Ice cube suddenly appears. He had the weapon Clam mentioned.

Ice Cube: Gimme some of dat blow, or I pop a cap in yo' asses!  
Clam: Do as he says, Raj!! You've seen what he did to Deebo!!

So Raj gave the rapper the chronic.

Ice Cube: Thanks Gs! I'm out!!

He leaves. This leaves Raj astounded.

Raj: Maybe, _I_ should stop smokin' the stronger shit, also!  
Clam: Weaker the berry, sweeter the juice!  
Raj: No, it's blacker the berry, sweeter the juice! Or somethin' like that.  
Clam: **It's Friday, muthafuckas!! It's time to pimp dat ride!**  
Audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

Penny went back to Patsy's cabin. Patsy was watching dvds on her laptop. "I see, yo' on yo' laptop again, _P_." Penny said as she sat right next to Patsy. "Yep!" Patsy said. "So, are you watchin' dvds or checkin' e-mails?" Penny asked. "I'm doing both." Patsy said. Just then, she got a e-mail. "Well, looks like you got an e-mail, _P_." Penny pointed out. "It could be some spam." Patsy said as she opened the e-mail letter. Like Penny said, it was just spam. "Oh, fuck off!!" Patsy sniffed as she deleted the offending e-mail. After reading the e-mail, Patsy took out the dvd, and turned off the laptop. "So, what do you wanna do now, _P_?" Penny asked. "I'm gonna see what Lazlo's doin'." Patsy said and lefted. Soon after Patsy lefted, Penny took out her cd player/radio, and turned it on to the hip hop station.

Lazlo was back at the basketball court, and he was pratcing his b'ball moves again. "High assed muthafuckas!!" he sniffed. Patsy walked up to him. "Hi Lazlo!" she said. Lazlo turned to her. "Hello Patsy. How are you this early afternoon?" "I'm doin' fine, dear." Patsy said. Lazlo put the ball down. "So, are you gonna play poker tonight?" he asked her. "Yes I am, honey." Patsy said. "I'm ready to beat Gretchen's ass again." "Hopefully, she doesn't try to kill everybody with her smoke again." Lazlo said. "Yeah, I had one hell of a time, gettin' the sulfic smell out of my uniform." Patsy sniffed. "So, what do you wanna do now?" Lazlo asked. "How 'bout we go to the woods, and lay on the grass, and look at the clouds?" Patsy suggested. "Yes lets." Lazlo said. "It'll help pass the time away." "That'll be a wise thing." Patsy added.

Meanwhile Penny was still listening to the radio, when Gretchen walked into the scene. "Well, well, well. It's tha closeted _crip_!" Penny teased. "Are you feelin' better today?" "Yeah, I am." Gretchen said. "Beatin' tha shit outta Quagmire, made me feel a lot better!" "So, are you and him seperated?" Penny asked. "Well, I'm not too sure. Knowin' him, dat bastard will try anything & everything to make me forgive his ass!" Gretchen said as she lit a cigar. "So, are you?" Penny asked. "I'll think about it." Gretchen said. "I must say, dat was some ass kickin' you gave him!!" Penny laughed. "It was, wasn't it?" Gretchen laughed. Penny nodded. "If he does somethin' like dat again, I'll beat him, until he's just a blood splatter!!" Gretchen said. Penny stood up. "I guess, I'll go arm wrestle with dat Almondine bitch. Hopefully, she's in a better mood." "Well if she's not, break her fuckin' arm off!!" Gretchen called after her.

It was 3:00. Lazlo & Patsy just came back from the woods, when they saw Meg walking towards them. "Oh god! Here comes Meg." Patsy muttered. "Let's not make eye contact." Lazlo said. Meg walks up to them. "Hey guys. What are you doin'?" she asked. "Uh, we were, uh..." Patsy stuttered. "We were fixin' Patsy's ride!" Lazlo added quickly. "Uh, _yes!_ We were fixin' up my SUV!! Yes!" Patsy replied quickly. "Oh you were." Meg asked. "Yes, we were, but we're finished." Patsy lied. "Too bad you didn't asked me to help you. I know everything about SUV's." Meg bragged. "Oh, we didn't want to bother you." Lazlo said. "Besides, I don't know if your assistant can handle a wrench." The annoying bear kid came from behind Meg. "For your information, I _can_ handle a wrench!! Stupid banana mouth wanker!!" he sniffed. "**Shut the fuck up!!** Just for that, you don't get anything to eat for the rest of the day!! And you get to do my laundry, _also_!!" Meg attacked. "Oh fuck!!" the bear sniffed. Then they went away. Just then Penny walked up to them. "Hey playas. What ya'll been doin'?" she asked. "We've just came back from watchin' the clouds." Patsy replied. Penny looked at her watch. "_Oh shit!_ It's time for _'Good Times'_!!" she exclaimed. "I've read, that it's suppose to be the one, where Florida complains about her name, again." Lazlo said.

**_(Cutaway to 'Good Times')_**  
The scene shows, Florida sitting at the kitchen table. James was standing up. He kept looking at his watch.

James: Where's tha hell's J.J?!  
Florida:(gloomily) He's probably gettin' dinner.  
James: (concerned) What's wrong, Florida?

Just before Florida answers him, J.J. walks in with a bucket of fried chicken & a bag of ribs.

J.J.: Looks who here! It's tha black price of tha ghetto!! With dinner, dat's awesome for tha family & kid; **_dy-no-mite!!_**  
James: Junior, where tha hell you been? Why did it took you several hours to get dinner?  
Florida: Fuck him, James!! He's just a damn fool!!  
J.J.: What's wrong, ma? Why are you cussin?  
Florida: Because my name is _Florida_! Why _Florida_? Dat's tha name of a state, not for a black woman. I could've been named Esther, or somethin' better than Florida!!

She leaves the room, crying. James and J.J. looks at each other. There was a disturbing silence. J.J. broke the silence.

J.J.: **_DY-NO-MITE!!_** Let's eat some of dat grub!  
Audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"Okay, let's go watch it." Patsy said. "And when tha show is on break, I'll tell ya'll 'bout how I beat dat Almondine heffer in arm wrestlin'." Penny said. "So, you beat Almondine in arm wrestling, eh?" Lazlo asked. Penny nodded. "This sounds like, it's gonna one hell of a story!!" Lazlo exclaimed. Soon, they were watching _'Good Times'_. "That J.J. He's such a joker!!" Patsy laughed. "He doesn't realize, how upset Florida is." "Yeah, what an ass!" laughed Penny. The show went into commercial. "Okay Penny. Tell us how you beat Almondine in arm wrestling." Lazlo said. "Okay G." Penny said.

**_(Flashback)  
_**Penny was in the lodge with Almondine, Joe, and some of the others. Joe was prepping them up.

Joe: Okay. Remember, if any of you see blood, just ignore it!  
Penny: I'm gonna kick yo' ass!  
Almondine: What do you got against me?  
Penny: You've been talkin' shit about my cousin!! Now, you gonna have to _deal_ with me!!

Joe release their arms, and the contest started.

Almondine: I didn't meant all that shit about me hatin' & wantin' to kill Patsy, Penny.  
Penny: Well, you should of thought of dat before you opened, yo' big, fat beak!!

The weight of Penny's arm started to take it's toll on Almondine's boney arm, and she started to struggle.

Almondine: Oh shit! I-I think, my arm's gonna break!  
Penny: If it is, **it'll serve yo' ass right!!**

Penny wrestled Almondine's arm down hard on the table. Breaking both of them in the process.

Joe:(raises Penny's arm) **Penny wins!!**  
Almondine: **AHHHHHH!! MY ARM'S BROKEN!!**  
Joe:(not really caring) Just walk it off!

Penny takes a bow. The others applaued her. Blood started dripping from Almondine's arm.

Almondine:(sees her blood) **I-I THINK, I SEE BLOOD!! THE BONE'S POKING THROUGH!!**  
Joe: One problem at a time, Ms. Almondine!  
Penny: Yeah, **shut tha fuck up!!**

They leave as Almondine fainted right onto the floor.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"Damn, you broke her arm!!" Lazlo said. "That must've been cool!!" Patsy exclaimed. "It sure was!!" Penny laughed. Then _'Good Times'_ came back on. "Oop! Show's back on!" Lazlo said, and they watched the rest of the show. Soon the show was soon over. "So, what do you wanna do now?" Lazlo asked the two ladies. "How 'bout, we pratice for tha poker games tonight?" Penny asked. "Yes, let's!!" Patsy said. So Penny took out some cards, and they started playing a pratice game.

Sometime later, it was after 7:30. Everyone just got done eating dinner, and now they were heading towards the lodge now. Just like the last time, most of the campers that didn't know how to play poker, went into the poolroom and played pool, and some of them went to watch the game with Cleveland. Also like the last time, Peter was at the main table, with Meg & her assistant, Joe, Penny & Homer. Edward was with Stewie, Brian, Chip, Skip, & Lois. Lazlo was with Raj, Clam, & three nobodys, and Patsy was with Nina, & Gretchen. "I don't any tricks from you, Gretchen." Patsy sniffed as she sat down. "Don't worry mongoose." Gretchen said sweetly, an odd characteristic for her. "I'm not gonna do anythin' stupid!!" _But we all know better, don't we?_ So the poker games started. Lazlo was winning. "_Damn, this is the first time, I ever played this game, and I'm winning!!_" he thought to himself. "So, Lazlo." Raj started. "Are you ready to call?" "Yes, I am. I call, everything." Lazlo said. "Ha! I fold!! Looks like I have _Three of a kind_!!" Raj said. "Oh, too bad! Looks like I have a _Straight flush_!!" Lazlo laughed. "**_Dammit!!_**" Raj sniffed & left the table. Soon after Raj lefted, Lazlo defeated the three nobodys, and Clam. Beating Clam wasn't hard, since Clam only betted a nickle, and he kept trying to eat the poker chips. "That was fun!" Lazlo said as he picked up his winnings. "I guess, I'll go watch the game." Meanwhile, Patsy was winning just like the last time, and of course, Gretchen wasn't too happy about this. "_Dammit!_ It's looks like she's gonna win again!!" Gretchen muttered. "I must do somethin'!!" Then she looked at her own cards. "Wait! Looks like I'm gonna win!!" "Are you gonna call or not?" Patsy asked. "No, you first." Gretchen said. "All right then. Looks like I have a _Full house_!!" Patsy said as she layed her cards down. "I don't think so! Looks like I have _four of a kind_!! **Looks like I win, mongoose!!**" Gretchen exclaimed as she took Patsy's cash & chips. "**Not so fast!!**" Nina shouted. "What th' hell do you want?!" Gretchen sniffed. "I have a _royal flush_!! That means, _I_ win, **LOSER**!!" Nina said as she took Gretchen's & Patsy's chips & cash. "**Gawd dammit!!**" Gretchen huffed. "First, you win the 3 millions in that lottery, now you win at poker. So Nina, tell me how you get so lucky?" Patsy asked her. "Sorry. Can't tell ya!!" Nina said as she took her winnings away. "Well, this sucks!!" Gretchen muttered. "This must've how Allen Iverson felt, when they traded him to the _Denver Nuggets_." Patsy said.

**_(Cutaway to Wachovia Center)_**  
Allen Iverson was practing his shooting, when the team president comes up to him.

Team president: Iverson, I would like to have a word with you.  
Iverson: Yes, so what do you want?  
president: Well, I have some news for you.  
Iverson: Give it to me! What's tha news?  
president: Allen, I'm afraid that, we're gonna trade you to the _Nuggets_.  
Iverson: What tha fuck? Why am I bein' traded to th' god-awful _Nuggets_, and why am _I _bein' traded, _period_?  
president: We're trading you along with the new kid, Ivan McFarlin, for two draft picks.

Iverson:(pissed) If you're gonna trade me, you could of traded me to a good team, like tha _Pistons_ or tha _Heat_.  
president: I didn't think of those teams. Well, good luck to you in Denver.  
Iverson: Good luck to you too! You're gonna need it. When my fans finds out that you traded me, everyone will be _pissed_!  
president: I'm not afraid of them. I know _Kung-fu_!!

He does some sort of karate move, and accidently breaks his back.

president: Uh, little help?  
Iverson:(walks away to get packed) Yo' on yo' own, boy!  
Audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"I think, I'll go see how Penny's doing." Patsy said. Penny was winning. Homer wasn't playing the game at all. He was day-dreaming about doughnuts. "Mmmm! _Krispy Kreme_ _Doughnuts_!" Homer drooled. "Hey! Do you call or what?" Penny shouted at him. "What? I'm not playin', I want some doughnuts!!" Homer said and left the table. "What an ass!!" Penny sniffed. Patsy walked up to her. "Hey Penny. Are you winnin'?" she asked. "Yes I am, _P_." Penny exclaimed. "That's good." Patsy said. "So, _P_. Did you win?" Penny asked her. "No. Nina did." Patsy said. "Damn, dat ho' must be lucky or somethin'." said Penny. "Yeah, that's what I said!!" Patsy muttered. "Well, I must get back to winnin', _P_." Penny said. So Patsy went to where Lazlo was watching the game. "Oh! Hey Patsy." Lazlo greeted. "I see you won tonight, dear." Patsy said. "Yes, I did!!" Lazlo said. "I won 400 bucks!!" "So, do you wanna go back to my cabin, and listen to the radio?" Patsy asked him. "Yes, sure." Lazlo said as he got up.

Outside, Patsy & Lazlo was walking, when they bumped into Quagmire. "Hey guys." he said as he did his trademark headbop. "Hey Quagmire." Lazlo said. Then he looked at a small bag in Quagmire's hand. "I see, that you got some chronic." Lazlo said. "Yep! This'll make Gretchen forgive me!!" Quagmire said. "_Hmm?_" Patsy said. "What's wrong?" Quagmire asked her. "Well, if you want Gretchen to forgive you, you should cook her something to eat along with the bud." Patsy explained. "Mmm! That's a great idea, baby! I'll do it!!" Quagmire exclaimed and went to get Gretchen's dinner. "Did he just call me, _'baby'_?" Patsy asked. "Yes, he did." Lazlo said. "Fuck him, and let's go. That'll be a wise thing." Sometime later, Patsy & Lazlo was listening to the radio, when Gretchen walked in. "Hey, ya'll ain't havin' sex in here, are ya'll?" she asked. "**No!**" Patsy attacked. "Anyway, Quagmire's lookin' for you." "He is? It's probably somethin' stupid, like always." Gretchen huffed and went to see Quagmire.

At Quagmire's quarters, Quagmire was getting things ready. "Wine, check! Candles, check! Fried porkchops, check! _Heh! Heh!_ This is gonna be one hell of a dinner!" he exclaimed. Soon, there was a knock on his door. Quagmire answered it. It was Gretchen, of course. "Hey Gretchen." Quagmire said as he did his headbop. "Yeah, yeah! So what do you want?" Gretchen huffed. "I just wanted to know, if you wanted to have dinner with me?" Quagmire said. Gretchen looked at the dinner, Quagmire prepared. "Since you went all of tha trouble to make my favorite dinner, and git some wine. Might as well." Gretchen said. "_Heh! Heh! Allriiighttt!!_" Quagmire exclaimed. Soon after eating their dinners, Quagmire pulled out a small green box. "Here." he said as he gave Gretchen the gift. "What tha hell's this?" she asked. "Just open it and see!" Quagmire said. So she opened it. "_It's a bag of pot!_" Gretchen exclaimed. "How-How did you get it?" "It wasn't easy." Quagmire said. "I had to do some favors, I didn't feel like doin'."

**_(Flashback)_**  
Quagmire was in town. He was talking to a figure, who was standing in the darkness.

Mysterious person: Do you got the cash?  
Quagmire: Yes, I got the money. Do you got the bud?  
Mysterious person: Yes, I got the pot!! Now hurry up, before the cops sees us!!

So they exchange their stuff.

Quagmire: Looks perfect!! Gretchen's gonna like this!  
Mysterious person: Wait! Before you go, there's something, I would like for you to do.  
Quagmire: Uh, sure!

The mysterious person gave him a piece of paper & a gun.

Mysterious person: I want you to do _this_ person!  
Quagmire: Um, okay. I was plannin' to jerk off, but okay.

Quagmire leaves. The person comes out of a shadow. It was Eddy from _Ed, Edd n Eddy_.

Eddy: Ha! Ha! That bastard's gonna have sex with Nazz!! Ha! Ha! Ha! Kevin's gonna be so pissed!

Quagmire goes to Nazz's house. He knocks on the door, rapidly. The door opens.

Nazz: What the hell, do you want?  
Quagmire: Are you Nazz?  
Nazz: Yes, who _wants_ to know?  
Quagmire: _I do!_ I've got a present for you.  
Nazz: A present? What is it?

It quickly cuts to Quagmire & Nazz in bed. Nazz was smoking.

Nazz: Mmm, Glenn honey. That was neat!! You're _better_ than Kevin!!  
Quagmire: _Heh!!_ I _am_ good, ain't I?  
Nazz: Yes, you are!!

Just then Kevin walks in.

Kevin: Nazz, what da fuck are _you_ doin' cheatin' on me?  
Nazz: Well, Well, Well, I-I thought he was...  
Kevin: **Shut up, bitch!!** I'm gonna _slap_ you silly!!

Quagmire pulls out his gun, and shoots Kevin dead. The audience applaued.

Nazz: Stupid ass bastard!! Serves him right!!  
Quagmire: With that outta the way, now where were we?  
Nazz: You was about to _take_ me, again.  
Quagmire: _Alllllriiiiiigghhhhhttttttt!!_

_Announcer: Who else, but Quagmire?  
Singers: He's Quagmire, Quagmire.  
Quagmire: Giggity, Giggity, Goo!!  
**(End Flashback)**_

"So, dat where you've been all day." Gretchen said. "You was doin' a favor for a drug dealer." "Yep!" Quagmire said. "I'm sorry, for what I did to you in tha last chapter, Quagmire." Gretchen muttered. "That's okay, Gretchen. I'd desevered it." Quagmire said. "_Let's get high!!_" So Gretchen poured out the chronic, and Quagmire got a match, and lit up some of the pot.

Sometime later, it was 11:30 now. Everyone's heading to bed. Cleveland & some of the campers were counting the money they won on the basketball game. Edward & Stewie had their pockets full of cash from the poker games. Homer was carrying fifty boxes of doughnuts into his quarters. Patsy & Lazlo was outside talking. "This had been some day." Lazlo said. "Yep! It sure was, dear." Patsy said. Penny walked up to them. "Hey Penny. Did you beat Scoutmaster Griffin & them?" Patsy asked her. "Yep! I've beat tha shit outta Fatass, piggie, dat annoyin' bear kid, & Joe!!" Penny bragged. "How much, did you won?" Lazlo asked. "Let's aske Ollie Williams on how much I won." Penny said. "Ollie?" "**SHE'S RICH, BIATCH!!**" Ollie shouted. "Thanks Ollie!!" Penny said. Then she yawned. "Well, time for bed." "Wait Penny!!" Patsy called. Penny stopped. "What?" "There's gonna be an extra bed, tonight. Since Gretchen's sleepin' with Quagmire." Patsy explained. "What?! I thought dat bitch said, dat no matter what Quagmire do, she's not gonna give in?! She's a skank, anyway!!" Penny sniffed. Then she recovered. "G'night, Gs." Then Penny went into the cabin. Patsy kissed & hugged Lazlo. "Good night, Lazlo dear. Sweet dreams." she said in a sexy voice. "Sweet dreams, baby. See you in the morning." Lazlo said to her. So they went into their respective cabins, and everyone at Camp Griffin went happily to sleep.


	13. The Sub Nazi

_Before I start the next chapter of 'Camp Griffin'. I would like to say, that I'm against Nazism, and the sort. Anyway, it's time once again for, "Ranting with Edward & Stewie"._

Edward: Hello readers. As if you don't already know, I'm Edward.  
Stewie: And I'm Stewie.  
Edward: The first thing I would like to rant about is; how short the last chapter was. This is the first time in several chapters, that a chapter had been short. Hopefully, it'll probably be the last time somethin' like that will happen, Stewie?

Stewie: Thanks platypus. In this chapter, there's suppose to some _'Seinfeld'_ references. References or some shit like that, Edward?  
Edward: Thanks Stewie. I have more detail about this chapter. It's suppose to be about a new sandwich restruant, that opened in the next town, and the manager is a little bit highly sprung, and enforces the rules of the restaruant a lot. And if you don't follow them, he'll kick you out. Let's get Ollie Williams' opinion about this chapter, Ollie?

Ollie: **CHAPTER SOUNDS INTERESTIN'!**  
Stewie: Thanks Ollie! Now that you read the information about the chapter, Edward. It did indeed came from a _'Seinfeld'_ episode. Can't wait to be in it!  
Edward: I can't wait, either!! Let's get this finished! Okay, I'm Edward.  
Stewie: And I'm Stewie.  
Edward: Join us next time on, _"Rantin' with Edward & Stewie"_!

The Sub Nazi

It was a warm partly cloudy morning at Camp Griffin. Peter was up. He was watching the news, and eating his breakfast. "Ahh! There's nothin' like eatin' a lefted-over pizza, and drinkin' _Pepsi_ in the mornin'!" he said. Brian walks in, with some papers, & the mail. "Hey old bean. I see, you got the mail." Peter said. "Yeah, plus some papers, about two new campers that coming today." Brian said as he put the mail & papers on the table. "What? Two new campers? Why wasn't I informed about this?" Peter demanded. "Well, you was informed." Brian said. "Didn't you see that memo on your desk yesterday?" "No. I thought it was garbage." Peter said. "Oh, for the love of god!" Brian sniffed as he rolled his eyes. "There's two new campers coming to camp today. Their names are; Mario & Joker. They're brothers, and they're from East LA." "Oh! Well, what time did they say, they're comin'?" Peter asked. "Probably, right about now." Brian said. "I might as well get ready for them." Peter said as he threw his plate in the trash.

Meanwhile, Lazlo was up. He was reading a comic book. "Heh! Heh! That Jughead's such a bastard!!" he laughed. Lazlo's reading was interrupted by Clam. He was playing with his baseball. He was hitting it against the wall. "Clam! Can you go outside, and play with that ball?" Lazlo asked, pissed at the situation. "Yeah, but Clam wanna annoy the shit outta you!!" Clam said stupidly. Raj soon came into the scene. "Clam!! Shut the fuck up bouncin' that ball!!" he yelled. "**Make me!!**" Clam attacked. "Okay!! I'll beat your ass, then!!" Raj attacked. "How would you like that, you bastard?!" "Bring it on then!!" Clam said as he pound his fist into his other hand. "**All right, then!!**" Raj shouted as he jumped onto Clam. He started throwing punches at Clam, and Clam was bouncing the ball off of Raj's face. All of this commotion was keeping Lazlo distracted, and he was getting cross. "**SHUT UP!!**" he shouted. "I haven't seen you bastards fight like that, since the time, you fought over the last slice of pizza."

**_(Flashback)_**  
Lazlo, Raj, & Clam was eating a large pizza & drinking soda.

Lazlo: Damn, that shit was good!  
Raj: It sure was.  
Clam:(stupidly) Heartburn city!!

Then Raj & Clam looks at the pizza box. There was one pizza slice left. They both go for it. Then they looked at each other.

Raj:(laughs) Um, Clam. Let go of the pizza.  
Clam:(laughs) Um, no Raj. You let go of the pizza.

Raj:(gritting his teeth) Uh, Clam. Let go of the pizza! I'll give you twenty bucks, if you let go!  
Clam:(gritting his teeth also) No way, Raj!! I'm still hungry!! I give _you_ Eighty bucks, if _you_ let go!  
Raj: **YOU LET GO!**  
Clam: **NO, YOU LET GO!!**

Raj throws a punch at Clam, and Clam responds by kicking Raj in the stomach. Raj responds to that, by giving Clam a right hook in the mouth. All this fighting continued as Lazlo took the last slice of pizza.

Lazlo: Guys!! Stop the fighting!! I already took the last slice.

Raj & Clam stopped fighting. Clam of course, had a bloddy nose, and Raj had a black eye. His shirt collar was torned. They looked at Lazlo.

Raj: You ate the last slice.  
Lazlo: Yep! Well somebody had to eat it, since you both was tryin' to kill each other.  
Raj: Too bad, I didn't think of letting you have the last slice, Lazlo.  
Clam: Lazlo's a genuis!  
Raj: Yeah!! You should run for president of the United States!  
Lazlo:(laughing) Yeah, when hell freezes over!! Ha! Ha! Ha!

_**(Cutaway to white house)**_  
Lazlo:(in president's chair & suit) Well, I guess hell froze over!!

Audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway & flashback)_**

"If you please excuse me, I'll go outside, and read!" Lazlo sniffed as he lefted the cabin. After Lazlo lefted, Clam & Raj stopped fighting. "I guess we drove him away." Clam said stupidly. "Duh, you think so?" Raj said sarcasticallly. "Stop hatin', and bring out the white stuff!!" Clam sniffed. So Raj brought out the crack, but before they could smoke it, there was a knock on the cabin door. Clam answered it. It was Lois. "Hey, do you guys got any crack?" she asked. "**Yeah, big nose!**" Clam exclaimed. "**We got a lot of crack!!**" "Shhh! Not's so loud, stupid!!" Raj sniffed. "We don't want Mr. Swanson to find out about the chronic!! Now let Ms. Griffin in!!" "Mum's the word!!" Clam said.

Outside, Lazlo went to sit on a nearby stone, and continued to read. "Now, where was I?" he said as he opened the comic book. Just as Lazlo started reading, Peter walks up to him, with two unknown campers. "Hey, uh..." Peter said, then he snapped his fingers. "Lazlo? Yes, Lazlo. I would like for you to show these two new scouts around for me." "Okay, Scoutmaster Griffin!!" Lazlo said as he saluted Peter. "Um Lazlo?" Peter said. "Yes, Scoutmaster Griffin?" Lazlo asked. "Don't salute at me, I'm not a flag, that'll be a wise idea." Peter said. "Okay sir!!" Lazlo said as he saluted at Peter again. "_**For the love of god!!**_" Peter exclaimed, and left. Lazlo turned to the new campers. "So, what are your names?" he asked. "I'm-a Mario." said the first camper. "And I'm Joker, _ese_!" said the second new camper. "Are you two brothers?" Lazlo asked them. "Yes, we are-a brothers." said Mario. "Yeah, _ese_!" said Joker. "Alright then," Lazlo started. "I guess, I'll show you around, and introduce you to everyone." So Lazlo showed Mario & Joker around, and introduced them to everybody. Then they rested. "Well, I guess that's everything." Lazlo said. "Any questions?" "Yeah. Who's dat pink-haired 'ho, _ese_?" asked Joker. "You mean Patsy?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah." Joker said. "That's my woman! Don't be callin' her a 'ho!" Lazlo sniffed. "Okay! Okay! I want be callin' her a 'ho no mo'!! There's no need to get yo' tail in a knot, _ese_!" Joker said. "Alright then." Lazlo said with anger decreasing. "So-a, do you-a have-a place to play-a dice-a?" Mario asked. "Yeah, in the lodge." Lazlo said as he pointed out the way. "Dat's good!! Well, see ya, _ese_!!" Joker exclaimed, as he & Mario ran to the lodge. "Well, with that shit over with, time to get on the main plot of the fic!" Lazlo said, breaking the fourth wall. On the other side of camp, Patsy & Penny was watching, _"Pimp my ride"_.

**_(Cutaway to TV)_**  
Xzibit was bringing the 'contestant' to _West Coast Customs_, while all of the _West Coast Customs_ crew get the contestant's pimped out ride ready.

Xzibit: Yo! You betta cover up yo' eyes, fool, 'cause dis shit gonna be stupid, G!  
Contestant:(stupidly) Why?  
Xzibit: **Just do it!!**

So the contestant covered his eyes. While he did that, Xzibit & the _WCC_ crew_(WCC the crew will be called from now on.)_ brought the contestant's pimped out ride. It was under a sheet.

Xzibit: Aight. Now take off tha sheet!!

The _WCC_ crew took off the sheet, and the 'contestant' was amazed at how pimped his car was.

'contestant': Holy s(bleep)it!!** Look at my wheels!! They actually haves rims & tires!!**

Xzibit: Yep!  
'contestant': **And look in those fancy leather seats!! And look at all the electronics!! I-I think, I'll jump inside!!**

The poor sap jumps into his brand new pimped ride, and he started the engine. But before he could leave, Xzibit stopped him.

Xzibit: Whoa! Wait a minute!! Before you go, I'll have to give you two things.

The _WCC_ crew sniggered in the background.

Xzibit: First, here's da bill fo' all dat shit we have to put on, build, or pasted on.

He gives the sucker the bill.

'contestant'/sucker:(takes the bill) **WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTT?? I HAVE TO PAY ONE HUNDRED TRILLION DOLLARS??**

Xzibit: Yeah, n(bleep)a!! Didn't you read tha fine print, when you signed on?  
contestant/sucker: No! I thought _MTV_ was going to pay for it?  
Xzibit: Well, you thought wrong!! And tha second thing, you are officially be 'pimped'.

Then he popped the poor sap's shirt collar, as the _WCC_ crew & the audience laughed at the poor asshole's expense.  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"That poor guy. I sorta feel sorry for him." Patsy muttered. "Dat's what he gets for goin' on dat show!!" Penny sniffed. "Those n(bleep)s sure had him fooled!! Dat's why, I installed most of tha electronics on my ride." "I thought you told me, that your sister installed them?" Patsy asked Penny suspicously. "Well she tried to, but she fucked up. So, I took out everything and reinstalled them." Penny explained as she straightened out her do-rag. "Oh." Patsy muttered. Soon the show was over, and Patsy got up. "Where you goin', _P_?" Penny asked. "I'm going to see if I got any mail." said Patsy. "I forgot, you suppose to get yo' check from dat commercial today, _P_." Penny said. "Yep!" Patsy smiled. "Hopefully, it comes today, so I can finally pay Lazlo off."

Outside, Patsy saw Lazlo reading his comic book. "I'll go see what my _Lazlokins_ are doin'." she said to herself. "Heh! Heh!" Lazlo laughed. "Look at that bastard! He thinks he can eat all those burgers!" Patsy came up to him. "So, how are you this fine morning, Lazlo, my dear?" she said seductively as she stroke her finger on Lazlo's cheek. "Oh, hi Patsy!" he greeted as he looked at her. "I'm doin' fine, sweetie! I see you're excited & happy." "Yes, I am!" Patsy said. "I'm gettin' my paycheck today!" "Oh yeah. You're suppose to pay me back for payin' bail for Raj & Clam." Lazlo reminded her. "I know, dear. I know." Patsy said. Just then Brian walks up to her. "Here's a letter for you, Patsy." he said as he gave her the letter. "It must be my check!" Patsy exclaimed as she opened the letter. It was. "So, how much is it?" Lazlo asked her. "It's 152,000,000 bucks!!" Patsy replied. "Damn, I must've done a whole lot better than I thought!!" "You've must've." Lazlo laughed. "Alright then, let's go cash this fucka!!" Patsy said as she took out her SUV keys.

Meanwhile in his quarters, Quagmire was reading. He was reading the newspaper. "What the hell, am I doin' readin' a newspaper?" he said outloud. "I should be readin' one of my giggity magazines!!" So he threw the newspaper aside, and took out one of his 'giggity magazines'. _**(A/N: If you don't know what type of magazine I'm talkin' about. You've have no soul!! Just Kiddin'!!)**_ Anyway, he took out one of his magazines, when Gretchen walks in. "Hey Quaggie. What are you doin'?" she asked in her cajun bayou accent. "Oh! Gretchen! I-I was just, uh, just doin' a little readin'!" Quagmire stuttered as he hid the magazine behind his back. "Uh huh?" Gretchen said sarcastically as she looked at Quagmire's face. "You weren't 'bout to jerk off are ya?" Quagmire started sweating. "N-No, I wasn't!!" he stuttered. Gretchen keeps staring at him, and Quagmire's sweating more & more. "**ALL RIGHT!! ALL RIGHT!! I LOOKIN' AT ONE OF MY MAGAZINES!! AND I WAS PLANNIN' TO JERK OFF TO THE CHICKS ON THE PHOTOS!!**" Quagmire exploded. Then he said softly, "Is that a crime?" "No, dat ain't a crime, but not tellin' me tha truth is!" Gretchen huffed. "Oh no! You ain't gonna bite my nuts again, are you?" Quagmire asked. "Since, I'm in a good mood & all dat shit. I'm not gonna bite you, dis time!" Gretchen said. "Whew! That's a relief!" Quagmire recovered as he got back to looking his magazine. "So, what do you want?" "I wanted to tell you, dat a new sandwich shop is openin' in tha town." Gretchen said. "Did you get some of their food?" Quagmire asked. "Nope." Gretchen said. "So, do you wanna go get some of their food?" Quagmire asked as he took out his keys. "I'm payin'." "**You better!** I mean, sure whatever!" Gretchen said.

At the new sandwich shop, there was a long line in front of the shop. Quagmire & Gretchen was amazed when they saw the line. "Gawd damn! Look at dat line!!" Gretchen exclaimed. "I guess this place must have pretty good sandwiches!!" Quagmire said. "Let's get into line!!" So they get into line. Just then, Joe, Meg, & Almondine came from the shop. "Boy, the server's pretty high strong, isn't he?" Almondine asked. "Yeah, he acts worser than dad, except skinnier." said Meg. "I saw highly strong men like that on the force, but _damn_!!" Joe sniffed. "But I hope the food is good!" Then he saw Quagmire & Gretchen. "Hey Quagmire! Gretchen! I see you two are in the hype!" "_Wha'choo talkin' 'bout, wheels?_" Gretchen asked in a Gary Coleman type way. "I'm talkin' about how popular this place is!!" Joe said. "See? I told ya." Quagmire said. "The food's good, but there's a catch." Meg said. "What's the catch?" Quagmire & Gretchen asked in unison. "Well, the guy that runs the place is a little tempermental. Especially, with the ordering procedure. He's secretly reffered to as the _sub nazi_." Almondine explained. "_'Sub Nazi'_? Why what happens if you don't order right?" Gretchen asked. "He yells, you don't get your sandwich." Meg said. "Oh, so that's the reason." Quagmire said. "Just follow the ordering procedure, and you'll be fine. First; Don't be loud & annoying! Only him!" Joe said. "Second; Don't take forever to make an order! You gotta keep the line moving!" Meg added. "How are we gonna order, if we don't know what's on tha menu?" Gretchen asked. Joe gave her a menu. "Third; Don't make small talk with the Sub Nazi, don't stand around idly! You gotta move to the side! And when you get your order, don't make complaints about it!! Get outta there, **_FAST!!_**" Almondine explained. "Damn, dis dude sounds like a complete prick!!" Gretchen sniffed. Then the line started moving. "Looks like the line's moving!" Quagmire said. "Well, good luck, and shit like that! You're gonna need it!!" Joe called.

Soon, Quagmire & Gretchen was inside of the shop. The person before them, just ordered. "So, are you goin' first?" Quagmire asked Gretchen. "Because, I'm still lookin' through the menu." "Yeah. I know what I want." It was Gretchen's turn. She stood in front of the counter. There at the counter, was a stone-faced immigrant chef with a thick Stalin-esque moustache, in other words; he looks just like the soup nazi from '_Seinfeld'_. He was wearing a blue & black t-shirt, of course he was cross. "Yeah, I would like to order tha _po' boy_." Gretchen said. "**That'll be 12 dollars!!**" the sub nazi barked. Gretchen pays, then she stepped to the side. Quagmire was next. "I would like to order the turkey & ham club." he said. "**That'll be 16 dollars!!**" _sn_ demanded. _**(A/N: 'sn' means, 'sub nazi''/'soup nazi' for now on.)**_ So Quagmire payed, and stepped to the side. Soon Gretchen & Quagmire got their sandwiches, and left. "Damn, Joe, dat hawg, and dat fowl was right. Dat dude sure is strict!" Gretchen said as she got into Quagmire's car. "Yeah. I know how George felt, when he tried to ordered soup from the Soup Nazi." Quagmire said as he also got into the car.

_**(Cutaway to 'Seinfeld')**_  
Jerry & George was at the soup stand. The person before George just went. Like always, George was being a moron_.(no offense to George Costanza fans)_

George:(repeating to himself) I hope I don't mess up! I hope I don't mess up! I hope I don't mess up!

Jerry: Shut up, George! You're next!!

George goes up to the counter, and the soup nazi glares at him, while the audience laughs.

George: Medium Turkey Chilli.

He then moves to the left. Jerry comes up next.

Jerry: Medium Crab Bisque.

George then gets his order. He looks in the bag.

George: I didn't get any bread.  
Jerry: _Just forget it! Let it go!_  
George: E-Excuse me, I-I-I think, you forgot my bread?  
SN: Bread. Two dollars extra.  
George: Two dollars? But everyone in front of me, got free bread? What's up with that?  
SN: You want bread?  
George: Yes please.  
SN:(holds up three fingers at him) **_THREE_ DOLLARS!!**  
George: What?  
SN:(shouts) **NO SOUP FOR YOU!!**

Then the Soup Nazi snaps his fingers, and the cashier takes the soup from George and gave him his money back. The audience laughs at George's expense.

George: Your f(bleep)kin' soup probably tasted like shit anyway!  
SN: **WHAT?!**  
George: I said, 'You're f(bleep)kin' soup tastes like shit, muthafucka!  
SN:(points towards the door) **YOU!! GET YOUR BALD-HEADED ASS OUTTA HERE!!**

George takes out a gun, and shoots the soup nazi.

George: F(bleep)kin' Gordon Ramsay wannabe!  
Audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"Yeah, dat episode of _'Seinfeld'_ was pretty funny!!" Gretchen laughed. "Yeah, it sure was." Quagmire laughed, then he thought of something. "You know something, Gretchen?" "What?" she asked. "This is probably the first time on the whole fic, that we had most of the chapter about us." Quagmire said. "I think yo' right there, Quaggie." Gretchen said. "I wonder, if we're gonna more parts like this?" Quagmire wondered. "I don't know. Since this fic is suppose to be 'bout dat mongoose, Lazlo, fat ass, dat talkin' football-headed baby, Lois, dat dawg, Chris, Cleveland, wheelchair man, hawg girl, and dat newswoman. I doubt it." Gretchen explained. "Well mostly, dat mongoose & monkey!" "Newswoman? You mean, Diane Simmons?" Quagmire asked. "I like her!! She makes me hard!! Oop! I mean, she's a skank, plus that Tom Tucker's a douche!!" "Don't worry, Glenn. I ain't gonna hurt you dis time, but next time, you betta watch yo' ass!!" Gretchen hissed.

Back at camp, everybody was doing their activities. Lazlo & Patsy just came back from the bank. "Okay dear. Here's your money." Patsy said as she gave Lazlo his cash. "Thanks Patsy!" he said as he put the cash into his pocket. "So, what do you wanna do now?" Patsy asked him. "I don't know. Wanna go watch tv?" Lazlo suggested. "Yes, let's!" Patsy said. Soon, they was at her cabin. Penny was listening to the radio, and she sat up when she saw them. "Hey _P_. Did you get yo' check?" she asked. "Yep! I sure did!" Patsy said as she sat on her bed. "So, what are you gonna spend yo' dead presidents on, _P_?" Penny asked. "I don't know, Penny. Maybe, I'll buy some dvds." Patsy said. "I wonder what's on?" Lazlo wondered outloud. Penny took out the _'Tv guide'_ from out of nowhere. "It says, the lost episodes of _'The Proud Family'_ is comin' on." she read outloud. "That's sounds good." Patsy said as she turned on the tv. "I've heard of them." Lazlo said. "I've heard, that these episodes are far more ranchier, and more adult than the others." Patsy explained. "I wonder, what it's about?" Lazlo wondered. "I dunno. Let's tune in, and see." Penny said.

**_(Cutaway to tv)_**  
This episode of _'The Proud Family'_ started off different from the rest. Oscar was sitting on the couch, reading the newspaper.

Oscar: Well, looks like there's crime today. What else is new?

Just then, his daughter Penny Proud, walks into the scene. Knowing her, I bet she wanted some cash.

Penny Proud: Daddy?  
Oscar:(groans) What do you want, this time?  
Penny: I was just wonderin', if I can have 300 dollars?  
Oscar:(stutters) Th-Th-Three hundred dollas?! What's tha hell's wrong with you, girl?

Penny: Well...  
Oscar: What? Do I look like, I'm made of money?!

Just then, his wife Trudy Proud walks into the scene.

Trudy: What's tha hell's goin' on here?  
Penny: Daddy won't let me have 300 dollars!  
Oscar: That's right!! I'm tryin' to save my hard-earned money, and not spend it on useless expenses, like you.  
Trudy:(getting angry) **Oscar!!** You better give Penny tha money!  
Oscar: If I don't, what are you gonna do?  
Trudy: I'm gonna, gut yo' J.J. Evans lookin' ass up!  
Oscar: Oh yeah? I would like to see you do it!!

Then they both stood up. Trudy throws a punch at Oscar, but he ducks. Then she grabbed a sword, and threw it at him, but Oscar moves out of the way, and the sword ends up impaling Suga Mama, LaCienega, Dijonay, & Wizard Kelly onto the wall.

Dijonay: _Damn!_** Penny's mom, sho' can throw!!**

Then she dies.

Trudy: Dammit! I'd missed!  
Oscar:(pulls out a gun) **But I won't!!**

He shoots her five times, and she drops onto the floor. Bloody, but still alive.

Trudy:(coughing) Alright, I'll give Penny tha money.  
Oscar: **Dat's better!!** At least you killed mama!  
Penny: And you killed dat bitch, LaCienega! That was a wise move!  
Oscar: Come daughter, let's go out and celebrate!!

Oscar then goes over to Trudy, takes out her wallet, and takes her money.

Oscar: Let's go to tha ice cream shop!  
Trudy:(groans)  
Penny: But daddy, what 'bout mom?  
Oscar:(puts his jacket on) Oh, she'll be up & about by dinnertime. C'mon, let's go! Dat ice cream ain't gonna eat itself!!

They leave, as Trudy lays on the floor.

Trudy:(in evil voice) You betta watch yo' back, Oscar Proud! **You betta watch yo' fuckin' back!**  
**_(End cutaway)_**

Meanwhile, Peter was doing his _'scoutmaster duties'_. Actually, he was watching crazy shit on _youtube_. He was laughing his ass off. "Hee!Hee!Hee! That dumb asshole!! He thinks, he can jump off a skyscraper, and lands on his feet!! What an idiot!!" Just then Joe rolls in. "Hey Joe. Where have you been?" Peter asked. "Well Peter. Almondine, Meg & I just came from that new sandwich shop in the town." he explained. "Do you got a menu?" Peter asked. "Yes, I do." Joe said as he gave Peter the menu. "Hmmm! Looks like this place have some pretty good food. Let's take the rest of the camp there, for lunch today!" he suggested. "I guess, that'll be a wise thing." Joe said. "Yes, it would!" Peter added.

It was almost lunchtime. Most of the campers were getting hungry. Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo was playing basketball with Edward, Cleveland, & Stewie. Penny's team was the _Detroit Pistons_, and Edward's team was the _New York Knicks_. Penny's team was ahead by 15, and Edward wasn't liking this. "**Fuck!! We're losing!!**" he sniffed loudly. "I wonder, who's fault it is?" Stewie said as he looked at Cleveland. "What tha hell are ya'll lookin' at me for?" he asked. "I'm the only one, who's actually playin' tha game! Ya'll are just standin' there, givin' orders!" "Well, one of us have to be the coach!" Edward said. "And I was qualified for it!" "I've could of done better, platypus!" Stewie sniffed. "Oh would ya? Yeah right!" Edward laughed. "**Wait a minute!!**" Cleveland shouted. "The white man shouldn't be playin' basketball, anyway. It's tha black man's sport!!" "Tell it like it is, brother Cleveland!!" Penny praised. "We can do without the sermon, hip hop girl." Stewie said. Penny then threw the basketball at Stewie, knocking him down to the ground. "You shut tha fuck up, football headed punk!!" she sniffed. Then Cleveland & Edward started arguing at each other, and Stewie, still on the ground, was arguing with Penny. "So, dear. Do you wanna sit this out?" Patsy asked Lazlo. "Yeah." Lazlo said. "We was gonna win, anyway." So the couple sat on a nearby bench, to watch the four B-Ball players fight each other. Several punches were being thrown. "Damn, I never knew, Mr. Brown had such a great right hook!" Lazlo awed. "Or Edward having a glass jaw!" Patsy laughed. Just then, Peter came onto the PA. "_Attention everyone, attention. It just got to my attention, that there's a new restraunt in the next town. So, we are goin' to have lunch there, today. That is all._" "Well, looks like it's time for lunch." Lazlo said. "Looks like, I don't have to stress myself out cookin' that'll be a wise thing." Cleveland said as he rubbed his right hand and lefted. Penny dusted herself off and turned to Patsy & Lazlo. "Damn, I've haven't so pissed, since tha time, I stayed with my old roomie." she said.

**_(Flashback)_**

Penny & her room mate; a black girl, with extensions. You know, the stereotypical black girl. Anyway, they was watching, _'SportsCenter'_ & was eating _KFC_ chicken & pizza.

Penny:(looks at her piece of chicken) Hmm? I wonder if _KFC_ can make tha chicken; Hot & Spicy? Or Hot, Spicy & Crispy?  
Room mate: Don't be stupid! _KFC_'s ain't gonna make no hot, spicy, or crispy chicken!! So you can just hang dat shit up!  
Penny: I'm gonna go and suggest it to them.  
Room mate: Heh! Good luck wit dat!

Just then, a photo of Ben Wallace appeared on the tv.

Tv: In the _NBA_ today, _Detroit Pistons_' Ben Wallace are being traded to the _Chicago Bulls_.

Penny: Holy crap! Ben Wallace is bein' traded to tha shitty ass _Bulls_? Dis is gonna suck!  
Room mate: Ha! Whatchu cryin' fo'? Ben Wallace sucks!  
Penny:(amazed) What did you say?  
Room mate: I said, Ben Wallace sucks!!

Just then, the both of them took out some guns, and aimed at each other.

Penny:(her finger on trigger) Maybe, we should get some new room mates!  
Room mate:(her finger also on trigger) Yeah, maybe we should!  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"So, are you ready to go?" Patsy asked Penny. "Yeah." Penny said. "I wonder, what those high bastards, Raj & Clam are doin'?" Lazlo wondered. "Last time I saw them, they was doin' crank wit dat big nosed Lois skank!" said Penny. "Damn, those bastards are always gettin' high" Patsy sniffed. "Yeah. Stupid bastards!" Lazlo laughed. "I wonder, if all three of them was in a pot smokin' contest, I wonder, who'll win?" Patsy asked outloud. "It'll probably be a tie between all three of them." Lazlo said. "Probably. But I think, Lois'll do it." Penny said. "Her nose is bigger, than tha entire southwest side of Detroit!"

**_(Cutaway to Raj, Clam, & Lois)_**  
Raj, Clam, & Lois was still smoking blow. The whole cabin was filled with smoke.

Raj:(highly) Oy, you two. H-H-How 'bout we have a contest on who can snort up the most chronic!  
Clam: Yeah!  
Lois: I don't know?  
Raj & Clam: C'mon!  
Lois: Well...  
Raj & Clam: C'mon!  
Lois: Alright then! Let's get this shit started!!

So Raj started off. He snorted the bud for at least a minute, before he started coughing.

Raj:(coughing) Oh! _cough!_ _cough!_ Shit! _cough!_  
Clam: **CLAM'S TURN!!**

Clam then snorted up the chronic for at least five minutes, then he fainted.

Clam:(smoke coming from his mouth) Try and beat that, you cheeky big-nosed ho'!  
Lois: Okay, I will!!

Then Lois snorted up the coke next. She snorted the shit for ten minutes. At the eleventh minute, she stopped, and looked at Raj & Clam.

Lois: _Ha!_ **In yo' fuckin' face, you bastards!**  
Raj:(not noticing Lois) Huh? What happened now?  
Clam: Uh, red-headed crazy lady snorted lot of crack, and she won.  
Raj: Okay? So, what now?  
Clam: What?  
Raj: Who?  
Clam: When?  
Raj: Where?  
Clam: How?  
Raj: Why?  
Lois:(upset) Why? Why indeed? Why me?! What did I do to deserve to be here with these god forbidden assholes?  
Clam: You was born with a big nose. That's why.  
Audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

Soon everyone, except the three weed smokers, & Penny, was at the new sandwich shop. Peter was explaining the rules to everyone. "Okay, old chaps. We must follow this wanker's demands." he said in a british type accent for some dumb reason. "Um, Peter. What's up with the fish & chip accent?" Brian asked him. "I don't know. I thought it'll be funny! Hee!Hee!Hee!" Peter laughed. Everyone groaned at Peter's stupid joke. Inside, the line was going at a pretty good pace. Most of the campers, understood all of the _sn_'s procedures without incident. Stewie was up next. "Hmm? What should I order?" he asked loudly to the _sn_. "Come on kid! **Order already!!**" shouted the _sn_. "Oookaayy, then." Stewie said slowly. "I take the roast beef with extra _au jus_ dipping sauce." Then he step immediately to the left to pay the cashier. Patsy was up next, and she stepped up to the counter. The _sn_ glared at her. "I would like the Chicago sub, please?" she ordered. Then she stepped over to the left to pay, and Lazlo was up. "I would like the chicken/turkey club sub." he ordered. The cashier gave Patsy her food. She looks into the bag. "I didn't get chips & soda." she muttered. "_Just forget about it and let it go!_" Lazlo quickly whispered to her. "Excuse me, but you forgot my chips & soda." Patsy said as she turned to the _sn_. "Chips & soda? Three dollars extra." the _sn_ said. "_Three dollars?!_ **Three fuckin' dollars for some chips, I can get at the store for a dollar, and a soda I can get from a vending machine for the same price! Everyone in front of me got them for free! You must be out of your chicken pickin' mind!!**" Patsy ranted. The sub nazi turned to her. "You want chips & soda?!" "Yes, I would." Patsy replied. "**FIVE DOLLARS!!**" the _sn_ yelled. "What the hell..." Patsy started to say. "**NO SUB FOR YOU!!**" screamed the _sn_ as he snapped his fingers. The cashier takes the sandwich away from Patsy, and gives her her money back. "_Fine!_ I didn't want it anyway!" she sniffed angrily and walked out.

Meanwhile, Penny was at _'Gangsta's rib & mo'_. She was at the counter, talking to the cashier, while she was waiting for her food. "Hey, does dat server, Cedric still works here?" Penny asked. "Nope." said the cashier & owner, who kinda looked like Kenan Thompson. "We have to lay-off some of the staff, because of dat new sandwich shop down tha street, and unfortunately, Cedric was one of those people." "Damn, dat's sad." Penny muttered. Then she looks around, it was empty. "Looks like dat new joint took away yo' customers, too." "Oh dat? It's usually empty at this time of day." said the cashier/owner. "And tha strange thing is, dat's it's lunchtime, too." "You know, some rib joints back in Detroit, never have any customers at lunchtime. Dat's why some of them, usually opens around tha evening commute/dinnertime hours." Penny said. "Even, if we open at dinnertime, I bet, we'll still be empty, and everyone will be at dat damn sandwich stand." the cashier/owner said as he got Penny's food. "Well, good luck, tryin' to keep tha place open & all dat shit, _K_." she said, and left.

Back at camp, Patsy was back at her cabin. She was sulking. Gretchen was eating her sandwich. "_Oh man!_" she exclaimed happily, as Patsy angrily munched on some hot pork rhinds. "_Oh!_ Dis shit is fantastic!!" Gretchen gloated out loud to her. "How does he do it?" "I don't know, how can you just sit on your ass, and don't offer me any?" Patsy asked. "I gave you a piece. What do you want?" Gretchen asked, as she set the sandwich down. "Why can't we share?" Patsy asked. "I have to share my refridgerator with you, by the way, you emptied this morning, so you gonna have to share your sandwich." "Didn't you see tha rules?" Gretchen asked. "You weren't suppose to say anything. You just can't go in there, and flapped tha rules, then think I'm gonna share wit you! You better, go see yo' future husband. He'll give you some." "Do you hear yourself?" asked Patsy. Gretchen took a bite of her sandwich. "This'll what comes from livin' under a nazi regime, Patsy." "**Fine! I'm outta here!**" Patsy shouted. "Heh! Heh! Cheeky bitch, she is!" Gretchen laughed as she took another bite from her sandwich.

Outside, Penny was outside, finshing up her lunch. She was with Nina, Stewie, Brian, and two nobodys. "Damn, dat shit was good!" Penny said as she wiped her hands on a napkin. "I see, you didn't get yourself a sandwich, Penny." Nina said to her. "I didn't feel like gettin' a sandwich, _Double_ _N_." Penny said. "I say, why in the bloody hell not, hip hop girl?" Stewie asked. "These sandwiches are pretty good!" "Yeah." said the two nobodys in unision. "Shut the fuck up! Nobody's talking to your asses! Cheeky bastards!!" Brian sniffed. "I didn't feel like gettin' a fuckin' sandwich!" Penny said, getting angry. "I felt like in tha mood for ribs!** Dat's tha end of it!!**" "Okay! Okay Penny! I get it!" Nina said. "I won't say anymore about it!" "Perfect." Penny said, calming down a bit. "My god! This sub is delicious!" said Stewie. "Dat's it! I'm gettin' tha fuck away from y'all! Cheeky gin-drinkin' bastards!" Penny sniffed and went away. "Silly bling-wearin' bastard." Stewie said. "Fuck you!"

Meanwhile, Lazlo just got done finishing his sandwich. He was sitting outside of his cabin. "Damn, that was good! Too bad about Patsy, though. It's a good thing, I'd saved her half." Then Patsy walked up to him. "Hey Patsy. Are you feelin' better?" he asked. "No." Patsy muttered. "That damn sub nazi, is he allowed to take away someone's order like that?" "It is _his_ restraunt, & _his_ rules after all, Patsy." Lazlo said. "Yeah, you got a point there, dear." Patsy said. "I got something for you." Lazlo said. "What?" Patsy asked. "I saved you some of my sandwich." he said. "Oh! Lazlo. You didn't need to do that." Patsy said as she blushed a bit. "Yes I did." Lazlo said. "This kinda reminds me the time, that I accidently dropped my ice cream, and you gave me yours." Patsy said.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Camp Kidney & Acorn Flats was doing another get togethers. Everyone was six to seven years of age. The ice cream truck was there. Patsy just got her ice cream, and was walking back to the other squirrel scouts.

Patsy: Now that I got my ice cream cone, now I can eat, without any disgusting boys around!

She was about to take a bite out of her ice cream, when Gretchen on purposely threw a frisbee at her. It hit her, and she dropped her cone.

Gretchen: Haw! Haw! You sure caught dat one, mongoose! Haw! Haw! Haw!  
Nina: She's a dog! Ha! Ha! Ha!  
Unknown squirrel scout: What a loser! Ha! Ha!  
Unknown bean scout: And look! She spilled ice cream over herself! Let's laugh at her!  
Everybody: **HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!**

Patsy went away with her head down. She sat on a nearby stone. She was crying softly, then she felt someone put a hand on her shoulder.

voice: Are you okay?  
Patsy:(sobbing a little bit) Yeah.  
voice: I'm sorry about what happened to you back there.  
Patsy: I'm sorry, too. Those other scouts can be real bitches sometimes.

voice: Yeah, I know. What's your name?  
Patsy: The name's Patsy. And yours?  
voice: Pretty name. Mine's Lazlo. Let me see your face.

She looks up to see a young Lazlo, smiling at her.

Lazlo: You got a cute, pretty face. Despite that tiny bruise.  
Patsy:(blushing a bit) Thanks.  
Lazlo: I want you to have this.

He gives her his ice cream cone.

Patsy: B-But, I can't!  
Lazlo: No, go ahead! I can always get another one. Anyway, it'll make you feel better.  
Patsy:(with her trademark lovesick look on her face) Thank you, Lazlo.  
Lazlo: I'll see you again sometime. Bye Patsy.  
Patsy:(still with looksick look) Bye Lazlo.

After Lazlo left, Patsy crossed her arms on her chest.

Patsy:(still lovesick) _God, I think I'm in love!_  
**_(End Flashback)_**

Patsy took a bite of the sandwich. "Oh god! I've gotta sit down!!" she said as she sat down right next to Lazlo. She finished it. "Damn! That sure was a good sandwich, sweetie! Thanks for saving me some!" "Anytime Patsy. Anytime." Lazlo said. Just then Raj, Clam, & Lois fell through the cabin door. "What the fuck?!" Patsy exclaimed. "L-Looks like, I-I'm o-on a beach, man!" Lois said, highly. "We're in Tijuana, Mexico!!" Raj exclaimed. "_Taco Bell_!!" Clam shouted. "Filthy bastards!" Lazlo sniffed. "You ruined a special moment between me & Patsy!!" "L-Looks like they're about to have sex!" Raj said to Clam. "**Badunkadunk!!**" shouted Clam. "Assholes!! Excuse dear, but I gotta go back to the sub shop, and try again." Patsy said. "And I'll go play some basketball!" Lazlo added. "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm _so_ baked!" Lois laughed. "She's baked, C-Clam!" Raj said. "I-I'm fried!!" "Hey! Hey! Hey! I'm _Fat Albert_!!" Clam said stupidly.

Back at the sandwich shop, Penny was in line. "God, I hope these so-call sandwiches are good!" she muttered. "Everybody's been makin' a big deal outta them." Just then, Patsy came up behind her on cue. "Hey Penny. Didn't you get lunch?" she asked her. "Yeah, I did." Penny said. "Some ribs from dat rib joint, _Gangsta's_, but every muthafuckin' body at camp, kept talkin' 'bout how good these sandwiches are. So, I'm here to get one, and see how good they are myself." "They're pretty good, Penny. That's why, I'm here again." Patsy said. The line started moving faster now. "So, do you know the ordering procedure? Or what you might want to order?" Patsy asked Penny. "What's up with all tha questions, _P_?" Penny asked. "I want to make sure, you know how. I don't want you to be thrown out by the sub nazi." Patsy answered. "_'Sub nazi'_? Why in tha hell he's called dat?" Penny asked again. "Because, he's a little temperamental, and a little eccentric, especially with the ordering procedure." Patsy explained. "Why what happens, if I don't follow any of his rules?" Penny asked. "He yells at you, and you don't get your food. That's what happened to me earlier." Patsy said, then she thought of something. "May I cut in front of you? I know what I want." "Sure, whatever." Penny said as Patsy cut in front of her. Inside, it was Patsy's turn. She walked up to the counter. "Good Afternoon." she said. The _sn_ glared at her again. "One turkey, ham, & chicken sub to go." she ordered, and then moved to the left. Penny scoffed at the way Patsy was acting. The cashier gave Patsy her food. Patsy looked inside the bag. "Chips & soda. Perfect." laughed Patsy nervously as she made an _'ok'_ with her fingers. "You're pushing your luck, little pink-haired girl." the _sn_ said as the audience laughed. "Sorry. Thank you. Thank you." Patsy said and lefted. Penny walks up to the counter. "Whaddup?" she said as she tapped on the steel counter. The _sn_ looked at her beat on the counter. "Oh! Oh! I would like tha Patsrami on rye." she ordered. "And, is dat Salami?" "Yes, it is." the _sn_ said. "Never been a big fan!" Penny said as she made gagging sounds. The _sn_ glared at her, and Penny looked at him. "You know, has anyone ever told you, you look exactly like dat Larry Thomas dude? You know, _'Seinfeld'_? Tha soup nazi episode? **NO SOUP FOR YOU!!**" "Very good. Very good." the _sn_ & Penny laughed. "You know something?" he asked. "What?" Penny asked. "**NO SUB FOR YOU!!**" _sn_ shouted. "What?" Penny asked astrounded. "**Come back, one year! NEXT!!**"

Back at camp, Lazlo just got done playing basketball, when Patsy & Penny returned. "Hey guys. I see you got yourself some sandwiches from the sub shop." he said. "Well, I did, but unfortunately Penny didn't." Patsy said. "**Dat muthafucka's gonna get his! One of these days!!**" Penny sniffed. The two new campers, Joker & Mario was listening, unknown to Patsy, Penny, & Lazlo. "Aye Bro. What are they talkin' about, _ese_?" Joker asked Mario. "I-a think-a they were-a talking about-a the new-a sandwich shop, by-a the night-a-club." Mario said. "I think, we should go down there, and get some, _ese_." Joker said. "Do-a you know-a how to-a get there?" Mario asked. "Damn, I don't, _ese_!" Joker muttered. "We must follow somebody there, _ese_." Just then he saw Peter getting into his car. "I think, I see a pigeon. A big, fat one, _ese_!" "Where? Who?" Mario asked. "The scoutmaster, _ese_!" Joker sniffed. "Come on let's go, _ese_!" "Ooooh! I-a haven't followed some-a-one since a-time, I followed fat-a people with-a tuba!" Mario bragged.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Mario is at a place called, _'Follow fat people with a tuba for cash'_ or _F.F.P.W.T.F.C. company_. A man was giving Mario instructions.

Man: You find a fat person, you follow them, you blow the tuba. Keep on blowing the tuba, until the sap falls over, and then charge them alot.  
Mario: Oooh! That-a sounds-a devious!  
Man: Yes, it is! Now, don't disappoint me! The last kid I had, was a perfect pro! But I must say, he did had an odd shaped head, and was a year old.

Mario: I-a won't!!

Soon Mario spots a fat man walking by. He jumps behind him, and starts blowing the tuba.

Fat man: Stop it! It's not funny! I'm big-boned! I,...

He then falls over, and Mario blows a low note as the audience laughs.

Mario: That-a be a-seventy bucks-a, greaseball!!

Audience:(laughs)  
**_(End Flashback)_**

Soon Peter was at the sandwich shop, again. He was talking to the _sn_. "And sometimes my daughter is so fuckin' annoying, you know? That I would like the snap her in two, you know?" Peter said as he took a bite out of his sandwich. "Arrgh! Familes!" the _sn_ sniffed. "Do you have any brothers & sisters?" Peter asked. "Yes. I have two brothers. They both had soup stands in New York." the _sn_ said. "One of my brothers soup stand was closed down. He was ran out of the country, by a insane woman, who gave out his recipes to everyone, and my other brother, closed his soup stand, & started a franchise." Just then, Quagmire walks up to the counter. "One turkey & ham club, please?" he asked. Then he moved to the left, as the audience laughed. He pays for his food. "So, continue." the _sn_ said to Peter. "So, she's like; _'Oh my god! No one likes me. I have no friends!'_ And I'm like, _'shut the hell up! I'm tryin' to watch the wheel!'_" The _sn_ agrees with him. "Thank you." Quagmire said as he got his sandwich, and went away. "Alright listen to me. You've been a good friend. I got a stash of private magazines in my attic. If you want to pick them up, so take them, they're yours." the _sn_ said. "Gee thanks! How can I possibly repay you?" Peter asked. "You are the only one, outside of the family, who understands me." the _sn_ said. "You suffer for your sandwiches." Peter said. "Yes." _sn_ said. "You demand perfection from yourself from your subs!" Peter added. "How can I tell tolerate any less from my customers?" the _sn_ asked. Just then, Joker walks up to the counter. "Uh, tha taco sub, _por favor_, _ese_?" he said. "_Por favor_? _ese_?" asked the _sn_. "I'm a East L.A. Mexican gangster, _ese_." Joker explained. "_**Adios muchacho!**_" _sn_ shouted. Joker was astounded. "Come on, get out!" Peter said, and he pointed towards the door. Outside, Mario was in line, when Joker walked out. "I think, we better leave, _ese_." he said. "Why?" Mario asked. "Cause, dat Penny girl's right, he is a muthafucka!!" "Didn't-a the scoutmaster say-a anything?" Mario asked. "_Hell nawl!!_ He's friends with dat bastard!" Joker sniffed. "Let's go, homes."

Sometime later, it was dinnertime. Cleveland didn't feel like cooking again, & Peter couldn't get enough of the _sn_'s food, so he told everyone to go back to the sub shop. "What you guys are goin' back to dat sub rat bastard?!" Penny asked Patsy & Lazlo. "Yeah." Lazlo said. "Those sandwiches are addictive!" Patsy added. "So, are you coming?" "**Hell nawl!! I ain't goin' back there!!**" Penny sniffed. "You just didn't know the ordering procedure, Penny, and that's why you got kicked out." Lazlo said. "Plus, with all that banging, you did on the counter, I'm not surprised he'd kicked you out." Patsy said. "Maybe, if you go down there and apologize, maybe he'll lift the ban on you." Penny thought about what Patsy had said. "Okay _P_. I'll be tha bigger person. Bigger than big boy was when he was injured after dat incident at work." Penny said.

**_(Flashback)_**

It shows Peter sitting outside of the Griffin home. He was larger than the whole block. Lois, Quagmire, Cleveland, Brain, and anybody who was around was driving construction equipment towards Peter. The trucks were filled with tons of food, since Peter couldn't move on his own. Peter picked up the trucks, and held the trucks to his mouth. All of the food came out of them.

Lois: Doctor? How long will Peter be this way?  
Dr. Hartman: Oh, I think, until he explodes.  
Lois:(amazed) What?! Oh my god! Joe give me the bullhorn.  
Joe: Here you go, Lois.  
Lois:(on bullhorn) _Peter, you've got to stop eating! You're gonna explode!_  
Peter: But Lois, I'm still hungry!  
Dr. Hartman: Um, Mrs. Griffin. I'm afraid, I have some bad news.  
Lois: What is it?  
Dr. Hartman: My driver's license just expired, but I have awful news!  
Lois: What is it?! And don't tell me, any crappy jokes, either!  
Dr. Hartman: If your husband eats or drinks any more, he'll blow up, and all of the town, too!  
Lois: **Oh shit!**

Then she turns back to Peter.

Lois:(on bullhorn again) _Peter, don't eat or drink anything, you'll destroy the whole town!_  
Peter: What?! But I'm so hungry & thirsty.

Just then he smells some _Pepsi_.

Peter: Mmm! _Pepsi_!

Then he turns to see Stewie filling Joe's pool full of _Pepsi_. Peter leans towards the pool, with a log. He drinks up the whole pool!

Stewie: _Dammit!_ There's go my dream, of having a pool full of _Pepsi_! Well, I can always fill the pool full of grape juice!

Just then, Peter's stomach starts to rumble loudly, & everything starts to shake.

Peter:(holds his aching stomach) Oh! I don't feel so good!  
Quagmire: **RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! HE'S GONNA BLOW!!**

It cuts away to the entire town of Quahog, all intact. The next second, it shows a flash, and a atom bomb like mushroom cloud over the town. The entire town was swallowed by the mushroom cloud & flames.

Peter: Coooooooollllllllllllllllll!! Hee!Hee!Hee!Hee!  
_**(A/N: Don't ask me, how he's still talking & laughing, when he blew up)**  
**(End Flashback)**_

Back at the sandwich shop, everybody was standing in the line, placing their orders, paying for & getting their food. Penny was up next. "Okay Penny. Remember, what I told you about bein' the bigger person." Patsy reminded her. "Yeah! Yeah! I know! I know!" Penny sniffed. She walked up to the counter. The _sn_ gave her an evil look. "**What the hell are you doin' here?!**" he demanded angrily. "I came down here to apologize for tha way, I acted earlier. I came in here, totally disrespectin' yo' rules, beatin' on tha counter, and shit like dat. But you do look like Larry Thomas, though. I know, you tryin' to do yo' job & stuff, so without further ado, I apologize." Penny said. Anybody would of accepted this apology, but of course the _sn_, being hard-headed & all, didn't. "**How dare you! You come down here, and say a bunch of shit in my face, after I banned you here, for a year?!**" the _sn_ ranted. "Well, I thought..." Penny started to say, but was interrupted by more ranting from the sn. "**THAT'S IT!! YOU ARE NOW BANNED FOR THREE YEARS!!**" the _sn_ shouted, then he looks at Patsy. "**THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO, PINKY!!**" "What?! What did I do?!" Patsy asked. "**I JUST DON'T LIKE YOU!! NOW WHO WANT SUBS?! NEXT!! SPEAK UP!!**" the _sn_ shouted. Edward & Stewie was behind Patsy. They was shocked. "Uh, maybe we should just get chinese, Stewie." Edward whispered to Stewie. "Yeah, that'll be a wise thing!!" Stewie said.

Back at camp, it was dark now. Penny & Patsy was complaining about how the _sn_ treated them. "You know, I'd never been so insluted in my entire life!" Penny sniffed. "There's somethin' wrong with this dude! He is a _'Sub Nazi'_!" "Yeah! I wasn't doing anything to him, and he banned me for three years!" Patsy sniffed. "It's a good thing, I saved some of my sandwich from earlier." Just then Lazlo walked up to them. "You guys okay?" He asked them. "Yeah." Penny & Patsy said. "That man's an idiot!" Lazlo sniffed. "He wouldn't accept your apology!! That-That just makes me sick!!" "Yeah! And dat's one of tha things, dat I rarely do!" Penny added. "Yes, that's true." Patsy said. "I've heard, that the new campers; Joker & Mario were treated badly by him, too." said Lazlo. "That asshole, was probably mocking their accents!" Patsy sniffed. Speaking of which, the two mentioned brothers walked up. "What's goin' on here?" Joker asked. "Are you dudes, talkin' 'bout dat sub bastard?" "Yes, we are!!" Lazlo said. "Dat fucka, wouldn't accept my apology, and he banned me & _P_ from dat joint for three fuckin' years!!" Penny sniffed. "He doesn't like me!" Patsy added. "He's-a prejudice against-a people from-a L.A.!" Mario sniffed. "Damn! This bastard hates everybody!" Lazlo said. "No, he doesn't hate everybody, _ese_! He doesn't hate his family & dat Peter Griffin dude." Joker said. "What Peter Griffin's friends with that junkie?" Patsy asked. Joker nodded. "I know, that fucka's gotta go now!" Patsy said. "Okay, that's five votes against the sub nazi. Agreed?" Lazlo asked. Everyone nodded. "I have a huge plan," Penny started. "To send dat muthafucka packin', and it just might take another chapter to do it, & help from Stewie, _B_, Edward, & _Big_ _Meg_." "What's the plan, Penny?" Patsy asked. So Penny whispered the plan to the other four. "Okay, we'll start at 1000 hours." Penny finished. "1000 hours-a? What-a does that-a mean?" Mario asked stupidly. "Dat's military for, 10 o'clock in tha mornin', dumbass!" Penny sniffed. Then she turns to the readers. "How is Stewie, _B_, Edward, & _Big Meg_ a part in my plan? Will scoutmaster tubby have a bigger part in tha next chapter? Will dat sandwich makin' bastard leave? All this, & lots more in next chapter." _**(A/N: In case, you don't know, it's the same joke Peter does in the Family Guy episode, "8 simple rules for buying my teenage daughter".)**_


	14. The Sub Nazi has left the building

Sub Nazi has left the building

This chapter starts off like the show, _'Law & Order'_ & the _'Family Guy'_ episode, "Fast times at Buddy Cianci Jr. High".

Announcer: _In the fan fic world, people like to be entertained by two types of fics. The good ones, without the all the big words, or the entertaining ones, that makes jokes about other shows, pop culture, cussing, farting, and other crazy stuff. This is the latter._

_'Law & Order''_s 'chung chung' tone plays, as it shows a black title with white letters.  
Camp Griffin Friday, May 30

**_(Cutaway to Peter, Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo in the pool hall)_**  
Peter: Oh sorry, I'd just farted!  
Penny: Funky, fat assed bastard!  
**_(Cutaway to 'Law & Order' theme playing)_**  
It shows a car following a police car. Then it shows Penny holding a piece of paper, with words saying,

_Starring Annette 'Penny' Smiles_

Then it shows Patsy talking, also with the words;  
_Patsy Smiles_

Then it shows Stewie & Edward arresting someone, and Raj, Clam, Gretchen, & Quagmire in a jail cell. Then the words, trial appears, then a photo of Lazlo holding a book (probably upside-down) with the following words;

_Also starring Lazlo(no last name mentioned)_

Thne it shows the words, _'Camp Griffin'_ comes together, and the screen splits to show Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo wearing lawyer attire. Lazlo had his jacket over his right shoulder. They stop to see a naked Quagmire running by.

Quagmire: Giggity! Giggity! Giggity! Giggity! Goo!

Then it cutsaway to the New York skyscrapers, and the Triborough bridge, and the rest of the New York city skyline at night.  
**_(End 'Law & Order'-like theme)_**

It was the next morning. Penny & Patsy was already up. They were getting the supplies they need to get rid of the sub nazi. "So do you got tha stuff?" Penny asked Patsy. "Yes. I do." Patsy said as she took out a bag from out of nowhere. "Aight then." Penny said as she looked at her watch. It was only 8:40. "Damn! It's still early yet!" she sniffed. "Well, we can always watch tv." Patsy suggested. "Yeah, dat'll be a wise thing." said Penny. So Patsy turned on the tv. "I wonder what's on?" Penny was looking throught the tv section of the newspaper. "It says, dat _'Kenan & Kel'_ is on." "What channel is it on?" Patsy asked. "It says, it's on dat local _FOX_ affilate, _P_." Penny said. So Patsy turned the tv to the local _FOX_ station.

**_(Cutaway to TV)_**  
The entire Rockmore family was having dinner. They were finally having a pleasant dinner, without Kel.

Roger: Finally! A decent dinner, without dat damn, Kel!  
Sheryl: Roger! Watch your language!  
Roger: Why should I? Tha kids are grown up, and they already know tha words!  
Kenan: Yeah, ma! And don't be talkin' 'bout Kel dat way!! He could be hearin' you!  
Kyra: Yeah daddy!

Kenan, Roger, & Sheryl looks at her.

Kyra: What?  
Roger: Who tha hell are you?  
Kyra: Daddy, c'mon. I'm your little girl!  
Kenan: **Shut up! Nobody likes you!!**

Just then, they heard some footsteps down in the basement.

Roger: What tha hell's dat?  
Sheryl: Sounds like someone's breakin' in!  
Kenan:(points towards the basement) Don't just sit there, go down there & beat tha shit outta him!!

Kenan hands Roger a baseball bat, and then Roger & Sheryl went down towards the basement. Kenan looks at Kyra.

Kenan: **Are you _still_ here?!** **Get outta here!!**

She leaves. Just then Kel came from underneath the table.

Kel: Is tha coast clear, Kenan?  
Kenan: Yes, it is!  
Kel:(eats Roger's dinner) Damn, yo' dad is such a bastard!!

Kenan: Hell, you don't need to tell me, dat!

Just then, Roger & Sheryl came back from the basement. Roger was holding a man, by his shirt collar.

Roger: Guess who I found, in tha basement.  
Kenan: Chris? My old boss? What tha hell are you doin' here?  
Chris Potter: I-I was cold, & hungry. I need a place to stay!  
Roger: You can't stay here!! Yo' ass, had just ruined a perfect dinner with my family. A decent dinner, without Kel...

Then he saw Kel, eating his meal.

Roger:(getting ready to explode) **KEL!! WHAT THA HELL ARE YOU DOIN'?**  
Kel:(burps) I was eatin' your dinner! Hopefully, it'll teaches you not to invite me!  
Roger:(getting his baseball bat ready for action) **KEL!! I'M GONNA...**

But before Roger could swing the bat, Kel ran the hell out of there. Kenan decided to follow him. During all of the commotion, Chris decided to make himself comfortable.

Chris: What saps!

Just then Roger came back, to see Chris eating at the dinner table. Chris looks up.

Chris: Hey roomie! Wanna split this pie?

Roger then grabs Chris by the neck, and threw him in the street. There was a car horn, and tires was screeching, and a bump.

Roger: Ha! Ha! Ha! Serves, tha bastard right!  
**_(End TV cutaway)_**

Meanwhile, Peter was reading the newspaper. "Hmmm! It says, that _NBC_'s ratings are getting lower. _CBS_' ratings are rock bottom, _ABC_'s ratings are in hell, and _The CW_'s ratings are non existant!!" he exclaimed happily. "Yay!! It's time to have a drink for that!" he got up and went towards his refridgerator. Inside was sandwiches wrappers, bag full of chips, some sodas & beers. He took out a half-eaten sandwich & beer, then he sat back down at his desk. "There's nothing, like eating subs & drinking beer in the morning." Peter said as he took a bite out of his sandwich. He was almost finished eating his sandwich, when he suddenly stopped. "I have a bad feeling, that something's gonna happen to that sandwich shop!" Peter exclaimed as some bits of the sandwich flew out of his mouth. "I must stop whatever..." he forgot what he had said. "What was I doin' again? I think, I was doin' 'scoutmaster duties'! Back to work!" Then Peter took out one of the magazines, he had gotten from the _sn_ in the last chapter.

Lazlo was reading his newspaper. Raj was playing darts, and Clam was playing with a tire. Raj was watching this. "Clam. Where did you get that tire from?" he asked Clam. "Uh, I stole it from the junkyard last night!" he said happily. "Sure, whatever! Just stay away from my new _ipod_, that'll be a wise thing!" Raj said. Lazlo suddenly looked up. "Wait a minute. There isn't junkyard around here, Raj!" he said. Raj just sat there for a few seconds, then it finally hit him. "Yeah!" Then he turned to Clam. "You didn't steal that tire off of someone's car, did you?" "Uh,..." Clam started, and this would be a perfect time for a flashback.

**_(Flashback)_**  
This happened last night, when Lois, Raj, & Clam was still high. Everyone was asleep. The three of them came from behind the clubhouse.

Lois: Shhh! Shh! Shut up!  
Raj: Why?  
Lois: Because, I need to get something from the car.  
Raj: Oh! Why are Clam goin' with you?  
Lois: 'Cause, I need him to help me, duh!  
Raj: Oh. Go ahead then.

Lois & Clam went towards Peter's car. Lois unlocked the trunk, and took out a jack. The jack was broken.

Lois: Damn, Peter broke the jack! How am I gonna hold the car up?  
Clam: Uh, you can use me!

Lois looks at him.

Lois: You do, look kinda like a jack, but that can be the chronic talking.

So she puts Clam underneath the car, and he jacked up the car. Lois then take a tire off the car, and set it on the ground.

Lois: Now to replace it.

She took out the spare tire, but it was flat. She didn't care, and put it on. Five minutes later, the flat tire was on.

Lois:(picks up good tire) Okay Clam. Let the car down.

He jacked the car down, and Lois gave him the tire.

Lois: Here's your new tire.  
Clam: Ahh! There's nothing like, the smell of new tire in the night!  
Lois: Let's go, before the fat square comes!  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"I stole it, from the truck stop! Yeah!" Clam lied. Lazlo & Raj looked at him. "Well, it's true!" he lied again. Lazlo & Raj looked at each other. "I believe that. Do you, Raj?" "Yeah, I believe that, too!" Raj said. Clam laughed to himself. "Stupid bastards!!" It was soon 9:25. Lazlo put down his newspaper. "Oh shit! It's almost time for me to go." he said as he put up his newspaper. "I hope Penny's plan works."

Back at Patsy's cabin, Patsy was putting stuff in her SUV, when Lazlo walked up to her. "Hey Patsy. How are you, this wonderful morning?" he asked her. "I'm doing fine, dear." Patsy said. "So, are you ready to do Penny's plan?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah! We're gonna get rid of that bastard!!" Patsy exclaimed. Penny came out. "Hey G! Are you well rested?" she asked. "Yep!" Lazlo said. "Aight then. I'll go check on Joker & Mario." she said and left. Soon Patsy was done. "So, what do you wanna do now?" Lazlo asked her. "Well, do you wanna play with my _PS3_ in my ride, until it's time to go?" Patsy asked. "Yes, let's!" Lazlo exclaimed. Meanwhile, Penny was checking on Joker & Mario. "So, do ya'll got yo' digital cameras ready?" she asked them. "Yeah, _ese_." Joker said as he took out his digital camera. "Oooh! Why-a do we-a need a-cameras for-a?" Mario asked. "So, we can take photos of how dat sandwich bastard drove out other restraunts, and how he treats tha customers." Penny explained. "How does, tha dawg, tha baby, Edward, & Meg fits into this, _ese_?" Joker asked. "I'll explain dat part, later on tha chapter." Penny said. "Let's go!" Patsy & Lazlo was playing with her _PS3_, when Penny walked up to them. "Aight G's. It's time to go to dat bastard!" she said. "Well, it's time to stop playing the game." Lazlo said sadily. "Don't worry, dear. We can play it later." Patsy soothed as she took out her keys.

It was 10:00 by the time, they got to the sub shop. The _sn_ was getting ready to open up for the day. There was already a line in front of the shop. "I wonder, if those people from that camp's, gonna come here today?" asked an employee. "Probably. Just as long, they don't bring in those four troublemakers with them!!" the _sn_ sniffed as he unlocked the door. The line of people immediately started moving, and some of them getting rejected immediately too. Soon Penny pulled up by an abandoned building by the sub shop. She took out some binoculars. "Look at dat fucka! He makes me sick!" she sniffed. Then Penny took out her walkie-talkie. "Hey _P_. Are you there?" she asked. "_Yes, I am Penny._" Patsy said from the other end. "_Uh Penny, you're suppose to say, 'over' when you get done saying something on a walkie-talkie. Over._" "Thanks for tellin' me dat, _P_. Over." Penny replied. "Aight. Now ya'll work on half of tha town, and I'll work on tha other, while tha Joker brothers work on tha rest of tha town." Penny explained. "Over." "Uh, Penny. Do we have time for a flashback? Over." Patsy asked her. "Uh, sure. Whatever makes you happy, _P_. Over." Penny responded. "Okay! I've haven't felt this giddy, since the time, you gotten us free cable. Over." Patsy said.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Penny was at Patsy's home for a visit. She, her older sister, Kelly, & Patsy was outside. A _Comcast_ truck was outside of her home. They were beating up the _comcast_ man. **_(A/N: By the way Comcast rise their rates, I don't blame them.)_**

Patsy: Take that!  
Comcast man: **Owww!!** Why are you beatin' me up for?  
Penny: Because, ya'll keep rising tha fuckin' rates!  
CC man: W-We have to...

But he was quickly shut up, as he received another punch from Penny.

Penny: **Shut tha fuck up!**  
CC man:(crying) Please don't kill me!  
Kelly: **SHUT UP!!** So are ya gonna lower tha rates?  
CC man:(still crying) I-I-I don't know!  
Penny: Looks like, we have to bring in human resources.  
Kelly & Patsy: Oh shit! He's in for it now!!

Penny went to get the human resources officer, and seconds later she came back with him. The human resources officer was Mr. T.

Mr. T: What's goin' on here?  
Patsy: This _comcast_ asshole won't lower their rates, and we're whoopin' this bastard's ass!  
Mr. T: **_COMCAST_?! I HATE THOSE BASTARDS!! THEY DIDN'T EVEN PAY ME FOR DOIN' THOSE COMMERCIALS FROM TWO YEARS AGO!! ESPECIALLY, SINCE MY _TVLAND_ SHOW, _'I PITY THE FOOL'_ WENT BELLY UP!! AHHHH!!**

He picks up the _comcast_ man's van, and throws it off-screen. Then a woman screamed.

Woman: **SOMEBODY KILLED MY BABY!! WE'VE JUST GOT MARRIED TWO DAYS AGO!!  
**Penny:(looks at the direction the woman screaming is coming from) **SHUT UP!!  
**Patsy: So, are you gonna lower your rates now?  
CC man: No, I can't!  
Kelly: Aight, have it yo' way then. **GET HIM, T!!**  
Mr. T:(grabs _comcast_ man) **I pity da fool, dat don't lower da cable rates, or works for a company dat doesn't pay, T!!**

He beats up the _comcast_ idiot, while Kelly grabbed the man's equipment.

Kelly: I got tha bitch's electrical shit! Would you like to do tha honors, _'nette_?  
Penny:(takes the equipment from Kelly) Hell yeah!  
Patsy: What are you gonna do, Penny?  
Penny: I'm 'bout to give you free cable for you & tha entire city!  
Patsy:(getting giddy) God, I'm gettin' all giddy & shit! Thanks Penny!!

So Penny climbs up the telephone pole to do some retooling. Soon she climbs down.

Penny: Aight! Tha free cable's set up now! Ya'll also got tha _Cinemax_, _HBO_, _Starz_, & other channels from 'round tha country!  
Patsy:(still giddy) Thanks Penny!!

Just then Mr. T walked up, he was dusting of his hands.

Mr. T: Dat fool won't be risin' anymore cable rates sometime soon!  
Kelly: Why? Did you fuck him up?  
Mr. T: Worst, I killed him.

They looked at the dismembered body parts of the _comcast_ employee on the ground.

Patsy: Well, looks like he's not gonna get _ahead_ in the business world!

The other three & the audience laughs at the joke.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"Dat was a pretty long flashback, _P_. Over." Penny said to the walkie-talkie. "It was pretty long, wasn't it?" Patsy asked. "Yeah, it was, _P_. Over." Penny said. "Aight, let's get started!" Then Penny turned off the walkie-talkie, and put it in her pocket. Then she grabbed a clipboard & some papers. "Might as well get started!" she said as she locked up her SUV. Meanwhile back at camp, Gretchen, Nina, & Quagmire was playing knives. Well, actually, Nina & Gretchen was playing knives. Quagmire was their target. "Don't be a fraidy-cat, Nina!" Gretchen said as she threw a knife. "Yo' ain't gonna hurt him." "Easy for you to say, you're in a relationship with him, and you can throw shit at him, and he'll take it." Nina said. "And, if I throw it, I might miss, or stab him in the wrong place, or..." "**Shut up, and throw da damn knife already!!**" Gretchen shouted. So Nina threw the knife at Quagmire. The knife hit his shirt sleeve. "Damn! Nina sure can throw! It makes me hard, _oh!_" Quagmire exclaimed. "See, I knew you can throw knives, Neckerly!" Gretchen said. "**Move outta da way, it's my turn!!**" She then threw another knife at Quagmire. It stabbed itself against his, well, let's just say the part he likes to use when he's reading his magazines. Anyway, Quagmire hollered in pain. "**OWWWWWW!! MY NUTS!! MY BEAUTIFUL NUTS!!**" he hollered. "Ah shut up!" Gretchen snapped.

Soon Penny met up with Kenan Thompson & Jimmy 'J.J.' Walker. They was putting boards over the windows of their restraunts. "What's goin' on here, Gs?" she asked. "We're closin' up business." said Kenan. "Yeah, dat damn new sandwich shop took away our customers! This isn't dy-no-myte!!" Walker sniffed. "Dat isn't tha worst part!" Kenan added. "What's tha worst part, _K_?" Penny asked. "Well, our restraunts are bein' turned into another Inflatable Arm flailin' tube man warehouse!!" Kenan cried. Just then a man in white business shirt & red tie walks up. "Wacky waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube men! Wacky waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube men! Wacky waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube men! Hi I'm Al Harrington of _Al's Harrington's Wacky waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube men warehouse & emporium_ and we're so overstocked at the original _Al Harrington's Wacky waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube men warehouse & emporium_, that we're adding a second location here at Prickly Pines and I want to pass the savings on to you! Black? You can rise the roof, and be the life of the..." Al Harrington said, before being interrupted by Penny. "We get tha point!! You sell those damn inflatable arm flailin' tube men! Now shut up and let me talk!" she sniffed. Harrington shut up. "Anyway, I got a petition for ya'll to sign." "A petition? For what?" Kenan asked as he took the clipboard from Penny. "So, we can drive dat sub prick outta town!" Penny sniffed. "**I'LL SIGN TO DAT!**" Kenan exclaimed as he signed the petition. "**ME TOO!**" Walker said as he also signed. "Dat's tight! Two down & many more to go!" Penny said and left. Harrington looked at the two former restraunt owners. "Would you guys like some wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men?" he asked. "**Hell nawl! Now get tha fuck outta here!!**" Kenan shouted.

Meanwhile, Patsy & Lazlo was having luck getting signatures for the petition. "Damn, I've never knew there was so much people in the town!" Lazlo said as he drunk some of his bottled water. "Yeah! Plus they all had complaints about him too." Patsy said. "Look!" She took a huge binder from out of nowhere, and in it, was thousands of complaints about the _sn_. "Whoa! I haven't seen that much complaints, since the time, everyone complained to _TBS_, about that god-awful Bill Engvall interrupting _'Family Guy'_." Lazlo said.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Lazlo was on the _TBS_ website's forums. He was looking at one section, that got his attention.

Lazlo: Look at here, there's a subject that says; _'stop interrupting Family Guy with that Bill Engvall shit!'_ Hmm! I think, I'll look into that!

He clicks on that. Inside, there was a lot of smaller forums about the shitty-assed Bill Engvall/Family Guy interruptions. **_(A/N: There is a such thing. Many other Family Guy fans have complained, that's why I stopped watching Family Guy on TBS.)_** Anyway, Lazlo read all of the complaints.

Lazlo: Damn, look at all these complaints! I know that, _'Family Guy'_'s a popular show and all, but damn! If they complained about the interruptions, then I will complain to _TBS_ then!

So he sends _TBS_ an nasty e-mail.

Lazlo: God, I hope they actually reads it.

At _TBS_ headquarters, the head of entertainment was looking the company's e-mails.

HofE: _Dear TBS, Stop interrupting 'Family Guy' what that 'Bill Engvall' shit!_ _Dear TBS, Bill Engvall sucks!! Stop interrupting 'Family Guy'!!_ **_TBS_, BILL ENGVALL SUCKS!!** I better report this!

He goes to the executives' board room. They was smoking big fancy cigars, drinking wine, & counting money, when the head of entertainment walks in.

Executive: What is it, boy?  
HofE: There's a lot of e-mails from people, complaining about the Bill Engvall/Family Guy interruptions. They hate it and such.  
Executive:(stands up) _Hellions!_ How can anybody not like those Bill Engvall interruptions? They're harlious! Well, if that what the viewers want? That's what they gonna get!

It cutsaway to an episode of _'Family Guy'_, and it then interrupts as Bill Engvall walks onto the screen.

Engvall:(southern accent) Tardnation! Dat Peter Griffin feller's funny! Yee haw! I'll clean out yer outhouse, if you watch my show!!

Just then Stewie comes, and he has one of his ray guns.

Stewie: **Die, counrty music star!!**

He blasts Engvall. He was burned to a crisp.

Stewie: **Blue-collar comedy isn't very funny!!** Now _'Family Guy'_ is! Watch _'Family Guy'_ & not that god-awful _Bill Engvall_ show or shitty shows like; _'The office'_, _'Sex & the city'_ _'Tyler Perry's House of Payne'_, _'Friends'_, _'Yes dear'_, or _'My boys'_!  
**_(End Flashback)_**

Patsy took out her walkie-talkie. "Penny. Me & Lazlo are done, getting signatures. Now what? Over." she asked. "Well, meet me back at tha joint, and go on from there. Over." Penny responded. "Alrighty then." Patsy said as she turned off the walkie-talkie. "We go back to camp now?" Lazlo asked. "Yep!" Patsy said. "Good! It's startin' to get a bit hot out here." Lazlo laughed as he got into Patsy's SUV. "Yeah." Patsy said as she got in her ride. Then a thought popped into her head. "I wonder, how Joker & Mario are doin'?"

**_(Cutaway to Joker & Mario)_**  
Joker & Mario was at the crime-ridden side of town. They was getting signatures left & right.

Mario: I-a never-a thought there was-a so many home-a-less & drug-a-lords in the town.  
Joker: I think, they came 'round tha same time dat Penny did, _ese_!  
Mario:(rolls his eyes) Any-a-way, we-a need one-a more sign-a-utre.  
Joker: Didn't you sign, homes?

Mario looks at all of the signatures on the clipboard.

Mario: Yeah, I-a did.

Just then, they saw a gang beating up someone. The gang's leader saw Joker & Mario looking at them.

Gang leader: Wat tha fuck are you two n(bleep)s starin' at?  
Mario:(looking away) We're-a not starin' at-a anything!  
Joker:(also looking away) Yeah, we're not witnessin' you beatin' tha hell outta dat person, _ese_!  
Gang leader:(turns to his gang) Drop dat bitch, and come over here, and beat these two muthafuckas!!

His gang drops the victim, and they went towards Joker & Mario. They was holding crowbars, lead pipes, sledge hammers, & any other objects to hurt them with.

Gang leader: Now ya'll are gonna git it!  
Mario: Oh-a snap! You-a did it again, Joker!  
Joker: Uh, what will it take to stop ya'll from killin' us, _ese_?  
Gang leader: What do you got?  
Joker: Well, I got this petition for you to sign.  
Gang leader: A petition? For what?  
Joker: To get rid of dat sub makin' bitch, _'The sub nazi'_.  
Gang leader: Tha sub nazi? Dat muthafucka brought our hangout and when we tried to go back there, dat muthafucka threw us out!! **I'll sign dat!!**

He signs the petition.

Mario: Good! We-a got the last-a sign-a-ture. Let's-a get the hell outta here.  
Joker: Yeah, dat'll be a wise thing, _ese_!

They leave, and the gang leader turns to his gang.

Gang leader: Git back to beatin' tha shit outta dat n(bleep)a!

The gang goes back to beating up the poor victim.

Man: I-I-I just wanted to know, where was the nearest comedy club.  
Gang leader: **SHUT UP!! ONCE YOU TRESSPASS ON OUR LAND, YOU GIT WHOPPED!**

**_(End cutaway)_**

Back at camp, it was almost lunchtime. Peter was doing his 'scoutmaster duties', when Cleveland walks in. "Hey Peter. What are you doin'?" "I'm doin' my scoutmaster duties, Cleveland." Peter said as he was coloring in a coloring book. "So, what do you want?" "I came in here, to ask, if we are goin' to dat new sandwich shop for lunch & dinner today?" Cleveland asked. "Yes, we are." Peter said as he looked at his watch. "Speaking of which, it's time for lunch!! Cleveland go get the bus!" Cleveland leaves and Brian walks in. "Hey there, old bean. Can you get the mike for me?" Peter asked. "But Peter, the mike's right there." Brian said as he pointed to the mike on the table by Peter. "Can you get it? I can't reach it!" Peter whined. "Alright! All right! I'll give it to you, just don't do that 'crying gag' from Chapter 4. That'll be a wise thing." Brian sniffed as he gave Peter the PA mike. "_Hee!Hee!Hee!_ Works everytime!" Peter laughed. Then he recovered. "_Attention Griffin scouts! Attention! Testicles! I repeat, Tesitcles! Today, like yesterday, we're gonna have lunch & dinner at the sub shop! That is all!_" Peter turned to Brian. "Are you comin'?" "No thanks, Peter. Meg, Edward, Stewie, & I are gonna stay here, and keep an eye on things." "Okay then." Peter said and left. When Penny, Patsy, Joker, Mario, & Lazlo came back, they saw everybody leaving. "Where are you guys goin'?" Patsy asked Nina. "We're goin' back to the sandwich shop, Patsy." Nina explained. "Do you wanna come?" "No thanks. I-I got plans for lunch! Yeah!" Patsy lied. So Nina lefted. "Somebody gotta stop this maniac!" Lazlo sniffed. "Don't worry, G." Penny said. "Dat bastard, be outta here by tha end of tha day!" "So, what do you want to eat, homes?" Joker asked Mario. "Let's-a get some-a calzones!" Mario said. "Okay." Joker said and lefted. Just then, Brian walks up. "Hey Patsy, Penny, Lazlo. Why aren't you guys havin' lunch at the sandwich shop?" he asked them. "We didn't feel like in the mood for his food!" Patsy sniffed. "Yeah, besides me & Patsy are deciding to have burgers for lunch." Lazlo said as he looked at Patsy. "Yeah! Yeah! Burgers for lunch!" said Patsy as she took out her keys. "Come, dear." They leave. "I would like to talk to you, _B_." Penny said. "Okay. In my quarters?" Brian asked. Penny nodded. "Okay." Brian said.

In Brian's quarters, Penny sat in Brian's bed. "So, Penny. What do you want to talk about?" Brian asked. "It's 'bout this _'sub nazi'_ bastard." Penny started, but before she could explain anything, Brian stopped her. "You went in there, did a bunch of shit, that made him pissed off, he bans you, you come down there later and try to apologize for your earlier actions, but he wouldn't accept it, so he bans you for another two years, and you're planning revenge on him." "Yeah, dat's exactly right!" Penny said in amazement. "But how did you know?" "I didn't. I was actually guessing!" Brian laughed nervously. "So, I was wonderin' do you still got dat tank?" Penny asked. "Well, it's Meg's tank, and it's back in Quahog." Brian said. "Why, do you need it to get rid of the sub nazi?" "Yeah. D-Dat exactly right!!" Penny said getting scared a bit. "Boy, I was just guessing too!" Brian exclaimed. "So, are you gonna drive it like tha last time?" Penny asked. "Sure!!" Brian exclaimed as he took out a cigar from out of nowhere. "Dat's tight!" Penny said and left to look for Meg.

Meg, Stewie, & Edward was at the picnic tables, eating lunch. "I say, platypus. What do you wanna do this afternoon?" Stewie asked Edward. "I don't know, kid. Wanna play with the roulette wheel?" Edward asked. "Yes, let's! And maybe we should get those Chip & Skip fellows, and steal their money, too!" Stewie suggested. "**Yeah, let's!!**" Edward exclaimed. Just then, Penny appears. They noticed her. "Hey Penny." Meg said. "Hey hip hop girl!" Stewie exclaimed as he smiled at the mongoose. "Hey Ms. Penny." Edward exclaimed as he too, smiled at her. "_God, what bastards!!_" Penny thought to herself. Then she recovered. "Mind, if I sit wit you?" she asked Meg. "Sure." Meg said as she ate her lunch. So Penny did. "Big Meg, can you do me a favor?" Penny asked her. "Sure. What do you want?" Meg asked. "I was wonderin', can you go and get yo' tank." Penny said. "My tank? Why?" Meg asked. So Penny explained the whole story & her plan. "Okay. You can have the tank, but it might take a week to bring it here." Meg said. "Ha! Ha! Ha! Megan, my girl. I can get the tank here in a couple of hours." Stewie said. "How?" Penny & Meg said in unison. "Watch!" Stewie said as he took out a remote control and pressed the green button. The red light on the control blinked several times, then went off. "Is that it?" Meg asked him. "Yep! It'll be here in four to five hours." Stewie said. "So, will ya'll do it?" Penny asked. "Yeah!" Meg said. "Yep!" Stewie said. "Well, I don't know." Edward started. "What's in it for me?" Penny took out a small photo of herself. She was wearing a blue bra, blue undies, and black high heels. She was laying in a sexy pose. "I'll give you, a sexy photo of me." she said. "**I'LL DO IT!!**" Edward exclaimed as he took the photo from Penny's hands. "_What a bastard!_" Penny said to herself. "_I haven't seen someone this horny, since tha time, Q saw Lois naked!_"

**_(Flashback)_**  
Lois was getting a bath one day. She was in a tub full of bubbles, and she was relaxing.

Lois: Ahh! Now to relax!!

Just then she hears a weird sound.

Lois: What the hell's that? It's probably nothing.

The noise was heard again, it was longer this time.

Lois: There's that noise again! It must be Stewie playing with his toys.

She scrubs herself a bit, and the noise comes again. Lois stops scrubbing.

voice: **WILL YOU GO TO SLEEP, ALREADY!!**

Lois looks up to see Quagmire on the ceiling. He was holding himself up, by his arms & legs and was slipping a little bit.

Lois: **AAAAHHHHH!!**

It cuts to Quagmire all beaten & bloody on the Griffin's lawn.

Quagmire: Maybe next time, I should just stand outside and look from the window.  
Audience:(laughs)  
**_(End Flashback)_**

Soon everyone's back at camp, they were eating the _sn_'s subs. Patsy & Lazlo just came back. They had three bags full of burgers. "I bet these burgers are gonna taste great!" Lazlo said. "I hope, they taste better, than those sandwhiches, made by that _sub nazi_ bitch!" Patsy giggled. "I wonder, what's on now?" Lazlo wondered outloud. "I don't know, dear." Patsy said. "Probably, that god-awful '_Maury'_ shit." "Hey! Hey! Sometimes, _'Maury'_ have good stuff, Patsy." Lazlo sniffed. "You mean those boring paternity shows? Those suck! Everybody's doin' them now!" Patsy sniffed. "What'd you mean? Those shows are entertaining!" exclaimed Lazlo. "Yeah, whatever! Let's stop before, we say something, that one of us will regret. That'll be a wise thing." Patsy said. "Yeah." Lazlo said. Just then, Penny walked up to them. "I see, ya'll back." she said. "Yeah." Patsy said. "So, how's things goin' with your plan?" "Things are goin' perfect, _P_." Penny said. "So, are you gonna explain, the rest of the plan now, Penny?" Lazlo asked her. "Well, since it's later. I'll explain it." Penny started. "First, as you already know, we go around town for folks to sign petitions to kick dat fucka out! Second, I'll tell tha plan to _B_, tha kid, Big Meg, & dat Edward bitch, and tell them, dat I wanted a tank. They accept, and Big Meg lends me her tank. Third, I tell those Joker brothas to get some bazookas & shit like dat. Fourth, we all go to dat prick's sub shop, and demand him to leave. Of course, he'll refuse. I'll call _B_ to bring tha tank, and ya'll bring tha bazookas, we blow up tha place!! And victory will be ours!!" Patsy & Lazlo was silent. "Well? How 'bout it?" Penny asked. "Pretty devious plan, Penny! I like it!!" Lazlo exclaimed. "I like it, too!" Patsy said. "We'll be like _'Hogan's heroes'_, except without the gay german soldiers."

Meanwhile, Peter was watching, '_Inspector Gadget'_ and eating his sandwich, when Brian walks in. "Hey there, old bean. Did you get any sandwiches today?" Peter asked him. "No. Stewie, Meg, Edward, & I had _Taco Bell_ for lunch." Brian explained. "Oh." Peter said, and went back to watching tv. "So, you're watching, _'Inspector Gadget'_ I see." Brian said. "Yep! They don't make cartoons like those, anymore!" Peter said as he drunk some of his soda. "Yeah. These days, it's just that god-awful '_SpongeBob'_ this and _Anime'_ shit that!" Brian sniffed. "Yeah. '_SpongeBob'_ sucks!" Peter said. Then he thought of something. "I wonder, how'd it be like, if I was Inspector Gadget?" he said outloud. "Oh no! You're not going into daydream mode, are ya?" Brian asked. "Yes Brian, I am!" Peter said.

**_(Daydream)_**  
Peter was in a gray suit, with a blue tie, and white shirt and a gray hat. The suit had a lot of buttons.

Peter: Sweet! I'm Inspector Gadget! Go-Go-Gadget fart!

Nothing happens.

Peter: I said, 'Go-Go-Gadget fart'!

Still nothing happens. Just then, the real Inspector Gadget appears.

Inspector Gadget: That only works for me! The phrase you're looking for is; 'Go-Go-Fat ass'  
Peter: Okay! Go-Go-Fat ass fart!

He blows up to a million pieces, and Gadget laughs.

Inspector Gadget: Ha! Ha! Ha! What a douche!  
Audience:(laughs)  
**_(End daydream)_**

It was getting close to dinnertime now. Everybody except, Lazlo, Patsy, Penny, Brian, Stewie, Meg, Edward, & the Joker brothers; was getting ready to go to the sub shop. Like Stewie said eariler, Meg's tank arrived. Peter wondered, what's her tank was doing there. "Meg, what's your tank doin' here?" he asked her. But before Meg could respond, Brian interrupted her. "Uh, we were just making repairs on it. You know, just in case, we need it. Yeah!" Brian said as he smiled nervously. "Sure, whatever! Just keep an eye on the camp." Peter sniffed as he got into his car. Soon after everybody lefted, Patsy looked at her watch. "So, is it about time, we go down there, Penny?" she asked. "Yeah, it's time, _P_." Penny said as she took out her keys. Then she turned to the others. "So, ya'll know where to come in at?" "Yeah." Brian said. "Yep!" Meg said. "Yeah." Lazlo added. "Affirmative!" Stewie said. "_Oooh!_ **Big breastes!** _Nice!_" Edward drooled as he looked at Penny's sexy photo. "Uh, yeah." Penny said. "Just try an' keep him focused!"

At the sub shop, everybody was getting their sandwiches from the _sn_. Penny & Patsy was in line outside. "Are you sure, you wanna do this, Penny?" Patsy asked nervously. "I'm sure, _P_." Penny started. "If I ain't gonna do it, who will? Dat whiny prick, Samson? Those two dumbasses; Chip & Skip? I don't think so! So, we are tha only ones, dat must sent dis bastard, packin', _P_!" "So, you mean, the whole future of the town & the fic all depends on us?" Patsy asked. Penny nodded. "Okay then! **Let's git dat muthafucka out!!**" Patsy bellowed. They were soon inside. "**NEXT!!**" the _sn_ shouted. He was shocked to see Penny & Patsy standing there, smiling deviously at him. "**YOU?! YOU THINK YOU CAN GET SUBS?! PLEASE, YOU'RE WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME!!**" yelled the _sn_. "We don't want subs. We can make our own subs." Penny said as she leaned on the counter. "We've got several petitions, filled with signatures, wanting your so-called delicious sub shop to close down!" Patsy said as she dropped the petitions on the counter. "Petitions? You two _weasels_ think, that you can make me leave, by passing around petitions & getting signatures?" the _sn_ laughed. "**Well,** **you could've been a** **WHOLE LOT WRONG!! I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!! ADD TO THAT, AS LONG AS I'M HERE, BOTH OF YOU ARE NOW BANNED FROM HERE, PERMAMENTLY!!**" "So, you wanna play? **I'LL PLAY WIT YOU, ALRIGHT!!**" Penny shouted as she made a call on her cell phone. Seconds after that, everything starts shaking. "W-What t-t-the hell's t-t-that?" the _sn_ asked shakily. "We'd warned yo' ass!" Penny said as she went outside. Outside was Meg's tank. Brian, Meg, & Stewie was inside controlling it, and in the abandoned building was Lazlo, Edward, & the Joker brothers. They had bazookas aimed at the sub shop. Penny & Patsy came up to them in full army gear, ready for combat. "So, _'sub nazi'_? Are you gonna leave town or not?" Patsy asked. "**NO, I WON'T!! I'LL FIGHT TO THE DEATH!!**" the _sn_ exclaimed as he took out a butcher's knife. "Aight then." Penny said and turned to the tank. "**START DESTROYIN'!!**" So the tank started shooting missiles into the sub shop, and so did the bazookas handlers. Shot after shot after shot, the building was being reduced to rubble. After twenty minutes, there was nothing left. Stewie poked his head out of the tank. "I say, hip hop girl. I think, we killed him!" "No, wait till tha dust settles." Penny said. "Then we'll see." The dust finally settles, all they could see was a white flag waving in the wind. "**Looks like, tha fucka surrenders!!**" Penny called. "**OKAY! OKAY! YOU WIN! YOU WIN!**" the _sn_ called. "**I'LL PACK UP, AND LEAVE!!**" Then he scrambles to his perfectly intact car with his already packed suitcases, and leaves. Everyone cheered as they dropped the bazookas. "Hey! Be careful with those! I promised my dad, that I would be careful with them!" Edward sniffed. "I-a bet, he-a won't-a get far!" Mario said. Penny stopped celebrating and looked at him. "Why not?" "Just look, _ese_!" Joker said. On the road ahead, the _sn_'s car was stopped by the gang from Joker's & Mario's early confrontation. They broke out his windows, and drugged him out. They immediately started beating on him. "**OH HELP ME PLEASE!! HELP ME PLEASE!! HELP ME PLEASE!!**" the _sn_ screamed. "**SHUT UP!!**" the gang leader attacked. "**YOU TOOK AWAY OUR OLD HANGOUT, SO WE'RE GONNA BEAT THA SHIT OUTTA YOU, TAKE YO' WALLET, AND MOVE INTO YO' HOUSE, BEEOUTCH!!**" "Well." Stewie started. "Like Fraiser sometimes say at the end of his shows, _'The sub nazi has left the building'_! Ha! Ha! Ha!" Then everybody got the joke & laughed too. Penny then went to her ride, and put a cd in her cd player. "What are you doin', Penny?" Patsy asked her. "I'm playin' Ice Cube's _'Today was a good day'_, _P_." Penny said. "Well, because it was!" Everyone agreed with her.

Back at camp, news about the sub shop being destroyed, spread sometime later. "Hmmph! What makes them so special?" sniffed a female nobody, before she was runned over by Meg's tank. Penny got out of her SUV. "Well, dat's all over & done!" she said. "Tha _sn_'s outta picture, _K_ & Walker got their businessess back, & things are back to normal!" "Plus, everyone's off that _sn_'s food, also!" Patsy added. "Oop! Here comes trouble!" Lazlo pointed out as he saw Peter coming towards them. He was cross. "_Oy!_ **You three! You caused confusion & delay!!**" he shouted. "Uh, what are you talking about, sir?" Patsy & Lazlo asked in unison. "**You know damn well, what I'm talkin' about!!**" Peter attacked. "You three put the coaches on the wrong track! The goods trains are also on the wrong track, and Thomas is gonna be late with the passengers from the branch line!" "Uh, Peter." Brian said. "I think, you're mimicking _Thomas the tank engine_, again." "Oh! Am I?" Peter asked. Everyone nodded. "Well,...uh,...what was I doin'?" Peter asked. "You was about to reward; Penny, Patsy, Lazlo, Edward, Stewie, the Joker brothers, Meg & I; for running a bigot outta town." Brian lied as he winked at Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo, and they did likewise. "Oh! So, how much?" Peter asked as he took out his checkbook. "Uh, 30,000 dead presidents!" Penny said. "Okay!" Peter said as he wrote out the checks. Penny, Lazlo, Patsy, Brian, & the others got their checks. "So, what are you gonna spend your money on, Penny? "Lazlo asked her. "I'll spend it on my ride & other shit." Penny said. "I go spend mine on..." Brian started, before being interrupted by Patsy. "Liquor?" she laughed. "Uh, yeah!" Brian said and lefted. "What a drunk!" Lazlo laughed. "Hobo!" Clam said, appearing from out of nowhere. "**Get outta here!**" Patsy sniffed. "I'm sick of you, ruining my moments, just like you did in the last chapter!" "It's because, I'm _black_, ain't it?" Clam said stupidly. "**YO' NOT BLACK!!**" Penny sniffed. "Why do you got to be playa hatin'!" Clam sniffed as he walked away. "So, where was we?" Lazlo asked. "I think, we was about to talk about this & last chapter, dear." Patsy said. "Oh. Well, I'd enjoyed this two chapter story-arc!" Lazlo said. "I hope, there be some more story-arcs in the later chapters!" "I hope so too, G." Penny yawned. "I'm gonna hit dat bed! 'Night!" "Well, Lazlo dear. These two chapters been entertaining." Patsy yawned. "Yeah, it sure has!" Lazlo said sleepily. Then they kissed each other good night and went to their cabins.


	15. Patsy's lunch date

_Again, it's time for; "Ranting with Edward & Stewie"._

Edward: Hello readers. As you should know by now, I'm Edward.  
Stewie: And, I'm Stewie Gilligan Griffin.  
Edward: First thing is, as you might know in the last chapter, me, Stewie, and a few others send a rude restraunt owner, called the 'sub nazi' outta town. Before he can reach the city limits, he was mugged by a local street gang, and was beaten to death. Speaking of which, I had a good time, blowin' that place up!! Stewie?

Stewie: Thanks platypus. I had one hell of a time, destroying that hellion place, too! Hopefully, someone like that, won't come back here again!  
Edward: I hope not, either, Stewie. Now, I would like to rant about is; why in the hell, did scoutmaster greasy mentioned _Thomas the tank engine_?! Why in the world, did he mimick this?! Does he actually watch this shit?! Stewie?

Stewie: In response to your question, platypus. Yes, he does. He thinks, that they're actually real! What a moron!! Ha! Ha! Ha!  
Edward: Yeah!

Just then, someone handed him a piece of paper.

Edward: Just handed to me, is some information about Ms. Penny. It seems like, there's an actual drawing of her at _Deviant art_. So if all of you out there, been wonderin' how she looks like, go there. The site is: _chappellelazlo./art/Patsy-s-cousin-84837875_, Stewie?

Stewie: I sure will, after we get done here. And I'll add it to my favorites on my account there. It appears that in this chapter, that drunken Doe woman is suppose to appear, again. And that creepy old man is suppose to make an appearance. And looks like we're in this one too, platypus.

Edward: Yeah Stewie. According to the script, it's suppose to be like chapter 5.  
Stewie: I wonder, if that Patsy girl & the alligator are gonna fight again?  
Edward: Ha! That would be a sight, but I rather watch Ms. Penny & Patsy, in their bikinis, wrestle each other in lime flavored jello!  
Stewie: Oh yeah. That would be tasty & sexy! Especially sexy!  
Edward: Well kid, we can only pray. We can only pray. Well, I'm Edward.  
Stewie: And I'm Stewie.  
Edward: Join us next time on _'Ranting with Edward & Stewie'_.

Patsy's lunch date-(aka Lazlo, Patsy, Penny, & Stewie's lunch with Jane Doe)

It was a clear, sunny morning at _Camp Griffin_. It was the type of day, just to relax and don't do anything. The temperature was right, the wind was blowing lightly. The birds was chirping, and the rubble that used to be the sub shop, still smothered. Peter was up. He was sitting at his desk, with a piece of paper. The paper had nothing written on it, except; _'Today's activities'_. "Hmm? What should everyone do today?" he wondered outloud. He thought, and thought, and thought, until he had an idea. "I got it!" Peter exclaimed as he stood up from his chair. "I can have everybody do the same thing they did in chapter 5! Yeah. This'll be a greatest idea I'd ever had, since the time, I taught the kids at school, at self-respect!"

_**(Flashback)**_  
Peter was at a school. He was a teacher for a day.

Peter: Okay children. Today, I'm gonna teach you self-respect.  
Students: Oh no!  
Peter: Oh yes. First of all, when you're around somebody that's different like; have a disability or have an accent. What do you do?

A student rises their hand.

Student: Feel sorry for them, and don't make fun of them?  
Peter: Isn't that cute? **BUT IT'S WRONG!!**

Then he recovered.

Peter: First of all, you don't feel sorry for them. You make fun of them, by pointin' & laughin' at them! Just watch my example!!

Joe & Gretchen just happened to be there.

Peter: _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ You can't walk! You're in a wheelchair! _Hee!Hee!Hee!_  
Joe: Why do you gotta break balls?  
Peter: Because, ball breakin's funny! _Hee!Hee!Hee!_

Then he turns to Gretchen.

Peter: _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ You got a funny accent! _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ Plus, you're a alligator! _Hee!Hee!Hee!_  
Gretchen: Fuckin' gawd dam fat ass prick!  
Peter: See, students?

All of the students was shocked & speechless. Then one of the students, stood up.

Student: That is the stupidiest shit, I've ever heard!  
Peter: Watch your language in my classroom, you fuckin' wank.  
Student: _WANK?!_

He then turns to the other students.

Student: **DON'T JUST SIT THERE, START ATTACKIN'!!**

Then all of the students attacked Peter. They grabbed anything that wasn't bolted down, and beat Peter with them. Joe & Gretchen was offside, watching the fight, and eating some popcorn.

Gretchen: Finally! Some excitement!  
Joe: Yeah! Are you gonna share that?  
Gretchen: I wasn't plannin' on it, wheels.  
Joe: I want some **POPCORN**!  
Gretchen: **WELL, DAT'S TOO DAMN BAD! I AIN'T GONNA SHARE!! SO GIT YO' OWN!!**

Joe glares at her, and Gretchen glares at him back.

Joe: You win this round. **YOU**...**WIN**...**THIS**...**ROUND!!**  
Gretchen: Ah, go suck on a railroad spike!  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End Flashback)_**

Lazlo was up. He was doing something different this morning. He was trying to fix his watch. "Come on. Come on. Oh dammit!" he sniffed as the piece he was trying to put on the watch, fell off. All of Lazlo's complaining got Raj's attention." Lazlo, what are you doin'?" he asked. "I'm tryin' to fix my watch." Lazlo said as he picked up the piece off the floor. "Aren't you gonna watch the news today?" asked Raj. "No. I'm gonna read the paper." Lazlo said. Clam suddenly jumps on his bed. "_I come from the land of the Irish spring Dublin's the place where I learned my thing. From the Emerald Isle to your place in the hood. I'm the man of green come to do no good. Lep in the Hood, come to do no good. Lep in the Hood, come to do no good._" he rapped. Lazlo & Raj stared at him. "What?" Clam asked. "Did you watch that _'Leprechaun in the hood'_ movie, again?" Lazlo asked him. "Yep!" Clam said as he sat down on his bed. "That movie was, uh, what do Penny call it? Oh yeah, _tight_!!" "Damn! You need to stay off that shit, Clam!" Lazlo sniffed as he picked up his newspaper. But before he can read it, Peter was calling everyone down to his house for a meeting.

Soon, everyone was at Peter's house. "What tha hell does fat ass want, now?" Penny sniffed. "I think, he's gonna tell us about today's activites." said Patsy. "Why bother?" Penny stated. "Everybody ends up, doin' whatever they want, anyway!" Peter walks up. "Okay. Shut up now." he said. Everyone did. "Okay. Today everyone's gonna be doin' the same thing like they did in chapter 5. The listings are gonna be on my kitchen table." Peter announced. Shortly a line started to form in front of Peter's kitchen table. Gretchen was first. "_'Spend day with Quagmire & Joe'_? Oh great! I get to spend my day wit wheels! Dis day's gonna suck!" she sniffed as she went away to Quagmire's quarters. Raj & Clam was next. "Uh, what does it say?" Clam asked. "It says, _'Spend the day with a background nobody & gamble'_. We can do that!" Raj exclaimed. "Okay. We'll find a nobody, and make him spend all of his money!" Clam exclaimed. They leave. Edward was next. He looked at the list. "Looks like, I get to spend my day with Stewie and..." Then he straightened out his eyes. "_Nina_? Why do I get to spend my day with a smart-alreck giraffe!" Nina, who just happened to be behind him, was also looking at the list. "_Hmmph!_ I'm not lookin' forward to this day, either!" she sniffed. "The good thing about this is, we get to be with Stewie." "Yeah." Edward said. Stewie suddenly walks up to Peter's refridgerator. They noticed him. "Hey Stewie." Nina smiled. "Hey kid." Edward said also smiling. "Guess what?" "Did Lois die?" Stewie said with hopefulness in his eyes. "Uh, no." Edward said. "We're gonna spend the day with you." Nina said. "Aren't you excited?" There was no answer. "Well, are ya?" Nina asked again. Stewie was drinking a soda. "Huh? What did you say? I wasn't listening, because I was drinking my _Mountain Dew_." he explained. "I said, aren't you excited, that you're spendin' the day with me & Edward." Nina repeated. "_Oh!_ Yes. Yes. I am." Stewie replied. "Okay. So what are we gonna do?" Edward asked. "I don't know, we'll think of somethin'." Nina muttered as they left. After several more scouts went, it was Patsy's turn. "Let me see. _'Spend day with Ms. Penny & Mr. Lazlo. Do anything with them'_." she read the list. Then she smiled. "Don't I always?" Penny & Lazlo was nearby, when Patsy came up to them. "So _P_. What are we gonna so today?" Penny asked her. "Basically, the same thing we do everyday." said Patsy. "That's good, ain't it?" Lazlo asked. Patsy thought about it. "Yeah, I s'pose you're right, dear." she said. "So, what do you wanna do?" Penny asked. "I dunno." Lazlo said. "Wanna play ball?" "Yeah." Penny said. "I'll pass." Patsy said. "I need to get some gas. I'm runnin' low." "You go ahead. Penny & I are gonna be fine." Lazlo said as he walked off. "Yeah, _P_. Just go & fuel up." Penny added as she too walked off. "Okay then." Patsy said as she took out her keys.

When Lazlo & Penny got to the ball court, it was already taken by Joker, Mario, & Chris. "Damn! The ball court's already taken!" Lazlo sniffed. "I really wanted to play ball, too." Penny moaned. "So, what do you wanna do now?" Lazlo asked her. "What time is it?" Penny asked. "I don't know. I don't have my watch." Lazlo muttered. "Last time I'd checked, it was almost 8 o'clock. Why you ask?" "Because, my favorite episode of _'COPS'_ is suppose to come on." Penny explained. "It's suppose to be tha one, where they arrest dat Dora tha explorer girl."

**_(cutaway)_**  
Some police officers, the _FBI_, & _immigration_ was outside of a run-down looking house. The officers started taking out their guns.

Chief: On the count of three, bust the door in. **1,...2,...3!!**

The other officers busted the door in. Inside, was Dora the explorer & her family.

Dora: _Hola amigos_! I'm Dora! I love to explore, and teach kids spanish. _Yo amor para explorar y ense ar chicos espanol_!  
Chief: **HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD!! GET ON THE GROUND!!**

Dora looks at the camera.

Dora: Can _you_ help me find the floor?  
Chief: **GET ON THE FLOOR, NOW!!**

She gets on the floor, and the police & _INS agents_ arrests her, then they take her to the police wagon, which was a van. Inside was Steve from _Blue Clues_, her cousin, Diego, and Flapjack. She sits next to Steve.

Dora: So, what are you in for? _Que' re tu' en para?_  
Steve: I'm in for, smoking heroine in front of Blue & all that other talkin' crap in my house.  
Diego: I'm in for, selling blow to animals.  
Flapjack: **_ADVENTURE!!_** _Yeehaayeehaayeehaayeehaa!  
_Steve: Don't do that no more. Yeah, that'll be a wise thing.  
Dora: _Si_!

Steve looks at Dora.

Steve: Yeah, don't do _that_ no more either.  
Dora: What? _Que?_  
Steve: Say something in english, then say it in spanish. It pisses people off.  
Dora: Sorry. _Excusa_!  
Steve: **OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!**  
Flapjack: _**ADVENTURE!**_  
Steve: Ah, f(bleep)k off!!  
audience:(laughs)  
_**(A/N: Couldn't help but do this funny Dora the explorer cutaway!)**_  
**_(End cutaway)_**

Patsy was at a gas station. She was just finishing up filling up. "_Ah!_ With that done, I can finally get on my day." she said as she closed up the suv's gas cap. Then she went inside to pay. Inside, she brought some food items for her, Penny, & Lazlo to eat. "Okay. I got snacks! Now to pay and get the hell back to camp!" When she was about to pay for the gas & food, when she saw a familar face behind the counter. "Ha! Ha! Why hello Patsy! Ha! Ha!" said the voice. "Ms. Doe." Patsy said startled. "Well, I see that you're workin' here now." "Yeah!" Jane Doe said in her cheerful, ditzy blonde voice. "I have to, since that riot at the store." "Oh. Well, I see, that you're sobered up now." Patsy said. "Yep! I've been dry for four chapters now!" Doe laughed as she put the snacks into a plastic bag. "That's good for you." Patsy answered as she took the bag from Doe's hands. "So, when do you wanna get together for lunch?" Doe asked. "What?" Patsy asked. "Don't you remember back in chapter 5? When you was leavin', and I called out to you; _'That we gotta meet again for lunch one day'_?" Doe explained. Patsy tried to remember, and it came to her. "Oh, I remember now. Uh, I don't know, since my cousin Penny, Lazlo, & I have so much shit to do." she lied. "Okay? How 'bout we do it today?" Doe suggested. "At noon? At my apartment." "I don't know." Patsy muttered. "I'll pay for everything." Doe added. "Okay. It's a date!" Patsy exclaimed happily. "Alright then. I'm lookin' forward to meeting your cousin." Doe said. "Oh! Don't forget, to bring the baby with you!" "Uh, I think he's busy, but I'll see what can I do." Patsy said. But before she left, Patsy stopped. "Uh, where's your apartment?" "Oh, Ha! Ha! Did I forget to mention my apartment?" Jane Doe asked in her dumb blonde voice. Patsy nodded. "It's on the far east side, Patsy dear. _Redd Foxx Towers_. Apartment 5Q." Doe replied. "Far east side. _Redd Foxx Towers_. Apartment 5Q." Patsy wrote down. "Got it!" "Well, then. See you then, Patsy!" Doe said.

Meanwhile, back at camp. Penny & Lazlo was watching _'COPS'_ in Lazlo's cabin. "Oh Damn!" Lazlo laughed. "That's the funniest _'COPS'_ episode, I've ever seen!" "Yeah! Especially dat part when dat Flapjack bitch get his head bashed wit a metal stool!" Penny laughed. "_Oooh!_ I feel his pain, too!" Lazlo said as he rubbed his head. Penny noticed this. "You okay, playa?" she asked. "Yeah. I'm just gettin' flashbacks from chapter 1, Penny. That's all." Lazlo said. "What did someone hit you wit somethin'?" Penny asked. "Yeah, someone hit me with a stool. I-I-I was tryin' to stop a riot, and I got beaned." Lazlo laughed weakly. "Oh. I bet dat taught you, not to do dat anymore!" Penny laughed. "Yep. It sure did." laughed Lazlo weakly. Patsy comes in the scene now. "Hey guys, guess what?" she asked them. "Uh, did Leah Remini go to jail for bad actin'?" Penny asked. "No, but that would be a wise thing that she does." Patsy laughed, then she recovered. "I'm gonna have lunch with an old friend today." "Is tha old friend dat drunken Jane Doe slut?" Penny asked. "Y-Yes it is." Patsy stuttered. "Damn, I was just guessin' too!" Penny laughed. "Anyway, I'm gonna have a lunch date with her, and since we're suppose to spend the day with each other, you guys have to come, too." Patsy explained. "Okay?" Lazlo said. "I hope, she ain't gonna be drinkin' again." Penny sniffed. "Oh. Don't worry, Penny. She's dry now." Patsy said. "So, what do you wanna do now?" Lazlo asked them. "How 'bout, we go lift some weights? It's been a couple of chapters, since I'd workouted!" Penny said as she flexed her muscles. "Okay, just as long, Mr. Swanson, Quagmire, & Gretchen aren't in the cabin, smokin' & shit like dat." Patsy said. "Yeah, especially what happened last time." Lazlo added. "What happened?" Penny asked. "Well, it happened like this." Patsy started, and this would be a perfect time for a flashback.

**_(Flashback)_**  
This happened in chapter 5, during the Patsy/Gretchen fight scene. All of the guys in the cabin, & the audience was hootering & hollering, just like on _'Married...with children'_. Patsy had Gretchen in a neck hold, and giving her several punches.

Patsy: _This_ for readin' my private thoughts in my diary!!

She punches Gretchen in the snout.

Patsy: And, _this_ is for laughin' at the beginning of _'Dr. Phil'_! I couldn't hear a damn word he was saying, cause your green ass was laughing in my fuckin' ear so fuckin' loud!!

She gives Gretchen another jaw-breaking punch to the snout.

Patsy: **LAST, BUT NOT LEAST; THIS IS FOR USIN' MY HAIRBRUSH TO BRUSH YOUR FUNKY ASS TEETH!! THAT BRUSH BELONGS TO ME!! ME DAMMIT!!**

She gives Gretchen the last hit to the jaw. Her mouth and other areas was all covered in blood, but Gretchen wouldn't give up. Then she suddenly gets up, and bites Patsy's tail. Of course, Patsy didn't noticed or feel it right away, she was too busy tying Gretchen's hands & feet, and try to put the muzzle on her mouth. Stewie was awed at the situation.

Stewie: I say, damn. Mongoose girl sure can fight! She beating the shit out of that alligator slut! _How hot is this!_

Then he turns to Lazlo, who was holding him.

Stewie: I say, monkey. Put me down!  
Lazlo: Why?  
Stewie: I need to get my camcorder!

Lazlo sets Stewie down, and Stewie takes out his camcorder from out of nowhere, and turns it on.

Lazlo: What are you doin', buddy?  
Stewie: I'm getting all this on tape, so I can send it to; _"America's sexiest female fights"_! This is gonna make me rich!  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End Flashback)_**

Fortunately, Gretchen, Quagmire, & Joe wasn't there, but Edward, Nina, & Stewie was. They were reading the _'Wall Street journal'_, well Edward & Stewie was reading the newspaper, Nina on the other hand, was still counting out her lottery winnings. "_230,856,196_ dollars! _230,856,197_ dollars. _230,856,198_ dollars." she counted. Stewie noticed this. "I say, where did you get all that cash, giraffe girl?" "Don't you know? I was the one, that won that lottery from chapter 9?" Nina asked him. "No. This is news to me." Stewie said. "Well, anyway. I was the one, who won all that cash!" Nina explained. "_Oh!_ Well, then. Nice. Nice. Good for you then." Stewie muttered. Just then, Patsy comes into the scene. "I say, Edward. It's that Patsy girl." Stewie pointed out. "I wonder, what she wants?" Edward sniffed. "What do you want, Patsy?" Nina asked her, as she continued to count her lottery winnings. "I was just wonderin', if Penny, Lazlo, & I can come in here, and workout?" Edward & Stewie sniggered. Patsy shot them an evil look. "It's not that type of workout, you bastards!!" she sniffed. Nina laughed a bit. "Sure, you guys can come in here & workout. Edward, Stewie, & I can go to Edward's cabin, and spend the day there." "What? You can't come to my cabin!" Edward exclaimed. "Why, what's in your cabin, that you don't want _us_ to see?" Nina asked teasenly. "Uh,..." Edward started.

_**(Cutaway to the inside of Edward's cabin)**_  
There were drawings of Penny, Gretchen, & Nina on the walls above Edward's bed. Chip, Skip, & old man Herbert was there. **_(A/N: Don't ask me how Herbert got there, since he isn't allowed at camp. LOL!)_**

Chip:(points at the drawing of Penny) _Duh_, who's that girl?

Skip: _Duh_, she kinda looks like that girl from the camp across the lake. You know? The pink-haired girl, who came over here, that one time, and whooped everyone's ass, because that huge, strong army guy was hollerin'?

Chip: Oooh! I remember that! That was kinda fun! She made me bleed from my thingamajig for weeks! _Duh_!  
Skip: _Duh_, I hope that huge, strong army guy comes back, and make us hold lots of buckets again!  
Herbert: Wait! Wait! Did you guys say, _'huge, strong army guy'_?  
Chip & Skip: Yep!  
Herbert: Strong!! **_Mmmmmm_!!  
**Chip: So, are we gonna play strip poker or what?  
Herbert: Strip poker? **JACKPOT!!**  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"It's nothing! **NOTHING!!**" Edward shouted. Nina learned over to Stewie. "I think, he's got something, that he don't want us to see, Stewie." she laughed. "Yeah. He's probably got drawings of you, hip hop girl, and the alligator girl on his wall! Ha! Ha!" Stewie laughed. "Uh, no I don't." Edward said as he forced himself a nervous smile. "Enough foolin' around, and let's go!" Nina said as she put her lottery winnings away. "Yeah." Stewie said. "Finally." Patsy said to herself, while she went to get Penny & Lazlo. Soon all three were lifting weights. "So, _P_. Did this Doe slut say somethin' else to ya?" Penny asked. "Yeah. She told me to bring Stewie along with us." Patsy said as she lifted her weight. "What? Does she likes babies or somethin'?" Penny asked. "Yes, she does." Patsy answered. Penny laughed. "She probably has a lot of kids, since she always sleepin' around." "No. N-No! N-N-No! **_HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!_** She is a slut isn't she?" Patsy laughed as she dropped her weight & fell onto her bed. "Yeah! Ha! Ha! Ha!" Lazlo laughed. Then soon Penny joined in the laughter too. After all the laughing, Penny stood up. "So, what do ya'll wanna joke about now?" she asked. "How 'bout we joke about Tyler Perry's _House of Pain_?" suggested Lazlo. "Uh, dear. It's called _House of Payne_." Patsy collected. "Yeah, I know, Patsy. I was just sayin' it's a pain to watch." Lazlo said. "Yeah, dat show's a pain-in-tha-ass! Ha! Ha! Ha!" Penny laughed. "I hate that shit!" Patsy laughed. "The acting's so damn awful! Ha! Ha! Ha!" "Yeah! Plus the direction of the show is goin' down the toilet! Ha! Ha!" Lazlo laughed. The laughing stopped again. "Dat little bitch on there, makes me sick!" Penny sniffed. "She's so damn disrespectful!" "Yeah! They just sit there and let her say those things! I can't believe that shit!" Patsy sniffed. "If I said that type of shit to my parents, they would of whooped me, until I was bloody!" "Yeah, especially, dat dad of yours." Penny sniffed. "He's always hollerin' about shit!" "That's because, he's got a tiny penis. That's what mom says." Patsy said. "No wonder, he always mad." Lazlo muttered as he sniggered a bit. "Ha! Ha! Ha! What a prick!" Penny laughed. "So, what do you wanna do now?" Lazlo asked. "How 'bout we find Lois, and make fun of her big ass nose?" Penny suggested. "Yeah!" Lazlo exclaimed as he stood up. "Where is she anyway?" Patsy asked.

**_(Cutaway to Lois' room)_**  
Lois, Brian, & Homer was doing weed. Homer was smoking.

Homer: Damn, that boy gets on my nerves, you know! He-He-He makes me..._Mmmmm_! Grilled cheesed sandwiches! _Mmmmm_!  
Brian: Stop hoggin' it! It's my turn!!

Brian then snorts a whole lot of the blow, then he passes out.

Brian:(recovering) _Oh damn!_ Now that's the shit! We're in a recession, my ass!  
Lois: **MY TURN!!**

Then she snorts all of it, then she lays on her bed.

Lois:(laughing) I-I'm so baked! Is it just me or is it gettin' hot in here?  
Brian: Why you asked?  
Lois: Because, I want to take _my_ shirt off!  
Brian:(eyes go wide) **GO RIGHT AHEAD!! I SURE DON'T CARE!**  
Homer:(daydreaming) **MMMM!** Donuts!

Brian: Fuck him! **GO AHEAD, AND TAKE IT OFF!!**

Lois then takes off her shirt.

Lois: Whew! I'm a lot cooler, now!  
Brian:(drooling over Lois' breasts in her bra) Oh my god! _Homina! Homina! Homina!_

Lois laughs, then she leans towards Homer.

Lois: Ha! Ha! Ha! He's in love with me! He wants to have sex with me so bad!  
Homer: Hee! Hee! Love's one hell of a drug!  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"I dunno. She probably smokin' dat shit again!" Penny sniffed. "Cheeky big-nosed slut." "If she's doin' the crank, should we interrupt her?" Patsy asked. "Yes, let's go interrupt her!" Lazlo exclaimed. "Yeah, dat'll be a wisiest thing." added Penny. When they got to Peter's office, they were having trouble getting to Lois' room. Mainly because, Peter wanted to have a conversation with the three of them. "So, you three. Whatcha been doin'?" he asked. "Uh, we've been liftin' weights, sir." Patsy said. "Weight liftin'? Ha! I was _weight liftin'_ with Lois, last night! _Hee!Hee!Hee!_" Peter laughed, then he turned to Lazlo. "You know what I'm talkin' about? Eh? Do ya? Eh? Huh?" Peter asked as he elbowed him. "Uh, yeah. You're talkin' about sex." Lazlo groaned. Peter looked at him. "Sex? Ha! Ha! I wasn't talkin' about sex, Mr. Lazlo. I was actually liftin' weights with Lois in bed last night." he said. "And here's a flashback to prove it to ya! Cue the flashback!"

**_(Flashback)_**  
Peter & Lois was in bed. Like Peter said, they was lifting weights.

Lois:(lifting a weight) _45, 46, 47, 48_. How are you doin', Peter?  
Peter:(sweating) I-I'm gettin' tired, Lois! I'm gettin' all hot!  
Lois: Just several more, Peter. Just several more, then we can do other stuff.  
Peter: Okay, but what kind of stuff?  
Lois:(laughs) You know? Ha! Ha!

Then Peter lifts the weights faster & faster. Then he put the weight down. Lois was already undressed, and was getting into bed.

Lois: Oh Peter, are you ready to..**WHAT THE FUCK?!**  
Peter:(eating) Mmmm! This _lasagna's_ delicious!

He was eating the lasagna, that Lois made for dinner.

Lois: **PETER!! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?**  
Peter: I'm eatin' lasagna, that you made for dinner. This is what _you_ wanted to do after we lifted weights, right?  
Lois: **NO!! I WANTED...**  
Peter:(interrupts Lois) This sure _is_ good lasagna! It's so good, I think, I'll eat some more!!

Then Peter eats more of the italian dish like Garfield, while Lois sulked & the audience laughed.  
**_(End flashback)_**

"_Oh god!_ That lasagna _was_ good!" Peter drooled. "I wish, I had some more of it!" "Well, I guess he's gonna daydream about Lois' lasagna for tha rest of tha day." Penny said. "What an ass!" Lazlo laughed. "So, do ya'll still wanna go make fun of Lois?" Patsy asked. "Yeah!" Lazlo & Penny said in unison. "Okay." Patsy said, but before they could go into Lois' room, Brian came out of the room. "I-I-I advise not to go in there, for at least...thirty to fourty-five minutes." he said highly. "Why? Ya'll been gettin' high?" Patsy asked. "_Yep!_" Brian laughed highly. "Mmhmm. Thought so!" Penny nodded. Brian went towards her. "H-Hey baby. W-Want to go steady with a white dog? You know what they say, _'Once you go hound, you don't turn back'_." "Get yo' high ass away from me! **Stupid white mutt!!**" Penny sniffed. "You bein' racist are ya?" Brian asked. "That wouldn't be a wise thing!" "No, I wasn't bein' racist." Penny said. "Right. Anyway, I gotta g-go back to my office and rest. That'll be a wiser idea, yes." Brian said. "Yeah, whatever. You just fuckin' get outta here quick, before I dose off, cheeky c(bleep)t!" Penny sniffed. "Go on. Off ya go!" Brian leaves. "There! He's gone! Silly white bastard!" sniffed Penny. Patsy looked inside of Lois' room. "Uh, maybe we should do something else." "Why?" Lazlo asked. "Look." Patsy said and pointed to a unconcious Lois & Homer on the floor. "What a stupid bitch!" Penny laughed. "This is just like _The office_, except stupider." Lazlo said. Then he thought about it. "No, wait. It's the same." "So, do ya'll wanna play pool?" Penny asked. "Yeah." Patsy exclaimed. "You know, about my situation." Lazlo sniffed. "Yeah. Yeah. You don't play pool. Yeah, tha same old story you always usin'." Penny sniffed. "Well, _it's_ true!" Lazlo cried. "Yeah, I believe you. Now let's go!" Penny sniffed.

At the poolroom, Quagmire, Gretchen, & Joe was playing a game of pool at one of the tables. Joe was winning, and being the bad sport she is, Gretchen wasn't liking this. "_Fuck!_ _Wheels_ is beatin' me! I can't believe dis shit!" she sniffed. Indeed he was. There was a few balls left on the table, and Joe was preparing himself to make the final shots. "_Ah!_" he said. "Just need to make the final shot, and **I'LL WIN!!**" "_Oooooh!_ He gonna beat _your_ ass, Gretchen!" Quagmire exclaimed happily. Gretchen gave Quagmire an evil look for his outburst. Joe hit the balls with the cue stick. The balls went all over the table, and they all went into the corner pocket. "_Ha!_ **YOU OWE ME $300 BUCKS!!**" Joe shouted loudly to Gretchen. "**GAWD DAMMIT!!**" Gretchen sniffed as she gave Joe the money. "Ha! Got your ass good! Come Quagmire, I'll treat you to lunch & a beer." Joe said. "You had me at _'treat'_!" Quagmire exclaimed. They leave. Gretchen was cross. "_Damn!_ How am I gonna get my $300 bucks back?" she muttered to herself. Then Patsy, Penny, & Lazlo suddenly came in. An evil smile came onto Gretchen's face. "I know. I'll beat _dat_ mongoose in a game!" she laughed. Patsy picked up a cue stick, and Gretchen came towards her. "So, Patsy. I was just wonderin', do you want to play a little round? Winners git $300 bucks." "Play pool with _you_?" Patsy asked. Gretchen nodded. "Well, I don't know." Patsy started, but Penny interrupted her. "Go ahead,_ P_. Do it! It's extra cash for yo' pocket!" "Okay Gretchen. It's on!" Patsy said. "_Heh! Heh! Stupid pink-headed bitch!_" Gretchen laughed to herself. "_Heh! Heh! Easy win!_" Patsy laughed to herself. The game started. Gretchen hit the balls, and makes one shot. "Ha! Nothin' to it!" she bragged. She missed the next shot. "**Dammit!**" Gretchen shouted. "_Ha!_ **My turn!**" Patsy exclaimed as she lined up to make her shot. "Beat her ass, Patsy!" Lazlo called out to her. "Yeah! Beat dat green slut!" Penny also called out. Patsy shot one ball. It went into the corner pocket. Then she went into another ball, and it went into the corner pocket. Soon Patsy shot all of the balls on the table. She turns to Gretchen. "**I WIN! NOW GIVE ME MY MONEY, BITCH!!**" "**GAWD DAMMIT!!**" Gretchen sniffed as she wrote Patsy a check. "I hope this check doesn't bounce or I'll bounce _your_ ass off the fuckin' wall!" Patsy threatened Gretchen. "Okay. Okay!" Gretchen said. "Perfect." Patsy said, calming down a bit. Then she looked at her watch. "Looks like it's time for lunch." "Do you want me to get Stewie, Patsy?" Lazlo asked. "No, I'll get him." Patsy started before being interrupted by Penny. "No. _I'll_ get tha kid." she said as she went to look for Stewie.

Edward, Nina, & Stewie was in Stewie's quarters now. They were watching the _Stock Market_ on Stewie's tv. "Well, looks like _Amtrak_'s up." Nina said. "I'm not surprised." Edward said. "They always risin' the prices." "Just like the airlines! Bloody bastards!" Stewie sniffed. Just then there was a knock on his door. "Oh god! I wonder, who _that_ can be?!" Stewie sniffed as he got up to answer the door. "It's probably, solicitors." Edward sniffed. "Fuckin' bastards always trying to sell you shit!" Stewie answered the door. Of course, Penny was standing there. "Oh! Hey, hip hop girl!" Stewie said as he smiled at her. "_Oh!_ Hi Penny." Nina greeted. Edward noticed her. "Hey Ms. Penny. How are y-you?" he stuttered as he smiled at her. "_Oy vey!_" Penny groaned. Then she turned to Stewie. "Hey kid. How would you like to go on a trip wit me, Patsy, & Lazlo?" "You had me when you said, _'trip wit me'_, hip hop girl!" Stewie exclaimed. "I'll come, but I have to do this first." "What is it?" Penny asked. "Just listen." Stewie said, then he looked at the tv. "_CSX_'s stock is down. I'm not surprised, by the way they have derailments every other fuckin' day." "Yeah, that railroad sucks." Edward sniffed. "I hate dat company, too. Even as we speak, one of their trains are probably derailed someplace!" Penny sniffed.

**_(Cutaway to somewhere in Kentucky)_**  
It shows a _CSX_ train derailment. All of the cars are on fire. The crew & _CSX_ maintence crews was talking.

Crewman: Looks like another derailment.  
Engineer: So, what are we gonna do?  
Crewman: Well, we can call the local news stations, and they'll come here and report it. And we'll blame the derailment on poor track conditions, like always.  
Conductor: But that's what caused the derailment in the first place.  
Engineer: You'll never gonna be a part of this railroad, if you're gonna spot the obvious. Now shut up!  
Crewman: Yeah, that be a wise thing! Now, let's start lootin' from the cars still on the tracks, before the news crews come!  
Conductor:(slaps his head) Why, did I have to apply to this railroad? I should of apply for the _BNSF_!  
Engineer: Shut up! And start stealing! We're being payed on the hour!  
**_(End cutaway)_**

Penny had Stewie with her. "I got 'im!" she said to Lazlo & Patsy. "Good!" Patsy said as she took out her keys. "Wait a minute, _P_!" Penny shouted. "Ain't you gonna take tha kid?" "Well, I was hopin' that you could take Stewie with you, Penny." Patsy said. "_Oh!_ I see. You & _Laz_ wants to be alone!" Penny teased. Patsy frowned at her. "Shut up, Penny." she sniffed. "I was just kiddin' about dat, _P_!" Penny laughed. Then she turned to Stewie. "C'mon, kid. Let's go!" "I say, where are we going, Hip hop girl?" Stewie asked. "We gonna have lunch, wit an old friend of Patsy's, kid." Penny said as she put him in the seat. "I wonder, who that can be?" Stewie wondered outloud. Then he muttered to himself. "_If I already didn't know!_"

A bit later, they was at _Redd Foxx Towers_. "So, _P_. Is this it?" Penny asked Patsy. "Yep." Patsy said as she took out a piece of paper. "All we need to do is find the apartment." "This looks like a perfect place." Lazlo said. "Yes, but who knows what the inside looks like." Stewie said. "Well, let's see." Patsy said. Inside, it was clean & perfect. "_Damn!_ This kinds of reminds me of my apartment buildin'!" Penny said. "It kinda do, Penny." Patsy said. "Where's Ms. Doe's apartment, Patsy?" Lazlo asked. "It's on the 5th floor, dear." Patsy said as she pressed the elevator button. Soon, they was on the 5th floor. They were looking for Jane doe's apartment. "_5J_. _5K_. _5L_." Patsy pointed out. "Ewww! Smells like apartment _5M_'s on a violation of the health code." Lazlo moaned. "Apartment _5N_'s no better!" Stewie sniffed. "_5O_. _5P_. _5Q_! " Patsy exclaimed. "This is it!" Then she rung the doorbell. Soon after the door was answered. "Why, hello Patsy." said Doe. "I'm glad to see you made it! Come in! Make yourselves at home!" "That means, I can sit at the couch and read the encyclopedia & drink juice!" Stewie said. "Aw, isn't that cute! He thinks he's British!" Doe said. "Uh, he is Britsh." Lazlo said to Doe. "Oh! Well then." Jane Doe said. Patsy, Penny, Lazlo, & Stewie sat on Doe's couch. They looked around. Most of the stuff in Doe's apartment, was brand new. There was pictures on the wall. Most of the photos had her, Patsy, & the rest of them, had the squirrel scouts. "Damn, _P_. Dat Doe's sure got enough pictures of you." Penny said. "What? Was you her favorite scout or somethin'?" "Yes." Patsy replied. "Ms. Doe always gave me respect, whole lot more than the other squirrel scouts." "Plus, I've always treated you like one of my own!" Doe added. "Right?" Penny said mysteriously. "I like your apartment, Ms. Doe." Lazlo said. "Ha! Ha! Oh, thank you, dear." Doe laughed. "I guess, all that money; Scoutmaster Griffin gave you. Helped you paided for all this new furniture?" Patsy said. "Yep!" Ms. Doe said. Then she turned to Penny. "Are you Patsy's cousin?" "Yeah. I'm Annette." Penny said. "_Annette_? Patsy told me, that she had a cousin named _Penny_?" Jane Doe asked. Then she turned to Patsy. "Well, Penny is her nickname. Annette's actually her birthname." Patsy explained. "_Oh!_ I get it, now!" laughed Doe. Then she took out her keys. "Come on, let's go." "So, where are you gonna take us to lunch?" Patsy asked. "I'm gonna take you to that new restaruant; _Martin's dogs_." Doe said as she turned off the tv. "Are you sure, our rides are gonna be okay?" Penny asked. "Oh! Don't worry, Penny! This neighborhood's pretty safe." Jane Doe said. "I hope, this new place's food taste good." Lazlo said. "Oh, don't worry, Lazlo dear. I've been to this place. The food's pretty good!" Jane Doe said as she locked up her apartment. Then she takes a look at Stewie. "Uh, can he eat hot dogs?" Doe asked Patsy. "Yeah. He got all of his teeth." Patsy said. They got to Doe's car. It too, was brand new. It was a 2008 blue _Honda Accord_. "I see, you got a new car, too!" Patsy said. "Oh yeah, Patsy. It runs better, than my old one!" Jane Doe laughed as she started up the _Accord_.

Soon, they was at the new restaruant. Patsy turned to Stewie. "Now Stewie. You go save us a seat." she told him. "I will _not_ do no such thing!!" Stewie huffed. "Let me handle this, _P_." Penny said. Then she turned to him. "Hey kid. Can you go and save us a seat?" she asked in a sweet voice. "I sure can, hip hop girl!" Stewie said, with wide eyes. He went to a table. Patsy turned to Penny. "How come, you get him to do stuff, and I can't?" she asked. "Well, _P_. He haves a huge crush on me! And he's willin' to do anythin' for me!" Penny bragged. "Whatever." Patsy muttered. Then she turned to Ms. Doe. "Does this place, have anything besides hot dogs?" "Oh yes, Patsy." Doe said. "They got sandwiches, salads, burgers, & other good stuff!" Soon, they ordered their food. "Now, to find dat kid & tha table." Penny said as she carried her food. "I surely hope, that flirtin' thing you did works, Penny." Patsy sniffed. "Because, I don't feel like standing up, while I'll eat." "I think, this is it." Lazlo pointed out. Stewie was sitting at a table. The table had lefted-over plates, ash trays, & drink containers on it. "Uh, kid. Was this, tha only table you can find?" Penny asked Stewie. "Yep! Hip hop girl." Stewie said happily. "See? I knew, that flirting thing don't work! Looks like, I have to eat standing up!" Patsy sniffed. "Now, don't get your tail in a knot, Patsy. All of this stuff on here's fake." Stewie said as he took out a suitcase from out of nowhere. "What do you mean?" Patsy asked. "I think he means. That they're all props, Patsy." Lazlo pointed out. "Yep! It's from that former _Jack's joke shop_!" Stewie said as he put the props into the suitcase. "I always use these to save tables, seats or whatever. There. All cleaned off!" So, they sit down, and started eating. Patsy looked at what Penny's hot dog. "Damn, Penny! Your dog's sure is loaded!" she awed. "Well, yes it is! They call it, _'Tha Grady Wilson dog'_." Penny said. "But, if you ask me, it's not loaded enough." "What do you mean, Penny?" Lazlo asked. "It's loaded enough!" "To you. But not to me, _G_." Penny said. Then she took out a small red bottle from her vest. "What's that?" Doe pointed to the bottle. "It's a bottle of hot sauce!" Penny said as she put some hot sauce on her chili dog. Then she took her extra bowl of chili, and poured it on her dog. Then she poured her extra bowl of nacho cheese on it. Then she put on more onions, peppers, garlic, & to topped it all off; she poured on more hot sauce. "_There!_** Done!**" Penny exclaimed happily. "What do you call that?" Lazlo asked. "I call it, _'Tha Fred Sanford dog'_, _G_!" Penny said as she picked up the overloaded chili dog. "_This_ is goin' straight to my thighs!" "But first, it's gonna go straight to your heart, and give you heartburn, Penny!" Patsy laughed as she ate some of her salad. "I'm not worry 'bout dat, _P_! I got myself some of dat _Pepto-Bismol_ shit." Penny said as she took a bite out of her messy chili dog. Soon, they was done. "So, Ms. Doe. This has been fun..." Patsy started before Ms. Doe interrupted her. "Wait, Patsy! I was hoping, that we can spend the day." she said. "Well, it's not like we got anything else to do!" Patsy exclaimed. "But Patsy. What about Scoutmaster Griffin?" Lazlo asked her. "I'm sure, he don't care, dear. He's probably still droolin' over Lois' lasanga." Patsy said.

**_(Cutaway to Peter's office)_**  
Peter:(drooling) _Mmmmm!_ Lois' lasanga! _Mmmm!_  
**_(End short cutaway)_**

"Okay. I'm in!" Lazlo chimed. "Me too!" Penny said as she finished her drink. "So, am I!" Stewie said as he wiped his mouth with a napkin. "Okay then." Doe said. "So, what are we gonna do for the rest of the day, Ms. Doe?" Patsy asked. "How 'bout, we go to the batting cages, and pratice our swings?" Doe suggested. "Yeah." Patsy said. "I'm with that!" Lazlo added. "Even though, baseball's not my sport, I'm down wit dat!" Penny said. "Yeah. Going to the batting cages, will be a good way to spend the way!" Stewie said. "Alrighty then." Doe said as she took out her keys.

Soon, they was at the batting cages. Penny was up at the base. "C'mon! C'mon! Start tha damn machine already!" she sniffed. "You heard her." Doe said to Patsy. "Okay." Patsy said as she turned the ball machine on. The baseballs started coming out, and Penny started swinging right away. The pace of the ball machine started going faster, and Penny started swinging faster too. "I say, damn! Hip hop girl _sure_ can swing!" Stewie awed. "She sure can!" Lazlo said. Penny had hit all of the balls, that machine threw at her. Penny was tired. "_Pant!_ _Pant!_ Dat-Dat was one hell of a workout!" she panted. "At least, it'll help you lose weight from that chili dog, Penny." Patsy said. Ms. Doe looked at Penny. "You rest, Penny dear. Patsy, Stewie, & I will pratice our swings." she said. "And I'll stay to keep you company." Lazlo said. "Okay." said Penny. So Penny & Lazlo was alone now. Lazlo decided to have a conversation with her. "That was some swingin' you did, Penny!" he said. "Thanks, _G_." Penny yawned. Lazlo looked at her. "I guess, you're tired?" "Yep! All dat bat swingin' & dat extra loaded chili dog made me a bit sleepy." Penny said. "I'm not surprised. All that chili & cheese would make _anyone_ sleepy." Lazlo laughed. "Yeah." Penny said. "You don't mind, if I take a look at the newspaper, do you Penny?" Lazlo asked. "No, I don't mind, _G_." Penny started. "Just give me tha tv section." Lazlo gave her the tv section of the newspaper. "Hmm. Looks like tha game's on later." Penny read outloud. "I wonder, if dat Doe ho's gonna let us watch it on her tv?" "I don't know, but it won't hurt to ask." Lazlo said. Just then Jane Doe, Patsy, & Stewie came over to them minutes later. Lazlo noticed them. "You back already?" "Yep." Patsy said. "I say, Patsy girl. You sure know how to hit a baseball!" Stewie exclaimed. "So, what are we gonna do next?" Lazlo asked Ms. Doe. "How 'bout we go to the movies? I think, that movie; _'1970's'_,is playing." she suggested. "I'll pay." "Okay." said Lazlo, Patsy, & Stewie in unision. "Hmm?" Penny muttered. "What's wrong, dear?" Doe asked her. "Sounds like, you're not too happy for the idea." "Well, I am. It's just dat tha game's on later, and..." Penny explained before being interrupted by Doe. "Don't say no more, Penny! I too, am lookin' forward to the game. But you do know, it's on around dinnertime, don't ya?" "Uh, I didn't see what time it starts." Penny muttered. "Aight. I'm in!" "Okay." Ms. Doe said. "I hope things go well at the movies, then the last time we went to the movies." Patsy said. Then she turned to Lazlo. "Do you remember that, dear?" "How can I forget." Lazlo said.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Lazlo & Patsy was sitting in a smoke-filled theather. There was a guy smoking a huge cigar sitting a couple seats down from them. It was bad enough, he was smoking, he was also talking to the movie screen, too!

Pain-in-the-ass:(takes a puff from his cigar) **DON'T GO IN THERE!! HE IN THERE WITH A GUN!!**  
Patsy:(coughing)

The man gives her an evil look.

Dumb ass: **Hey! Shut up! I'm tryin' to watch the movie!**

Then he looks back at the screen.

Douche:(takes a puff from the cigar again)**OH DAMN! I TOLD YO' ASS, NOT TO GO IN THERE!! STUPID TEENAGED BITCH!!**

Patsy:(turns to Lazlo) Did you see, what he did to me? He told _me_ to shut up! I was just coughing, from _his_ cigar smoke, and he tells me to shut up!

Lazlo: I think someone needs to kick his ass! I think, I'm gonna kick his ass!  
Patsy: There's no need for you to get up, dear. If he, says something to us again, I'll beat his ass for you.

The stupid annoying man gives both of them an evil look.

Asshole: Didn't I tell _your_ ass, to shut up?! **NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU STUPID PINK-HAIRED FERRET LOOKIN' BITCH!!**

Then he turns his attention back to the movie.

Imbelcile: **_OH!_ I BET, THAT'S GONNA HURT IN THE MORNIN'!!**  
Patsy: **That's it! I'm kickin' his ass!**

Then, in a _'Married...with children'_ fashion, the audience started hootering & hollering, as Patsy grabbed the pathetic loser by the neck, and started beating his ass.

Patsy: **_THIS_ IS FOR SMOKIN' IN A NON-SMOKING PLACE!!**

She punches him.

Patsy: **AND _THIS_ IS FOR TALKIN' DURIN' THE MOVIE!!**

She punches him again.

Patsy: **AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST, _THIS_ IS FOR CALLIN' ME A STUPID PINK-HAIRED FERRET LOOKIN' BITCH!!**

She punches him for the last time. Then she picks up the 550 lb. man, and throws him out of the theather. He hits a wall and falls onto the floor. Then the man's cigar was also thrown out. Back in the theather, Patsy sits back down, as the movie goers applauded.

Lazlo:(laughs) You sure gave him a bloody, ghetto-styled beating.  
Patsy: Well, _somebody_ had to do it!

Then she hands him the popcorn.

Patsy: Do you want some popcorn?  
Lazlo: Yes, please.

Then they go back to watching the movie, like nothing happened.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

At the theathers, they was in the theather. They were sitting in the rear. Stewie was sleeping soundly, while Patsy, Penny, Lazlo, & Jane Doe was watching the movie. "Damn! I've never knew, there was so much riots happening back in 1970." Lazlo said. "Oh yeah! There was a lot of lootin', while all dat shit was happenin'!" Penny sniffed. "You know? All racial?" "**Damn hippies!**" Ms. Doe sniffed as she took a sip of her drink. "Well, at least good shows came out in the 70's." Patsy said. "Oh yeah, like; _'The Jeffersons'_, _'Good Times'_, _'That's my mama'_, _'Chico & the man'_, _'Welcome back Kotter'_, _'What's Happening'_, _'Soul Train'_, _'All in the family'_, & _'Sanford & son'_." Penny listed. "What? You like _'All in the family'_?" Patsy asked her. "Oh yeah. Dat show's good, _P_! I don't care what anybody says, Archie Bunker's great!" Penny said. "What about 80's shows?" Doe asked. "You know? _'Cheers'_, _'Empty Nest'_, _'Family Ties'_, _'Mr. Belvedere'_, & _'The Golden girls'_?" "Well, 80's shows like; _'The Cosby show'_, _'Amen'_, _'Family Matters'_, _'Mr. Belvedere'_, & _'Empty nest'_ are pretty good, but shit like; _'Family Ties'_, _'Golden girls'_, & tha rest sucked!" Penny sniffed. "Uh, yes, of course. Ha! Ha!" Doe laughed nervously. Later the movie was over. Penny looked at her watch. "It's almost 5! Damn! It's time for tha fuckin' game!" "Worry not, dear Penny." Jane Doe said as she took out her car keys. "You can watch it, in my apartment!" "So, we are gonna have dinner at your apartment?" Patsy asked. "Uh, maybe." Ms. Doe said. "I wonder, what everyone else is doing?" Lazlo wondered.

**_(Cutaway to Peter's office)_**  
Peter:(still drooling) _Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!_ Lois' lasanga!! _Mmmmmmm!!_

Meg comes in with Joe, Gretchen, & Quagmire.

Meg: Uh, dad. There's something...

She looks at him.

Meg: Uh Oh! I think, he's in a trance again.  
Joe: Yep! That's a trance, if I ever seen one!  
Quagmire: So, shall we break him out of it?  
Gretchen:(picks up microphone) Maybe after, what I'm about to say.

She clears her throat.

Gretchen:(doing a very bad Peter Griffin impression) _Attention campers, stop doin' wat you doin'! It's party time! So start..._  
Meg: Gimme that! _I_ do a better impression!

She clears her throat.

Meg:(doing perfect Peter Griffin impression) _Attention campers! Attention! Boobs! I repeat Boobs! Since, I didn't feel like thinkin' of shit to do, start partyin'! Party until the sunrise! Thank you!_

Joe, Quagmire, & Gretchen looked at Meg.

Meg: What?  
Quagmire: That was, the _best_ Peter impression ever!  
Joe: Yeah! That was a wise thing, to suggest everyone to party, until the morning! _Wasn't_ it, Ms. Gretchen?  
Gretchen: Yeah! Yeah! Whatever! _Stupid fat pig, outshinin' me!_  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

Stewie was still sleeping. Penny woke him up. "Hey kid. Wake up! Tha show's over!" "Hmmph! W-What did you say, hip hop girl?" Stewie said in his sleep. "I said, wake up. Tha show's over!" Penny repeated. "**_Oh yeah! Kick it!_**" Stewie exclaimed. "What?" Penny asked. "Oh! Nothing!" Stewie chuckled.

They was back at Jane Doe's apartment. Penny quickly picked up the remote & turned on the tv. The game was just starting. "Oh, good! Tha game's barely got started!" Penny said as she let out a sigh of relief. "Go ahead, make yourselves at home." Jane Doe said as she took out several bags of chips from out of nowhere. So Patsy, Lazlo, & Stewie did. "I think, I'll go get the encyclopedia & some juice!" Stewie said as he went into the kitchen. Patsy looked over to Lazlo. "I guess, we're stuck here, until the game's over, honey." "So, do you want to watch the game with Ms. Doe & Penny then?" Lazlo asked. Patsy looked around. "Since, there's nothing to do around here, might as well, watch the game then." she said. "Okay then." Lazlo said as he set next to Penny. So they watched the game. Later, it was getting close to 8:00 now. Ms. Doe stood up to stretch. "Oh my god! It's almost 8! It's way past dinnertime. How 'bout I treat all of you to dinner?" "Where at?" Patsy asked. "Here." Doe said as she picked up her phone. "So, what do ya'll want on your pizzas?" "I want pepperoni on mine's." Patsy said. "Mine's too." Lazlo added. "I'll take mine wit extra pepperoni, sausage, mushrooms, peppers, & olives." Penny also added. "Uh huh." Ms. Doe said as she wrote the information down. Then she looked at Stewie. "How 'bout you, sweetie?" "I'll just have a couple of slices from hip hop girl's pizza." Stewie said. Then he turned to Penny. "If-If you don't mind, hip hop girl?" "No. I don't mind, kid." Penny said. "Okay then." Doe said. "Do ya'll want sodas?" "Yeah! _'Squirt'_ and lots of _'Squirt'_!" Penny shouted. "I'll have a _'Sprite'_." Patsy said. "I'll have a _'Pepsi'_." Lazlo said. "And I'll have some _'Mountain Dew'_." Stewie finished. "Alrighty then." Ms. Doe said as she placed the orders. Soon she got off the phone. "Okay. The pizzas & sodas will be her in 50 to 55 minutes." Doe said as she took money from her purse. "So, I wonder what's on?" Patsy wondered. "I think, _'So, you think, you can dance?'_ is on." Ms. Doe said. Everybody looked at her in disgust. "What?" Jane Doe asked. "Dat show, fuckin' sucks!" Penny sniffed. "Everything's rigged on dat fuckin' show!" "Well, how 'bout, we watch; _'Murphy Brown'_?" Ms. Doe suggested. "That's fine with me." Patsy said. "I guess so." Lazlo murmured. "Is _'Mr. Belvedere'_ on?" Stewie asked. "No. That's on at 11, dear." Jane said. "_Damn!_" Stewie sniffed. "Thank god for dat!!" Penny praised. "What, do you mean, hip hop girl?" Stewie asked. "I mean, whenever someone's talkin', you always start singin' dat show's theme really loudly & badly." Penny explained. "_Oh!_ I do that?" Stewie asked. Everyone nodded. "Oh, well then." Stewie said. "Let's tune in to _'Murphy Brown'_. That'll be a wise thing."

It was a bit later, when the pizzas & sodas finally arrived. "I've got the pizzas & sodas." Doe called out. "It's about time!" Penny sniffed. "I thought, I was gonna waste away!" "Me too. Fuckin' slow asses!" Patsy sniffed. "I'm so hungry. This pizza's gonna taste good!" Lazlo said as he took his pizza & soda. Penny sat next to Stewie. She opened her pizza box. "Here kid, get yo' share." said Penny. "Okay." Stewie said as he got his pizza slices. "So, Patsy." Ms. Doe said as she took a bite from her slice of pizza. "Was that you, that blew up the sub shop?" "Yep! Me, Penny, Lazlo, Stewie, Meg, Brian, Edward, & the Joker brothers; destroyed that place." Patsy explained. "We had to, since it was threathening the future of the town & the fic." "Oh! Patsy, I'm glad you did it!" Jane Doe laughed. "That bastard kicked me out!" "Did you followed the ordering procedure?" Stewie asked. "Yeah." Doe answered. "Then what happened?" Lazlo asked. "He kicked me out, because he said, that I was a druken, dumb blonde slut!" Ms. Doe sniffed. "But you are a drunken, dumb blonde, _are_ ya?" Penny asked. "Yes." the dumb blonde Doe answered. Everyone groaned at Ms. Doe's stupid answer. "Well, better get started, eatin' this pizza." Patsy said as she took a sip of water.

It was after 10:30 now. "_Oh!_ It's 10:30! I've got to hit the bed, I got a early shift in the morning!" Ms. Doe said as she looked at the clock. "Looks, like it's time for us to head back to camp." Lazlo said. "Yeah. Tha kid here's gettin' sleepy." Penny pointed out. Stewie yawned. "It's gettin' late, Ms. Doe." Patsy said. "It's been fun." "I had a fun day too, Patsy!" Jane Doe said. "We must do it again, sometime soon! Ha! Ha!" They leave. Jane Doe locked the apartment door, turned off the tv, and got ready for bed.

Back at camp, they found some of the campers passed out on the ground. Litter was everywhere. "What the hell happened here?" Patsy asked outloud to herself. Gretchen came up to her. She was slipping a soda with a straw. "Oh! Hey mongoose. I see, ya'll finally returned." "What happened here?" Patsy asked. "It looks like, a tornado hit this place." "We had a huge party!" Gretchen said. "How did you do all that without the fat man's permission?" Stewie asked her. "Dat's easy. _I_ did a pretty good impression of him, sayin' start partyin'." Gretchen bragged. "No, you didn't. _I_ did, and _you_ know it!" Meg sniffed, appearing from nowhere. "Okay! Okay! You did it! Geez, is it a crime?" Gretchen groaned. "**Yes, it is!**" Meg shouted at Gretchen. Then she walked away. "Damn, fuckin' green ass whore!" Gretchen looked at Lazlo, Patsy, Penny, & Stewie. "Well, there ya'll have it! I'm goin' to bed!" she leaves. Stewie turned to the trio. "Well, this had been a fun day! I'm gonna hit the bed! G'night!" "G'night, kid." Penny called out to him. Stewie looked back at her. He blushed a bit, then he felt something. "_Oh bloody hell! My wee-wee has been strikin' with rigor mortis, once again! I hope platypus, doesn't find out about this!_"Stewie muttered to himself. "Well, it's been a fun, tirin' day, _P_. I think, I'll hit tha bed!" Penny yawned, and went away. "I'll be with you, Penny!" Patsy called. Then she turned to Lazlo. "Well, dear. Did you enjoy your day with me, Penny, Ms. Doe, & Stewie?" she asked. "Oh yeah! It was a great day, Patsy!" Lazlo said. Patsy laughed. "I'm glad, you'd enjoyed it, honey." Then they gave each other their good night's kiss. Lazlo went back to his cabin. Raj & Clam was already asleep. "I guess, all that gamblin' made them tired." Lazlo laughed as he undressed to his pjs. Then he put his uniform up, and jumped into his bed. Then he turned off the light & went happily to sleep.

Penny & Patsy was getting ready for bed, too. "Dat was some day, wit dat Doe woman, _P_!" Penny said as she got into bed. "I had a good day." "Me too, Penny. Me too." Patsy said as she got into her bed. "Ha! Ha! Ha!" Penny laughed as she turned off the light. "What's so funny, Penny?" Patsy asked sleepily. "I'm laughin' at Fat Ass, _P_!" laughed Penny. "He was still droolin' over Lois' lasanga!" Patsy thought about it, and she laughed too. "Ha! Ha! Ha! What a sap! I wonder, if he's _still_ at his office drooling?"

**_(Cutaway to Peter's overflooded office)_**  
Peter:(still drooling) _Mmmm!_ Lois' lasanga! _Ahhhhhhh!_

Then he snaps out of it.

Peter: What the hell?

He looks at the clock.

Peter: It's almost, 11:00! Time for me to go to bed!

A few minutes later, he was in bed. Lois was already in bed, sleeping.

Peter: I better, not wake up, Lois.

He jumps into the bed. His stomach rumbles.

Peter: Boy, am I hungry. But what should I eat?

He looks at the fridge.

Peter: I think, I'll check the fridge!

The scene is on Lois. One minute she was asleep. Then there was a crunching sound, and she wakes up.

Lois:(startled) What the hell is that? Peter, was that...

She sees that Peter was eating a taco.

Lois: **PETER!! IS THAT _MY_ TACO, YOU'RE EATING?**  
Peter: So, that was _your_ taco, eh? Do you want it?

He hands her the taco with a bite already out of it.

Lois: No, you can have it.  
Peter: Really! Thanks!

He finishes the taco, while Lois sulked & the audience laughed.  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"Probably. Since, he's a fat bastard!" laughed Penny. "Yeah." Patsy yawned. "Well, good night, Penny." "G'night, _P_. I'll see you in tha mornin'." Penny said. Then everyone in the cabin, went happily to sleep.

_This is now offically, the longest chapter in the fic, now! Please leave good comments! So, I can make more of this comedy/romance; Lazlo/Patsy/Penny fic! Oh! Be sure to check out that web address, to see Penny's picture, & leave comments on there. too!_


	16. Camp Griffin 1st anniversity part 1

_Hello everyone! This chapter of Camp Griffin's gonna be special! To kick off this occasion, we start with a special, 'Ranting with Edward & Stewie'!_

Edward: Hello everyone! I'm Edward!  
Stewie: And I'm Stewie Gilligan Griffin!  
Edward: Before we start this segment; I would like to announce, that four guests are gonna be joinin' us. Stewie?  
Stewie: Thanks Edward! So, let's get started. First thing is, that it's been exactly one year, since Camp Griffin started! We've had a lot of fun, since that morning, in October 2007. I believe it was a crazy day, wasn't it platypus?

Edward: Yep! It sure was, Stewie. It was a crazy day!_ Seinfeld_ & _Everybody loves Raymond_ came on early in the afternoon. The South Korean president & the North Korean leader met somewhere. Kelly Ripa's birthday, Aaron McKie's birthday, Gandhi's birthday, etc. etc. While all this was happenin', one man was typing a humorus fic, Stewie?

Stewie: Ah, yes! He was typing his heart out, but little did he know, that this fic was gonna be popular. And it all started, when he was flipping from _Family Guy_ to _Camp Lazlo_. _'I wondered how'd it would be like, if Peter Griffin, brought Camp Kidney & Acorn Flats camps? And they have very comedic adventures?'_ the author asked himself. And that's how _Camp Griffin_ was born! Second, it's also the anniversity for the author! It's been a complete 365 days, since Mr. Chappellelazlo(aka Homeydaclown) joined the family!

Edward: Yes, Stewie! The proud author has three fics under his belt! He should be proud of himself! Now, the first guest is; the loveable, overweight, & not always on the ball, our scoutmaster, Peter Griffin!

Peter comes up, and sits next to Edward. He was wearing a green suit & green pants, the same ones he was wearing in the beginning of Chapter 2.

Peter: I'm glad to be here, Mr. Edward.  
Edward: Alright, scoutmaster. I need to ask you, a few questions, if you don't mind?  
Peter: I don't mind at all, Mr. Edward.

Edward strengthed his eyes.

Edward: Okay. At first, when you brought the camps, did you have any doubt, that you would be a good scoutmaster?  
Peter: I had doubts, but I got rid of them, when I graduated high school!  
Edward: O-kay? Second question. Are the rest of the _Family Guy_ cast, gonna be joinin' us?  
Peter: What do you mean?  
Edward: I mean, Bonnie Swanson, Asian Correspondent Tricia Takanawa, Meg's classmates, Death, any of them?  
Peter: Well, I doubt Bonnie will join us, but I'm certainly certain, that Ms. Takanawa, Death, Jake Tucker, Jasper, Mickey McFinnigan & other will join us.  
Edward: Okay. Will you keep treatin' Meg like crap?  
Peter: Sorry, I can't answer that question.  
Edward: O-kay? Thanks, scoutmaster.  
Peter: No, thank you!

Peter leaves.

Stewie: With me now, are the two of the three main stars of this fic. Mr. Lazlo & Ms. Patsy.

Lazlo walks up. He was wearing a tailored black suit, pants, & shoes. And Patsy also walks up, she was wearing a purple suit, black skirt, and black stilettos. She was also wearing a black pair of half rim glasses. Lazlo held out her chair for her. (A gentleman, isn't he?) After Patsy sat down, Lazlo sat down in his own chair.

Stewie: I say, I some questions, that I need to ask you two. If that's okay?  
Lazlo: Yeah.  
Patsy: Yep!  
Stewie: Alright then. First question, How did you feel about all of the changes, and sort?  
Lazlo: I thought, it was gonna be something completely stupid, with all of the flashbacks & shit. But I was wrong!  
Patsy: I'm kinda glad this change happened. Back in the old show, I was barely there! They wouldn't let me kiss or hug Lazlo. Of course, those bastards let that pink bunny-cat bitch kiss & or hug Chowder on his show! By the way, she's a huge ripoff from me! Like I'd said before, I'm glad this change happened. There's a whole lot more 'us' time, now! I thank the author for that!

Stewie: Okay. Second question. How do you feel about the audience?  
Lazlo: I don't care one way or the other. How 'bout you, Patsy?  
Patsy: I kinda like the audience, especially when they do that 'whoo' number, when Lazlo & I always kiss! I'll show you!

She turns to Lazlo.

Patsy:(in sexy voice) Kiss me, honey!  
Lazlo:(excited with wide eyes) _**Of course!!**_

Then he grabs Patsy's waist and dips her back. He gives the sexy mongoose a passionate kiss. The audience 'whoos'. The kissing stops, and Lazlo strenghted Patsy back up.

Patsy: See?  
Stewie: Yeah! That'll make _FOX_'s ratings go up! Also, that'll make any Lazlo/Patsy couple supporter's day!  
Lazlo: See, if we did that on our old network, those damn soccer moms would complain! Cheeky skanks!  
Stewie: Okay. Third question. How do you feel about those two guys, Raj & Clam being in prison?  
Lazlo: Well, I felt kinda upset. But, I felt kinda glad, too! Those three nights without them, gave me a chance to sleep with a woman!  
Patsy: I have to agree with you, dear. At first, I was upset and I was beggin' you to pay bail, but on the second night, I wished, that they stay in jail, permamently!  
Stewie: Okay. Fourth question. How did you feel when Quagmire called you; 'baby'?  
Lazlo: He never called _me_ that!  
Patsy: Personally, I was pissed! I don't need anyone callin' me 'baby', except for you, Lazlo.

Patsy gets into his lap.

Patsy:(in sexy voice again) Call me, 'baby', sweetie.  
Lazlo: **_OH, BABY!!!!!_**

Then they kiss again.

Edward: Okay? I would like to announce the last guest. She's been with us for nine chapters now. She was originally goin' to be a borin' ass background nobody, but that change in chapters 7 & 8. As you know, in chapter 8; I'd called her a certain word, and she threw a knife at me, and she whopped Stewie's ass..

Stewie: Oh, hardy har har!  
Edward: As I was saying, in chapter 9; she was expose in her flashback. In chapter 10; she was the scoutmaster's mustache. Since then, me & the kid been in love with her. Intoducing Ms. Annette 'Penny' Smiles!!!

Penny walks up. She was wearing the same attire, that she wore to her job interview flashback in Chapter 10. She too was wearing the same type of glasses, that Patsy was wearing. She sits between Stewie & Lazlo.

Edward: Okay, Ms. Penny. You don't mind, if Stewie & I ask you some questions, do ya?  
Penny: No. I don't mind.  
Edward: Okay. First question. Did you expect to be a popular character?  
Penny: No. I didn't expect to be a popular character. I was suppose to stick around for a few chapters, then become a background character.  
Edward: Okay. Stewie, you ask the second question.  
Stewie: Alright. Second question. How did it feel when you did, what a few people hardly ever do. Beat up Chef Gordon Ramsay?  
Penny: It felt so good! Especially, when I kicked him in tha nuts!! Stupid british wank!  
Stewie: Okay. Third question. What do you feel about the Detroit mayor scandal?  
Penny: I could care less! It don't have nothin' to do wit me.  
Edward: Okay. Fourth question. Do you like spendin' time with Patsy & Lazlo?  
Penny: Yes. I enjoy my time wit my cousin & her man! We always have a good time!  
Stewie: Okay? Fifth question. How do you feel about _PETA_?  
Penny: I hate those bastards!!!! They always cryin' about goin' vegetarian or other stupid shit!! You know one time, those bastards were picketin' in front of my workplace!  
Edward: Do you have a flashback, about that?  
Penny: Yeah!  
Stewie: Well, this is a _'Ranting with Edward & Stewie'_ first! Roll the clip!

**_(Flashback)_**  
_PETA_ picketers were picketing in front of Penny's job, which happened to be a _KFC_. Some of them, were in the nude. Some of them, were yelling through a bull horn, while the rest of them march in front of the restaruant. Their signs either say; _'KFC harms chickens'_, _'Go green. Don't eat at KFC!'_, _'KFC isn't healthy!'_, or the very harlious; _'KFC is runned by republicans named John McCain!'_. Most of the cars honked at them, while some of them ignored them. Business wasn't doing to good for _KFC_. All of the workers, was just standing there. Penny was the only one working. Then a tall black man, wearing a black tie, blue shirt, black pants, and black business shoes walked up to her.

KFC Manager: Penny. What's goin' on here? Why ain't nobody's workin'?  
Penny: Because, no one been in here. They'd been only usin' tha drive-thru.  
Manager: Drive-thru? Why's no one comin' in here?  
Penny: Because of _PETA_. Look!

She points towards the restaruant's windows. The manager see the _PETA_ picketers, picketing.

Manager: No wonder, we're losin' business! It's because of those salad eatin', weed smokin' hippies! I need to get rid of them!  
Penny: Can I get rid of them?  
Manager: Sure go ahead! You get extra cash on yo' check, if you get rid of all of them!

Penny went to work right away. She went to the employee break room. She went to her dufflebag. She took out some guns & bullets.

Penny: Oh yeah! Now dat's a boost of self-esteem!

Then she goes outside to the _PETA_ picketers. They noticed her.

Picketers: _**BOO! DOWN WITH KFC! KFC HARMS CHICKENS!!! LET'S GET THAT MEAT EATER!!!!**_

They rush towards her, but before they could attack, Penny pulled out her gun.

Penny: I don't think so!! If yo' thinkin' about puttin' a hand on me, my _friends_ says otherwise!! Now please, leave! **GO PICKET AT _WENDY'S_!**  
Picketers: We already did _Wendy's_!  
Penny: Okay? Go picket at _Burger King_!  
Picketers: We did them too!  
Penny: How 'bout _McDonald's_? _Sonics_? _Popeye's_? _Subway_?  
Picketers: We did all them, too!  
Penny: Damn! Is there, any fast-food joint, dat ya'll didn't protest yet?  
Picketer: We didn't do _Arby's_.  
Penny: Dat's it! Ya'll go protest over there, instead of over here, makin' it hard for hard-workin' people to get paid!

The protesters leave to go to _Arby's_. Penny let out a sigh of relief.

Penny: Thank god, dat's done!

The manager walks up to her.

Manager: Good job, Penny. I'm proud of you! Just for this, you'll get a raise, four months of payed vacation, and free chicken for you to take home, after doin' yo' shifts.  
Penny: Dat's great! Do I get tha rest of tha day off?  
Manager: No.

He walks back to the restaruant. Penny was cross.

Penny: _Fuck!_  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End flashback)_**

Edward: That's tellin' them, girl!!

Everybody looks at him.

Edward: What? I'm just keepin' it real.  
Penny: Well, just don't be fake wit it. Wait! Dat sounds like a entertainin' segment! _'Just keepin' it real'_. Yeah. Maybe, I should get a segment before tha chapters, too!  
Stewie: _Oh yeah!_ That sounds like a wise idea.  
Edward: Yeah, wise idea indeed. Question #6. If you wasn't spendin' your time with Patsy & Lazlo, who you rather hang with?  
Penny: Why'd you asked dat question? Do you want me to spend more time wit you? Do you want me to have sex wit you or somethin'? Is dat it?  
Edward:(blushing) Well, I, uh...  
Patsy:(noticing Edward's blushing) That means, yes. Penny! Ah, Ed's gonna get him some!  
Lazlo: Ha! Ha! Looks like, you got an admirer, Penny!

Edward:(still blushing & sweating a lot, while Penny looks at him) Well, Well, M-Ms. P-P-P-Penny. I-I-It's...Oh god!  
Stewie:(notices Edward's predictament) Looks like, I have to finish this all by myself!

Just then, Homer suddenly appears.

Homer: Don't worry, kid! I'll help ya!  
Stewie: I say, what are you doing out here, yellow-skinned gorilla man?  
Homer: I'm here to help ya. I always, pay attention to these _Rantin' with Edward & Stewie_ thingys, and I know what to do! Besides, it gives me a chance to be used more in this fic.  
Stewie: I don't know.  
Lazlo: C'mon, Stewie.  
Patsy: Yeah. At least, give the man a chance.  
Stewie: Alright! Alright! You can join me!  
Homer: _Whoo-hoo_!

He then sits next to Stewie.

Homer: Okay. If you don't already know, I'm Homer Jay Simpson. Takin' over for the beaver-duck thing. I've read the script for this chapter, and it sounds very entertainin'! There's gonna be a suggestion for the camp's first month anniversity & other stuff in it. Stewie?

Stewie: Thanks, apeman! Also, this is going to be another two chapter story-arc. Back to you, Homer.  
Homer: Thanks kid. In these two chapters; Lazlo, Patsy, Penny will star, like always. Also yours truly, will also be starrin'. Back to you, Stewie.  
Stewie: Thanks imbelcile! Well, this _Ranting with Edward & Stewie_ or shall I say; _Ranting with Homer & Stewie_ segment is coming to an end. It's been fun! I like to thank the readers, for makin' _Camp Griffin_ a success, & the author for combining both shows to make this harlious fic, and hopes to make more harlious chapters with hip hop girl, Patsy, & Lazlo to come! Anyway, I'm Stewie.

Homer: And, I'm Homer.  
Stewie: Join me next time. Hopefully, on the next _Ranting with Edward & Stewie_, platypus won't get distracted.

The scene cuts back to Edward & Penny. Penny was still looking at him & Edward was stuttering.

Edward: Duh! Duh! Duh! Duh! Uh! Nice rack! Big breastes!

Penny:(laughs)This n(bleeps)a's brain's all fucked up, because of my sexiness! Ha! Ha! Ha! I love fuckin' wit people's minds!!

Camp Griffin 1st anniversity(aka the suggestion)

It was a another day at _Camp Griffin_. Tomorrow's gonna be a month, since Peter brought both camps. Everyone was doing a bunch of activities. Some of the campers was boating in the lake. Some of them was drawing, and some of them was playing baseball. Peter was sitting at his desk. He was doing his daily 'scoutmaster duties'. Actually, he was playing with some domino's. He was stacking them up. He was spelling out the word, 'D'oh!' "There! Done!" Peter said as he stood back up. "What should I do next? Oooh! I know! I'll have a beer!" Then he goes into the kitchen, to get himself a beer. After he got the beer, Peter went back to his office. He went towards the calendar. "_Oh!_ I forgot! Tomorrow's the one month anniversity!!" he exclaimed. "I'd must plan somethin' for everyone to do!" Then Peter rushes back to his desk. Accidently, knocking over all of the dominoes, that he sat out. The word, 'D'oh' was spelled out. "_Dammit!_" Peter sniffed. "I'd spend the most of the morning, settin' those up! I even missed the morning news! Well, might as well get back to work!" Then Peter took out a comic book & some cheese crackers.

Meanwhile, Lazlo was reading his newspaper. "Well, it's the same old. Same old." Lazlo said as he closed up the newspaper. Raj & Clam was on the floor. Lazlo noticed them. "What the hell are you two doin'?" he asked them. "We're practin' our dice, Lazlo." Raj said. "Rick roll'd!" Clam said as he opened a bag of chips. "_Mmm_! _Ruffles_! My favorite noisy, crispy, crunchy, salty chips!" "Oh no. You're not gonna eat them now, are ya?" Lazlo asked Clam. "_**Hell yeah!**_" Clam exclaimed as he started munching on the chips. The chips was very noisy. "Damn you, Clam! Damn you & your noisy ass _Ruffles_!" Lazlo groaned. "I'm leavin'!" He runs out of there. Raj turns to Clam. "Okay Clam." he started to say, before Calm ate some more of his chips. "What'd you say?" "I said...." Raj started to say, before Clam ate more of his noisy chips. "Huh?" "I said, You did your job! Now stop eatin' those noisy chips!" Raj said. Clam kept eating his chips. "Who are you?" he asked stupidly as he munched on his snack. "That's it! I'm leavin'!" Raj sniffed as he lefted the cabin. Clam grinned. "I thought, he'd never leave!" he exclaimed. Then he took out his cell phone, and opened it. He started to make a call.

**_(Cutaway to Manhattan, New York)_**  
It shows a yellow apartment building. Then it cuts inside, where a balding man with black hair was asleep. The man was Jay Sherman from, _The Critic_. Anyway, he answered his ringing phone.

Jay:(sleepily) Hello?  
Clam:(of course) **_WAAAAKKKEEE UUUUPPP!_**  
Jay: Shut the fuck up!

He hangs up the phone, and goes back to sleep. The phone ranged again, and it was Clam again.

Jay: Hello?  
Clam: **_I'M RICH, BIATCH!_**  
Jay: Fuck off!

He hangs up again, and goes back to sleep. The phone ranged, once again, it's Clam, again!

Jay: Hello?  
Clam: **_Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!_**

Jay hangs up the phone down. He goes back to sleep. The phone rings again. You know who's on the line.

Jay: Hello?  
Clam: **_You suck!_**  
Jay: Tell me somthing, I don't know.  
Clam: _Uh, there's a beautiful woman in your future.  
_Jay: Really?  
Clam: _Really_.  
Jay: Gee, thanks!

Jay hangs up the phone, and goes back to sleep. The phone rings, once again. Lois is on the other end.

Jay: Hello?  
Lois: _Do you got the shit?_  
Jay: What?  
Lois: _Do you got the crack cocaine?_  
Jay: Y-eah? It's at the _Madison Square Garden_. I'll ship it to ya!  
Lois: _Thanks!_

Jay hangs up the phone, and goes back to sleep. The phone rings a billionth time. Stewie's on the other end.

Jay: Hello?  
Stewie: _Hello, this is Stewie Griffin from the Cool Hwip company. I want your opinion on what improvements you want on it.  
_Jay: Okay...Wait! Did you say _'Cool Hwip'_?  
Stewie: _Cool Hwip. Yeah._  
Jay: You mean, _Cool Whip_.  
Stewie: _Yeah. Cool Hwip.  
_Jay: Cool Whip.  
Stewie: _Cool Hwip_.  
Jay: Cool Whip.  
Stewie: _Cool Hwip_.  
Jay: You're sayin' it weird. Why are you putting so much emphyasis on the H?  
Stewie: _What are you talkin' about? I'm just sayin' it. Cool Hwip. You put 'Cool Hwip' on pie. Pie tastes better with 'Cool Hwip.  
_Jay: Say whip.  
Stewie: _Whip_.  
Jay: Now say; _Cool Whip_.  
Stewie: _Cool Hwip_.  
Jay: Cool Whip.  
Stewie: _Cool Hwip_.  
Jay: How did you get this number?  
Stewie: _Everyone knows this number. It's on the web, newspapers, walls on the bathrooms, & books!_  
Jay: Not anymore.

He gets up, and rips the phone out of the wall socket.

Jay: Try to call me now! Ha! Ha! Ha!

He goes back to sleep. The doorbell ranged. Jay got up and answered it. At the door, was a mailbag full of letters. Jay knew, what this meant, too.

Jay: Oh fuck!

He faints on the floor, and the audience laughs.  
_(A/N: If you don't know, what this is. It a fad on youtube about Jay Sherman & 71519)  
**(End cutaway)**_

Patsy was in her cabin with Penny. She was reading a magazines, & eating chocolates. While Penny was listening to cds & she too was eating a bag of chocolates, which was _Three Musketeers_. Patsy didn't mind the music from Penny's cd player. It gave her, the sort of atmosphere, that she wanted. "Ha!" Patsy said. "What's so funny, _P_?" Penny asked. "Oh! I was just thinkin' 'bout how dumb Lois is, Penny." Patsy giggled. "Yeah. She is a stupid, huge-nosed high slut, isn't she?" Penny laughed as she threw a piece of chocolate in her mouth. "Yeah." Patsy laughed. "I don't know why, the scoutmaster married her?" "I know, _P_." Penny said. "Why?" Patsy asked. "Because, of her round ass, big nose, & her tits." Penny explained. "Ass? What ass? She barely have one!" Patsy laughed. Just then, there was a knock on the cabin door. Patsy went to answer it. It was Lazlo. "Oh. Hey there, Lazlo. How are you today, dear?" Patsy asked as she smiled warmly at him. "I'm doin' fine, Patsy, my sweet." Lazlo answered. "Can I come inside?" "Of course, you can." Patsy said. Lazlo come inside. Penny noticed him. "Hey, _G_. How's my playa doin' today?" she asked. "I'm doin' fine, Penny." Lazlo said as he sat on Patsy's bed. Penny looked to Patsy. "Go ahead and ask him!" "Ask me what?" Lazlo asked. "Well, Penny & I was havin' a conversation, about Lois havin' an ass. And we want your opinion about this subject, dear." Patsy explained. "What ass? She flat there, along with other places." Lazlo said. Then he turned to Patsy. "At least, you don't have anything flat on your body, except your six packed abs." Patsy blushed. "Oh, Lazlo, hun. You're makin' me blush & all giddy!" Just then, a piece of paper slid under the cabin door. Penny noticed it. "I see a flyer on tha floor." she pointed out. "Go get it." Patsy ordered. Penny went towards the paper, and picked it up. "I wonder, what fat ass wants us to do today?" she sniffed.

_Dear campers,_

_Tomorrow's gonna be the one month anniversity, since I'd brought the camps. I would like any of you to suggest what to do tomorrow, since I haven't got an idea for us to do. I'm lettin' you decide. If the suggestion's selected, we'll do it._

_Lovingly yours,  
Peter Griffin, scoutmaster_

"What does it say, Penny?" Patsy asked. "It says, dat fat head wants us to think of what to do tomorrow." Penny explained. "Tomorrow? What's happenin' tomorrow?" Lazlo wondered. Then it hit him. "Oh yeah! I forgot! Tomorrow's the one month anniversity, since scoutmaster Griffin brought both camps." "So, do you got any ideas?" Patsy asked Lazlo & Penny. "I don't have the slightiest idea, of what to do." Lazlo muttered. Penny came up with an idea. "I know, what we can do. We can have a burger cook-off." Lazlo & Patsy looked at her. "Well, how 'bout it?" "I like that idea, Penny!" Lazlo exclaimed. "Pretty smart idea, Penny." Patsy said. "This'll give me a chance to show off _my_ cookin' skills!" Penny frowned at her. "What?" Patsy asked. "Yo' not tha only one, dat haves cookin' skills, _P_." Penny sniffed. "_Remember?_" "Oh yeah. I forgot. S-Sorry Penny." Patsy said as she laughed nervously. So Penny got a piece of paper, and wrote down her suggestion. "There! Done! 'Cuse me ya'll, but I got to give this to lard ass." "Okay. We'll be watchin' tv." Lazlo said. "Aight, but don't be havin' sex!" Penny teased as she lefted.

Brian was at his desk. He was filing some papers, when Penny showed up. He noticed her. "Hey Penny. How are you?" Brian asked politely. "I'm doin' fine, _B_." Penny answered. Brian looked at the piece of paper in Penny's hand. "What's that you got?" he asked. "It's a suggestion, for tomorrow." Penny said. "It is? Well, let me see." Brian said as he held his hand out. Penny gave him the paper. Brian looked at it. "A burger cook-off? Okay, Penny. I'll suggest it." Brian said. Penny left. "That doesn't sound like such a bad idea!" Brian said as he put the paper into a folder. Just then Stewie & Edward; who'd recovered from a love-stricken coma came in, with their suggestions. Brian noticed them. "What do you two got for suggestions?" "Just read them & see, dog." Stewie sniffed. Brian read the two papers. "_Kill Lois_. & _Kill that fuckin' goody-goody two shoes, Lazlo_." he read. Then he looked up at them. "You two need to get a life!" the dog sniffed. "**_Damn!_**" Stewie hissed. "Fuck him, kid." Edward said as he reached into his pocket. "I know, what might make you feel better." "What? Me dressin' up like a chick?" Stewie asked. "_What?!?_ **No!!!**" Edward exclaimed. "It was just a suggestion." Stewie said. "Just listen." Edward said as he took out his cell phone, and started dialing a number.

**_(Cutaway back to Jay's apartment)_**  
Jay was in his bed. Sleeping peacefully again. His phone rung, once again. _(A/N: Don't ask me how he got a brand new phone, especially if he's been sleeping all day.)_

He answers the phone.

Jay: Hello?  
Edward: _Hello, is Fat there?_  
Jay: Fat who?  
Edward: _Ass. Fat ass._  
Jay: Fat ass? Is there a Fat ass here? _**Wait a minute!**_  
Edward & Stewie: **_Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!_**  
Jay: **Listen here, you little smart-alreck jackass! Whenever I see you in the street, I'll run over your ass! And when you think it's over, I'll back up over you & I'll get out of the car, & _that's_ where the _real_ pain begins!!!!!!!**

Edward: _Yeah, right! I would like to see you try! **Ha! Ha! Ha!**_  
Jay: K-Kiss my ass!  
Edward: _Nice comeback!! **Ha!! Ha!! Ha!!**_

Jay slams the phone down, as the audience laughs.  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"Ha! Ha! Ha! What an ass!" Stewie laughed. "Yeah. What a stupid fucka!" Edward laughed. "Let's go!" They leave. "Boy, that was some stupid-assed suggestions, those two suggested!" Brian sniffed as he picked up his newspaper. "And I do know some dumb ones. Just like the time, Peter tried to run for president."

**_(Flashback)_**  
Peter was running for the president of the United States, and Brian was his campaigan manager. They was thinking of a strategy.

Brian: Hmm? What should our next strategy should be?  
Peter: I don't know. How 'bout, we spread more lies & faluse truths?  
Brian: What? What the hell's wrong with you?! If you do that, you're gonna be worser than any of the other presidental candiates in american history!  
Peter: Who cares? Do it anyway!  
Brian:(rolled his eyes) _Oy vey!_

Soon, Peter's brand new, lie-fed ads was appearing everywhere. From tv to bus ads. Peter was proud of this.

Peter: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! The lies are makin' me look good! Soon, all of america will be votin' for me! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Brian walks into the scene. He was holding some papers.

Brian: Uh, Peter. I got this week's polls. I'm very surprised, that you're in the lead.  
Peter: See? I told you that'll work.  
Brian: I just hope, your rival doesn't come up with the same shit. If he does, you're screwed.  
Peter: No to worry, Brian. I've got somethin' up my sleeves.

He goes into his sleeve, and pulled out a dvd player.

Peter: See? _Hee!Hee!Hee!_

Everyone groans & the audience boos at Peter's awful pun & joke. It was the next week. Brian comes in with the weekly poll results.

Brian: Peter, look at the poll results.

He gives Peter the newspaper, and Peter looks at it.

Peter: _NCAA football's program are goin' under. The fans are pissed!_ That's not news, Brian!! _NCAA_'s been goin' under for years!!  
Brian: No. No, you stupid bastard. The poll results & headline are underneath the _NCAA_ thing.  
Peter: _Peter Griffin's a fat ass, who's not capable of runnin' a country. He'll eat the entire country deeper into recession. Vote for the other guy!!_ Gee, what a entertainin' story!  
Brian: Entertaining? Peter, your campaign's gonna go down the fuckin' toilet! As your campaign manager, I suggest that you....  
Peter: I think, I'm startin' to see, what you're gettin' at, Brian. I've got something important to do!  
Brian: Atta boy, Peter!

Peter goes to his desk, and starts scribbling.

Peter: There! Done!  
Brian: What the hell is that?  
Peter: It's a drawing of Chowder. You know? Chowder? From the show; _Chowder_?

Brian slaps his head & faints, as the audience laughs.

Peter: _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ He must've been tired. I think, I'll take a nap, too!

He hit himself with a club, and falls on top of Brian. The audience laughs.  
**_(End flashback)_**

Sometime later, Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny was watching tv. They was watching, _Chappelle's show_. They was watching the _'WacArnold's'_ skit. "_Oh damn!_ Dat-Dat shit's funny!" Penny laughed. "That Charlie Murphy makes the show!" Patsy added. "He's so funny!" "Personally, I like the niggar family sketch." said Lazlo. "You like dat too? I like dat sketch. There's nuthin' like watchin' a 50's-esque, white family, with tha last name, niggar. Pretendin' dat their last name doesn't bother them." Penny laughed. "I like the part when Chappelle's character was at the restraunt with his wife, and they meet the son with his date." Lazlo laughed. "That part was classic." "I bet, dat was one of tha funniest things a n(bleep)a ever said on tv." Penny said and laughed. Everyone started laughing at Penny's joke, too. "_Hoo-wee!_ Oh god! This racism's killin' me inside!" Penny sighed. "What do you want to end this, Penny?" Patsy asked. "Yeah, because, it's time to ask a black dude wit Paul Mooney." Penny said.

**_(Cutaway to 'Ask a black dude with Paul Mooney' title card)  
_**Man on the street: Why does the _NBA_ have so much black players?

It cutsaway to Paul Mooney in a production booth of a tv studio.

Mooney: N(bleep)as can handle more pain, more stress, & can dunk better than white players. Of course, there's some white players, like Steve Nash, Dirk Nowitzki, & some of the other white players; come from different countries, can play ball. That's because, they hang around with the black players, and learn their skills.

It cuts back outside to another man.

Man: Why there haven't been another rapper like Tupac?

It cuts back to Mooney.

Mooney: 'Cause, Tupac knew how to spit out phrases. All rappers today are fake, and is just in it for the money. Enough of this. Time to go back to the fic.

It cutsaway to the _'Ask a black dude with Paul Mooney'_ title card.  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"You know, that's kinda true, about the _NBA_." Patsy said. "And that rapper thing's kinda true." Lazlo added. "Yeah. There haven't been a rapper like Tupac, after his death." Penny said as she dusted herself off. "But, I must say. 50 got tha style." "Who?" Patsy asked Penny. "You know? 50 cent? Tha rapper?" Penny asked. "_Oh!_ Him." Patsy said. "Isn't he the man, who was shot nine times & survived?" "Yeah." Penny answered. "Ain't he, the guy that ruined rap?" Lazlo asked. "Yep." Penny said. "One thing, I don't know is; why did he just let those punk ass n(bleep)as do dat to him? I would've done somethin' completely different, if I was in his situation."

**_(Cutaway to Penny's own version of the shooting)_**  
The thugs was shooting at Penny.

Penny: **_OW! OW!_ OH SHIT! QUIT IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!!**

The thugs stopped shooting. She stands up, with blood spouting from the wounds.

Penny:(pissed off) **STOP IT! DAT'S ENOUGH!! DON'T DO DAT, NO MO'!!!  
**thugs:(hangs their heads down) Okay.  
Penny: Go shoot at tha bad people in tha world. Like tha klan, terrorists, republicans, _PETA_, _Tha Disney company_, douchebags, & tha morons, dat deletes good videos on _youtube_.  
thugs: Dat sounds like, a great idea!  
**_(End cutaway)_**

Penny stands up & yawned. "Well, I'm gonna play knives. Do yall wanna join me?" "Knives?" Lazlo asked. "How long, sinced you play that?" Penny counted on her fingers. "It's been 'bout four chapters now." she said. "Okay, I'm in." Lazlo said. "Me too." Patsy started, then she stopped. "Who are you gonna use as a target?" "I think, I know." Penny said as she smiled deviously & the scene fades to black. The scene is now on Penny. She was tying someone to the wall with rope. The person was; Samson. "Why are you usin' me?" the annoying loser whined. "**I haven't done _anything_ to nobody!!!!!**" "**Except bein' a loser!!!!**" Penny shouted. "Now shut tha fuck up & stand there!!!" So Samson did. Penny lifted her knife and threw at him. "_**Ahhh!**_" Good-for-nothing Samson screamed. "**Shut tha fuck up, _bitch_!**" Penny shouted. "How am I suppose to throw knives, if yo' ass scream like a fuckin' little girl?" "I-I-I can't help it!" Samson whined. "I-I-I was created to be that way." "**And, I was created to do _this_!!!!!!!**" Penny retorted. She threw the knife at him. It barely missed his head. "I-I-I think, I'm gonna stop demandin' a storyline about me." Samson muttered. "That'll be a wise thing." He runs away. "What a cheeky c(bleep)t!" Patsy laughed. "What a loser." Lazlo laughed. Just then, Brian walked up to Penny. "Penny. Peter wants to see you." he said to her. "Well. Better see, what tubby wants." Penny said as she followed Brain. "I hope, he's not gonna make her into a mustache again." Patsy said. "That would suck." Lazlo added, then he turned to Patsy. "So, what do you wanna do now?" "Do you wanna go push Lois into the lake?" Patsy asked. "Yeah." Lazlo exclaimed. So, they lefted.

Peter was at his desk. He reading his favorite Jughead comic book. "_Hee!Hee!Hee!_ Look at all those burgers! You think, you can eat all those!" Peter laughed. "You _stupid_ man!" Brian & Penny walked up to his desk. "I got Penny for you, Peter." the dog said. Peter looks up. "Please, sit down, Ms. Penny." he said. Then he turned to Brian. "That is all, Brian." Brian leaves. "So, what do you want?" Penny asked. "It's about, the suggestion, that you suggested, Ms. Penny." Peter said. "So, what 'bout it?" Penny asked. "Well, Ms. Penny. Since almost, everyone suggested doin' stupid shit. I'm gonna take it into consideration." Peter said. "Really?" Penny asked. "Really. That is all, Ms. Penny." Peter finished. Penny leaves. "Ah, she's a good kid. I'm glad, that _I_ adopted her!" Peter said stupidly as the audience laughed. Penny went to the lake, where Patsy & Lazlo was. Of course, they wasn't alone. Lois was there of course. So was Stewie, Edward, Quagmire, Meg, & some nobodys. Patsy whispered to Lazlo. "Now dear. Here's the plan. You go over there & distract her, while I sneak up behind her & push her stupid ass into the lake." "That sounds like, the most awful, mean, devious, nasty plan, Patsy!" Lazlo said. "_I like it!_" So, Lazlo went over to Lois. "Hey, Lois! Look at me!** Look at me!**" he shouted as he does some kinda dance. Lois watches as Patsy sneaks up behind her & pushes her. "**What the hell!?!**" Lois exclaimed, before she fell into the lake. Everyone started laughing. "Ha! Ha! Ha! Dat big nose ho' fell into tha lake!" Penny laughed. "What an ass!!!" Meg laughed. "Dumb bimbo!" Edward laughed. "Good job, mongoose girl!" Stewie called as he laughed. Patsy turned to Penny. "So, what did fatty want?" she asked. "Oh. He said, dat he was considerin' my idea for tomorrow, _P_." Penny explained. "That's good." Patsy said. Lazlo then came up to them. He was tired from all that dancing around. "Damn! Distractin' one hell of a job!" "I really appreciate you for helpin' me, dear." Patsy soothed. "A-Anytime, Patsy." Lazlo panted. Penny looked at him. "How 'bout you rest, G. You looked like me after I have my caffine binge!" she laughed. "Rest. That sounds like a wise idea." Lazlo yawned. So everyone leaves the lake, leaving Lois. "**_HEY!!_ YOU FORGOT ME!!!!**" she cried. "**I CAN'T SWIM!!!!!**" But nobody came to her. So Lois drowned, even though that portion of the lake is knee deep.

It was sometime later now. Penny & Patsy was making plans for the burger cook-off. "So, Penny." Patsy started. "Do you wanna buy some hamburger patties?" Penny dropped her pen & her eyes went wide. She slapped Patsy's pen out of her hand. "**_OW!_** What the hell's wrong with you?" Patsy sniffed as she rubbed her hurting hand. "Sorry to do dat to you, _P_." Penny started. "But you was about to write down processed hamburger patties & I can't have dat." "Why?" Patsy asked. Penny then smiled & rolled her eyes. "_P_, don't you know, dat fresh ingredients is tha key, to great tastin' food?" "Uh, I _knew_ that, Penny." Patsy lied. "I was testin' ya." Then she put on a nervous smile. Penny looked at her. "I'm tellin' the truth!" Patsy said, sweating a little. Penny still stared at her, until Patsy had enough. "Alright! Alright! I lied! I lied!" she cried. Penny smiled. "Mmhmm. Thought so. Anyway, I was taught, dat freshness is tha key, _P_." "Who taught you that?" asked Patsy. "Wanker ass, Gordon Ramsay did. He taught me dat, after I'd kicked his ass." Penny replied.

**_(Flashback)_**  
This happened after Penny got done beating up Gordon Ramsay. Everyone just came back from a trip to the store. Anyway, everyone on Penny's team was making some sort of special entree for the next night's service. The theme was _TGI Friday's_, except it was going to be called; _TGI Ramsay's_. There was choices on what to make. Most of the contestants on the other team, brought some processed meat, while the contestants on Penny's team, brought real meat. It was time for Ramsay to inspect both teams dishes.

Ramsay: **TIME'S UP!!** Now bring over your dishes!!

So everyone did. Ramsay started with the opposing team, first. He tasted each one of their dishes.

Ramsay: Hmm? That alright.

Then he tasted each contestant dish on Penny's team.

Ramsay: F(bleep)k me! So fresh!

Then he tasted the food on the opposing team & he tasted the food on Penny's team again.

Ramsay: Oh, bloody hell! These are pretty delicious dishes for tomorrow night's service.

He then looks at Penny's team and then the opposing team. Then back at Penny's team.

Ramsay: The team's that gonna win this challenge & have the chance to go with me for a photo op is; the red team!

The red team, which was Penny's team; celebrated.

Ramsay: Tomorrow night, your dishes will be the main entree of _TGI Ramsay's_. Now go.

Penny's team leaves, to get dressed up for the photo op. Ramsay then turned to the opposing team. He was pissed.

Ramsay: **You lil' bastards!!!** Your food absolutely sucked like donkey's balls!!

He picks up a processed hamburger & a burger from Penny's team.

Ramay:(lifts up Penny's team burger) See this!? This is _real_ meat! Real meat equals freshness, taste & flavor! _**This!?!**_

He lifts up the opposing team's processed meat burger.

Ramsay: _**This!?!**_ **This is crap!!** Now for your punishment!! All of you have to get on the horn & order fresh ingredients for both kitchens! Now f(bleep)k off will ya?!

The opposing blue team was cross & was cussing under their breaths, while the audience laughs. 20 minutes later, Penny's team came out of their dorm, dressed up & so was Ramsay. The blue team jeered at them.

Blue team member: Hope yall have a great time, takin' pictures now.  
Penny: We will. I hope, yall have a great day, havin' to order our fresh ingredients for our kitchen! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Then Ramsay & Penny's team laughed as the blue team started placing the orders for the ingredients.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"Oh. I see." Patsy muttered as she rolled her eyes. "Anyway, fresh ground beef it is. Lettece, tomatos, bacon, mustard, ketchup, pickles, onions, & buns." "Dat's correct, _P_." Penny said. "Freshness is tha key. So, who's gonna be on our team besides you & me?" "Well," Patsy started & was blushing. Penny noticed. "Oh. I forgot. Yo' boy's on our team, too. So, who else?" Then she & Patsy thought about it. Then Patsy came up with a suggestion. "Hey Penny. How 'bout Mr. Brown?" "I doubt dat, he'll want to be on our team, _P_." Penny muttered. "He probably be a judge or somethin'." "Oh." Patsy muttered. Then she went back to thinking. Ten minutes later, Penny was frustrated with thinking. "**Dat's it!!!!** I know, who can be on our team, _P_." "Who?" Patsy asked. "It's have to be someone, dat's gullable." "Yeah. Not just that. They have to be fat!" Patsy added. "Not just fat. Also stupid!" Penny laughed. "Are you thinkin', what I'm thinkin', Penny?" Patsy asked as she smiled. "Yeah, _P_!" Penny chirped. "**Fat ass!!!**" Patsy & Penny said in unison. Then Penny thought of something. "Uh, _P_? Which fat ass? Tha fat white one, wit tha glasses, or tha fat yellow one wit no hair, tha overbite, & tha cravin' for donuts, nachos, & other shit?" "Uh, who was you thinkin' of, Penny?" Patsy asked. "I was thinkin' of _Greedy_ Simpson, _P_." Penny laughed. "S-So was I." Patsy laughed nervously. "No, you weren't." Penny said as she laughed. "**You are pathetic, _P_**!!" "Yeah, I know." Patsy muttered groomily as she held her head down. "Don't worry, _P_. I still love ya." Penny added as she noticed her cousin feeling a bit down. Patsy smiled. "Gee, thanks Penny." "Anytime, _P_." Penny replied. "Anytime. So, do you wanna watch, _Sanford & son_? Today, it's suppose to be tha one, where Fred calls Rollo a jive n(bleep)a."

**_(Cutaway)_**  
Fred was watching tv. He was watching one of his favorite movies; _The Jackie Robinson story_. He was into the movie.

Fred: **SLIDE, JACKIE, SLIDE!!!!! DAT'S RIGHT!!!!**

Just then, Lamont & his friend; Rollo walks in. They was talking.

Rollo: Hey man. Do you wanna go to tha movies?  
Lamont: Can't. I ain't got no money.  
Rollo: How 'bout you ask yo' old man for some money?  
Lamont: I don't know.  
Rollo: Go ahead & ask tha man.  
Lamont: Alright, Rollo.

He goes to Fred. Fred notices them.

Fred: What tha hell do yall want?  
Lamont: Well, pop. I was wonderin', if I can have some money.  
Fred: Why you need it?  
Lamont: Rollo & I are goin' to a movie. We need tha cash for tickets, & snacks, pop.

Fred looks at him, then at Rollo. Then back at Lamont.

Fred: So, yo' goin' wit him?

He points at Rollo.

Rollo: Dat's right, pops.  
Fred: Well, let's see if I have any cash for you, my dear Rollo.

He then puts his hand into his pocket & fumbles around. Rollo smiles at Lamont. Then within a milli-second, Fred punches Rollo, right in the face. Knocking him unconcious. The audience roars with laughter.

Lamont:** _POP!!!_ What's tha hell's wrong wit you?!? Punchin' Rollo!  
**Fred: Well, I had to do it, son. He's crouptin' yo' mind.  
Lamont: **_Coruptin' my mind?!?_** Pop, I'm 35 years old! I don't need anybody tellin' me what I can think or do!  
Fred: Why do you always hang wit him, anyway? You got other friends. There's no need to be hangin' wit a jive n(bleep)a.

The audience roars with laughter again. Lamont turns to Fred.

Lamont: Jive n(bleep)a? **A jive n(bleep)a!!!** **YO' THA _DAMN_ JIVE N(bleep)A!!!!**  
Fred: Who me?  
Lamont: Yeah, you! I guess, I have to get my own cash.

He then goes to the drawer & hits it. A secret compartment opens. Lamont grabs the money.

Fred: Hey, you stupid dummy. What are you doin'? Dat's my _rainy-day, we-got-no-food, gotta-pay-tha-bills_ fund!  
Lamont: Well, dat's too bad, pop. I really need to see this movie!

Rollo then wakes up.

Rollo: Oh, man, What happened?  
Lamont: Pop, knocked you out. Anyway, I got tha cash. Let's go!

They both leave. Fred had recovered from Lamont taking his need-for-everything fund.

Fred: _Hmmph!_ Thank god, he didn't look under tha couch!

He then pushed the couch over a bit, to reveal a shoebox. He picks it up & opens it. In it, was over $5,100 dollars in it. The audience whoos.

Fred: Yep, _All of my rainy-day, we-got-no-food, gotta-pay-tha-bills, heart transplant, new truck, new tv, fried porkchop, poker bettin's_ funds all here!

Then he closes up the box & pushes the couch back.

Fred: _Ha!_ **I'm so _smarter_ than dat dummy!! Stupid dummy!**  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"I like that episode!" Patsy exclaimed. "Yeah, me too, _P_!" Penny said as she grabbed the remote for the tv. Patsy put up the list for tomorrow's burger cook-off & took out some bags of chips & several cans of soda & Penny turned on the tv to _Sanford & son_. "_Oh!_ This is gonna be great!" Penny said as she opened up a bag of her chips. "Do you mean, 'tight', Penny?" Patsy asked as she laughed. "Oh yeah." Penny muttered. "T-Thanks, _P_." "Anytime." Patsy said as she turned her attention back to the tv.

It was sometime later now. Lazlo woke back up. "_Oh god!_ That was some nap!" he said as he got up from his sleeping area. He turns to see Patsy & Penny sleeping. Patsy still had her bag of chips. She was sleeping & drooling peacefully on top of Penny & Penny was snoring a bit. Lazlo chuckled at the scene. "_Ha!_ Ain't that cute?" he chuckled. Lazlo's chuckling woke up Penny. "Wha? Who there? Who there?" she asked, groggily. "It's me, Penny." Lazlo said. "Oh." Penny said. The she looks up to see, that Patsy was on her. A bit of her drool was about to land on Penny's face. Penny quickly reacted. "**Get offa me!!!**" Penny sniffed as she threw Patsy onto the side of the bed. Patsy woke up. "_Penny!_ Why you throw me for!?" ""Cause, yo' fuckin' drool was 'bout to hit my face!" Penny sniffed. "Oh." Patsy muttered. "Sorry Penny." Then she looks at her watch. "Dammit! We're missin' dinner!" "Don't worry, _P_." Penny started. "I heard, dat big-nosed Lois was gonna reheat leftovers."

**_(Cutaway to Mess hall)_**  
Lois was in the kitchen of the mess hall. She was serving the previous night's leftovers, which was meatloaf, broccoli & cheese, & green beans. The two items, that was fresh was; a slice of bread with butter & lime flavored jello with pineapple slices. Anyway, Lois was serving the food.

Lois: **Alright, everyone! Come & get your nourishment of meatloaf, broccoli & cheese, green beans, with a side of bread & butter & lime jello with pineapple slices for dessert!**

She sets a piece of lukewarm meatloaf, broccoli with cheese sauce, & green beans onto Edward's plate. He looked at the bounty on his plate. He had a disgusted look on his face.

Edward: **What the _hell_'s this shit?!?_ Reheated meatloaf?!?_**

Lois: Yes. Eat it. It's good for you.  
Edward:(cross of course) **I AIN'T EATIN' THIS SHIT!**  
Gretchen: **I AIN'T EITHA!!!**

Clam: **THIS SHIT'S _BLASPHEMY_!!!!!!**

Everyone looks at him.

Clam: What?  
Raj: Blasphemy? Clam, what are you doin' usin' a religious word? Do you want this fic to be removed?

Clam: No.  
Raj: Well, say something else to replace that line.  
Clam: Alright. This nourishment is not up to my satisfactory standards. Better?  
Raj: Yeah.  
Chip & Skip: Duh, this food sucks!  
Edward: **FOOD FIGHT!!!!!**

Then he threw his plate at Lois. Lois responded by throwing some broccoli with cheese sauce at him. Then everyone got the idea & started throwing food at each other.

**_(End cutaway)_**

"So, do you wanna go out & get somethin' to eat?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah, that sounds like a wise idea, dear." Patsy answered. "Uh, what do you want?" "How 'bout we have some of _J.J's deep fried ghetto chicken_?" Penny asked. "They got a special on chicken backs, wings, & breasts." "Yeah." Lazlo & Patsy said in unison. "Aight, then." Penny said as she took out her keys. "I'll pay." "That sounds like a wise idea, Penny." Patsy said. "Yeah, it is." Lazlo finished.

It was almost 10:30 now. Lazlo, Patsy & Penny just came back from the chicken joint. They was carrying some bags of their leftover dinners. "_Oh god!_" Penny exclaimed. "**Dat grub _was_ good!**" "You can say that again, Penny." Patsy laughed. "No, better not, _P_." Penny said as she put her keys away. "Yeah, that sounds like a wise idea, Penny." Lazlo said. Just then Homer walked up to them. "Hey, you three. Guess what?" he asks. "What? Did you discover, dat there's chocolate-covered, jelly-filled donuts?" Penny asked as she laughed a bit. "Chocolate-covered, jelly-filled donuts." Homer drooled. "_Aaarrgghh!!_" "_What do you want?!?_" Patsy demanded. Homer snapped out of it. "_Oh!_ That fat guy wanted me to give everyone these flyers, for tomorrow's burger cook-off." Homer said as he gave the three the flyers. Penny then spoke. "So, big boy. Do you wanna be on our team, for tha cook-off?" "_Hmmm?_ Be on your team?" Homer wondered. "What do I get, if I join?" "You get, to have five pieces of chicken from me." Penny said as she ate a chicken leg. The aroma of the chicken floats up to Homer's nose. He sniffs it in. "**_Oh god!_ That chicken smells finger-lickin' good!! Alright, I'll be on _your_ team!!**" he drooled. "Aight, it's a plan!" Penny said as she threw Homer a small box of his five chicken pieces. "Hee! Hee!" Homer laughed as he opened up the box of chicken. "See ya in the mornin'!" He leaves. Penny then yawned. "Well, time to hit tha bed." "Yeah." Patsy said. Just then, Gretchen walks up. Patsy, Penny, & Lazlo noticed her. "What the hell happened to you?" Patsy asked. "You look like a homeless slut." "More than usual, _P_." Penny laughed. "More than usual." Gretchen gave Penny an evil look, but Penny was unfased by it. "Well, if yall must know. Everyone was in a food fight." Gretchen sniffed as she wiped some cold broccoli & cheese off her uniform. "Oh." Patsy muttered. Gretchen looked at herself. "Might as well, git myself cleaned up!" Then she goes to get a bath. "Like I said. Time to hit tha bed." Penny said again. "Yeah." Patsy added sleepily. "I know, what you mean, Patsy." Lazlo said sleepily. "I think, it's spreadin'." "Well, time for me to bounce." Penny said. "G'night, G." "Good night, Penny." Lazlo said to her. Then he turned to Patsy. "Well, honey. It's been some crazy day." "Yeah." Patsy yawned. "Lois got her ass, knocked into the lake. What a dumb bitch." "Yeah." Lazlo laughed. Then he hugs her. "Well, good night, Patsy darling." "Good night, Lazlo dear." Patsy smiled. "See you tomorrow." Then they both went to their respective cabins & everyone at camp went happily to sleep.


	17. Penny's burger cookoff

Camp Griffin's 1st anniversity(aka Penny's burger cook-off)

It was the very next morning. It was another clear, sunny, & cool day. Everyone was getting prepared for the cook-off. Peter was in his office. He was on his laptop. He was on his account on youtube. "_Hee!Hee!Hee!_ Just look at that stupid bastard! He thinks, he can beat that lion!" Peter laughed. "What an ass!" Just then Brian comes in now. Peter notices him. "Hey there, old bean. How are you doin'?" he asks. Brian was panting & sweating. Don't ask me how he's sweating, since he once said, that he didn't have any sweat glands. "I-I-I'm tired!" Brian panted. "Why are you tired?" Peter asked stupidly as continued typing in his laptop. "Because, I'm outside preparin' for the burger cook-off!" Brian panted. "Why don't you stop!" Peter asked stupidly. "If I stop, then who's gonna set up outside?" Brian asked. "Let Meg do it! She doesn't do anything, anyway!" Peter sniffed. "All she ever do is; complain & eat like a pig!" "That's because, you treat her like shit!" Brian sniffed. "Just like the time you have her go to the store, while it was bein' robbed."

**_(Flashback)_**  
The grocery store was being robbed. Peter & Meg arrived at the store.

Peter:(notices the five police cars) I wonder, what's the hub-bub's about?  
Meg:(notices the robbers inside) Dad! The store's bein' robbed!  
Peter: _Hmmph!_ It's probably, a small hold-up, Meg. Don't be silly.  
Meg: **DAD!!! THERE'S ROBBERS IN THERE!!!!**

Peter: So.  
Meg: **THEY HAVE GUNS!**  
Peter: So.  
Meg:(starting to get pissed) **WHAT IF THEY SHOOT ME!?**  
Peter: Well, that'll be a win for everybody!! Now get in there!!!

He pushes Meg out of the car. Meg, defeated. Walked sadly into the store. The robbery suspects was standing at the door. They had guns & the like. Everyone in the store was on the floor. The cashier was giving them the money.

Head robber: **HURRY UP!**  
Cashier: I'm hurryin'! I'm hurryin'!!

He was putting the cash in a bag. He gives the head robber the bag of cash. The head robber snatches it.

Head robber: **Gimme that!!**

Then he turns to the other robbers.

Head robber: If anybody comes through that door, grab 'em!  
second robber: Okay.

Unfortunately, that anybody was Meg. She came through the doors & the robbers grabs her. The head robber shoved his gun into her nose.

Head robber: Who the hell are you!? Do you work for the police!  
Meg:(scared) N-N-No. I-I-I'm just a regular, ordinary teenaged girl!  
Head robber:(turns to the other robbers) **GRAB THIS BITCH!!!! WE CAN USE HER AS A HUMAN SHIELD!**

So they grabbed poor Meg. Of course, she screamed. Meanwhile, back in the car. Peter was getting frustrated.

Peter: **WHERE'S THAT DAMN MEG!!! SHE SHOULD GOTTEN THAT BEER BY NOW!!!**

Then he notices the robbers holding Meg hostage. Peter laughs.

Peter:(not caring for Meg's predictament) _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ That fat hog got captured! I guess, she's gonna be their problem, **_NOW!_ HA! HA! HA! HA!**

He starts up the car & drives off, while the police started a shootout.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"That because, she drunk all of the fuckin' soda, Brian!" Peter sniffed. "No she didn't." Brian collected. "Oh yes, she did!" Peter said again. "**NO SHE DIDN'T!!!!**" Brian shouted. "**YOUR FUCKIN' STUPID ASS DRUNK 'EM ALL!!!!!**" "Oh. Did I?" Peter muttered to himself. "**YEAH, YOU FUCKIN' DID!!!**" Brian shouted at him as the audience laughed. Peter then sat in his chair, trying to think if he'd drunk it. Then it finally came to him. "_Oh_, yeah. I remember, now." "**FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!**" Brian shouted. "**WHAT A STUPID BASTARD!!!!**" "Thank you. _Hee!Hee!Hee!_" Peter laughed. "**I'm done with this asshole!**" Brian sniffed. "**I'm gonna go get myself a drink!**" He leaves. "A drink? That sounds like a great idea!" Peter exclaimed as he stood up from his chair. So he went to his refridgerator & took out a beer.

Meanwhile, Lazlo was still asleep in his bed. Raj & Clam was gone, doing activities, or shall I say, gambling. It cutsaway to Raj & Clam. They was outside playing dice against Joker & Mario. Fortunately, the Joker brothers was winning. "_Ha!_ Looks-a like we-a win!" Mario said happily. "Looks like you two ni(bleep)as owe us $440 in cold hard cash, holmes!" Joker said. "**Dammit!**" Clam & Raj sniffed in unison. "I knew, we should of played against Dave & Ping Pong!" Raj sniffed. "Ping Pong. _Ha!_ What a gay ass name!" Clam laughed. "Yeah!" Raj laughed. "His mom must've been high! **Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!**" Just then, the aformentioned Loon appears. "What did you say about my mom? **_Huh!?!_**" Ping Pong demanded angrily. "I said,.." Raj started, before Mario interrupted him. "He-a said. Your-a mama must-a been a-high, to-a name you-a Ping-a-Pong." Ping Pong looked at him. "What?" Mario asked. "Who the hell are you?" Ping Pong asked snootily. "A new camper?" Yeah! Me and-a my brother-a, Joker are-a new campers." Mario said. "Yeah. You got a problem wit dat, holmes?!" Joker said as he started to ball up his fists. Ping Pong, knowing that he can't fight, decided to talk his way out. "Uh, no. I don't have a problem with that." he laughed nervously as he back away from the scene. Joker picked up Raj's & Clam's money. "Come bro." he said to Mario. "Let's go buy some ridiculiously overpriced sneaks!" "Yeah!" Mario said. "That-a sounds like-a wise thing!" They leave. Raj turns to Clam. "So, what do you wanna do now?" "How 'bout, we go collect some old cans & get money for them?" Clam suggested. "What, you mean recyclin', Clam?" Raj asked. "Yeah. That." Clam said. "Might as well." Raj sighed. Then they left.

It cuts back to Lazlo. He was still asleep. Just then, two shadows loomed over him. The shadows belonged to Patsy & Penny. "What are we doin' in here, _P_?" Penny asked. "Laz, is still sleepin'." "That's why we're in here, Penny." Patsy started. "So, we can wake him up." "_We_? What do you mean, '_we_'?" Penny asked. "He's yo' man & besides, he might get pissed at me for wakin' him. So, you go ahead & do it, _P_." "Alrighty then." Patsy said as she got into Lazlo's bed. She lays next to him. Lazlo was snoring lightly. Patsy went closer to his face. She gave him a itty bitty kiss. He smiled a bit. "Well, at least, we know he's alive, _P_." Penny laughed. "How 'bout you give him a bigger kiss." "That sounds like a great idea, Penny." Patsy said as she looked at her. While Patsy wasn't looking, Lazlo quickly looked up & smiled. He quickly lays back down as Patsy turned back to him. She gets closer to his face & about to land the kiss, just then Lazlo grabs her & gives her a passionate kiss. Patsy was stunned as he did this to her. Then he let her go. "You was awake all along, wasn't ya?" Patsy asked as she smiled suspiciously at Lazlo. "Yeah, but I couldn't resist!" Lazlo laughed. "So, how are you today, Patsy sweetie?" "I'm doin' fine, dear." Patsy answered. "I'm not alone." Lazlo looked up to see Penny. "Oh. Hi Penny. How's my shortie, this mornin'?" "I'm doin' fine, G." Penny said as she was eating a breakfast sandwich. "What's that you eatin', Penny?" Lazlo asked. "It's a sausage, egg, bacon, & cheese crossiant breakfast sandwich." she explained. "Do you want one?" "Yeah." Lazlo said. So Penny reached into her pocket & threw it at him. He catches it & takes a bite out of it. "Oh god! You're right, Penny. It is good." Lazlo said as he finishes it. Soon, he was done. "Well, time to start my day." "We leave you here to get dressed." Penny said. "Yeah." Patsy said as she got up from Lazlo's bed. So Lazlo got up to do his morning routine.

Soon, Lazlo came out. "Damn, I'm still hungry." he said. "You know what, dear." Patsy asked him. "What?" Lazlo asked her. "I'm still hungry too." "So am I." Penny finished. "Dat's tha only bad thing 'bout those breakfast sandwiches. They can't get you full enough." "As much as they cost, they should at least fill you up." Patsy said. "Yeah." Penny said. "Dat's more of a rip-off than fatty's automatic car startin' machine."

**_(Flashback)_**  
Peter was in the garage of the Griffin home. He had built a complicated machine.

Peter: There! I've finally completed my brand new invention! I can finally start up the car, without me havin' to come out here & gettin' in it.

He takes out a remote.

Peter: Now, to test it!

He presses the button on the remote & the car starts up. Peter was overjoyed.

Peter: **YES!!! IT WORKS!!!! I'M GONNA MAKE MILLIONS!!!!** Time to get this patented.

So he did. So every lazy person, in the extremely lazy world, brought Peter's car starting machine. Things was going great, until a unspecting person became a victim. Anyway, some random man pressed a button on the handy remote.

Man: There! Just pressed the button & it'll start it! _Ha!_ Thank god, for the person, who invented this!

Then something goes completely wrong. Sparks started coming from the starter of the car & the sparks lit up some car battery fluid, gas, & liquid nitroglycerin, conviencently placed by the car, then there was a big explosion. The explosion, then sets the entire house, that was filled with more explosives, on fire causing another explosion. Killing the man. Soon news of this spread.

Strange newscaster: There was one causality today. A man was killed in a house explosion. The explosion was caused from a spark, that jumped out from the car's automatic startup system. The system was the brand new automatic car starter, invented by one Peter Griffin.

It then shows a file photo of Peter, eating a slice of pepperoni pizza.

Newscaster: This man, is now in jail, for manslaughter.

It cutsaway to Peter in jail.

Peter: Well, at least, I'd enjoyed the fame & fortune, while it lasted.

Then the hand of his inmate landed on his shoulder.

Inmate:** Hey!** I'll see you, when the lights go out!  
Peter:(looks into the camera) Oh oh! Spaghetti-os!

The Price is Right losing horns plays.

audience:(laughs)  
**_(End Flashback)_**

Just then, Peter got on to the PA system. "_Attention, everyone. Attention. Balls. I repeat Balls. Get ready to take a trip to the store, to buy ingredients for the burger cook-off. Yall know the drill. If you can't drive. get on the bus. If you can drive, go ahead & go. That is all._" "Well, time to get goin'." Patsy said as she took out her keys. "Can you get the list, Penny?" "Got it, _P_." Penny said as she got the list, that they thought up in the last chapter. "Should I get Mr. Simpson?" Lazlo asked Patsy. "Oh! Yeah. Go ahead & get him, dear." Patsy said. "That'll be a wise thing." "Okay." Lazlo said & left to get the yellow-skinned, gorilla-like man. Penny turned to Patsy. "So, are we takin' our own rides, or are we gonna get into one?" "Takin' our own, Penny." Patsy said. "I would hate, to see how fat Simpson keeps his car." "Don't you know, dat tubby keeps his a fuckin' mess?" Penny asked. "No." Patsy answered. "I guess, you haven't been watchin' his show lately, _P_." Penny laughed. "I-I-I guess not." Patsy said nervously. "Anyway, fuck it & let's go."

Lazlo was at Homer's quarters. Homer was eating his breakfast, which was his daily pack of jelly-filled donuts & a pot of coffee. Anyway, Homer was eating, when he saw Lazlo. "What the hell do _you_ want?!" he asked as he burped. "It's time to go, Mr. Simpson." Lazlo started. "Go where?" Homer asked as he slurped down his coffee. "To the store." Lazlo replied. "Store?" Homer asked. "To buy what?" "To buy ingredients for the burger cook-off." Lazlo answered. "Burger cook-off?" Homer asked. "I dunno, what the hell you're...." Then it came to him. "_Oh!_ That! I forgot 'bout that! Let's go!" Then he reached into his pocket & took out his car keys & a shopping list.

Soon, everyone was at John Amos' store, called; _Five on the black hand side_. Anyway, everyone, went on their own. The scene is on Lazlo, Patsy, Penny, & Homer now. "Now, the first thing to get is the meat." Patsy read out. "Meat?" Homer asked. "Why don't we get donuts first?" Patsy gave him an evil look. "We're gettin' meat _first_!!!" "Donuts." Homer said with gayness in his voice. "Ground Beef!" Patsy yelled. "Donuts." Homer said. "**B-E-E-F!!!**" Patsy shouted. "**D-O-N-U-T-S!!!**" Homer said stupidly. "**AIGHT!!**" Penny shouted. "Enough of this shit! You! Fatty! Go get yo' donuts!!" "Whoo-hoo!" Homer exclaimed as he ran off to get his favorite treats. Penny then turned to Patsy & Lazlo. "Let's go, before dat c(bleep)t comes back!" "Yeah. That'll be a wise thing." Lazlo added. So they went to where the meats was. "So, how many packs of ground beef do we need?" Lazlo asked. "About five to seven packs, dear." Patsy said as she grabbed some packs of ground beef. "All that? Why?" Lazlo asked. "Just in case, we have to make some more." Penny said as she grabbed the remaining packs they needed into the shopping cart. "Oh." Lazlo muttered. "Wise idea, you two!" Then they went to the produce section, to get lettuce, tomatoes, & onions. "Now, to get tha onions, tomatoes, & tha lettuce." Penny read outloud. So, they get the vegetables. Patsy picked up a tomato, that had some bruises on it. The bruises looked like testicles or Peter's chin. "Hey. Don't this tomato look like greasey?" she laughed. "Lemme see!" Lazlo exclaimed. She showed him the funny-looking tomato. "Oh my god! It does!" Lazlo laughed. "Does it really?" Penny asked. "Yeah!" Lazlo & Patsy said in unison as they gave her the veggie/fruit. "Oh fuck! It sure does look like; tub-of-lard-Griffin!" she laughed as she set the tomato back to it's original place & grabbed a better looking one. "There! Now dat's a tomato!" "Now, to get the american cheese." Patsy said. So they went to get the cheese. "_God!_ Dat was some ugly lookin' tomato, wasn't it _P_?" Penny asked Patsy. "Yeah, it sure was, Penny." Patsy answered. "Hopefully, some stupid fucker will get it!" Lazlo laughed.

**_(Cutaway back to the produce section)_**  
Almondine, Meg, Nina, & a nobody was looking through the vegetables. Almondine picks up the deformed tomato.

Almondine: God! What an odd lookin' vegetable.  
Nina: A tomato ain't a vegetable, Almondine. It's a fruit.  
Almondine: No it's not!

Nina: Yes it is!  
Almondine: **Not!**  
Nina: **Is!  
**Almondine: **_NOT!_**  
Nina: _**IS!**_  
Meg: Will you guys shut up!?! You should be lucky & glad, that we have a part in this chapter, instead of arguin' over somethin' stupid like, if a tomato's a fruit or vegetable.

Almondine & Nina held their heads down in shame.

Almondine: She's right.  
Nina: Yeah. Let's stop fightin'.

She looks at the tomato.

Nina: My god, Meg. It has chins, like your dad.  
Meg:(looks at it) Oh shit! You're right! At least, it don't look like the squash we saw.

It cutsaway to were the squash was. The squash looked like Quagmire. Some female nobodys was looking at it.

female nobody#1: _Damn!_ Look how strange this pumpkin looks!  
female nobody#2: It's not a pumpkin, stupid! It's a squash!  
female nobody#3:(looks at the squash more clearly) Hey! Doesn't this squash looks like, that Quagmire guy?  
female nobody#2: Don't be so damn stupid! It doesn't look like that c(bleep)t!

Then the squash suddenly opened it's eyes, which suddenly appeared.

squash:(in Quagmire's voice) Oh hey ladies! The name's Squashmire & I love pleasin' the ladies! _Oh!_ _Giggity! Giggity! Giggity! Goo!_

female nobodies: **AHHH!!!!! IT PROCESSED!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!**

Then they sprinted away from the squash. Squashmire laughed.

Squashmire:_ Heh! Heh!_ I love it, when I scare them like that! _Heh! Heh! Alriiiiight!_  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

After getting the cheese, mustard, ketchup, spices, & pickles. Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny was on the last item of their list. "Alright." Patsy started. "All we need to get is the buns." "Regular buns or sesame seed?" Lazlo asked. "Tha one wit tha seeds of course!" Penny laughed as she grabbed the buns with the sesame seeds & the regular buns. Lazlo noticed her grab the regular buns. "Why did you get the regular buns for, Penny?" "Just in case, G." Penny said. "Just in case." "Now, that's everything." Patsy said as she folded up the list. "**WAIT, _P_!!!**" Penny shouted out. Patsy stopped. "What is it, Penny?" "I forgot to get tha bacon!" Penny exclaimed. "Stay here." So, she went to get the bacon & quickly returned with three packs of bacon. "There! Got it!" Penny said as she put the bacon into the cart. "Now, let's get Home-boy & get tha hell outta here!"

They were soon in the check-out lanes now. Some of the other campers was checking out also. Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny was behind a very old, very slow woman. She was at least 115 years old. She had a lot of food out on the conveyor belt & was going very slowly going forward, much to the disappointment to the three Griffin scouts. "_God!_ Look how slow, she's goin'!" Patsy sniffed. "Yeah!" Lazlo said. "Just look at all that food she's got, too! That's enough to feed a large army!!" Penny was looking at one of those shitty tabloid magazines, that you always find at the check-outs in supermarkets. Anyway, she was reading this bullshit. "_Ha!_ Hey _P_. Did you see this shit? It says, dat ALF marrys a cheese sandwich & they both saw illegal aliens, fairies, & Leah Remini teleportin' FBI agents to; Suna, tha twelve planet in tha solar system." "_Hmmph!_ I hate those so-called 'real newspapers'!" Patsy sniffed. "Tha only reason they make those, because they have interestin' fake photos, dat grabs yo' attention!" Penny sniffed as she put the rag up. "Who would type such shit?"

**_(Cutaway to Area 51)_**  
It shows Cosmo, from the Fairly Oddparents, typing on a computer.

Cosmo: Suna! That's a good name for a planet, because nobody knows that it's anus backwards! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Just then Leah Remini appears.

Remini:(Brooklyn accent) Are you da one, who wrote dis trash?  
Cosmo: Yeah! Do you like it?  
Remini: Hell nawl! How dare ya! Typin' me down, on a fuckin' talboid magazine! I'm gonna kick yo' ass!  
Cosmo:(takes out his wand) Oh yeah?

He turns up the juice on his wand to _kill_ & zapped Remini into pieces. The audience cheers & applaudes.

Cosmo: That'll teach you, you no-actin' bitch!  
audience:(laughs, cheers & applaudes)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"_Damn!_ After that cutaway, we're still waitin' for that old biddy to pay up!" Lazlo sniffed. "We're _never_ gonna get outta here!" "I know, how to make her go faster, hun." Patsy said. "How?" Lazlo asked. "Just watch." Patsy said. Then she whistled. Suddenly, Ollie Williams appeared. He picked up the old woman & her groceries & threw all of them into the busy street. Then Ollie comes up to Patsy. "**THERE!! THA OLD BIDDY'S GONE!!!**" he shouted as he dusted himself off. "Thank you, Ollie." Patsy said as she pushed the cart forward. "That is all." "**REMEMBA!! I'M ALWAYS HERE!!! JUST WHISTLE!!!!**" Ollie saluted the three main characters & disappeared. "Damn, dat was tight!" Penny laughed as she put all of the groceries onto the conveyor belt. "At least, we're up now!" "Yeah." Lazlo said. Soon, all of their groceries was packed up. "There! Time to leave." Patsy said as she grabbed the shopping bags. Just then, Homer rolled up to them, with two carts filled with donuts. "Got my donuts!" he said happily. "Now, let's go!" "You don't say dat. Greasey's suppose to!" Penny sniffed. "Oh." Homer muttered stupidly as the audience laughed. Soon more & more campers had their groceries & was also ready to go. Peter, who was last to get his groceries bagged, finally came up. "Alright! I got my shit! Now let's get back to camp. That'll be a wise thing." "See?" Penny said to Homer. "_Mmm_. Roast turkey! _Aaarrrgghhh!_" he drooled as the audience laughed.

Back at camp, most of campers was getting ready for the burger cook-off, while the extremely lazy campers went to watch tv. Peter was back at his office. "Damn! I thought, we never get out of there!" he sniffed as he turned on the tv. "I wonder, what I missed?" Maury just went off. "Oh. I didn't miss anything important." he said lazily as he sat in his chair. "It was just crap." Then Brian walks into the scene now. "Peter. It just came to me..." "_Hee!Hee!Hee!_ You said, 'came'. _Hee!Hee!Hee!_" Peter laughed. Brian & the audience groaned & jeered at Peter's stupid sexual joke. "Anyway." Brian said as he rolled his eyes. "We don't have a prize, for the winners of the burger cook-off." "Not to worry Brian." Peter said as he took out a suitcase. "I got it, right here." "What's in it? Money?" Brian asked. "Yeah." Peter said. "It's a $35,000 in cold hard cash." "Is that all?" Brian asked. "Yep!" Peter said. "Just cash. Nothin' else." "Okay, then." Brian said & walked away. Peter looked at his watch. It was almost 11:30. "**It's almost my lunchtime!!! And almost time for The Price is Right with Drew Carey, too!!!**" Then Peter turns to his mini-fridge & takes out a 12 foot long turkey & ham sub. An bottle of orange soda & a bag of Ruffles potato chips. "Now, time to watch, america's popular daytime game show!" he said as he started eating the sandwich.

Meanwhile, Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny was resting up for the cook-off at Lazlo's cabin. Lazlo was laying in his bed, while Patsy & Penny sat on the end of his bed. And Homer was on the floor; eating his recently brought donuts. They was all looking for something to watch on tv. "_Damn!_ There's nothin' on!" Penny sniffed. "There's only crap!" Then Lazlo turned to Maury. "This looks entertainin'!" he said.

**_(Cutaway to tv)_**  
Today, on Maury. It was one of those boring, lame-ass paternity shows. Maury was sitting in his chair, looking smug, while some white woman, was crying next to him.

Maury: This is Melissa & she is devestated.

Melissa:(sobbing) That's...right....Maury.  
Maury: _Shut up!_ Anyway, she's devestated, because she doesn't have a father for 1 yr. old, Demarko.

It then shows a close-up of the baby, which was crossed-eyed & was drooling. The moronic Maury audience awws, while the intelligent Camp Griffin audience gags.

Maury: And the so-called father, Jawayne says, that he's not the father.

It shows the father, Jawayne; a black man on the monitor. The Maury audience boos at him.

Jawayne: **I ain't tha father!**  
Melissa:(stands up & runs to the monitor & still upset) **Yes, you is! You (bleep)in' ass(bleep)!**

Maury:(laughs & gets Melissa) Melissa, please sit back down.  
Melissa:(still shouting at the monitor) **You're the (bleep) baby's (bleep)ther!**  
Maury: Let's get Jawayne's story.

It then shows Jawayne's side of the story in a WWE type way.

Jawayne: **Maury! I'm not tha father of that (bleep)'s baby. I was told by her, dat she was datin' another man, before we met & she was two months pregnant! The baby doesn't even look like me! I'm black & tha baby's white! Melissa. When tha results come back, & it says dat I'm not tha father, I want you to go to hell!!**

stupid Maury audience:(boos)  
Maury: Let's welcome, Jawayne everyone.

Jawayne comes out into the studio. The moronic Maury audience boos at him, while the smart Camp Griffin audience applauses & cheers. Jawayne sits away from Melissa.

Maury: Ha. Ha. Jawayne, please tell me why you're not the father?  
Jawayne: **_Dammit, Maury!_ Wasn't you listenin' to tha monitor?**  
Maury: No I wasn't. I was just sittin' here, thinkin' all about the saps, that watches my show & all of the ratings rising! **Ha! Ha! HA!!! THE WORLD'S ALL MINES!!!!!! _MINES!!!!!_ **

Then everyone looks at him.  
(**_A/N:_** _If you want to know the results. Jawayne wasn't the father & Melissa ran off the stage, crying & Maury consoles her, while he scolds Jawayne for celebrating at the same time._)

**_(End cutaway)_**

"Boring!" Homer said. "What else is on?" "I have to agree with him, dear." Patsy said to Lazlo. "This fuckin' show sucks!" "Yeah." Penny added. "And tha very intelligent audience, was gettin' bored." The audience applaued & Penny takes a bow. "Okay. I'll turn." Lazlo said, accepting the fact, that no one really likes Maury. "Just don't turn it to dat sell-out _Judge Borin'-as-hell Hatchett_." Penny said to him. "Dat'll be a wise thing." "Okay? How 'bout Judge Judy then?" Lazlo asked. "No. I hate that bitch." Patsy said. "How 'bout Judge Joe Brown?" Lazlo asked. "No. Not him eitha." Penny said. "_Damn!_ Does anybody like court shows anymore?" Lazlo wondered loudly. "Nope." the replies came from Patsy & Penny. "Maybe, I should turn off the tv. That'll be a wise thing." Lazlo said as he turned off the tv. "Thank god! I thought, my brain was gonna blow up!" Homer said as he ate a donut. "What Brain?" Patsy laughed. "Huh?" Homer asked. "Nothing." Patsy quickly said. Penny then thought of something. "Do yall wanna take a rest, before tha cook-off?" "Yeah." Lazlo & Patsy said in unison. "Dat's good." Penny said & she turned to Homer's direction. "How 'bout you, fat...." she stopped in mid-sentence, as she saw Homer already asleep. "Yeah? Let's all take a nap, dat'll be a wise thing." "Yeah." Lazlo said, sleepily. Then everyone in the cabin went asleep.

Five hours passed. It was time for the burger cook-off now. Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny woke up. Penny looked at her watch. "_Oh shit!_ It's time for tha fuckin' cook-off!" "It is?" Patsy asked. "Yeah." Lazlo said as he looked at his watch. "We better get prepared. That'll be a wise thing." They all stand up to leave, when Penny stopped. "Are we forgettin' somethin'?" Patsy then thought about it, until it came to her. "Oh yeah. We're forgettin' the stuff, to make the damn burgers." she laughed. "Well, you better go get 'em then, Patsy." Lazlo laughed. So Patsy went to get the ingredients & soon returned. "You got everythin', _P_?" Penny asked. "Yep." Patsy said. "Now, let's go." Homer suddenly wakes up. "**Hey! Wait for me!**" he said as he picked up a lonely donut off the floor. "_Mmmm!_ Jelly-filled dount, covered with dust." Homer said as he ate the donut & the audience responded with ewws & laughter.

Outside, the teams for the cook-off was setting up in their booths now. Each booth had George Foreman grills, cutting boards, mini refridgerators, trash bins, plates, & bottles of water. Peter was standing on a platform, next to a table with five chairs. He had a bullhorn. "_Attention, everyone. Welcome to Camp Griffin's first & maybe annual burger cook-off._" Some of the people who wasn't participating; the background nobodys, was applauding for no reason. "Right?" Peter said in a Dr. Evil type of voice. "_Anyway, the judges for this contest will concist of Cleveland, Brian, Big nosed Lois, & myself. Also with a special guest._" Peter announced. Everyone clamored over the news of the special guest. "Who is it?" someone from one of the teams asked. "_I dunno. Some posh british celebrity, that's only famous in the UK._" Peter said. "_Introducin' snooty british accent Simon Cowell look-a-like._" Just then, the Simon Cowell look-alike walks up to the table & pulls a chair away from the three other judges. "Let's get this bloody contest started!" the uppity asshole said. "_Yeah? Okay everyone. Start cookin'!!!!_" So the teams did. It cuts to Penny's team. Penny was mixing the spices into the ground beef & making patties. Patsy & Lazlo was cutting up the vegetables & Homer was checking on the temperature of the grill. "Home-boy. Catch!" Penny shouted to Homer as she threw him a maded patty. "Caught." Homer said as he put the patty on the grill. "And now cookin'!" So Penny & Homer kept doing the routine over & over again, until the grill was filled. Penny turned to Patsy & Lazlo. "Do yall got tha veggies cut & ready?" "Yeah." they both replied. "Did yall put tha shit on ice?" Penny asked. "_Damn!_ No!" Patsy sniffed. "Don't worry, Patsy. I'll put the veggies on ice." Lazlo said as he put the condiments in a bin full of ice.

It now cuts to Edward & Stewie. They was making their burgers, which was processed hamburger patties, that Stewie had made by chemicals. Edward looked at the meat, that was cooking. "Uh, kid. Is that the meat?" "Yeah." Stewie said as he put the made burgers onto the grill. "This meat, will put all of the others' burgers to shame!!" "Well, don't get ahead of yourself kid." Edward started. "How do you know, that'll....." Stewie interrupted him, by shoving an already cooked processed burger into his mouth. He eats it. "Oh damn kid! You're right! **These patties will put the others to shame!**" exclaimed Edward. It cuts to Gretchen, Quagmire, & Joe now. Quagmire & Gretchen was making the patties & Joe was operating the grill. He was getting impatient. "**WHAT THE HELL'S TAKIN' SO DAMN LONG!?! YOU CHEEKY CU*TS!?!**" he shouted at the other two. Gretchen turned sharpily to him. "**SHUT DA FUCK UP, YOU DAMN BASTARD!!!**" she shouted. "**WE'RE GOIN' AS FAST AS WE CAN!!!!!**" "Yeah. Now shut up!" Quagmire said as he made the patty. Then he put the patty on the grill. "There! Happy?" Quagmire asked angrily. "**I'LL BE HAPPY, WHEN WE WIN!!!!**" Joe shouted. "**Wat did I just got done tellin' _yo' _ass?!?**" Gretchen sniffed. "**I told yo' ass to shut da hell up!! NOW DO IT!!!!**" So Joe did. "Uh, Gretchen." Quagmire started. "Wat?" she asked. "I, uh, you know." Quagmire said sheepishly. "**OH, FOR DA LOVE OF GOD, QUAGMIRE!!!!**" Gretchen shouted. "**WHY CAN'T YOU KEEP YO' FUCKIN' DICK IN YO' MUTHAFUCKIN' PANTS?!?**" "Sorry." Quagmire mumbled. So, Gretchen helped pull Quagmire out from where he was stuck. It now cuts back to Penny's team. The burgers that was on the grill, was ready to be flipped over. Homer noticed. "I better, flip over the burgers!" he said as he grabbed the spatula. Penny noticed. "**Don't you dare flip them yet!!!**" "Why not?" Homer asked, with that whine in his voice. "Because, they ain't done on dat side yet, _ass_!" Penny sniffed. "But _Quarter_. They're about to burn." Homer said worriedly. "They ain't gonna burn." Penny started. "And it's Penny, not Quarter by tha way." "Penny?" Homer asked. "_Penny?!?_ **Ha!Ha!Ha! What a dumb name!!! Someone's parents must've been drunk or high to name their child tha.....**"

_**BAM!!!!!**_

Homer was hit in the head with a skillet by Penny. "**Fuck you, muthafucka!!!**" she shouted. "**We can win this fuckin' cook-off wit'out yo' ass!!!**" Patsy & Lazlo watched the whole incident. "Damn! That was totally unspected." Patsy said. "**Serves tha bastard right!**" Penny sniffed as she started flipping some of the burgers. "Uh, do we actually need him?" Lazlo asked. "No. He was just a waste of space." Penny sniffed. "He was takin' to much room." Then she turned to Patsy. "Can you get this slab of fat outta here?" "Yeah, of course, Penny." Patsy said as she picked up the unconcious yellow-skinned man & put him over her shoulders. She soon returned. "I got rid of the dead weight." "Aight. Now let's cook tha bacon for these bad fuckas!" Penny said as she put the slices of bacon onto the griddle. Soon, the bacon was done. "The bacon's done, Penny." Patsy said. "Aight, now, _P_. You take 'em off & Laz & I will make tha burgers." "Okay." Patsy said as she took the bacon off the grill & onto a plate. Penny & Lazlo had a handy burger recipe book. There was a lot of recipes on how to make unique burgers. "Oh. This recipe sounds good, Penny." Lazlo pointed out. "No." Penny said as she turned the pages of the book. "We need somethin' betta." They kept flipping through, until Penny found the right one. "**_THIS_ IS IT!!**" Penny exclaimed. "We use this, except we add tha bacon & all of tha condiments!" "**_ALMOST TIME TO BRING YOUR BURGERS TO THE TABLE!!!!!_**" Peter said in his bullhorn. "Aight. Now let's start makin' them." Penny said as she was at the buns. "Laz. Pass me tha mustard." "Mustard." Lazlo said as he threw her the mustard. Penny squirted some mustard on the bottom bun. "**Cheese!**" Penny called out. "Cheese." Lazlo said as he tossed her a cheese slice. Penny put the slice on the bun. "**Patty!**" Penny called. "Patty." Patsy said as she gave Penny a plate with a done patty on it. Penny put another slice of cheese on it. "_P_. Grill this!" Penny said as she gave Patsy the patty with cheese. "Okay Penny." Patsy said as she put the patty back on the grill. It cutsaway back to Edward & Stewie now. They was putting the finishing touches on their burgers. "There! Done!" Edward said as put his burger on the plate. Then he turns to Stewie. "We're gonna win that, uh...what's the prize?" "I dunno." Stewie said as he turned to Peter's direction. "Fat man! What's the prize for this cook-off?" "**_THE PRIZE IS $35,000 IN COLD HARD CASH & THE WINNER'S BURGER GET TO BE THE MAIN DISH IN ANY LOCAL RESTRUANT OF THEIR CHOICE!_**" Peter announced in his bullhorn. "That sounds interestin'." Stewie said. Then he turned sharply to Edward. "Platypus! Make sure, everything's all clean for presentation!" "**_ALL RIGHT, TIME FOR THE PRESENTATION & TASTE TASTIN' NOW!!_**" Peter said. Penny was putting the finishing touches. Patsy turned to her. "Are you ready, Penny?" "Just about, _P_!" Penny said as she put the top bun on. "_There!_ I'm ready now, _P_."

Now all of the teams was at the presentation table & so are the judges. Penny's team was last. The judges started with some nobodys. "Who tha hell let them in tha contest?!?" Penny asked angrily. It cutsaway to Lois. "I, uh, may of done that." she laughed nervously. Peter slaps her in the nose. "_Ow!_ My beautiful nose!" Lois cried. "**_SHUT UP!!_**" Peter hollered through his bullhorn at her. "**_NO ONE CARES, & NO ONE REALLY LIKES YOU!!!!!!_**" Then he & the rest of the judges tasted the nobodys burger. They quickly spitted out the nasty food. "_Yuck!_ These fuckin' nobody biches can't cook!" Peter sniffed. "My shit tastes better!" Brian added. "I make sandwiches better than this shit!" Cleveland sniffed. "This bounty is not for my tastebuds." said the Simon Cowell look-a-like. "I thought, it was tasty." Lois said. The rest of the judges looked at her. "What?" Lois asked. "Shut up. Okay. Just-Just shut up." Peter said to her. They moved on to the second team. Their burgers wasn't any better. The third team's burgers was quite pleasant, than the first two teams. Edward turned to Penny. "You guys might as well leave, because the kid & I will win this!" "Yeah." Stewie added. "_**HA!**_ Yeah right!" Penny laughed. "Yall should go. Looks like, you cook a pile of shit & then put it on a fuckin' bun!" Penny laughed. "Take a look at ours!" She then show them her team's burgers. "_Hmmph!_" Edward sniffed. "That don't look very appealin' as ours." "**_Ours_ look delicious!**" Stewie exclaimed. "Yeah, whatever! Our team's gonna beat yo' asses!" Penny sniffed. "Yeah." Patsy & Lazlo said in unison.

The judges decided to skip the rest of the teams & go to the last four teams, which was; Gretchen, Quagmire, & Joe. Meg, Almondine, & Nina. Edward & Stewie and Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo. The judges went to Gretchen's team. "**TRY OUR BURGERS!!!!!**" Joe shouted. Gretchen hit him with a skillet. It made that 'clang' sound as it hit his face. "**I thought, I told yo' ass to shut da hell up!?!!!**" Gretchen shouted. Then she turned to the judges. "Well, there yall go. Eat our burgers." So the judges took some bites from their burgers. All, except Lois & the brit, agreed that Gretchen & Quagmire's burger was tasty. "This burger tastes funny." Lois said. "That because, I put my dick on those." Quagmire said with happiness in his voice. "**OH!**" Lois & the brit spitted it out as did the other judges. "**Someone gimme a drink!**" Brian shouted. Patsy tossed him a bottle of water. "Here ya go." Brian catches it & takes a long drink. "_Ah!_ Thanks Patsy." Brian said as he threw away his bottle. "What about us?" Peter whined. Penny then threw the rest of the judges the bottled waters. "Here!" They all, except Lois, drunk the water. "Can I have a cup of coffee?" she asked. Peter sharply turned to her. "**I thought, I told you to shut up?!? Now please, do it! That'll be a wise thing!!**" he hollered. Then he & the rest of the judges turns to Meg's team. They tasted the burgers. They enjoyed them. "_Oh god!_ These burgers are good!" Peter exclaimed. "_But they were cooked by those two female geeks, who always hang with Meg the pig!_" his brain said. "I want to say, that they did a good job." Peter said outloud. "_But you shouldn't!_" his brain said. "_If you compliment these three useless bitches now, they will think, that they can do anything they want! **ANYTHING!!**_" "We hear you." Nina said. "What?" Peter asked. "Yeah, we can read your thoughts." Almondine said. "We can also see them, too!" Meg added. "Uh, so you got those powers, eh?" Peter asked. The three psychics nodded. Then Peter take a look at Edward, then back at them. "So, tell me what Mr. Edward's thinkin'." "He's thinkin' about havin' sex with Penny." Nina said. "And wait! He thinkin' about her sayin'; _'Oooh! Big Eddie! Go into me harder! Oh god!! I wanna feel dat jizz!!!_" Then the entire scene plays out in Edward's head as it shows an x-ray of his brain. Penny gives Edward an evil look. "**You sick bastard!!! How dare you think of dat' bout me!! I'm gonna kick tha shit outta yo' ass, when we get done here!!!**" "_Oh shit!_" Edward squeaked as he was sweating bullets. "And Lazlo's thinkin' the same thing about Patsy." Meg said. Patsy turned to Lazlo. "Uh, _cough!_ _Ahem!_" Lazlo said, blushing as he turn his head away from her. Patsy gave him a secretive sedective smile. Then the three physics turned to Peter. "Unless, you want everyone to know what you're thinkin' again. Please give us a good compliment!" Meg said. "**Alright! Alright!**" Peter exclaimed. "Yall burgers, were delicious & fillin'!" "Yeah." Brian added quickly. "Damn straight!" Cleveland added. "Agreed!" Lois finished. "Hey! Where's that british ass?" Peter asked as he looked around. "He ran outta here!" Quagmire said. "I think, he got frightened by those mind-readers." "Whatever." Peter said as he went up to Edward & Stewie. "Our premeium meat was made with care & love." Edward said as Penny's team rolled their eyes. Peter & the judges took a bite from their burgers, but quickly spitted it out. "_**YUCK!!**_ **THIS SUCKS!!!**" Peter sniffed. "Taste like an old shoe!" Brian sniffed. Cleveland looked into the meat. "Hey! This meat's fake!" "_Fake_?" the other judges said. "Yeah." Cleveland said. Peter turned to Edward & Stewie. "That's it! You.....are.....**OUTTA HERE!!!!!!**" The audience applauses as Edward & Stewie walked sadly away.

Then the judges went up to Penny's team. "So, Ms. Penny. Did yall use real meat?" Peter asked as he picked up his triple burger. "Yeah." Penny said. "All 100% beef!" "Did you use fresh condiments?" Brian asked. "Yeah." Patsy said. "They were just shipped in this morning." "What's on it?" Lois asked. "Mustard, ketchup, onions, lettuce, tomato, pickle, cheese, American cheese, Open pit bbq sauce, & bacon." Penny explained. "_Oooh!_ Sounds delicious!" Cleveland said. "Go ahead & take a taste." Penny said. So the judges took a bite from their burgers. They was amazed from the taste of them. "**OMG!**" Peter exclaimed. "**Now this _is_ a burger!**" "It sure is!" Brian said. "It has nice texture!" Cleveland said. "**I think, we got a winner!**" Lois exclaimed. Peter turned to Lois. "**What did I just got done tellin' you!?! _Huh!?!_**" he shouted in her face. "Y-You told me to shut up." Lois answered softly. "**That's right!**" Peter shouted. "**Now, _I'm_ the head judge & _I_ say when _we_ have a winner!**" Then he turned to Cleveland. "Do you got the results from each, uh, team?" "Yeah." Cleveland said as he took out a notepad from out of nowhere. He gives it to Peter. He looks at it. "Oh, wow! Excuse us, Ms. Penny. We, the judges, have to discuss this." Then he, Brian, Lois, & Cleveland went off to his house, to discuss the decision. "I wonder, if we won?" Patsy asked. "Probably." Lazlo answered. "Oh yeah. We won." Penny said. "How can you tell?" Lazlo asked her. "Did you see tha look on their faces?" Penny laughed. "No." Lazlo replied. "What does their facial expressions explain anything?" "Oh, I can tell, g." Penny said. "I can tell." Patsy turned to Lazlo. "So, you was thinkin' about havin' sex with me, huh?" "Uh." Lazlo said as he started sweating. "Tell me the truth." Patsy said in a seductive tone. "Uh, l-let's move on to the next scene. T-That'll be a wise thing!" Lazlo stuttered.

**_(Cutaway to Peter's house)_**  
Peter: So, what do you guys want for breakfast, tomorrow?  
Brian: Uh, Peter. We are suppose to be discussin' about who's the winner of the burger cook-off.  
Peter: Oh geez. I forgot. Anyway, who should we make the winner?  
Cleveland: Ain't it oblivious? Penny's team is tha winner.  
Brian: Yeah.  
Lois: I don't know. I thought, the first team's burgers was very good & so was Meg's team.  
Peter: You're so damn stupid, Lois! Meg's....

Then he stopped.

Peter: _Oop!_ Meg & her friends can be hearin' & readin' my thoughts. Anyway, you're stupid, Lois. My final decision for the winner is; Ms. Penny's team.  
Brian: Good choice.  
Cleveland: Agreed.  
Peter:(stands up from his chair) Okay, lets get this finish. It's almost time for the Price is Right.

Then he turns to Brian.

Peter: You got the suitcase of cash, Brian?  
Brian:(takes out the suitcase from out of nowhere) Yep! It's right here.

Peter: Alright, let's go!  
**_(End cutaway)_**

The judges soon returned. "Okay. Okay. We're back." All of the teams turned to them. "Before, we announce the winnin' team, I would like to announce the losers, I mean, winner-ups. Third place winners are; who cares? They're nobodys!" Then Peter threw a small bronze throphy at the useless characters. "**We're finally somebody!**" They shouted. "**SHUT UP!!**" Peter hollered. "**NOBODY CARES!!!**" Then he regained his compsure. "Second place winners are; Meg's team. You guys win $1,000 for each person & you get a three pairs of my underwear." "_YUCK!!!!_ **WE DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKIN' DRAWS, DAD!!!!**" Meg shouted in disgust. "Yeah!" Almondine & Nina said. "Well, that's what you get for comin' in second place!" Peter laughed as he went away. Meg, Almondine, & Nina give Peter an evil stare. "We should learn, how to blow his fat ass up!" Nina said. "Yeah, that sounds like a wise idea!" Meg said. Then they leave to study how to make someone spontaneous combust. Peter then takes a sip of water. "Alright. Finally. The winnin' team. For the first, maybe annual from now on, burger cook-off is; Ms. Penny's tight ass team!" Everyone cheered & applaued. "**HOORAY!!!! MS. PENNY RULES!!!!!**" Edward shouted. Penny turned to him. "Dat might be true." Penny said as she, Lazlo, & Patsy gotten their prize money. "But I'm still gonna get yo' pale ass." "What?" Edward cried. "But why Ms. Penny? Why do you gotta play a brotha like dat?" "Cause, it's one of my rules." Penny said, grabbing Edward by the collar. "Beatin' up some stupid cu(bleep)t, who daydreams of me in a sexual position, wit me hollerin'." Then she turns to Patsy. "Here, _P_. You & yo' man go count this cash" "Okay." Patsy said as she took the suitcase from Penny. Then Penny set her sights back on Edward. "While, I beat this stupid ni(bleep)a!" "_Oh shit!_" Edward said. Then Penny beat the shit outta him. The remaining crowd laughed & cheered. "_**Beat that bastard!!**_" someone in the crowd shouted. The beating lasted for another five minutes, until Edward was beaten & bloody & Penny was tired. "Dat'll teach ya!" she said as she dusted off her hands. "Stupid punk-ass ni(Bleep)a!" Then everybody started leaving the area, leaving the bloody platypus alone. Edward then lifts his head. "D-Damn! S-S-She sure kicked my ass good! I think, she-she.....oh god! I'm so need help!" Then he passes out.

Several minutes later, Penny rejoined Patsy & Lazlo. They was counting out their shares. "So Penny." Patsy said as she put her half of the prize money on her lap. "Did you beat the shit outta Edward?" "Yep. I sure did, _P_." Penny said. "Funny thing. He kinda enjoyed it." "I'm not too surpised, Penny." Patsy said. "I'm not too surprised." "Anyway." Lazlo said. "What restraunt are you gonna choose, Penny?" "I know, tha perfect place." Penny started. "Where everyone would enjoy my burgers." "Is it at that rib joint?" Lazlo asked. "Uh, yeah." Penny said mysteriously. "Yeah. _Gangstas_." Just then, Brian walked up to them. "So, Penny. Did you decide what restraunt you want your burger to be the main dish at?" "Yeah." Penny said. "At dat rib joint; _Gangstas_." "Okay." Brian said as he took out his keys. "Let's go." "Uh, what do you mean?" Patsy asked. "Oh. That's the third part of the winner's package." Brian started. "You get to go the your restarunt choice & try to get them interested. So, are you ready to go?" "Can I get my half of tha green first?" Penny asked. "Sure." Brian said. After another eleven minutes or so Penny was ready. "Aight, I got my cash & all dat shit. I'm ready to go." "Okay." Brian said, again taking out his keys. "Let's go." They leave. Patsy turns to Lazlo. "So, Lazlo dear." she started as she strengthened herself up. "You was thinkin' of havin' sex with me?" "Uh,.." Lazlo said as he started sweating. "Maybe we should move onto the next....." "There is no next scene." Patsy said. Then she switches to a sexy voice. "Now, tell me the truth. Was you daydreamin' about me?" Then she stares at him with a seductive look. Lazlo couldn't handle the pressure. "Okay. _Okay!_ _I was!_ I was." he said as he held his head down. "I think, that you're sexy, that's all." Patsy blushed a bit then gave him a wide smile. "You really think so?" "Yeah." Lazlo said as he looked at her. Patsy giggled seductively, then she regained her compsure. "So, what are you gonna do with your half of the prize money, dear?" "I don't know." Lazlo muttered. "I think of somethin' to spend it on. What are you gonna spend yours on, Patsy?" "I don't know." Patsy said. "Uh, you can spend it on a present for me." Lazlo said. "My birthday is comin' up." "Sounds like a great idea, Lazlo dear!" Patsy said as she smile at him. "So, what do you wanna do now?" "How 'bout we do your quiet time?" Lazlo suggested. "You mean, you wanna just lay around, listen to easy jazz & eat chocolates?" Patsy asked. "Yeah." Lazlo answered. "Okay." Patsy said. Then the leave for her cabin.

It was later now. Penny finally returned with several bags of food. "_Yo!_ I'm back!" she called as she came into the cabin. Lazlo & Patsy was asleep. Penny smiled. "Ain't dat sweet. Too bad, dat I have to wake them." Then she goes towards them. "**WAKE UP!!!**" she shouted. They quickly woke up. "What? What?" they both said frantically in unison. Then they turn to her. "Oh Penny. It's you." "Yeah, it's me." Penny replied. "So, how did things go?" Patsy asked. "Did they accept your recipe?" "Yep." Penny said. "Tha burgers was hip! Matta of fact, _K_ said; dat he's gonna put it on tha menu, permanently & I signed a contract wit 'em!" Lazlo noticed the bags, Penny was holding. "What's in those bags?" "It's tha burgers, dat I cooked for us, G." Penny said as she handed them their bags. "Sounds great." Patsy said. "So, do they have a name?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah." Penny started. "They called; 'Tha Penny triple decka'." "Whoa!" Lazlo awed. "Like the name." "Me too." Patsy said as she took out her burger & started eating it. "So, I seen dat yall was in here, sleepin'." Penny teased. Patsy turned to her. "Yeah, we was sleepin', Penny. We was havin' our quiet time." "Oh, yo' quiet time, huh." Penny said. "Yeah, you know, listenin' to easy jazz & eatin' chocolates, Penny." "Okay. Okay. I get it now, _P_." Penny said. "I get it." Lazlo took a bite from his burger. "_Oh god!_ This burger sure tastes good!" "Of course, it tastes good!" Penny laughed. "I made it." "Those judges were right to make you the winner, Penny." Patsy said. "Who else would of..." Lazlo started, before he started thinking. "Oh yeah. Meg's team would've won. Never mind." Soon, the burgers were eaten. "So." Lazlo said as he wiped off his hands. "What do yall wanna do now?" Penny & Patsy thought about it. "Wanna play 3 on 3 ball against some nobody bitches?" Penny asked. "Yeah." Patsy said. "Might as well, since we don't have anything else to do." Lazlo added. So, they lefted.

It was almost 10:30 now. Everyone was heading to bed. Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo was laughing their asses off. "_Ha!Ha!Ha!_ That was some ball playin', Penny!" Lazlo laughed. "Yeah. I didn't expect them to do that to you." Patsy added. "Well, it serves tha cheeky cu*ts right!" Penny sniffed as she took a sip of her Gatorade. "**Stupid bastards!!**" Just then, Quagmire walked up. "Hey Penny." he said as he smiled at her & did his trademark headbop. Penny rolled her eyes. "_Oh god!_" she muttered. "What tha hell do you want?" "I'd just wanted to congradulate you, for winnin' the burger cook-off." Quagmire explained. "Oh." Penny said. "Well, thanks." "Can-Can I give you a hug?" Quagmire asked. "What?" Penny asked, amazed from the situation at hand. "Can I give you a hug?" Quagmire asked with a weird smile on his face. "No, I don't think so." Penny said. "You might try & undo my bra or some shit like dat!" "**Aw man!**" Quagmire said, and he hung his head down. "Come on, Penny." Lazlo said. "You could at least, let him hug you." "Yeah." Patsy started. "Gettin' hugs feels good. Watch this." Then she turns to Lazlo. "Hug me, baby." "**Oh yeah!!!**" Lazlo exclaimed. Then he hugs Patsy hard. "See?" Patsy said to Penny. "Yeah. Yeah." Penny said. Then she turned to the pouty Quagmire. "Aight. You can give me a hug." "_**Alright!!!**_" Quagmire exclaimed. So he hugs Penny. The hugging soon stops. "_There!_ Happy?" Penny asked angrily. "_Yeah!_" Quagmire exclaimed. "Well, good night!" He soon leaves for his quarters. "This has been an interestin' day." Lazlo yawned. "Yeah, it was." Patsy added. "**At least, I won tha cook-off!! And dat's what's counts!!!!**" Penny exclaimed. Then she yawned. "God! I'm tired! I'm hittin' tha bed! Well, g'night yall." "Good night, Penny." Patsy & Lazlo said in unison. Patsy turns to Lazlo. "I enjoyed this two-chapter story arc. Did you?" "Yeah." Lazlo said. "It was pretty entertainin' & all that shit. I've never known Meg, Nina & Almondine to be psychics." "I have a feeling, that we're gonna get deeper with that subject." Patsy said. Then she looks at Lazlo, seductively. "So, are you gonna dream about; you & me fuckin'?" "**I am _now_!!**" Lazlo exclaimed as he smiled at her. Patsy giggled seductively at the comment. Just then, Clam runs up between them. "Clam's upset!!" he said. Lazlo & Patsy was pissed. "**What the hell's wrong with you!?!**" Patsy shouted. "**Yeah! Your ass is ruinin' our special moments with each other!!**" yelled Lazlo. "**Now, what's wrong with your stupid ass?**" "Clam, Raj, & the pig nobody lost the cook-off." Clam said sadly. "So what?** Go tell someone who cares!!**" Patsy sniffed. "**Go get a drink & then take your ass to bed!**" Lazlo sniffed. "**Okay!**" Clam exclaimed happily. "**Clam will leave you two here, to have sex with each other!!**" He runs off. Patsy turns her attention, back to Lazlo. "How 'bout I'll give you two birthday gifts, dear?" she asked. "**Yeah! The more presents from you, the better!!**" Lazlo exclaimed, with a smile on his face. Patsy looked at her watch. "It's gettin' late. Come on over here & gimme my good night kiss." "_Yes baby!_" Lazlo said. Then he gave Patsy, her good night kiss. "Well, good night, Lazlo darling. I hope you get _hard_, durlin' your dream." Patsy said in a sexy voice. "Oh, I hope so." Lazlo said. "Sweet dreams, my sexy mongoose love." Then they both went to their respective cabins.

Minutes later, Lazlo was in his bed. "God, what a day!" he said as he covered himself up. He notices, Clam drinking something. "Clam. What's that you're drinkin'?" Lazlo asked. "Clam's drinkin' a Hard Lemonade!" Clam said as he drunk the beverage. Then he let out a huge burp, which woke up Raj. "**What!? What!?! I'm up! _I'm up!_**" he shouted. Then he turned to Clam. "Was that you burpin'?" "Yeah." Clam said. "That was me." "How many times, do I have to tell your retarded ass, not to burp, while I'm in bed, sleepin'?!?" Raj asked angrily. Clam counted on his fingers. "About a million more times?" The audience laughs. "Now, please shut the fuck up!" Raj sniffed. "That'll be a wise thing." "Fuck you, you stupid british indian cu*t!" Clam sniffed as he threw his empty bottle at him. The bottle knocks Raj out cold. The audience laughs & cheers at this. "Serve the bastard right!" Lazlo sniffed as he turned off his bedside lamp. "**Yeah!!**" Clam sniffed as he turned off his lamp. Then they both went to sleep. Soon, everyone at Camp Griffin was asleep, except for Peter & Lois.

They was in bed. Peter was watching 'The Tonight Show with Jay Leno'. He was also eating a Philly Cheesesteak & a bag of potato chips. Lois was laying in the bed, with a bored look on her face. She sighed. Peter noticed. "What's wrong, Lois?" he asked as he put down the cheesesteak. "I want to have sex, Peter." Lois said. "What?" Peter asked. "I want to have sex." Lois repeated. "Okay." Peter said as he set his sandwich down & took a small black box. "Um, Lois. How many condoms, do I have left?" "**You have over _9000_!!!**" Lois laughed stupidly. Peter groaned & the audience booed & jeered at Lois' stupid joke. "S-Sorry, I could resist." Lois laughed. Peter turned crossily at her. "**Your stupid ass ruined a special sexual moment!! Looks like, I'm gonna have to sleep on the couch tonight!!!**" he sniffed. "**But, I was tryin' to be funny.**" Lois shouted after him. Peter turned to her. "**Just for that, you get to have no sex with me for three months!!**" Peter sniffed. "**I hope, that'll teach you, not to be stupid!**" So, Peter goes to the couch, & Lois sulked. "_Why? Why do I have to act stupid? Why do I have a big nose? Why?_" After thinking about this for seven minutes, Lois turned off the tv & the bedside lamp & went unhappily to sleep. In the living room, Peter was watching the rest of 'The Tonight Show'. "_Hee!Hee!_ That Jay Leno's funny!!" he laughed. Then suddenly, he thought about Lois' joke. "9000. _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ Vegeta! _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ Lois is right, that is funny! I better go apologize to her." Peter was about to stand, when the show came back on. "_Oop!_ Show's back on! I could apologize to her in the mornin'!" Then he layed back on the couch & laughed at the tv, until he went to sleep.


	18. Psychics, Slamball, & Massages

_And now it's time for Rantin' with Edward & Stewie._

Edward was bandaged up, from Penny's beating.

Edward: Hello everyone. I'm what's left of Edward.  
Stewie: And I'm Stewart Gilligan Griffin.  
Edward: As you can tell, I had my ass handed to me by Ms. Penny in the last chapter.  
Stewie: You got pwned bitch!  
audience:(laughs)  
Stewie: Anyway, fun aside. In the last chapter, Ms. Penny's team won the first annual Camp Griffin cook-off.  
Edward: Which is no surprise, because she used fresh ingredients, not scientific shit like we did.  
Stewie: Also, we learned that Meg, Almondine, & Nina have psychic abilities. Oooh! I wonder, what they're gonna use their powers for evil?  
Edward: Who knows?  
Stewie: They know. Damn. I wish I had that power. Anyway, this chapter is suppose to be interesting. It has the aformentioned psychics, massages, & something called slamball. What the duece is that?

Edward: Slamball is full-contact basketball, with trampolines. Points are scored by playing the ball through the net, as in basketball, though the point-scoring rules are modified. The main differences from the parent sport is the court; below the padded basketball rim and backboard are four trampolines set into the floor which serve to launch players to great heights for slam dunks. The rules also permit some physical contact between the members of the four-player teams. Damn! Now, that's-a-spicy-a meat-a-ball!

Stewie: Damn! Where did you get all that information, platypus?  
Edward: I cannot reveal my sources, kid. It's a secret.  
audience:(laughs)  
Stewie:(in a Dr. Evil type of voice) Right? Anyway, let's get Ollie Williams' opinion on this chapter. What's the forecast, Ollie?

It shows Ollie Williams dressed up in slamball gear.

Ollie: **IT'S GONNA BE ENTERTAININ' & ALL DAT SHIT!!!!! HOPE, I GET TO BE A PART OF THA SLAMBALL!  
**Edward: Thanks Ollie. Well, I'm Edward.  
Stewie: And I'm Stewie.  
Edward: This has been; _'Rantin' with Edward & Stewie'_.  
audience:(cheers & applauses)

Psychics, Slamball, & Massages

It was a warm, sunny, day at Camp Griffin. The wind was blowing a tiny bit. It was blowing the leaves on the trees. Most everyone was doing whatever they wanted. Some of them was playing baseball, & some of them was boating in the lake, while some of them was just walking around, acting like they're busy. The scene is on Nina. She was carrying some books, snacks, & pop. "God! Studyin' on how to make someone spontaneous combust, sure can make you hungry." she said as she was going to Meg's quarters. Meg & Almondine was there, reading a lot of books on spontaneous combustion. Almondine set down a book. "Damn! There's so much information in these books!" "Yeah." Meg said. "All this studying's makin' me hungry. I could use a bite of somethin' to nawl on." Then she looks at Almondine, hungrily. Almondine then turns into a roast turkey with all the fixings. Meg was drooling. "And hold the tiny, spiced potato cubes." she said dreamily. "_OY!!_ Stop starin' at me like that!" Almondine said as she slapped Meg. The audience laughs at this. Meg snapped out of this. "Ow! Why did you slap me for?" Meg asked as she rubbed her aching cheek. "Because, you had that hungry look on your face." Almondine started. "Plus you was droolin' & was gettin' ready to take a bite outta me." "Oh." Meg muttered. "Sorry." Nina finally arrives with the snacks, sodas, & the books. "There! I've got all of the things, to norish on. Oh, and more books to study, also." So they started eating, drinking, & reading. "I wonder, how much longer, until we are ready to make someone spontanely combust?" Almondine wondered. "Why you asked that?" Nina asked. "You should be glad, that we finally get to have some of the chapter dedicated to us, but instead, you want to get out of this!" Almondine turned to Nina. "I was just wonderin', idiot! I wouldn't give this up! This is _my_ chance to be finally noticed!" Almondine ranted. "Who are you callin' 'idiot', slut!?" Nina said as she hit Almondine with a book. The hit from the book, knocked Almondine's glasses off. Almondine then retorted, by throwing a can of soda at Nina. "That's for callin' me a slut, you cheeky red-haired skank!!" Then they both started arguing & throwing punches at each other. Meg was getting cross. "**SHUT UP!!!!!**" Meg hollered. "**I'M NOT GONNA JUST SIT HERE, & LET YALL ARGUE & FIGHT! NOW SIT DOWN & SHUT UP!!!!**" Almondine & Nina looked at Meg, amazed. Then they both quickly sat back down & started studying again. "That's better." Meg said, calming down.

45 minutes later, Almondine closed her book. "There! Done." "So am I." Meg said as she closed her book. "Me three." Nina added, closing her book. "So, do you wanna go try our new powers?" Meg asked. "Yeah." Nina said. "That's sounds like a wise idea, Meg." Almondine added. "Okay." Meg said, putting on her green hat. "Let's go find some suckers. I mean, victims!"

Outside, the three psychics was standing around. They was looking for some victims to test their new powers. Meg was pissed. "Dammit! There's no one worthy around to pick on!" she sniffed. Just then, Gretchen walks by. Nina notices her, then she turned to the other two. "I think, we found our pigeon." "Her?" Almondine pointed out. "Yeah. She's perfect target!" Then she turns to the alligator. "Hey, sap!" Gretchen turns to Nina's direction. "Wat did you say, Neckerly?" she growled. "I said, 'Hey sap', you stupid bitch!" Nina repeated smugly with a smile on her face. "Don't fuck wit me, giraffe!" Gretchen hissed. "Cuz, you will git hurt _bad_!!!" "Um Nina. Maybe we should pick someone else." Almondine said nervously as she tugged on Nina's vest. "No way. I'm not scared of her." Then she turned her attention back to Gretchen. "You get me? Ha! I'm taller than your ass. And I can do a lot more damage too. So you better leave, before you 'git' hurt." Gretchen was extremely pissed off now. "**DAT'S IT, NECKERLY!!!!! YO' ASS IS GOIN' DOWN!!!**" "C'mon then!" Nina said. So Gretchen makes a fist, but as Nina had said; she was too tall, for Gretchen to hit at & Gretchen only tapped Nina's upper thigh. Nina smiled evily at the alligator. "Now, it's my turn!!" she said darkly. Then she closed her eyes & shoved her right hand at Gretchen. Gretchen was confused at what Nina was doing. "Wat tha hell are you doin', giraffe?" Nina said nothing. "Answer me!" Gretchen shouted. Sweat was starting to run down her face. Gretchen was getting pissed again. "**DO SOMETHIN'!!!! DON'T JUST STAND THERE & PRETEND YO' ASLEEP!!!!**" Then she felt something. "Huh? Why am I feelin' hotter all of a sudden?" Then she takes a sniff. "I smell somethin' cookin'." "It's you, idiot!" Almondine laughed. Gretchen looks to see that, she was on fire. "**AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!**" she hollered as she ran into the lake. Two minutes later; Gretchen reemerged. She was burnted to a crisp, but still alive. Nina jeered at her. "That's what you for fuckin' around with me!" she jeered as she slapped Gretchen on the back. "**OWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!**" Gretchen hollered in pain. "Go fix yourself up!" Nina sniffed. "You smell like fatty's armpits!" Then Nina turned to Almondine & Meg. "How I do?" "Nina. That...was...awesome!!!!" Almondine exclaimed. "Yeah, it sure was!!" Meg exclaimed. "Thanks." Nina said. Then she thought of something. "Hey, since we can read minds, how 'bout we start a psychic reading business? You know, what Miss Cleo used to do, before she was found out that she was a phoney." "Psychic readin'?" Almondine asked. "Yeah." Meg replied. "Hmmm? I don't know?" Nina started. "Sometimes, those psychic businesses always get crazy imbelciles, always buggin' you about their futures. You know, what happened, when Lazlo had his 'madam Lazlo psychic' thing going?"

**_(Flashback)_**  
This happened, when Lazlo was doing that Madam Lazlo jig. Word of him, predicting the future had reached Acorn Flats. Anyway, the scene is on Jane Doe. She was in her office, about to drink a martini, when she heard some useless character talking loudly.

background squirrel scout: Like, he tells the future & junk!  
background squirrel scout#2: Really?  
1st background squirrel scout: Yeah. Well, that's what the others had told me.  
background squirrel scout#2: So his name's Madam Lazlo, right?  
1st background squirrel scout: Like, yeah.  
Jane: Hmmm? If that Lazlo kid, can predict silly, unimportant futures for snot-nosed brats. I wonder, what he can predict for me? I better go see him!

She sets down her glass & leaves. A minute after she done that, she reaches back & grabs the filled glass. Within a second, she sets the empty glass back down, hiccups & burps. The audience laughs. The scene is on Lazlo. He was wearing the wig of Ms. Mucus. He was talking to Patsy, who also heard him predicting futures. Jane saw them & hid in a nearby bush. The scene is on Lazlo & Patsy.

Patsy: I don't care, if you're a fake, Lazlo. Tell me about our future..I mean, _my_ future!  
Lazlo:(laughs) Patsy. Patsy. Patsy. You don't have to fool me. If you meant you & me, go ahead & say it. I already know, that you're in love with me.  
Patsy:(blushing & giggling) Okay. What's _our_ future looks like, Lazlo?  
Lazlo: That's better.

Then he puts his arms on the wig & they start wiggling.

Lazlo: I see, you & me at a camp, that's co-ed.  
Patsy: _Goody!_  
Lazlo: I see, the camp's ran by; A fat man with glasses. The man is; Peter Griffin.  
Patsy: Peter Griffin? From 'Family Guy'?  
Lazlo: Yeah. I also see you & me in a serious relationship, while we're there & it get's very serious between us from then.  
Patsy: That's great! Well, I gotta go, Lazlo. See ya!

Then she blows a kiss at him, and then leaves. A second later, Ms. Doe walks in & sits on the stool.

Jane: Madam Lazlo. I've had heard, that you can predict the future for people. Is that true?  
Lazlo: Uh, yes?  
Jane: Can you tell me, my future?  
Lazlo: I don't know.  
Jane:(takes out a $50 bill from her purse) I'll pay you fifty dollars.  
Lazlo:(takes the $50) Okay. Okay.

Then he does the arm wiggling on-the-wig thing again.

Lazlo: I see, a man, no! A rich man in your life.

Jane: _Ooooh!_  
Lazlo: Indeed. I also see you & him back at his house, with you, uh....  
Jane: What is it, boy? What am I doin'? Spit that shit out!  
Lazlo: You're givin' him head.  
Jane:(blushing) _Oh!_ Ha!Ha!Ha! What else do you see?  
Lazlo: _Oh shit!_ I see....I see...handcuffs. That's all!  
Jane:(looks at her watch) Fuck! It's time for my date now. Thank you dear.

She stands up & leave, as Lazlo took off the wig.

Lazlo: Damn this wig's hot as hell! I hope Ms. Doe's date go alright.

It cutsaway to Jane with some fancy smancy guy's house. They was in bed. The man was Earl, from 'My name is Earl'.

Jane: _Oh god!_ Now that's sex.  
Earl: Well, that's it for my list! No wait!

Then he took out a pair of handcuffs & put them on Jane's hands. Jane was kinda surprise, but she smiled seductively.

Jane: Mmmm! Earl. What are we gonna do now?  
Earl: I don't know, what I'm gonna do, but I know what you're gonna do.  
Jane: What?  
Earl: Cry, 'cause you're goin' to jail!  
Jane:(amazed) _What!  
_Earl:(taking out a thin folder) Jane Alison Doe. You're under arrest, for prositution!

Then he put his clothes on and wrapped a towel around Jane Then he took her to his car. Jane was pissed.

Jane: Dammit! Not again! This is the last time, I'm datin' from e Harmony!  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End long flashback)_**

"Damn! That was a pretty long flashback, Nina." Meg said. "Well, it was a pretty long situation, Meg." Nina replied. "Yeah." Almondine added. "Well, you guys up for the idea?" Meg asked. "We spilt the money three ways. Almondine get 30%, you Nina, get 30%, I get 40%. So that way it's all even." Almondine & Nina thought about it. "Okay. It's a deal!" they both shouted. So they all shook hands on it. Then right away, they set up a stand that said; 'Psychic reading. For $9.99 for nobodys. $15.99 to $99.99 for main characters.' Then quick as lightning, a line of folks stood in front of the stand, waiting for their predictions. The three psychics was amazed. "Damn! We're gonna make it out like motherfuckin' bandits!" Almondine said to Meg. "Tell me somethin', I don't know?" Meg said greedily. So they started telling everyone their futures.

Meanwhile, Peter was watching tv. He was into the show he was watching. "C'mon! Block his ass! Yeah! **That's it!!**" Peter hollered at the tv. Then the show he was watching went to commercial. Peter drunk some water. "Damn! Hollerin' at the tv, sure makes you thirsty." he said as he gulped down some water. Just then, Brian walks in. "Hey, Peter. What's with all the hollerin'?" "What do you mean?" Peter asked stupidly. "I mean, I heard you hollerin' from outside." Brian replied. "Oh. I was watchin' this brand new sport." Peter explained. Then the sport he was talking about came back from commercial. "See?" Peter said as he pointed to the tv. "That sport. I think, it's called; 'Hardball' or somethin' like that." "It's Slamball, Peter." Brian started. "The sport isn't new. It been around since around 2001." "If it's been around since 2001. Why am I just now hearin' it?" Peter asked, childishly. "Because, you're a fat stupid c*nt, who always eats five millions times a day." Brian said. "Does that answer your question?" "Yes, it does." Peter said. "How would you like your mouth to be slapped off?" "How would you like your teeth to be knocked out with a club?" Brian retorted dryly. "What?" Peter asked. "Huh?" Brian asked. The audience laughs. "Anyway, I like this sport! It looks like fun!" Peter said, getting back to topic. "Yeah, it does look kinda fun." Brian said. "Yeah!" Peter said. Then there was a erie silence. The silence lasted for eight minutes. Brian finally spoke. "So. Do you have anything planned for everyone to do today?" "No." Peter muttered. Then he looks at a newspaper, that happens to be on his desk. "Well, I can read the newspaper. That might give me an idea." He then reads the paper. He reads two small ads, that happens to be about basketballs & trampolines. Then an idea pops into his head. "**I GOT IT!! I KNOW, WHAT EVERYONE CAN DO TODAY!!!!!**" "What is it?" Brian asked. "Everyone plays slamball." Peter said. "Uh Peter. How are we gonna get trampolines on short notice?" Brain asked. Peter picked up the paper & gave it to the dog. "This place." Peter said & pointed. Brian reads it. "_Gil & George's slamball equipment & more'. We have all type of equipment for your slamball needs.'_ Okay? That was totally unexpected." Brian said. "Don't just sit there, go call 'em!" Peter said as he threw the phone at Brian. "That'll be a wise thing!!" Brian rolled his eyes & picked up the paper & the phone, & made the call. "Stupid c*nt! Always makin' me do his work!" "_Hee!Hee!Hee!_ You're pissed!_ Hee!Hee!Hee!_" Peter laughed, as the audience laughed at his stupidity. Then he looked at the tv. "_Oooh!_ I bet he's gonna feel that later!"

The scene is on Lazlo now. He was with Patsy & Penny. They was all laying around in Patsy's cabin, bored. "I'm bored." Penny yawned. "Me too." Lazlo yawned. "Me three." Patsy finished. "I wonder, if fat ass got anything planned for us to do today?" Lazlo wondered. "Who knows?" Patsy yawned. "He's probably gonna have us do stupid shit, like give his large ass a bath." "Oh, I hated doin' dat!" Penny sniffed. "He kept on movin' & shit, when I kept tryin' to scrub his ass! Cheeky fat bastard!" "Yeah, cheeky bastard he is." Lazlo added. Just then, he saw a something slid under the door. "I see a piece of paper on the floor." Patsy sat up & turned to the direction, Lazlo was pointing at. "I guess, it's a memo from greasy." she said as she went to go get it. "I wonder, what he wants?" Penny asked rudely. Patsy read the memo quickly. "What does it say?" Lazlo asked his mongoose girlfriend. "It says, that Greaseball Griffin wants everyone to play slamball today." Patsy replied. "Slamball? I'm up for that!" Lazlo exclaimed happily. "Slamball? What tha hell's dat?" Penny asked. Patsy turned to her. "Slamball is just basketball, but only played on trampolines." Patsy explained. Penny thought about it, then it finally came to her. "Oh yeah. Dat sport!" Penny said. "So, when are we gonna play?" Lazlo asked. "After lunch today." Patsy said. "So, do yall wanna train for tha contest?" Penny asked the other two. "Yeah." Lazlo said. "That sounds like a wise idea, Penny!" Patsy said. "At least, it gives us somethin' to do, until then." "Yeah. Yeah. Now, let's start trainin', before some stupid ni**a comes & interrupts us!" So, Patsy took out some weights & passed them out and they all started lifting them.

The news of the slamball contest, had gotten to Raj & Clam. They was playing dominoes outside of Lazlo's cabin. "Slamball? Sounds kinda gay." Raj sniffed. "**Sounds like fun!**" Clam exclaimed. Then he turned to the annoying-ass elephant. "You're gay, like that alien from that bullshit Amercian Dad!" "Kiss my ass, you nazi c*nt!" Raj sniffed. "**Why don't you suck my ballz, you cow fucka!!**" Clam sniffed. The audience laughs at Clam's response. Raj punches him. Clam then responds by taking out a 1977 Pinto & hitting Raj with it. "**TAKE THAT, YOU CHEEKY C*NT!!!**" Clam shouted as the audience laughed. Then he kicked the bloody Raj, & lefted.

Sometime later, it was time for the slamball contest. Everyone was at the basketball court. The court had changed from one basketball court, into five basketball courts with trampoline floors. Peter stood in front of everyone. "Okay. Shut up!" Some of the female campers screamed in panic. Peter was surprised. "What the hell's wrong with yall? I told you to shut the hell up!?!" "Uh, Peter. You're naked." Brian pointed out. Peter then looks down & sees that he was naked. "_Oh!_ Nak-ed. Excuse me." Then he leaves to put on his clothes. Few minutes later, Peter comes back. "Alright, take two!" Peter said. "Okay, it's time for...." "What the hell are you wearin'?!" Brian asked. Peter then looks to see, that he was wearing Lois' old clothes. "Dammit!" Peter sniffed. Then he leaves to change again. Another five minutes passed by. Peter returns. "Alright, take three!" Peter started. "It's time for...." "Uh, Peter. Why are you dressed up as Patsy?" Brian asked. "I dunno, what you're talkin' about?" Peter asked. Brian took out a mirror from out of nowhere, to show Peter how he looked like. Peter was wearing Patsy's old squirrel scout uniform & a pink wig. "Oh, f(bleep)k!" Peter sniffed as he ran off to change again. Edward was laughing. "Ha!Ha!Ha! That uniform & hair looks better on him, than it does on you, mongoose!" he laughed. Patsy knocked him out cold with a hard punch. The audience laughs as a tooth flew out of his mouth. "Fuck you! You chronic masturbator!!" Patsy sniffed. Another five minutes passed. Peter returns. He was wearing his normal scoutmaster clothes now. "Alright! take four!" he said. "Okay. It's time for the slamball contest now. Here's the rules: 4 players per team. Three will be the following positions: Handler, Gunner, & Stopper. There are four five minutes quarters. And the last rule; have fun & win!! Now pick anyone for your teams & then come up to my handy table." Peter explained. So everyone started gathering people for their team. The scene is on Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny. "Well, we got our team already, lets go sit down." Patsy suggested. "Yeah, dat sounds like thing, _P_." Penny said. So they sat down as the rest of the slow, stupid, & useless campers gathered their teams together.

Soon, everybody had their teams & they started going to the table, where Peter & Brian was. At the table, there was the typical Slamball gear like; jerseys, elbow pads, knee pads, headbands, & helmets. Anyway, Brian & Peter was handing out the gear to them. "Good luck." Brian said as he handed a some gear to a team of female nobodys. "Yeah, **YOU'RE GONNA NEED IT!!!!**" Peter shouted. "Fuck you!" the main female nobody sniffed. Then they lefted & Peter & Brian kept giving out the gear. Lazlo noticed the line, getting smaller. "Should we get into line now?" he asked. "The line's gettin' smaller." "Yeah, let's." Patsy replied. "Dat sounds like a wise idea." Penny finished. So they go to the line. Minutes later, they were the next ones in line. Brian gave them their slamball gear. "Good luck to you three." he said. "Yeah." Peter started. "**BECAUSE, YOU'RE GONNA...**" "**DON'T _YOU_ DARE!!!!**" the dog sniffed crossily. "**DON'T YOU FUCKIN' DARE, OR I'LL SMACK THE SHIT OUTTA YO' UGLY ASS!!!!!**" The trio was amazed, especially Penny. "_Oh snap!_ Tha dog went off on his fat ass!! Way to go, dawg!!" Then she, Patsy, & Lazlo went off to get changed in the slamball gear. Ten minutes later, they was in their slamball gear. Their jerseys & shorts was dark blue with black, & white trim in the front & all black on the back. They also had a tiny symbol of rapper Ice Cube spinning a basketball on his finger on the back of the main jersey & on the both sides of their shorts. Their helmets, headbands, elblow pads, & knee pads was black. Their socks was white with black trim & their Nike shoes was all black with dark blue & white trim. Patsy looked at Lazlo. "Damn Lazlo. You look buff!" she awed in a seductive voice. "Thanks Patsy." Lazlo said as he looked at her thoroughly. "You _look_ hot!!" Patsy laughed seductively. "Aight, enough wit this flirtin' shit." Penny started. "Let's go to where everyone is. Dat'll be a wise thing." Lazlo turned to her. "Are you pissed, because I didn't compliment on you?" "Yeah!" Penny sniffed. Lazlo looked over to Patsy. "Just do it, dear." she replied. "Alright, anything for you, Patsy honey." Lazlo said, then he turned to Penny. "Uh, you look buffed, Penny." "Yeah, I know dat's right!" Penny said. "Now, let's get this shit started!!"

Everybody was getting ready to start the tournaments now. "Alright." Peter said on his trusty bullhorn. "The rules for this is; play against the other team. If you beat them, go onto the next team. The team with the most wins, get to play against another team with the most wins & whoever wins that, gets $755,645,000 dollars in cash & get two month passes to the Harvey's massage polar, where you can relax with types of massages." Everyone, well, the dumb assholes anyway, ooohed. "_Damn!_ I like the sound of that." Patsy said to Lazlo & Penny. "I like tha sound of dat too, _P_." Penny said. "Especially, those bills! I could use a massage. Let's start playin' some slamball!" "Uh, we can't." Lazlo said. "Why in tha hell not, G?" Penny asked. "We need a fourth player." Lazlo said. "Damn! I forgot all 'bout that." Patsy muttered. "Where can we find a fourth person on such short notice?" "I think, I know who." Penny said. "Who?" Lazlo & Patsy asked in unison. "Her." Penny said as she reached off-screen & grabbed Diane Simmons. "Me?" she asked. "Yeah." Penny started. "This'll give you a chance to be used more, than bein' seen at newscasts." "Finally!" Diane said. "I haven't had a bit of the storyline, since the time, I was in that play."

**_(Flashback)_**  
_A/N: No flashback as you should watch the episode of Family Guy 'The King is Dead' to get the meaning of this.  
**(End Flashback/explanation)**_

"Anyway." Penny stared. "Just in case you can't be able to be play. Ollie Williams is here, to be yo' replacement. Ain't dat right, Ollie?" "**YEAH!!!! DAT'S RIGHT!!! I'M HERE, JUST IN CASE YOU CAN'T PLAY OR HAVE SOME KINDA PERSONAL PROBLEMS, LIKE FOOD POISIONIN'!!!!!**" Ollie shouted. "Food poising? What the hell are you talkin' about?" Diane asked. "**WELL, I PUT SOME PEANUTS & EXPIRED HAM INTO YO' SALAD!!!**" Ollie said. "You cheeky...." Diane started, before she turned green. "_Oh shit!_" she exclaimed & ran off. Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny laughed. "Looks like you're in, Ollie." Patsy laughed. "**DAT'S TIGHT!!**" Ollie said. "**NOW, LET'S PLAY SOME BALL!!!!**" "**Wait a minute!!**" Patsy shouted. "What?" her teammates asked. "I need to do somethin' first." Patsy answered. "What do you gotta do, _P_?" Penny asked. "This." Patsy said. Then she put her trademark hairstyle into a neat sporty bun. "I knew it." Penny laughed. "So yo' ready now, _P_?" "Yeah." Patsy replied. "Aight then." Penny said. "Let's get started. Dat'll be a wise thing!"

So everyone started playing the games now. Lazlo's team, which was called; Tha Mob Playaz, was getting ready to play against Quagmire's team, which was called; The Glenn Quagmire Jimmies. Which included; Quagmire of course, Gretchen, who happened to be burn-free, gay guy Bruce, & a nobody. Penny laughed. "_Ha!_ This is gonna be an easy win!" "**IT SHO' WILL!!**" Ollie added. Patsy turned to Lazlo. "Is it just me or do I sense an old school rap/hip hop montage comin'?" she asked. "I sense that too, Patsy. It'll probably start, when we start playin'." Lazlo said as he was handed a memo. He looks at it. "Yeah. A old school rap/hip hop montage is indeed gonna start." "Okay. Now let's start beatin' some ass!!" Patsy exclaimed as the old school rap/hip hop montage started.

**_(old school rap/hip hop montage & first game)_**  
The song; Doin' dumb shit by Ice Cube plays, while they play.

**When I was young I used to hang with the seventh graders **

**Little bad motherfucker playing Space Invaders**

**Fucking with the girls in the fourth grade **

**Either feeling on they butts or pulling on they braids **

**Walking with the schoolhouse bully **

**By doing that, I had a lot of pull, G **

**Cheating on tests, making a mess **

**Cussing like a sailor at recess **

**It must a been a half moon **

**Cause you'll catch me running out the little girls' bathroom **

**Chewing on Good and Plenties **

**Got my gamble on at lunch pitching pennies **

**Yo I was living like the class clown **

**Pulling all the hokes, making all the jokes man **

**When you young it's hard to see **

**That it's wrong throwing rocks at the RTD **

**Popping out your window with a BB gun **

**Better yet knocking on your door and run **

**Playing hide-and-go-get-it for a little stank **

**Even though I was still shooting blanks **

**As soon as the dark hit **

**I was stealing candy out the corner market **

**Until I got my ass whipped **

**Cause I was ten years old, doing dumb shit!**

Then Patsy got fouled by Gretchen. The music stops temporary.

Patsy: You fuckin' slut! How dare you foul me?  
Gretchen: Because, I can, mongoose. Because I can.  
Patsy: Well, you can foul me, I can _foul_ you!!!

She then slaps Gretchen in the face & she gets back to playing & then Ice Cube's The Wrong Nigga to fuck wit plays.

**God damn, it's a brand new payback **

**From the straight gangsta mack in straight gangsta black **

**How many motherfuckers gotta pay **

**Went to the shelf and dusted off the ak **

**Caps gotta get pealed **

**Cause the nigga ya love to hate still can kill at will **

**It ain't no pop cause that sucks **

**And you can new jack swing on my nuts **

**Down wit the niggaz that I bail out **

**I'm platinum bitch and I didn't have to sell out **

**Fuck you ice cube, that's what the people say **

**Fuck amerikkka, still with the triple k **

**Cause you know when my nine goes pop **

**I'll bust your head like a watermelon dropped from 12 stories up **

**Now let's see who'll drop **

**Punk motherfuckers tryin to ban hip-hop **

**Fuck r&b and the runnin man **

**I'm the one that stand, with the gun in hand **

**Make sure before you buck **

**wit duck quick Punk, cause I'm the wrong nigga to fuck wit**

**I'ma let y'all know one thing man..**

**Hell yeah it's on, you better tell 'em **

**Ice cube and I'm rolling with the motherfuckin l.m.  
It's the number one crew in the area **

**Make a move for your gat and I ll bury ya **

**Ashes to ashes, dirt to dirt**

**Punks roll when I put in work **

**Cause lench mob niggaz are the craziest **

**And y'all motherfuckers can't fade my shit **

**South central, that's where the lench mob dwell **

**Hittin fools up with the big ass l **

**One time can't hold me back **

**Sweatshirt, khakis and crokersacs **

**Stop givin juice to the raiders **

**Cause al davis, never paid us **

**I hope he wear a vest **

**It's all about the l-e-n-c-h y'all know the rest **

**Motherfuckin crew, motherfuckin mob **

**Do a motherfuckin job in a motherfuckin squad **

**In 91 ice cube grew stronger and bigger **

**And I'm the wrong nigga to fuck with!**  
**_(End of first montage & game)_**

Tha Mob Playaz defeated the Jimmies by fifty points. "Oh noe. We lost." Bruce said in a calm voice. "Duh, tell us somethin' we don't know!!" Gretchen sniffed. "_Well!_ Why don't you & my daddy go take a picnic & have a nice day together!!" Bruce sniffed. Gretchen looked at him. "Is dat suppose to be some type of insult?" "Yeah." Bruce said. "What a fuckin' cock sucker!" Gretchen sniffed. "**HA!**" Quagmire laughed. "What about me?" the nobody said. They all looked at him. "You suck!" Gretchen shouted. "Yeah. No one gives a damn about you!" Quagmire sniffed. "Just for that. I'm gonna suck your penis, until you squirt your tasty moca vanilla." Bruce said. The nobody runs away from them, screaming. Quagmire, Gretchen, & Bruce laughed. The scene is on the Mob Playaz now. "So, what team, do we play against now?" Patsy asked. "We play against those four retards from South Park." Lazlo said. "I hate those bastards!" Penny sniffed. "Especially, dat racist c*nt, 'Cockman'." "It's Cartman, Penny." Patsy collected. "I know dat, _P_. He's just a fat cock, dat's all." "**LET'S GIT BACK TO BALL PLAYIN'!!!!**" Oliie interrupted. "**DAT'LL BE A WISE THING!!!**" So they started playing against the four South Park boys & the rap montage continues.

**_(Another old school rap/hip hop montage & second game)_**  
Warren G's Regulate is the song.

Penny & Ollie was the aggressors in this game. They actually put on more street basketball moves, than the typical slamball moves. Anyway, they was abusive on the court. They hit & punched hard. Penny was up against Cartman. "Take this, you fat ni**a!" Then she punched him in the face, making him loose the ball. Ollie grabs the loose ball & jumps to make the shot for his team. Cartman was cross. "_Hey!_ You cheated." he whined. "No, I didn't." Penny retorted. "Yes, you did." Cartman sniffed. "Yall always doin' shit like that on your crappy-ass show!" "Well, if you have a problem wit it," Penny started. "Go complain to yo' walruses, dat write fo' yo' shitty-ass show!" Then she punched him in the face. Cartman cries like a little baby he is. Penny was unfazed by it. "Oh, shut tha fuck up!" she sniffed. "You cheeky c*nt!" So, they get back to playing & the song continues.

**Just like I thought **

**They were in the same spot In need of some desperate help **

**The nate dogg and the g-child Were in need of something else **

**One of them dames was sexy as hell I said ooo I like your size.  
She said my cars broke down and you seem real nice, Would ya let me ride? **

**I got a car full of girls and its going real swell **

**The next stop is the eastside motel**

**Im tweaking Into a whole new era **

**G-funk **

**Step to this I dare ya **

**Funk On a whole new level**

**The rhythm is the bass and the bass is the treble**

**Chords Strings We brings Melody G-funk Where rhythm is life **

**And life is rhythm**

**If you know like I know **

**You dont wanna step to this **

**Its the g-funk era Funked out with a gangsta twist **

**If you smoke like I smoke Then you high like everyday **

**And if your ass is a buster **

**213 will regulate**

**_(End second game & montage)_**

As expected, tha Mob Playaz defeated Cartman's team, which was called; The lard asses. Penny & Ollie was gulping down the Gatorade, as well Lazlo & Patsy. "Damn! D-Dat was quite a match." Penny said as she downed her gatorade. "**YEAH!!!**" Ollie shouted. "**THOSE GAY ASS PUNKS, ALWAYS TALKIN' & TALKIN' & TALKIN' SHIT!!!!**" "Yeah." Patsy sniffed. "Fuck those gay ni**as!" Penny sniffed. "Yeah!" Lazlo added. "Well, we got a lot more games to win." "**Let's get to it!**" Patsy exclaimed. Everyone looked at her. "What?" she asked. "Maybe, you should let Ollie say that, Patsy." Lazlo said. "Yeah. Dat'll be a wise thing, _P_." Penny added. "Okay." Patsy said. Then she turned to him. "Take it away, Ollie." "**LET'S GIT BACK TO THA GAMES!!!!!!**" Ollie shouted, & so they did.

After some time later, tha Mob playaz had won more games, than anyone. Brian & Peter noticed this. Well Brian did. Peter was eating a dozen stuffed grilled burritos from Taco Bell. Brian was totaling up the teams' wins & losses. "Well! Looks like we got the final two teams, Peter." he announced. Peter burped loudly. "**_BLLLAAATTTT!!!!_** What did you say? I was too busy, enjoyin' Taco Bell's stuffed grilled burritos!" he said. Brian rolled his eyes & sighed. "Looks like we got the final two teams, moron!" "What are the two teams?" Peter asked. "Is it the psychics?" "No." Brian answered. "Is it Big nose Lois sneezers?" Peter asked. Then he laughed. "_Hee!Hee!Hee!_ It's Lazlo's Mob Playaz & Edward's Destroyers." "Excuse me, but we're called; Edward's _Big house_ destroyers, asshole!" Edward sniffed at Brian. "Oh, sorry. Ahem! Edward's _Big house_ destroyers." Brian collected. "Well, I better get the prizes ready." Peter said & ran off to get the aformentioned gifts. "_Ha!_ What an asshole!" Brian sniffed. "I got the prizes locked up on the table over there." Then Peter suddenly reappeared. He had newspapers & twenty Arby's coupons, advertising their new roastburger & roast chicken club sandwiches. "Here they are. The newspapers & the Arby coupons. They're ready to go." "I got the prizes locked away on the table, fuckwad!" Brian shouted. "You do?" Peter asked. "Yeah!" Brian shouted. "Well, sir! You've just wasted my time!" Peter sniffed. "I could've been enjoyin' my stuffed grilled burritos!" "Go suck on a cock, you fat c*nt!" Brian sniffed as he went away.

Tha Mob playaz was resting for their last game against Edward's Big house destroyers. "_Oh shit!_ We get to play against Edward's team!" Lazlo exclaimed. "Finally!" Penny started. "I can't wait to beat dat platypus bitch & dat Charlie Brown lookin' muthafucka!" "Uh, which one, Penny? There's two of them over there." Patsy pointed out. Over at Edward's team, there was Charlie Brown along with the rest of the teammates. "Oh, I see." Penny muttered. "Well, I can't wait to beat those ni**as." "**I CAN'T WAIT TO GIT ALL DAT GREEN!!!!**" Ollie shouted as he down his gatorade. "I can't wait, either Ollie." Patsy said. "I can't wait, either." Soon, the slamball courts was degraded to a single court now. Lazlo noticed. "I guess, they're ready for us to come now." "Aight. Let's beat tha shit outta those bitches!" Penny exclaimed as she ran towards the court. The rest of her team did also.

At the court, they met Edward's Big house destroyers, which had; Edward, of course. Stewie, Charlie Brown, & the dungs. Penny laughed. "_Ha!_ This is gonna be an easy win!" "Heh! Heh! Heh! This is gonna be a easy victory!" Edward said. So they go to mid-court for the bounce-off. Joe was the referee. He released the ball & Edward immediately grabbed the ball & bounced towards his team's neat. "Hee! Hee! I'm gonna score!" he laughed evily as he was about make the shot. Then all of a sudden, Penny came in front of him & knocked the ball right out of his hand. Patsy grabs the ball & passes it to Ollie, who was unsuccessfully being blocked by Chip & Skip. He then jumps on the trampoline floor & slam dunks the ball. "**HA! FUCK THOSE PURPLE FUCKAS!!!**" he gloated. Soon the Big house destroyers had the ball again. Edward had the ball & Stewie was open. "**Platypus! Over here!**" he called to Edward. He turned to him. "**Here, kid!**" he shouted as he threw the ball at him. Stewie gets prepared to catch the ball. "_Ha!_ Got it!" he said as he ran toward his team's side of the court. Fortunately, Penny was standing in his way. "_Oooh!_ Hip hop girl! It's time to dust off somethin' from Chapter 6!" he exclaimed as pressed a button on his uniform. A jetpack suddenly appears & it was turned on full blast. "_Ha!_ Try & get me now, Hip Hop girl!" Penny noticed this. "Oh, you ain't gettin' off dat easy, kid!" she said as she pressed a button on her watch. A jetpack appears on her back & it too was on full blast. "Two can play at this game!" she exclaimed to herself. Stewie turns his head to see, if Penny was still standing there, sulking, but to his surprise she wasn't & was after him on a jetpack of her own. "**_Oh shit!_**" he exclaimed. "_**She's got a jetpack, too!**_" "**Yeah! I'm goin' after yo' ass!!**" Penny laughed evily as she raised her hand, to knock the ball from his hand. She succeeded. "**DAMMIT!!**" Stewie sniffed as the ball bounced, on the oppisite side of the court, right into Patsy's hands. She picks up the ball. "_Ha!Ha!Ha!_ Thanks Penny!" she said as she was about to score on her team. She makes the shot, much to the disappointment to the Big House Destroyers.

It was the beginning of the second quarter. Tha Mob Playaz was leading by fourty five points, while the Big House Destroyers still had a goose egg, also they still haven't scored any points, either. Edward just got done planning strategies with the playbook. "There!" he started, as he put up the playbook. "I hope, yall got all that." "Duh, this sucks! Uh huh huh huh huh huh!" Chip said, laughing like Butthead from the famous show; Beavis & Butthead. "Yeah. Heh! Heh! Heh!" Skip added, laughing like Beavis. Edward slapped himself in the head. "**For the love of god!**" he sniffed. Then he turned to his two smarter teammates. "Did _you_ two understood that?" "Yeah." Stewie answered. "Yeah." Charlie Brown answered. "Good!" Edward sighed, but little did he know, his strategies was eavesdropped by Penny. "_Oh shit!_" she exclaimed. "I betta tell tha othas 'bout this shit!" Then she looks up into the sky. "Thank you god, for givin' me great hearin'!"

**_(Cutaway to heaven)  
_**God: Thank you for givin' us, so much black culture.

Then Tupac, & Redd Foxx shows up with golf bags.

Tupac: Yo, G! We need a third fo' rounds against tha three stooges.  
Foxx: So are ya up to it?  
God:(takes out his golf clubs & hat) Yeah!

Then he talks into his intercom.

God: Hold my calls.  
Secretary: Certainly, Mr. Coleman.

Tupac & Foxx stares at him.

God: Uh, she's new.  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

Back on earth, Penny had told her team, about Edward's plays. "**Oh shit! This is good shit!**" Lazlo exclaimed. "Thank god, for givin' you excellent hearin', Penny!" Patsy cleared her throat. Lazlo noticed. "What?" he asked her. "I also got excellent hearin' too, dear." she said. "Oh yeah. I-I forgot, that mongooses have excellent hearing." Lazlo stuttered. "And excellent smellin'." Patsy added. "And quickness." Penny added. "**AIGHT! LET'S GET BACK TO THA GAME!!**" Ollie shouted. So, they got back to the game. Of course, the Mob Playaz was onto every move, that the Big House Destroyers made for two quarters & by the end of the of the third quarter, tha Mob Playaz was leading by 140 points, while the Big House Destroyers still had no points. Edward was extremely pissed off now. "**DAMMIT! HOW IN THE HELL, CAN WE STILL BE LOSIN'!?**" "I don't know!" Stewie shouted. "I think, someone must be givin' our plays away!" "Yeah." Edward said as he looked at Charlie Brown suspiciously. "Don't look at me. I'm smart enough, not to do that." "Well, if it's not you. I wonder, who it could be?" Stewie said as he looked at Chip & Skip suspiciously. "Duh, was it you, Skip?" Chip asked his brother stupid & suspiciously. "**NO, I WASN'T THE ONE, WHO STOLE THAT BAG OF CANDY, OFFICER!!!**" Skip shouted stupidly. Edward slapped himself in the head. "Goddamned motherfuckas!"

On tha Mob Playaz side, Penny was hearing all this & was laughing to herself. "**_Ha!Ha!Ha!_** Listen to those gay bitches, arguin' & shit!" Patsy turned to her. "What's so funny, Penny?" she asked. "Just listen, _P_." Penny said. So Patsy listened to the arguing from the other team. Then she turned to Penny. "_Ha!Ha!Ha!_ Those bastards are turnin' against each other. If they keep arguin', we'll win those prizes!" "Yeah!" Penny laughed, as she downed her Gatorade. Just then Lazlo walked up to them. "We're reviewing the plays now. So which one of you are gonna eavesdrop on Edward's team?" "I will, G." Penny said as she turned her head that direction. "And I listen to our plays, dear." Patsy said. "Alrighty then." Lazlo said. So, he went ahead with the plays with his team, while Penny made sure not to get attention from the other team & eavesdrop.

Soon, the last quarter began & Edward was desparate to score some points. He was up against Patsy. She had the ball & Edward was doing everything to keep her from scoring & Patsy was getting cross. "_Dammit! I can't shake this fucka!_" she said to herself. "Hee!Hee!Hee! You can't get around me, Patsy." Edward laughed evily. "Oh yeah?" Patsy asked. "**_Yeah!_**" Edward exclaimed. Patsy then looks behind Edward & an evil smile spread across her face. "Oh, Eddie. What's that on your shoulder?" Edward turned to see, what she was pointing at. "What? What?" he asked, as he looked around. "Ha!Ha! What a c*nt!" Patsy laughed as she went around the idiotic platypus, jumped, & made the shot. When Edward turned his attention back to Patsy, he was pissed, that she had made a fool out of him & made the shot. "**DAMMIT!!!**" he shouted as the audience laughed at his expense. Lazlo & Ollie was up against the dung assholes, while Penny was against Stewie & Blockhead. Lazlo had the ball. Chip & Skip was trying to stop them. Fortunately, they was failing at this & fucking up badly too. "Duh, what-his-name is about to throw that orange lookin' round thing into that circle-lookin' thing with the string-lookin' thingy!" Chip said as he tripped over his shoelaces. "Duh, what?" Skip asked stupidly as he too, tripped over his own shoelaces. The stupid bastards falls on their faces. The audience laughs & so do Lazlo & Ollie. "Ha!Ha! What a bunch of wankers!" he laughed as he passed the ball to Ollie. "**YEAH! WHAT C*NTS!!**" Ollie laughed as he made the layup & scored the point.

The scene is on Penny now. Stewie had the ball. He was willing to make a point. "_I've got to make a some points!_" he thought to himself. Penny suddenly appeared in front of him. "I don't think so, kid." she laughed. "You have to get around me, first!" Stewie had found himself in a predicament. "_Dammit! There's no way around her without gettin' fouled!_" he thought to himself. Then a idea popped into his head. "_I know! I can do the same thing, that Patsy did to platypus earlier!_" Then he looks at Penny. "I say, hip hop girl! Is that Scottie Pippen over there?" "Where?" Penny said as she turned her head. "_Ha!_ **This is my chance to score!**" Stewie exclaimed as he was about to go around Penny. Penny quickly turned her head to see Stewie running towards his team's net. "**I don't think so! Not on my watch!**" She then takes off her helmet & threw it at Stewie's back, making him lose grip of the ball. The ball bounces into Patsy's hands. "_Ha!_ Great idea, Penny!" she said as she ran down towards her team's basket, bounced on the floor & made the shot. Stewie was cross. "**Hey! That's a foul!**" he shouted. Joe blew his whistle. "**Big House Destroyers, 2 shots!**" he shouted. So the players go to the free-throw line. Joe handed Stewie the ball. He shot both shots. Tha Mob Playaz was unfazed by this. "_Hmmph!_ Yall only scored two fuckin' points!" Penny sniffed. "Big muthafuckin' deal! We'll still gonna win!" "**YEAH!!!**" Ollie shouted. Edward turned to them. "_Oooh!_ Gettin' scared are we?" "We ain't scared of your ass!" Patsy sniffed. "So you can just hang that shit up!" So, they go back to playing.

It was the last two minutes of the game now. The Big House Destroyers was really desperate now, well three of them anyway. Beavis & Butthead, I mean Chip & Skip have gotten bored & walked off the team. It was three against four. Penny looked at the rivals. "_Ha!_ Looks like those bastards are gettin' thin on playas!" "Looks like, we have to double team one of them." Patsy said. "**I'LL BE AGAINST THA KID!!**" Ollie shouted. "I'll be against Edward." Lazlo said. "And _P_ & I will be against watermelon-head Brown." Penny finished. So they went back to the court to defeat the small outhouse fuckers. Ollie went towards Stewie. Lazlo went towards Edward & Patsy & Penny went towards Charlie Brown. Joe threw the ball at Edward. He catches it & goes down towards his team's end of the court. "Ha! Ha! I'm gonna score on your ass, monkey!" he laughed evily. "I don't think so." Lazlo said as he took off his helmet & threw it at him. "**OW, DAMMIT!!!!**" he sniffed as he lost grip of the ball. Joe blew his whistle. "**Big House Destroyers, 2 shots!**" he called. All of the players go to the free-throw line. Joe throws the ball to Edward. He missed the first free-throw. Tha Mob Playaz laughed. Edward growled as he picked up the ball to make the second shot. He misses the second shot, as the ball bounces off the rim. Ollie grabs the ball & run down to his team's side of the court & makes the shot. "_**Fuck!**_" Edward shouted, as the audience laughed.

Penny & Patsy was guarding 'Blockhead' Brown good. "Good grief!" he said. "I can't get around them!" "Ha! You can't get around us!" Patsy laughed. Penny then looked at her. "Hey, _P_. Maybe we should let him pass & let him make tha shot." she said to Patsy in a acting type of voice. Patsy looked astounded. "Penny! What the hell's wrong with you? You're gonna let him score?!?" "Yeah, _P_." Penny said as she gave Patsy a wink. Patsy soon realized what Penny was getting at. "Oh. Yeah. Yeah go ahead & score. Your team deserves as many points as possible." she said sweetly. 'Jughead' Brown was amazed by the two mongooses behavior. "_Good grief!_ _They're lettin' me score! I'm finallly gonna be the hero for once! I'm gonna score some points!_" he exclaimed. So he was about to pass them, when Penny stucked her leg out & tripped him, making him lose the ball. "Ooops! I _accidently_ tripped ya." Penny said sweetly. "I'm so sorry." 'Bottlehead' Brown looked on at disgust as the ball bounced into Lazlo's hands. "**Ha!Ha!** Great plan, Penny!" he laughed as he ran towards his team's side of the court, to score the final point of the game. He makes the shot & the ball goes in. "**GAME!!!!**" Joe shouted. "**THA MOB PLAYAZ WINS!!!!**" "**DAMMIT!!!!**" Edward shouted as everybody else cheered for his rivals. "**BLAST!!!**" Stewie hollered, then he turned to 'Applehead' Brown. "**This is your fault!!!**" "What do you mean, it's my fault?" Brown asked. "**Because, it just is!!!**" Stewie shouted. Brian & Peter gave tha Mob Playaz their prizes. "Here ya go! The newspapers & the Arby's coupons!" Peter said as he gave them the stuff. Brian slaps the shit outta Peter. "**_OW!_** Why in the hell did you do that for?" he whined. "Because, that's not the prizes, asshole!" Brian started. "I've got the real prizes right here!!" Then he turned to tha Mob Playaz. "Here you go. The $755,645,000 dollars in cash & two month passes to Harvey's massage polar." "_Hee!Hee!Hee!_ Ice cream polar! _Hee!Hee!Hee!_" Peter laughed stupidly. "**SHUT UP!!!**" Brian hollered as he slapped Peter again. So tha Mob Playaz took the prizes. "Look at all dat cash!" Penny said as she opened up the suitcase full of cash. "**YEAH!!! I CAN LIVE OFF DAT SHIT!!!!**" Ollie said. Patsy held her back. "I think, it's time we should go to that massage polar." she started. "My back is achin' a bit." "Yeah. That sounds like a wise idea, Patsy." Lazlo said. "Yeah." Penny started. "Let's grab a bite to eat too." Then she turns to Ollie. "How does dat sounds to you, Ollie?" "**I'M IN!!!!!**" he said. So the team leaves. Penny stays as she sees Edward still sulking. Penny decided to pick on him. "Hey, prick! I gotta tell you somethin'." Edward turned to her. "What? Are you gonna confess, your love for me?" "Hell nawl! Tha thing is, dat I eavesdropped yo' plays." Penny said. "_**You**_ eavesdropped my **_plans_**!?!" Edward asked angrily. "Yeah." Penny said. "Why you cheeky....!" Edward started, before being interrupted by Penny. "What are you gonna call me then!?! A dumb-ass, bling-wearin' slut!?!" she asked angrily, as she pushed him. "How _dare_ you?!?" Edward said. "How _dare_ you!!" Penny said. Edward made a fist at her, like he's gonna hit her. Penny grabs his fist & started beating the shit outta him. The audience cheers & the fighting lasted for six minutes, then Penny got tired. "**Dat'll teach ya, punk!**" she sniffed as she lefted. Edward was bloody. "M-M-Maybe, I shouldn't t-t-threaten her in the future." he said groggily. Then he fell face flat onto the ground & the audience laughs.

45 minutes later. Tha Mob Playaz was at Harvey's massage polar, getting their massages on. Anyway, they was all laying on massage beds, in towels, eating food like; Arby's Roast chicken club sandwiches & Roastburgers, Popeye's chicken, & Pepsi & Lemon Ice Tea to drink. They was enjoying their victory. "_Ah!_ It feels good to win." Patsy said as she was getting her back massaged. "You can say that again." Lazlo laughed as he was getting his back massaged by a attractive woman. "I better not." Patsy started. "That'll be a wise thing." The scene cuts to Penny. She had the aformentioned food, along with her patened; Tha Penny triple-decka, which she introduced in the last chapter. "_Damn!_ This is sweet!" she said as she was getting the deep muscle massage. Then she took a bite out of her roast chicken club & took a sip of her Lemon ice tea. "Now, dat's good!" Then she turned her head. "How are you enjoyin' this, Ollie?" It cutsaway to Ollie. He had a towel over his eyes & was fast asleep. "**ZZZZZZ!**" he snored as the audience laughs. "Looks like the massages put Ollie to sleep." Lazlo laughed. Penny looked over to Patsy. She was fast asleep too. "Looks like it put _P_ to sleep, too!" she laughed. Lazlo turned to Patsy's direction. "Well, what do you know." he muttered. "Well, at least, we can enjoy our massages, now." Penny said as she sighed deeply. "Uh, yeah." Lazlo said mysteriously as he ate some of his food.

Many hours later, it was dark & late by the time tha Mob Playaz returned. They was carrying the food, they had brought earlier. "Oh god! I'm all relaxed now!" Penny said as she stretched. "I know, what you mean, Penny." Lazlo agreed. Patsy turned to Ollie. "So, did you enjoy bein' a part of this chapter, Ollie?" "**YEAH, I ENJOYED IT!!!!**" Ollie answered. "**ESPECIALLY, THA PRIZE!!!!!**" "I'm not too surprised. You feel asleep." Penny laughed. "**IT'S BEEN A TIRIN' WEEK!!!**" Ollie said. Then he looks at his watch. "**WELL, TIME FOR ME TO GO!!!! IT'S TIME FOR THA SNOOP & DRE HOUR!!!!!**" "Well, see ya!" Penny said. "Bye." Patsy said. "See you, Ollie." Lazlo finished. Ollie leaves. Patsy then looks at her watch. "_Oh!_ It's time to talk about this chapter now." "Okay, lets." Lazlo said. But before they could get started, Peter appears. "So, you three think, you're better than me? _Huh?_ Well, _do yall!?!_" he asked angrily. "**Yeah!!!**" Penny started. "**D'you got a problem _wit_ dat, fat ass!?!**" Peter then looked hurt. "**T-There's no need to be so fuckin' mean!!!** _Waa-haa-haa!!!_" He runs off crying & the audience laughs. "Dat'll show dat c*nt!" Penny sniffed. "I wonder, what that was about?" Patsy wondered. "It probably was somethin' stupid he came up in his head. Like always." Lazlo answered. "Yeah." Patsy replied. "Anyway, I quite enjoyed this chapter." "Me too." Lazlo said. "Me three." added Penny. But before they can continue, Brian walks up with some roses, a glass of champaigne, & a box of chocolates. "Looks like you're goin' out on a date." Patsy said. "Matter of fact, I am, Patsy." Brian said. "Is it anybody we know?" Lazlo teased. "Uh, _no_!" Brian said quickly. "No one you know. Now if you please excuse me, I got to go. See you in the morning." He gets into his car & drives off. Lazlo looks around. "Okay. We're finally alone! Now we can discuss about this chapter." "It was a pretty interestin' chapter." Patsy said. "It had everything." "Yeah." Penny said. "I especially enjoyed dat massage, dat roast chicken sandwich & tea." "Those sandwiches were good." Patsy said. "I know, right?" Lazlo asked. Patsy & Penny nodded with agreement. Lazlo then yawned. "_God!_ Am I tired." "So am I." Penny added. "I'm not surprised. It's almost 11." Patsy laughed. "Well, no wonder." Lazlo said. "Well, it's time to hit tha fuckin' bed." Penny started. "It's been a long day. G'night." "Good night, Penny." Lazlo said. "I'll join you in a second, Penny." Patsy called after her. She then turns her attention back to Lazlo. "Well, this had been a good day." "Yeah. It sure was, Patsy." Lazlo said. "I'd enjoyed it." "Me too dear." Patsy said. "Me too." Then she looks around to make sure no one was around. "Alright, gimme my good night kiss now, if you please, Lazlo honey." Patsy said in a sweet voice. "Of course." Lazlo said as he grabbed her waist & dipped her back. He kisses her. "Good night, Patsy." "Good night, Lazlo." Patsy laughed. "Sweet dreams." Then everyone at camp went to their respective cabins & went to sleep.


	19. Penny, Patsy, & pole dancing

Penny, Patsy, & pole dancing

It was a cloudy looking morning at Camp Griffin. The wind was blowing a lot more than usual. Everyone was doing something or another. Well, the main, important characters anyway. The useless background nobodys was trying to get attention of the author & was hoping that he would get them to do all kinds of shit; like the main important characters, but he wasn't gonna do no such thing, as the scene was going to Peter now. He was watching the morning weather.

**_(Cutaway to tv)_**  
It shows Ollie Williams & a weather map in the background.

Ollie: **IT'S GON'A BE CLOUDY & WINDY IN THA MORNIN', THEN GONNA BE STORMIN' & WINDY FOR THA NEXT COUPLE DAYS!  
_(End cutaway)_**

"Well, I better keep myself entertained." Peter said as he took out some of his adult magazines, that the sub nazi gave him, back in Chapter 13. Then he called into his trusty intercom. "Oh, Brian. Can you come in here & gimme a beer?" _"Sure. Of course."_ The reply came. A few seconds later, Brian comes in with some beer. "Here your fuckin' beer, you fat bastard!" he sniffed as he threw the cans at him. Peter caught them, then opened one & started gulping it down. After he downed the beer, he let out one of his trademarked huge burps. "**_BLLLLAAAATTTT!!!!!_**" he burped as the audience laughs. "_Ah!_ There's nothin' like burpin' on a windy day." Peter said. Then he looked at Brian. "So, how did your date go, last night?" "Oh god, Peter." Brian started. "It was tiring." "What? Did you get a nagger?" Peter teased. "No." Brian replied. "Did you get a extreme oversexed slut?" Peter asked in a teasing voice again. "Well...." Brian started. "Letmme show you instead of tellin' you. That'll be a wiser idea."

**_(Flashback)_**  
Brian was at his date's apartment. They had just got back from a romantic dinner.

Brian: _Oh god!_ What a meal. I'm so tired.  
female voice: Go ahead & sit on the couch, I'll be with you in a second.  
Brian: Okay.

So he sits on the couch, while he waits for the lucky woman. He looks around her place.

Brian: Hmm. Not too bad of a place, she got here. She must be loaded.

Just then the female came to the couch. The lucky female was Ms. Doe.

Jane: So, how did you like the dinner, Brian?  
Brian: I quite enjoy it. The food was good.

Then he looks around.

Brian: Do you still got those chocolates & the champagne, I gave you?  
Jane: Well, I downed the champagne, before we lefted for dinner.  
Brian: Oh.  
Jane: Not to worry, I've got a huge supply of champagne & wine in my cabinet.  
Brian: Okay?  
Jane: How bout, we drink all that in my room.  
Brian: Uh.  
audience:(whoos & laughs)  
Brian: Okay?

So they go to her room. Well Brian did, Jane stopped by the cabinet & grabbed some champagne bottles. Then she goes into her room. The scene shows them sometime later. They was drunk out of their minds.

Brian: W-W-What a-a-a d-d-day. S-S-Stupid fat ass, didn't get t-t-things right.  
Jane: I-I can top that! I-I-I had to foil three attempted robbies today! Two of the r-robbies were armed with guns & the last one, was an asshole with a box of tissues.  
Brian: Damn, you h-had a tough day, Jane.

Then Jane thought of something.

Jane: Do you wanna fuck?  
Brian: I-I don't have a rubber.  
Jane: Well, I got t-that stuff, that keeps me from gettin', uh, pregnant.  
Brian: You mean, birth control?  
Jane: Y-Y-Yeah. I-I'll go take them.  
Brian:(finds a condom in his wallet) _Oop!_ Here's a condom, right in my wallet, Jane.

Jane: Good. Now we can fuck!

So she lays back down on top of Brian.

Jane:(still drunk & looking sedectively at him) I-I want you to b-be hard on me.  
Brian: Uh, sure.  
audience:(whoos)

Then Jane reaches over to the bedside table & turned off the lamp to start the sex.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"You got yourself a slut." Peter laughed. "Not only a slut, but that blonde doe slut, who's camp we brought from, too! _Hee!Hee!Hee!_" "God! Tell me somethin' I don't know!!!" Brian huffed angrily. Peter tried to think of a snappy comeback to that, but he couldn't think of anything. "Well, I'm stumped." Peter said at last. "How 'bout, I give you the rest of the day off? That sounds like a wise idea." "**_YOU GOT IT!!!!_**" Brian exclaimed happily as he ran out of Peter's office. Peter smiled. "That outta get rid of his bad mojo." he said as he went back to watching tv.

Meanwhile in Patsy's cabin, she & Penny was lifting weights. "297, 298, 299, 300!" Penny said as she put down her weight. "Whew! There's nothin' like liftin' weights to make you hungry." "I know what you mean, Penny." Patsy said as she put her weight down. "I'm starvin'!" "Do you want some breakfast,_ P_?" Penny asked. "Yeah." Patsy answered. "Like they say, Breakfast is the most important meal of the day." "Who says dat?" Penny asked. "I dunno." Patsy muttered. "They do." Penny laughed as she went to the refridgerator. "_Ha!_ Them." She takes out a pack of bacon, a roll of sausage, some eggs, some cheese slices, some buns, orange juice, & some fresh fruit. "I'm gonna cook a tight-ass breakfast for us, _P_." "Are you gonna make your famous breakfast sandwich?" Patsy asked. "Yeah." Penny said as she turned on the stove & put the skillets on it. "Along wit my famous cherry-pie pancakes, fresh fruit slices & oj too." As soon as the skillets was hot enough, Penny put in some sausage patties in the first skillet, the bacon in the second skillet, & the eggs in the last skillet. "Can I cut up the fruit, Penny?" Patsy asked. "Yeah. Sure, _P_." Penny said as she flipped over the sausage, bacon, & eggs. So Patsy went to where the fruit was. She takes out a knife & started cutting up the fruit, which was apples, oranges, watermelon, lemons & limes. Soon the sausage, bacon, & eggs was done. Penny turned to Patsy. "Can you gimme tha buns, _P_?" "Yeah." Patsy said as she gave Penny the buns. Penny put the cooked meat, yes eggs are categorize as a meat in the USDA food guide pyramid. Anyway, Penny put the cooked food on the buns. "Throw tha cheese on there, _P_." Penny said. So Patsy did & Penny put the top half of the buns on the breakfast sandwiches. Then she put them in the microwave. Patsy noticed. "Why are you puttin' them in the microwave for?" she asked. "So they can keep warm as I make tha pancakes, _P_." Penny said as she took out the pancake mix. "Don't worry, I'll reheat tha sandwiches for two minutes before we eat 'em." As soon as the mix was made & Patsy finished cleaning out one of the skillets, Penny cooked the pancakes.

After a while, the pancakes was done. "Aight." Penny started as she took out some maple syrup & cherry pie filling. "As soon as I get tha syrup & pie fillin' on, we can eat dis grub." "Sounds good, Penny." Patsy said. A few minutes later, the pancakes was done & the sandwiches was reheated. "Now breakfast is done!" Penny said as she filled up her glass of orange juice. Patsy had took a bite out of her sandwich. "Damn, Penny! This shit's good!" Patsy awed. "I know, dat's right!" Penny said as she ate some of her pancakes. "I always cook good shit!" "It's too bad, that you didn't win Hell's Kitchen, Penny." Patsy started. "Because, some who cooks this good, should be famous!" "Yeah." Penny muttered. Then she decided to change the conversation. "So, _P_. What do you wanna do next?" "I want to do my quiet time, Penny." Patsy said as she finished eating up her fruit slices. "Dat's fine wit me." Penny said as she downed what's left of her orange juice. "It's almost time for Kenan & Kel." "Oh, is it?" Patsy asked. "Yeah." Penny said as she picked up the remote. "What is it about today?" Patsy asked as she sat on Penny's bed. "It's suppose to be about when Kel teams up wit dat nerd, Steve Urkel & destroy tha entire city of Chicago." Penny explained. "Oooh! Sounds like a good one!" Patsy exclaimed. "Maybe, I should do my quiet time later." "So you changed yo' mind now, eh _P_?" Penny asked in a teasing voice. "Y-Yeah." Patsy stuttered nervously. "I don't care." Penny said as the show's theme song started. "Now shut tha fuck up! Tha show's startin'!" So the talking stopped & they watched the show.

Meanwhile, Lazlo was reading one of his comic books, since he can't watch his tv, because Raj & Clam was in the cabin with him. Anyway, Lazlo was reading another Jughead comic book, which was his favorite comic books. Raj & Clam was doing something stupid, like always. They was doing their own version of Jackass, except it was gayier & stupider. _**(A/N: I am not homophobic in real life. So don't get pissed, because I used the word 'gay'.)**_ Anyway, they was doing this stupid shit. Raj had his trunk in a vise & Clam had a camcorder. "Alright. My name is Raj & I am gonna get my trunk twisted up in a vise." "**_SPIN IT!!!!_**" Clam exclaimed as he hit the lever. The vise tightened Raj's trunk hard. The dumbass was hollering from pain. Clam was laughing his ass off. "Pain! Love it! Raj cryin' like a lil' ole bitch! Clam shall spin the lever-thingy some more." He then spins the lever some more & Raj hollers more & more & Clam laughed more & more. "**_MORE PAIN!!!!_**" he hollered as he twisted the lever for the last time. Raj was hollering louder than ever before as snot, gore, & blood came gushing out of his trunk. The audience was roaring with laughter. The lever broke. "**Ha!Ha!Ha!** What a stupid douche!" Clam laughed. "**Ha!Ha!Ha! Stupid bastard!**" Lazlo was getting pissed from the noise the elephant was making & was making an evil plan in his head. Yes folks, Lazlo is making an evil plan. He turns to the two assholes. "Hey guys. I know, what you two can do for your next stunt." "Whut iz it, Laslo?" Raj said as he was trying to heal his now fucked up trunk. "Yeah." Clam said. "What is it?" "How 'bout one of you, tie down your penis down on the railroad track & let a train run over it?" Lazlo suggested as he was trying to keep his composure. "I don't know, Lazlo." Raj started as his trunk was now healed. "It sounds kinda painful. What if it doesn't heal? How am I gonna have kids?" "Pussy says what?" Clam asked. "What?" Raj asked stupidly. The audience laughs. "**GOT YA!**" Clam laughed. "D'oh!" Raj muttered as he slapped himself. Then he regained his composure. "Uh, Lazlo. Since when trains been usin' that old track? All I know, that line haven't been used in years." "You haven't been watchin' the news lately." Lazlo started. "There's many new industrial factories, coal mines, railyards & big business sprouting up on the line & the area. It was upgraded to handle heavier traffic. So are you up to it? It's not gonna _hurt_ at all." "Okay!" Raj said. "Let's go!" "Uh, let me get Patsy & Penny first." Lazlo started. "They would wanna see this!" "Uh, okay." Raj said nervously. "Shut up & let's go, already!" Clam sniffed as he pushed Raj.

Patsy & Penny just got done watching Kenan & Kel. "Oh god! That Kel is harlious!" Patsy laughed. "Dat's fo' sho', _P_!" Penny laughed as she took a sip of her ice cold water. "Dat's fo sho'." Just then, they hear a tapping on the cabin window. "What tha hell is dat tappin' sound?" Penny asked. "Sounds like, it's comin' from the window." Patsy said as she went towards the window. She opens it, to see Lazlo. "Oh! Lazlo, it's you. How are you doin' today?" "I'm doin' good." Lazlo said. "Uh, you & Penny are not busy, are ya?" "No, we're not. Why you ask?" Patsy wondered. "Because, I was wonderin', if you two want to go see Raj get his dick run over by a train." Lazlo explained. "We love to!" Patsy exclaimed. "We were not doin' anything, anyway." "Okay." Lazlo said. So he sat on a nearby bench, to wait for them. Soon, they came out. Penny had her camcorder & Patsy had her laptop. "Aight, we got our shit ready, to record & put it on youtube!" Penny said. "Okay." Lazlo started as he saw Clam & the stupid asshole Raj walking pass the trio. "Let's go." So the trio followed the idiotic elephant to one of the nearest Prickerly Pines or 'Da Pines' as it will be called for now on, rail lines.

At the tracks, Penny was setting up her & Clam's camcorders, while Clam was tying down Raj's two foot long dick onto the tracks with rope. "I'm gettin' scared guys!" Raj exclaimed. "**STOP BEIN' SUCH A PUSSY!!!!**" Clam shouted as he finished tying the annoying indian moron's manhood onto the steel rails. "This is gonna be harlious!" Patsy laughed as she sat down on a pile of old railroad ties. "Yeah." Lazlo said. "This'll give us something to do for a while." "Dat's fo' sho!" Penny said. Then she heard the train's horn from the distance. "Ah! Here comes the train now!" Lazlo exclaimed with an evil smile on his face. Raj noticed the look on his face. "Uh Lazlo. Why are you smilin' like that for?" "Because, I can, asshole!" Lazlo sniffed. The train was getting closer now. Penny turned to Patsy. "Hey _P_. Bet ya dat's a fuckin' coal train, dat's comin'." "How much are you willin' to lose?" Patsy asked slyly. "I'm willin' to lose, $450, _P_." Penny said. "$450? Alright, Penny. **_It's a deal!_**" Patsy exclaimed. So they both shook hands. The train was coming over the hill now. Clam turned to Raj. "**Say your line, fuckwad!!!**" "O..Okay. **M-My n-name is R-Raj & I-I'm doin' Jackass!!**" Raj hollered as the train came towards him at full throttle, which is 75 mph. The train ran over Raj's rod. Raj was hollering in pure agony & pain as the 10 locomotive, first 200 coal-loaded bethgoned car'ed, 2 mid-train dpu'ed, another 200 loaded bethgoned & 3 rear-end helper train gushed all of the pee, gore, blood & semen out of his dick. Penny, Patsy, Lazlo, & Clam was laughing, like there's no tomorrow. After 3 minutes, the whole train had passed & Raj was crying in pain. "**DAT WAS GOLD!!!!**" Penny laughed. "**IT'S A GOOD THING, THAT I SUGGEST IT!!**" Lazlo laughed. "**WHAT A FUCKIN' IDIOT!!!**" Patsy laughed. Penny then stopped laughing & turned to Patsy. "Gimme my green, _P_!" "_Dammit!_" Patsy sniffed as she took out the $450 from her uniform pocket. She gives Penny the money. "I know, dat's right!" Penny exclaimed as she counted the money. "_Oh god!_ That was funny!" Lazlo laughed. "C-Can you guys stop l-laughing & help me?!" Raj said wearily. As they was about to untie him, a train horn blew from the distance. "Oh shit! Another train's comin'!" Patsy said. "**EXTRA FOOTAGE!!!**" Clam exclaimed. "What are tha odds?" Penny asked as she went to her camcorder. "**WHY _ME_?!?**" Raj bitched as the train neared. The train was on full & ran over what's left of Raj's weiner. This train was longer than the last one. It had fifteen locomotives; all on by the way, 50 loaded grain hoppers, 8 mid-train dpu's, another 40 loaded grain hoppers, 25 loaded Autoracks, 50 loaded propane tankers, 50 loaded boxcars & 11 rear-end dpu's. This time, it took 6 minutes for the train to move on towards it destination. Raj was bawling like a little baby, as Clam untied his dick or what's left of it off the tracks. "Good ole' BNSF." Patsy laughed. "You can always trust them with their 16 to 20 locomotive trains & heavy freight." "Let's take this cu*t to the fuckin' hospital!" Lazlo sniffed as slapped the shit out of him. "Yeah, that sounds like a wise idea." Patsy said as she pushed him towards Peter's house. "Wait a minute, Patsy." Lazlo called out to her. "Maybe we should take him there ourselves. You know what happened the last time, we went to the hospital."

**_(Flashback)  
_**Peter & some of the other campers was sitting in the ER waiting room. It was middle of the night, Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo was at the waiting room's tv, looking for something to watch & to keep themselves awake.

Lazlo: _Damn!_ There's nothin' good on!  
Patsy: Why in the hell, did fat ass brought the whole camp down here, in the middle of the night for? I was sleepin' good!  
Lazlo: He wanted everyone to see how an emergency room works. I don't know, why he wanted to do it at 2 in the mornin', when everyone's asleep, instead of durin' the day, when everyone's up!

Penny: What a fuckin' idiot! If I wanted to see an emergency room; I would of beat tha shit outta dat platypus ni**a, until he bled & deliever him down here myself!

The other two nodded in agreement with her. Patsy then looks around.

Patsy: Speakin' of greedy ass. Where is he, anyway?  
Penny:(opening a bag of BBQ Fritio's) Knowin' him. He's probably huntin' for somethin' to nawl on.  
Lazlo: Yeah, that's it.

Then he looks around.

Lazlo: Where the fuck's Lois?

After he got done saying that, a familiar voice came onto the hospital's intercom.

Announcer: _Attention, hospital patrons, attention! This is not a drill! This is not a drill! The hospital's, bein' taken over by human-eating doctors!!! Please panic like crazy! That is all!_

Then everyone in the hospital started running for their lives. People was knocking some patients out of their wheelchairs & hospital beds. Some patients threw their oxygen tanks around. Everything was chaos. Then Peter comes up with three hospital beds, full of food.

Peter: _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ I've got all of their food! I'm gonna eat you all up! Oh yes, I am! Oh yes, I am!  
Penny: Should've seen dat one comin.  
audience:(laughs)

Then the PA squealed.

Another announcer: _Sorry folks! Oh my god! Is that how my voice sounds like? It's all nausally & whiny & blak!  
_Lazlo: I guess, that answers my question.  
Patsy: Maybe we should leave.  
Penny: Yeah. Dat sounds like a wise idea, _P_. I'm gettin' sleepy again.

So they leave the now on fire, riot-torned hospital, as most of the patients started beating the shit outta Lois & Peter.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

It was some time later now. They all had just returned from the hospital & Clam was hungry. "Clam's hungry!** LUNCHTIME!!!**" he said stupidly. Penny had looked at her watch. It was after 12:30. "Damn! No wonder, it's after 12:30!" she sniffed. "Dammit!" "Yeah, so what?" Patsy asked. Penny turned to her. "I was plannin' on makin' some chicken clubs, spicy southern fried chicken wings & salad & fries for lunch, _P_." she explained. "Oooh! That sounds good, Penny." Patsy awed. "Yeah, it does." Lazlo added. "Maybe you should do it." "No, it's too late now, G." Penny said. "By tha time, I get done, it'll be..." Then she stopped & thought of something. "No. It not's like I have shit to do anyway. Aight, I'll cook yall tha grub." "**YAY!!!!**" Clam exclaimed. Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo stared at him. "Uh, what?" he asked stupidly. "I was plannin' to make us, tha real main stars of this fic some. A sub-borin' character like you, get to eat preppy-ass Lois' nasty shit, dat she calls; 'lunch'." Penny laughed. As if on cue, Lois appears. "Who wants_ Tuna Ala Lois_?" she asked as she was holding a pot, which was hot & smelling badly at that. "Clam do!" Patsy laughed as she kicked the rhino towards the idiotic red-headed woman. "Alrighty then. Let's go!" Lois said as she lefted for the Mess Hall. Clam sadly followed her with his head down. Patsy tuned to Penny. "Alright Penny. Go ahead & start cookin'!" "Aight then, _P_." Penny said.

Back at Patsy's cabin. Penny had a whole roasted marinated chicken, chicken wings, chicken strips, lettece, tomato, mozzarella cheese, cheddar cheese, hot sauce, seasoned salt, salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, poultry seasoning, red pepper flakes, vegetable oil, flour, & already cut up potatoes for the fries out, soaking in a bowl of water on the counter. "Aight! Tha potatoes soakin', now to dip tha wings into tha batter & fry those bastards!" she said as she started putting the wings into the batter. "How much longer, Penny?" Lazlo asked. Penny turned to him. "Around 20 minutes or so. Why you ask? Didn't you have breakfast?" "No. That God damed Clam on purpose; ate my fuckin' breakfast!" Lazlo sniffed. "So, I had to beat his ass & had to eat a lame ass energy bar!" "Ha! Ha! Dat's showin' him, G." Penny laughed as she put some wings into one fryer & potatoes into another. "It'll be at least another 25 minutes or so." "That's good." Lazlo muttered. "'Cause, I'm so hungry, that I can eat, the fattest, largest thing in the city!" "Are you hungry enough to eat Fatty Griffin?" Patsy laughed as she set up some silverware. "I'm not that hungry, Patsy!" Lazlo laughed. "Besides, it might take me years to eat his fat ass!"

25 or so minutes later, the wings & fries was done. The roast chicken clubs & southern chicken salad was made. "Aight, tha food's all done!" Penny said as she started making plates for her two friends or should I say; homies. Lazlo sampled some of the chicken salad. "Oh my god! This is a delicious, Penny!" "Thank you, G." Penny said as she took a bite from a fry. "Try my 'home'-made roast chicken clubs." "Okay, I will." Patsy said as she picked up the sandwich. She takes a bite. "You know, Penny. This roast chicken club is pretty good." "Thanks, _P_." Penny said. "Enough talkin' & let's eat. Dat'll be a wise thing." So the talking stopped & the eating began. 40 minutes later, they all had finished eating. Lazlo was cleaning his teeth with a toothpick. "Damn! That shit was good, Penny." he said as he yawned. "Of course, it was good!" Penny started. "It's taste better than dat shit dumbass Lois cooked!" "That's for sure." Patsy added as she sat up. "So, what do yall wanna do now?" "I dunno, but I know, what yo' boy's doin'." Penny laughed. Patsy looks over to Lazlo. He was fast asleep. "Well, I guess that leaves us, Penny." Patsy laughed. "Do you wanna get massages from that massage polar, that we visited from the last chapter?" "Yeah. Dat sounds like a great idea, _P_." Penny said as she took out her keys.

Soon, they was at the massage polar. Patsy was having a conversation. "Damn! I still don't know, what to get Lazlo for his birthday?" Penny thought about it. "How 'bout you cook him somethin'?" "Well, I can do that." Patsy said. "But I really want to do something special for him." Penny noticed a building that said; 'Guy's pole dancing & stripper college' & then back at Patsy. "How 'bout, you dance for him?" "What do you mean; dance for him?" Patsy asked. "Like strippin'?" "No, pole dancin'." Penny answered. "Uh, isn't that the same thing?" asked Patsy. "I guess. I don't know." Penny started. "So, do you wanna please yo' man on his day or not?!?" "Yeah!" Patsy responded. "Well, get yo' ass in gear then!" Penny said as she helped; & when I mean helped, I really mean she shove Patsy out of the suv. "Penny! Don't be shovin' me! I can walk!" Patsy sniffed. "I can walk." "I know dat. Yo' just takin'so damn muthafuckin' long." Penny laughed as she locked up her ride.

Inside of the erotic dancing school, there was young women, in stripper appeal. Most of them was dancing on the stripper poles, while some of them was taking a break from dancing. Patsy looked around. "Hmm. It seems clean enough." she said as she & Penny went up to the front desk. Patsy runged the service bell & waited for a few seconds. Then she runged the service bell again & repeated this fifty times within 20 seconds. Just then a hand rested on top of Patsy's hand, to stop the ringing. The hand belonged to a man. He had spikey & bleached hair. He was wearing a red & black bowling shirt, black shorts & nike socks & shoes. He also was wearing bling & a black wristband on his forearm, the same way Penny wears hers. He had a goatee & sounded a bit like Wolfguy Jack from The Simpsons episode; Take My Wife, Sleaze" & former radio personality; Wolfman Jack. Let's just say; that he looks like super saiyan Vegeta, except with a goatee, bling, & a gruffer voice. "I'm Guy Fieri & welcomed to 'Guy's pole dancing & stripper college'. It's the place, where sexy ladies come & learn how to be the best damn pole dancers & strippers in the world!" "Well, we're both pretty sexy." Patsy said. "Yeah." Penny said. "So, how much is for lessons?" Patsy asked. "$50 bucks." Guy said. Then he gave Penny a quick glance & then back at Patsy. "Each." he added. "For how long?" Patsy asked. "Until you get good enough." Guy said. "So within two weeks or so." "Alright, we're in!" Patsy said as she signed in her name. "I know, dat's right, _P_." Penny laughed as she signed her name too. Guy picked up the forms. "Alright. Go to the locker rooms & pick whatever you like to wear & wait for futher instructions." Then they left for the locker room, but not before Guy stopped Penny. "Hey. Nice wristband & bling." "Tha same to you, G." Penny said as she lefted.

In the locker room, Penny & Patsy just put on the proper stripper appeal. Patsy was wearing a purple mid-dift, that showed off her six packed abs & a purple hat, black thigh length skirt, & black closed-toed stilletos & Penny was wearing a dark blue hat & mid-dirft that also showed off her six pack, black length skirt, black ankle stockings, & black closed toed stilletos. "Hmm? This doesn't feel too bad." Patsy said as she strenghthed out her hat. Then she turned to Penny. "So, how do you feel, Penny?" "I feel complete, _P_." Penny replied. "I feel complete." Just then, Guy walked up to them. "Alright, since you're all dressed, I gonna have the most experience dancer teach you two, for your time here. Here she comes now." Just then, the aformentioned dancer appeared. She had blonde hair, which was tied up in a ponytail She also had brown eyes. She was wearing a white top, dark purple jeans, bling, & dark blue Reeboxs. The girl was Nazz from Ed, Edd n Eddy. "Yeah, like what do you want, G dude?" she asked Fieri. "I got two more for you to teach, _Junk-in-the trunk_." Guy said. "Teach 'em well." "Oh, I will." Nazz said as Fieri lefted. Penny looked at Nazz. "Ain't you, dat hot blonde girl from dat show; Ed, Edd n Eddy?" "Yep." Nazz replied. "What are you doin' here?" Patsy asked. "I'm here, to practice my moves for Eddy." Nazz explained. "Damn! Dat midget must be really horny, isn't he?" Penny asked. "Yeah." Nazz answered. "Anyway, I'm gonna teach you the basics. Follow me." So they did.

All three of them was in a secluded room, with a couple stripper poles, some mats on the floor, & a cd player. "Like, okay." Nazz started. "The first thing, that I'm gonna teach you is; that you need to do warm-up excercises." "What type of excercises? Stretchin'?" Penny asked. "Yeah, that's right, Penny." praised Nazz. "We're gonna side stretch. We're gonna lean our hips out." She does it on her pole. Then Penny & Patsy go to their poles & does the excercise. "Put your right arm on top of the pole & put your left on your right wrist & stretch." Nazz said as she demonstrated the move. Penny & Patsy did the move too. "Okay. Now put your inside leg. Bring up to hip height & extending to the side." Nazz said as she did the move. "You can extend over or curl up. Or another fun stretch is; both hands on the pole & extend down & like, pivot from straight to kneebent." So Patsy & Penny did some of the stretches Nazz showed them. "Alright, with the excercises done. Now I can show you some moves now." Then she leans her back against the pole & the actual lessons began.

It was sometime later now. Nazz was wiping herself with a pink towel. "Alright. That's all for the lessons today. Remember, same time tomorrow." Then Nazz went off to teach some more new students. Patsy & Penny went to the locker room. "So, what do you think of your first session, Penny?" Patsy asked. "I kinda enjoyed it, _P_." Penny replied as she took off her mid-drift. "But tha big question is; did you enjoy it, _P_?" "Yeah. Despite bein' the first day & all." Patsy said. "Hopefully, I'll learn more tomorrow." Soon, they was back in their usual camp uniforms. "I wonder, what fatty & dumb ole Lois is doin'?" Patsy said as she put her stripper clothes into her locker. "I dunno. They probably doin' somethin' like this!" Penny laughed as she locked up her locker. Then she cleared her throat. "_'Peta! How many times, do I have ta tell you ta put down tha fuckin' toilet seat?' 'You think dat's bad? Remember the time I played La cuca racha for Paul McCartney?'_" "Ha!Ha!Ha! That sounds just like them, Penny!" Patsy laughed. "What a bunch of fuckin' morons!" "I know, right?" Penny said. "Yeah." Patsy laughed. Then she looked at her watch. It was almost 5:00. "It's almost five. Do you still wanna go get that massage?" "Yeah, _P_." Penny said. So they both went to the massage polar.

Back at camp. Like Penny had acted, Lois was complaining over something stupid Peter did. "Peter! How many times, did I tell you to put down the fuckin' toilet seat!?!" Lois sniffed as her ass was wet from sitting in the toilet bowl, which had Peter's pee in it. "Huh!?!" "If you think that's bad? Remember the time, I went to that mexican restrauant & had dinner with Eric Cartman?" Peter said.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Peter & Cartman was at a Mexican restraunt. Peter was talking about his past exploits, much to Cartman's chargin.

Peter: Anyway, that was good as that cheeseburger I had for lunch. I feel a flashback comin'.  
Cartman: **DON'T YOU DARE!!! DON'T YOU FUCKIN' DARE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!! I HATE THE WAY, YOU ALWAYS DO STUPID, RETARDED SHIT ON YOUR GAY ASS SHOW!!! AND THE WAY YOU ALWAYS DO THIS _'REMEMBER THE TIME'_ SHIT!!!! THAT CRAP'S, NOT EVEN FUCKIN' FUNNY!!!!**

Everyone in the restraunt started to notice Cartman's rant. Some of the patrons agreed with him.

Peter: Well, at least we don't kill the same ole' character every week! Which gets boring after two episodes! Put that into your pipe & smoke it!

Some of the other patrons agreed with him.

Cartman: **SCREW YOU, FATTY!**  
Peter: **FUCK YOU, SHITNUGGET!  
**Cartman:(picks up a fork) I'll show you a shitnugget!!!

He stabs Peter in the shoulder & Peter responded by smacking Cartman with a plate. Then they both started fighting & then the patrons, who on either side of the arguement started fighting each other.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"_Hee!Hee!Hee!_ That was a great dinner." Peter laughed. "**_Peter!_** Pay attention to me!" Lois shouted. "What? Who are you?" Peter asked stupidly. Lois was at a loss for words & cross. "Stupid fat cu*t! Not always payin' attention to me!" Then Lois stormed off to her room. "I wonder, what she's mad about?" Peter asked stupidly, as the audience laughed at his stupidity. He then gets up & goes to the refridgerator. He takes out a 40ft. long turkey club sandwich & swallows the whole thing within ten seconds. "_**BLLLUUURRRRRPPP!**_" Peter burped as he wiped his mouth with his tie & the audience laughed. "That's it for my late afternoon-early evening-pre dinner snack! Now to watch the girls play volleyball at the lake." Then he get in his chair & takes out a pair of bionoculars & looks out the window to see the event.

It was almost 10:00 by the time Patsy & Penny came back. They had a couple of Burger King bags. "_Whew!_ What a day. What a day." Patsy yawned. "Yep, it sure was, _P_." Penny said as she ate a chicken sandwich. "Remember, don't tell yo' boy about you dancin'." "Don't worry, Penny. I won't." Patsy promised. Just then, Lazlo walked up to them. "There, you are. I was wonderin' where you two went." he said. "Uh, yeah." Penny muttered. "Where did you guys go?" Lazlo asked. Patsy knew that was a hard-hitting question, but it took her a few seconds to think up a lie. "We went to Ms. Doe's apartment & looked over it. She had to do three & a half shifts." "Yeah." Penny added. "That sounds believeable." Lazlo said. "Since we did a good job on keepin' an eye on her place, she wants us to keep an eye on it, for the next two or so weeks, dear." Patsy said to him. "So, I'm tellin' you in advance." "Okay." Lazlo said. "Well, see you in the morning." He leaves. Penny turns to Patsy. "Dat was some lie, _P_." she awed. "Dat was some lie." "Yep, it sure was, Penny." Patsy said. Then she yawned. "God! I'm tired. Let's hit the bed." "Dat's sounds like a wise idea, _P_." Penny started. "Besides, tha Snoop & Dre hour is startin' soon, anyway." So they both went to Patsy's cabin for the night.

It was the very next morning. It was still cloudy & gloomy. Patsy & Penny was packing up their gymbags. "You got the waterbottles, Penny?" Patsy asked. "Yep." Penny said as she had both water bottles & Gatorade. "I'm bringin' tha Gatorade too." "Okay, let's go." Patsy said as she grabbed her keys. "Wait a minute, _P_." Penny said to her. "I need to get somethin'." "What is it?" Patsy asked. "Somethin' to jam to & keys for my ride." Penny replied. "Why bring your keys?" Patsy asked. "So, I can drive my own ride." Penny started. "One of us park our rides at tha drunken Doe's house & we take tha other's ride to tha dance studio. And yo' boy & any other ni**a won't suspect somethin' & discover us pole dancin', _P_." "God! I haven't thought of that, Penny." Patsy muttered. "Well, good thinkin', Penny." So they get into their rides. "I hope, we can keep this up for two weeks." Patsy wondered. "I can't keep lying to Lazlo, everyday." "Well, you betta pray, dat you get all dat shit, dat Nazz girl's teachin', _P_." Penny said. "You betta pray."

So this routine kept on for two weeks without Lazlo or anybody else finding out. Penny & Patsy, especially Patsy, learned a lot of moves & techniques from Nazz to make their man happy. It was the beginning of the third week now. Patsy & Penny was in their appeal, waiting for Nazz. "Damn! Yo' came from a long way, _P_." Penny said as she took a sip of her Gatorade. "I sure did, Penny." Patsy said. "I can't wait to show off my moves to Lazlo on his birthday. He's gonna be amazed!" Just then, Nazz arrives. "Alright, Patsy. Penny. You two have, like, learned so much in the last two weeks. I am, like, proud of you & junk!" Penny & Patsy smiled at each other. "You two are the most best hard workin' students, I ever had! Too bad, it's the last day. We really had fun." Then Nazz took out two small gifted-wrapped boxes & diplomas. "You see these?" "Yeah." the cousins said in unison. "You get these as a present & award. But you have to do this last thing." "What is it?" Patsy asked. "This." Nazz said. Then she whistled. Just then, three boys walked in. One boy was tall. He had a monobrow. He was wearing a red & white stripped shirt. A green jacket with white stripes, blue jeans & black shoes. The second boy was medium sized. He was wearing a black stocking cap on his head, red shirt with a black tie, purple jean shorts & black shoes. And the third boy was the smallest. He had three hairs. He was wearing a yellow shirt, with a purple vertical stripe on the right side, light blue jeans, & red shoes. In other words, they were Ed, Edd n Eddy. "I want you to dance for our judges. They are gonna judge on how good you're are." Nazz said. "What? I thought _you_ was gonna dance for _us_, Nazz?!?" Eddy sniffed crossily. "Not your students!!" "I am gonna dance for you. Now just please do this for me!" Nazz sniffed. Then she noticed an empty seat. "I thought, I had four judges? Where's the fourth judge?" "He's a little indeposed at the moment." Eddy said oily.

**_(Cutaway)_**  
It shows Jonny, being arrested.

Jonny: **IT WASN'T ME!!!!! I WASN'T THE ONE, WHO KILLED KEVIN!!!! IT WAS EDDY!!!! HE'S A DRUG DEALER!  
**Cop: **SHUT UP, KID!!!!! I KNOW YOUR TYPE!!!!!! YOU MAKE ME SICK!  
**audience:(laughs)

The cops throws Jonny along with Plank in the squad car & is taken to jail.  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"Well, I guess we have to use Ollie Williams as Jonny's replacement." Nazz said. Just then Ollie appears. "**I'M HERE TO REPLACE DAT WOOD KID!!!**" he said as he sat in the fourth chair. "Okay." Nazz said. Patsy took Penny aside. "I can't dance in front of Ollie, Penny! He's my friend!" "He's my homie too, _P_." Penny started. "But we must dance in front of them, to get those gifts!" Nazz walked up to them. "So, which one of you are goin' first?" "_P_'s goin' first." Penny said as she pushed Patsy. "_Hey!_" Patsy sniffed. "I can't go up in front of Ollie. He knows us." Nazz then thought of something. "I got it! You both can wear masks, so he won't call out to you." She then takes out two black masks & give it to the cousins. "Can we change our names?" Patsy asked. "Uh, yeah sure." Nazz said as she goes up to the judges. "Alright, time for the judging now. Here's the first of my two students." She walks back as Patsy walks up to the judges. "I say, the name's; _The Purple & Pink Mystery_ & I'm gonna dance & maybe strip for you." she said in a sexy british accent. So Nazz turned on the cd player & Patsy or shall I say; _The Purple & Pink Mystery_ started dancing on her pole. The Eds & Ollie was kinda amazed by Patsy's performance. Patsy then took off her purple mid-drift, which exposed a black lace bra, that had glitter on it. "_Oooh!_ Nice bra!" Eddy murmured. Then the Purple Mystery, turned her sexy behind at them & started to strip off her black skimpy skirt, which exposed a purple g-string. "**WHOA! WHAT A SEXY ASS!!!**" Ollie awed. "You can say that again, brother." Eddy said. Then Patsy shook & slapped her rump. "Nudge! Nudge! Wink! Wink!" Ed said stupidly as he nudged at Double D. "Ed! Please, don't be rude." Double D sniffed as he put a mark down on his clipboard. "I'm trying to write down information."

Soon, Patsy was done dancing & Nazz ran up. "Alright. Now time for my next student to dance. After she gets done dancin' you will...." "Oooh! Oooh! Do we get to eat after this?" Ed interrupted stupidly. "Cause, I'm so fuckin' hungry." "_**Edward!**_" Double D exclaimed. "Watch your language." "Shut the fuck up, Sockhead." Eddy sniffed. "You sound like a fuckin' girl." "Anyway." Nazz said as she rolled her eyes. "Here's my next student." Penny then walks up. "What's your name?" Eddy asked. "Tha name's; _P-Money_." Penny replied. "_P-Money_?" Eddy repeated. "_Oooh!_ I likes the sound of that!" "Enough of this shit!" Penny sniffed as she turned to Nazz. "Turn on tha fuckin' tunes, girly!" So Nazz turned on the cd player & Penny started dancing erotically on the pole. "**OH DAMN!**" Ollie said. "**JUST LOOK AT DAT ASS & TITTIES SHAKE!!!**" The audience hooted & holler. "**Yeah!**" Ed exclaimed. Yes, even he noticed what was going on. "This is quite intriguing, I might add." Double D said. After hearing compliments from the judges, Penny decided to turn it up a notch. "_It's time to turn it up a notch!_" she said to herself. Then she wraps her entire body on the pole, upside down by the way. And slides down. The audience hoots & hollers. The 3 of the 4 judges hooted. Eddy just looked bored. "_Yawn!_ Boring." he yawned. Penny heard him. "Am I borin' you?" "Yeah." Eddy answered. "_It's time, to make this midget sweat!_" P Money said to herself. Then she went towards him & stood in front of him. "Are you bored.....**_NOW_**?" Then Penny rips off her blue mid-drift & black mini skirt, which exposed her dark green laced bra & black g-string. There was something in them. That something was money. Eddy's eyes went wide, as well as everyone else's. "**I'M NOT BORED, _NOW_!!!!**" Eddy exclaimed as he started drooling & sweating uncontrollably. "C-Can I have a dollar?" "Sho' you can, _big man_." P-Money said in a sexy voice as she sat in Eddy's lap. So Eddy reached into Penny's bra & took out several $50 & $100 dollar bills. "I got $450 bucks!" he exclaimed. "I hope you like dat gift." Penny said as she got off of Eddy's lap & went towards Double D. Even though Double D wasn't the type of boy, that touch a female in sexy lingerie, he put a hand down P-Money's g-string & took out four $100 & $20 dollar bills. "I hope, all dat green, makes you cool & instead of a nerd." Penny said as she moved onto Ollie. Eddy & the audience laughed, as Double D blushed from Penny's comment. Ollie was wide eyed as he reached into P-Money's g-string & took out $1,050 dollars. "**I LIKE THA WAY, YOU LOOK, P-MONEY!**" He said as he put his cash into his pocket. "**AND YOU LOOK KINDA FAMILIAR!!! DO I KNOW YOU?**" "Maybe." P-Money answered as she moved on to Ed. "Maybe not." "Nudge! Nudge! Wink! Wink!" Ed said as he nudged Ollie stupidly. "_Hmmm? I gotta do somethin' special for this asshole._" Penny thought to herself. "_But what?_" An idea quickly popped into her head. "_I got it!_" Then she reached behind her back & took out a KFC 16pc. dinner, with all the trimmings, via hammerspace. "I know, what you love." she said in a sexy voice. "You love chickens, gravy, & buttered toast." "Yep." Ed said as he drooled at the food, P-Money had. "Especially, fried chicken, mash potatoes & gravy, & buttered biscuits!" "You know what?" Penny asked. "What?" Ed asked. "I like dat shit, too." P-Money said in a sexy voice. "Here's tha deal. I'll let you have this food & you gimme a good ratin'. Is it a deal?" "**DEAL!!!**" Ed exclaimed as the audience laughed. "Aight then." Penny said as she gave him the meal. "Know yo'self out!"

After P-Money got done dancing, Nazz walked up to the judges. "Alright. That's it. So, like tell me how good they did & shit." The four judges discussed it. Well, three of them anyway. Ed was eating his KFC dinner. They soon was done. Double D stood up. "First of all, I like to say how intriguing & interesting this experience was." Then he looked over towards Patsy & Penny's direction. "Purple & Pink Mystery. P-Money. You two are the greatest erotic dancers & strippers, I have ever seen!" "The money girl, knew that I liked chickens, gravy, & buttered toast." Ed added as he ate a chicken leg. "And she won me over, of course." Eddy said. "And the girl in the purple had a nice lookin' bra, a sexy accent & a sexy ass!" "**PLUS, THEY ALL SEXY & ALL DAT SHIT!!!!!**" Ollie finished. "Nicely said, Ollie." Double D said, unsurely. Nazz gave Patsy & Penny the two small girfts & diplomas. "Here's your gifts & diplomas. Now before you go, there's someone here, that wants to see you." The person, that she was talking about was Fieri. He had a wide smile on his face. "Dude. You are some awesome dancers." Fieri said. Then he reached behind his back & took out two gold chains. "Here's two gold chains, for bein' some fine ass students!" "Uh, thanks?" Patsy said as she took her chain. "Thanks, G." P-Money said as she took her chain. Then she turned to Patsy. "C'mon, _P_. Let's go." "Yeah, that sounds like a wise idea." Patsy said. So they lefted. Eddy turned to Nazz. "So are you gonna dance for me now?" he asked, eagerly. Nazz rolled her eyes. "Okay. Okay. Sure, Eddy. Sure." "Are you gonna gimme a 'happy ending', when you get done?" Eddy asked, with happiness in his voice. "Yeah, Eddy." Nazz said, boredly. "Yeah." Guy turned on the cd & Nazz started giving Eddy an lap dance. The audience hooted & hollered. "Nudge! Nudge! Wink! Wink!" Ed said stupidly as the audience laughed.

Meanwhile back at camp. Lazlo was reading a magazine. "Ha!Ha!" he laughed. "What an ass!" "Uh, Lazlo." said Raj. Lazlo rolled his eyes. "What the hell do you want, now?" he asked, pissed off. "I've noticed, that you've haven't been hangin' with Patsy & or Penny for two weeks now." "Yeah." Lazlo started. "So what? They're at Ms. Doe's apartment. Keepin' an eye on her things, while she works multiple-shifts at her job." "That sounds like a far-fetched lie, Lazlo." Raj said. "She's probably, datin' somebody else." "Cheating!" Clam added. "Maury! You're not the father! The lie detector says; that's a lie! Jerry Springer! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" Lazlo laughed at Clam's stupid response & the situation at hand. "That's the stupidiest shit, I ever heard! Patsy would never cheat on me & as for Penny. Well, as far as I know; she's single." "Okay. Just don't come cryin' to me, when you find out, that Patsy is with a another man." Raj sniffed. "Oh, shut the hell up, you baby dick!" Lazlo sniffed as he walked out of the cabin. "Baby dick." Raj said sadly. "I hate that new nickname, everybody's given me." "Shut the fuck up, _baby dick_!" Clam sniffed. "Clam's tryin' to read!" Then he threw a boot at the stupid elephant & knocked him unconcious. The audience laughs. "Stupid cow fucker!" Clam sniffed as the audience laughed.

Back at Guy's stripper college. Penny & Patsy was back in their normal uniforms now. "I'm finally glad this is over." Patsy said as she zipped up her gymbag. "Now, you can be wit yo' boy now, eh _P_?" Penny asked as she laughed a bit. "Shut up." Patsy sniffed as she was blushing a bit. Then she recovered. "Do you think, that Ollie knows, that it was us, dancing & stripping, Penny?" "Probably not, _P_." Penny said as she picked up her gymbag. "Probably not. Even if he do know, he's smart enough not to tell anybody. So don't worry about it." Then she looked at her watch. "It's almost lunchtime. What do you feel in the mood for today, _P_?" "I dunno, Penny." Patsy admitted. "How 'bout we have your patented Penny triple-decker burgers for lunch?" "Dat doesn't sound like a bad idea, _P_." Penny said. "Good thinkin', _P_." Just then, Fieri appeared. "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You can cook?" he asked Penny. "Yeah." Penny responded. "Don't mind, if I join ya?" Guy asked. Penny turned to Patsy. "Well, _P_? It's up to you." Patsy thought about it for a bit. "Alright. Alright. He can join us." "Alright!" Fieri said excitedly. Patsy & Penny just sighed, as they smiled.

At the cousin's rides. Penny took out her George Foreman grill & spatula. And Patsy took out the spices, mustard, ketchup, onions, lettuce, tomato, pickle, cheese, American cheese, Open Pit bbq sauce, bacon, & the ground beef. Penny turned on the grill & Patsy maded the patties. "Here ya go, Penny!" she said as she tossed Penny the maded patty. "Got it, _P_!" Penny replied as she put the patty onto the grill. Then Patsy threw several more patties towards Penny's direction & she put them on the grill. "So, how long will they be done?" Fieri asked. "About seventeen minutes or so." Penny answered. "Don't tell me, dat yo' hungry? Big as you are." "Uh, yeah." Guy said embarrassingly. "How 'bout, you prepare the condiments, Guy?" Patsy suggested. "It'll help pass the time." "Okay!" Fieri said, getting a knife from hammerspace & started chopping the condiments. Seventeen minutes later, the burgers was done. "Aight. Tha burgers are done now." Penny said as she took the burgers off the grill. "Are tha buns ready, _P_?" "Yep." Patsy said. "They're ready." "And so is the condiments." Fieri said. So Penny brought over the cooked patties & put them on the buns. After she got done making them, the burgers was complete. "Aight, G. Since yo' tha guest, try one of my burgers." Penny said. So Guy took one of Penny's triple-deckers & took a big bite out of it. "_God!_ Now this is a burger! This _is_ a burger!" Penny smiled at the compliment. "This is better than that burger I had with keilbasa on it!" Guy said as he took another bite. "Do yall have anything to drink with this?" "Yeah, I got something." Patsy said as she went into her ride's refridgerator & took out three bottles of lemon ice tea. "Here." Guy downed his ice tea within five seconds. "Damn, that was good!" he said as he looked at his watch. "Oh shit! It's time for my next recruits to come! Good luck, on pleasin' your men. See ya." He leaves. Patsy turned to Penny. "Do you think, we'll ever see him again, Penny?" she asked. "I dunno, _P_." Penny started. "Probably. Time's to go back to tha joint now." "We can't go back to camp, Penny." Patsy started. "I still need to a birthday gift for Lazlo." "Well, what do he like?" Penny asked. "Well, he would like for world peace." Patsy said. "Give him somethin', you can actually afford." Penny laughed. "Like a watch or somethin'." "A watch? What a good idea, Penny." Patsy said. "Now, let's go to that jewerly store & get Lazlo a present." So they both get into their rides & drove to the jewerly store.

It wasn't until sometime later, when the cousins finally came back to camp. "I hope, Lazlo will like my girft." Patsy said. "Don't worry about it so much, _P_." Penny said. "If he doesn't like yo' gift. He's definately gonna enjoy yo' dancin', dat yo' givin' him." "Yeah." Patsy muttered. "But I wonder, what kind of cake he wants?" "Why don't you just ask him yo'self." Penny said as she saw him coming. "Why you say that?" Patsy asked, not really paying attention to Penny. "Say what, Patsy?" Lazlo asked. Patsy was startled. "Uh, I was wondering, what kind of cake, do you want for your birthday?" "I want a chocolate cake, Patsy." Lazlo answered. Then he looked at the bags in Patsy's hands. "I see, that you two went shopping." Patsy quickly looked at her hand. "Uh, yeah. We did, dear." she laughed nervously. "Yeah." Penny finished. "So, what do you wanna do now?" Lazlo asked. "I mean, after you put up your bags." "Hold dat thought, G." Penny said. "_P_ & I will be back." Then she & Patsy ran off & quickly reappeared in pure cartoon fashion. "What took ya?" Lazlo teased. "So, what do you guys wanna do now?" "I dunno." Patsy said. Then she turned to Penny. "What would you like to do, Penny?" "I would like to whoop _Big nose_'s ass! Just whoop her for bein' so damn stupid." Penny replied. "But Lois didn't do anything, Penny." Patsy said. "So what? Dat doesn't mean, dat I have to take it easy on her ass." Patsy looked at Lazlo & he just shrugged his shoulders. "We might as well do what Penny wants, since we don't have anything better to do." "Yeah." Patsy said. "Alright, Penny. Let's go beat the shit outta Lois." So, the trio went off to beat up the no-brained Lois.

It's a lot later now. It's was almost 9:30. It was dark & cloudy. The weather was making some of the scouts, think that it was almost 10:30. The scouts were, the background nobodies, but no one really cared about them. The scene is on the three main stars now. "_Whoo!_ Now dat was some grub." Penny said as she wiped herself with a napkin. "You can say that again." said Lazlo. "I betta not." Penny said. "Dat'll be a wise thing." Patsy then yawned. Well, fake yawned. "God, am I tired. C'mon Penny. Let's go to bed." "What d'you mean, _P_? I'm not...." Penny started, before she stopped & looked at Patsy. "Oh yeah. Yeah. I'm pretty tired. Beatin' tha shit outta dumb Lois sho' gets you tired." "Uh, okay." Lazlo started. "Maybe, I should hit the bed, before that damn Clam decides that he wants to eat it for a bedtime snack again. Well g'night." "G'night." Patsy said. After Lazlo went to his cabin, she turned to Penny. "So, what are you gonna do to keep Lazlo busy all day on his birthday?" "I dunno." Penny said. "I'll think of somethin'." Then she felt a drop of rain hit her nose. "It's startin' to rain." "Well, I guess Ollie wasn't wrong after all." Patsy laughed. "Ha! Ollie's rarely wrong, _P_." Penny laughed as she started walking towards Patsy's cabin. "He's rarely wrong." Patsy thought about it. "Yeah, she's right. He's rarely wrong." It started raining a little bit more now. "Shit! It's rainin' harder! I better get inside, before I get soakin' wet! Yeah. That's a smart idea." So she went to her cabin for the night, while some of the useless background losers got soaked. The audience laughs at this.

Now, Penny & Patsy was in their nightwear now & in their beds. "So, are you gonna cook yo' boy his dinner fo' his birthday, _P_?" Penny asked. "I dunno. Maybe Penny." Patsy said. "Maybe." "It's gettin' kinda late, _P_." Penny said. "D'you think, we should do tha chapter review now?" "Yeah, let's, Penny." Patsy said as she drunk a glass of ice cold water. "I kinda enjoyed this chapter. It had little flashbacks & cutaways. And it was mostly about us." "I kinda like tha part, when dat annoyin' Indian bastard got his dick ran over by those trains!" Penny laughed. "I'd enjoyed that part too, Penny." Patsy laughed. Penny continued. "I'd enjoyed doin' dat dancin' in Fieri's pole dancin' college, cookin' dat tight breakfast & lunch near tha middle of tha chapter, & finally gettin' those gifts & gold chains." Patsy then yawned. "God, am I tired." she said. "For real!" "Me too, _P_." Penny said sleepily. Then she thought of something. "Hey, where's dat Gretchen slut & dat Nina girl?" "Didn't I tell you?" Patsy started. "No." came Penny's reply. "Well, Nina, Almondine, & Meg are out on a cross country trip with their psychic powers & Gretchen's somewhere in the city, drinkin'." "Whatever." Penny said. "Well, g'night, _P_." "G'night, Penny." Patsy said as she reached over to her bedside table & turned off the lamp. The steady rain, hitting the roofs of the cabins, helped put everyone at camp to sleep.


	20. Lazlo's Birthday

_Now, it's time for 'Ranting with Edward & Stewie'._

Edward: Good morning, afternoon or whatever time it is in the part of the world, that you readers are in. I'm Edward.  
Stewie: And I'm Stewart Gilligan Griffin.  
Edward: We would like to announce, that this chapter is special for so many reasons. Stewie?  
Stewie: Thanks, platypus. Reason#1: It been exactly two years, since this fic was created. Edward?  
Edward: Thanks kid. Reason#2: It's also the 20th chapter of the original Camp Griffin series. Damn! It been a great two years, kid. It's been a great two years. Stewie?  
Stewie: Thanks, Edward. It been a fast two years. A whole lot of shit happened. Are you ready to say the third reason, platypus?  
Edward: Hell yeah.  
Stewie: Okay then.

Then they took a sip of water from their glasses & took some deep breaths.

Edward+Stewie: WE'RE GOIN' _MATURE_!!!!

Then Edward pressed a button & ballons, streamers started falling. Half-naked cheerleaders started cheering & a huge banner saying; _'No longer rated T! M all the way!'_

Stewie: Finally! After two years of bein' rated T. We're finally goin' to be rated M! Edward?  
Edward: Thanks Stewie. This means, that there can finally be some sex, nudity, uncensored language, & all that shit. Back to you, kid.  
Stewie: Thanks, platypus. Now, that we have all the fun & games out of our systems. Time to get to business. The first thing, I rant about is the last chapter. I've noticed, that we wasn't in it. I would've like to see hip hop girl shake her stuff. Edward?

Edward: Thanks kid. I too was upset not to be in the chapter. But one thing, that I have to say. It was very harlious, to see that stupid ass Raj, get his penis run over by two trains! **_Ha! Ha!_** That was funny! I added that as a favorite on my _youtube_ page!

Stewie: So, did I! Ha! Ha! Ha! Anyway, this chapter is suppose to be about that Lazlo's birthday. Back to you platypus.  
Edward: Thanks kid. I would like to get Ollie's opinion about the last chapter. So, how did you enjoy bein' the fourth judge at that stripper college?  
Ollie: **I'D ENJOYED IT!**  
audience:(laughs)  
Stewie: Somehow, I knew, he would say that.  
audience:(laughs)  
Edward: So, Ollie. What do you think, about this next chapter?  
Ollie: **I THINK, IT'S GON'A BE ENTERTAININ'! ESPECIALLY, IF IT'S RATED M!!!!! HAPPY B'DAY, LAZ!**  
Edward: Well, I'm Edward.  
Stewie: And I'm Stewie.  
Edward: This has been; _'Ranting with Edward & Stewie'_.  
audience:(applauses)

Lazlo's birthday

It was a windy, partly cloudy morning at Camp Griffin. The birds were chirping. The sun was shining a tiny bit, which reflected off the lake a bit. There was a sound of a train off in the distance. Some of the campers, was doing activities like fishing & the sort. The scene is on Lazlo. He was getting into his uniform. He was excited more than usual because, today was his birthday. He was going to be 16 yrs. old. "Finally! It's my birthday!" he said as he put his shirt on. "I wonder, if Patsy got anything planned for us to do today?" Then he put on his hat & went out to get the newspaper. When he had gotten the paper, he went back to his bed, but not before he was stopped by Raj & Clam. "Happy birthday, dude!!" Raj bellowed. "_Festivus_!!!!!" Clam shouted stupidly. Raj turned to him. "Fuck him. Anyway, happy birthday. So, what are you plannin' on doin' today?" "I dunno." Lazlo said. "I was hopin', that either Patsy & or Penny would come up with something." "Why do you need to always hang with _them_?" Raj sniffed. "Why do you always have to hang with them!?! Remember those old days, when it was just you, me & dumb ass Clam? And we would have adventures. Why can't we have those days again, Lazlo?" Lazlo turned to him. "You know what happened, Raj?" "What?" Raj asked. "We grew the fuck up, asshole! I don't need to spend my time with some dumb fuckin' cow dicksucker with a gay-ass accent, who always whinin' about gay shit!" Lazlo ranted. Clam laughed. "Ha!Ha! Cow dicksucker! Ha!Ha!" Lazlo payed Clam no mind. Mainly because, he still liked Clam & Clam doesn't do stupid stuff or whine like a baby at him, like dumb ole Raj do. Anyway, Raj gave Clam an evil look. "Fuck you! You piece of shit!!" Lazlo laughs at the stupid pachyderm. "Anyway, I need to shave." "Shave? Since when do you shave?" dumb ass Raj asked. "Since, now!" Lazlo said. Yes. Yes. Lazlo does shave, Matter of fact, he now has a thin pencil mustache. "Clam also shaves." Lazlo added. "Yeah!" Clam said, as he was also shaving. Raj was stunned. "What? You? Shave?" "Yeah!" Clam shouted. "_Hmmph!_" Raj sniffed. "Stupid pale cunt! Always sayin' stupid shit!" Clam heard him. "Fuck you, pussy!" he sniffed as he wiped his face with a towel. "That's tellin' him, Clam!" Lazlo laughed as he ran into the bathroom to shave.

Meanwhile in Patsy's & Penny's cabin. Penny was making breakfast. Patsy was on her cell phone, making calls & the tv was on _'Sanford & son'_. Penny was watching this & cooking at the same time. She was cooking bacon, eggs, sausage, grits, & pancakes. The scene is on the tv now.

**_(Cutaway to tv)_**  
This episode of Sanford & son is the one about when Fred & Lamont goes to court to fight a traffic ticket. Anyway, the scene is on Fred. He walks up to the cop, who by the way, is white.

Fred: Listen. Why don't you arrest some white drivers?  
Cop: I do.  
Fred: You do? Where are they?

The audience laughs a little bit.

Fred: Look at all these niggas in here!  
audience:(laughs)

The cop looks around as the audience roars with laughter & applaudes. This goes on for twenty seconds, then Fred goes for the punchline.

Fred: Look around here. There's enough niggas in here to make a Tarzan movie!  
audience:(laughs)

Then it shows the entire courtroom, which was filled with a all black jury, agreeing with him. The audience laughs & applauses louder as Fred/Redd Foxx gave them a wink & did an 'ok' sign with his fingers.  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"Praise on, brotha Fred." Penny said as she flipped the pancakes & sausage. "Praise on." Patsy got off her phone. "Thank god, that's done." she said as she closed up her phone. Penny turned to her. "So, what was all dat about, _P_?" she asked. "Oh. I was just makin' last minute arrangements for tonight, Penny." Patsy explained. "So, what's tha plan for yo' man's day?" Penny asked. "The first part of my plan, involves you, Penny." Patsy started. "It does?" Penny asked. "Yeah." Patsy said. "Anyway, you take Lazlo out & do whatever yall want for the day, while I'll prepare his cake & birthday dinner. Then around 8, 9, or even 10:00, you bring Lazlo to the Williams-Johnson Hotel & you tell him to go to room 950 & I'll take it over from there." "Hmmm. Sounds like you two are gonna finally have sex." Penny said in a teasing voice. "Y-Yeah." Patsy said, blushing a bit. "**It's about time!**" Penny exclaimed. "Penny." Patsy started. "You had sex before. How did it feel?" "_P_. It feels good, _P_!" Penny said. "Losin' yo' virginity is one of tha best things happen to ya! I remember my first time. I was so young & pretty." "So how old were you?" Patsy asked. "I was 12. In tha fall of 2003, _P_." Penny said as she was now finishing cooking the breakfast. "Anyway, thank god, I won all dat cash in dat slamball contest two chapters ago to spend. Aight, breakfast's ready." So the cousins sat at the table & started eating their breakfast.

In Peter's office. Peter was sitting at his desk, eating a 15 ft, long turkey & ham club sandwich. "Oh god! This sub is delicious!" he burped as some bits of the sandwich flew out of his mouth. The audience laughs at this. "_Ah!_ There's nothin' like burpin' in the cool morning breeze." Just then, Brian came in with a package & some letters. "Mail's here." he said in a cheerful voice. Peter noticed this. "I see, that the day off yesterday, sure lifted up your spirits." "Yep, it sure did, Peter." Brian said as he set the letters down on the table. Peter noticed the package. "What's that?" "What?" Brain asked. "That package in your hands." Peter pointed out. "Is it for me? Does it got candy in it? " Then the overweight man stands up & started jumping up & down, like a spoil brat. "Huh? C'mon! Please tell me!!!" Brian was getting pissed. "**It's not for you! It's for one of the campers, asshole!!**" "Dammit! I'll never get a package!!!" Peter pouted as he kicked a nearby can & the audience laughs. "This package is for Lazlo, Peter." Brian said. "It's probably from his folks, since today's his birthday." "What? Lazlo? Who the hell's that?" Peter asked stupidly. Then he looks around. "Where the fuck are we?" Not wanting to explain, the entire fic & shit like that to him. Brain just dryly said. "You're an ass, Peter. You're an ass." Then he walks out of the office, muttering to himself. "Gee, I wonder, what's stuck up his ass?" Peter asked as the audience jeered at his stupidity.

Brian goes to Lazlo's cabin with his package. Lazlo was about to go to see Patsy & Penny. Anyway, the scene is on Lazlo. He was talking. "Well, see you bitches later." he laughed as he was about to open the cabin door. When he opened the door, he saw the dog. "Oh! What's up, Mr. Griffin?" Lazlo said. "What do you want?" "Here's a package for you." Brian said as he handed him the package & lefted. Lazlo looked at the package. "It's from my folks." Lazlo said as he opened up his package. It was some colonge & a brand new watch. "Bill Cosby's men's colonge & a new watch. Cool." "That means, that you'll smell like jello, hoagies, & puddin' pops!" Clam said. "Puddin' pops? What the hell are those?" Lazlo asked. "They were _Jell-o Pudding_ on popsicle sticks. Cosby used to sell them in the 80's." Clam explained. "I've heard, that they were quite delicious." "Readin' again, I see?" Lazlo said as he put his colonge away & put on his watch. "Yep." Clam responded. "Well, like I said earlier; see you bitches later." Lazlo said as he lefted the cabin. Raj was cross. "Stupid mongeese! Always the center of attention!" Lazlo poked his head through the opened window. "I heard that!" Then as quickly as he brought his head in, he took his head out. Raj turned to Clam. "Do you wanna get high?" "Hell nawl! How 'bout we get drunk?" Clam suggested as he took out a twelve pack of beer. "It'll get your spirits up!" "Okay." Raj said as he grabbed a beer. As he was about to open the can, he stopped. "Is it too early to drink a beer, Clam?" "No! It's night time, somewhere in the world, stupid." Clam sniffed as he started downing the beer. Raj thought what Clam had said. "You're right, Clam. It's night time, somewhere. Alright, down the hatch!" "Atta boy!" Clam said, downing his third beer.

Back at Patsy & Penny's cabin, they had just got done finishing up breakfast. "_Ahh!_ That was good!" Patsy said as she wipe her mouth. "You can say dat again, _P_." Penny said as she downed what's left of her orange juice. Patsy looked at her watch. It was almost 9:30. "It's almost 9:30. Lazlo should be up now." "He should be comin' any second now." Penny said as she stood up & took out her keys. "Remember Penny." Patsy started as Penny was leaving. "Bring him to the Williams-Johnson Hotel around 9!" "I know! I know! Room 950! I know, _P_." Penny said. Then she turned to Patsy. "Good luck to makin' yo' boy's cake & dinner." "Oh, don't worry about me Penny." Patsy said. "I have things under control here. You just keep Lazlo busy."

Outside, Lazlo walked up to Penny. "Morning Penny." he said to her. "Mornin', G." she greeted. "Do you realize what day is it today, Penny?" Lazlo asked with hopefulness in his voice. "Yeah. It's Tuesday." answered Penny, pretending not to know it's not Lazlo's special day. "Well, yeah." Lazlo muttered. "Guess again." "Is it tha three month anniversity since Michael Vick was released from jail?" Penny asked again. "No! Today's my birthday, Penny!" Lazlo correctly. "I knew dat, G." Penny admitted. "I was just fuckin' around wit ya." "Where's Patsy?" Lazlo said with a worried look on his face. "Don't worry about, _P_." Penny started. "Yo'll see her later, but now you get to spend tha day wit me & do anythin' what you want." "Really?" asked Lazlo. "Yeah." Penny answered. "So, what do you wanna do first?" Lazlo was about to start thinking of something to do, when a basketball hit him straight in the head. The hit knocked him down onto the ground. "**TAKE THAT, BIRTHDAY BITCH!!!!!**" shouted a voice off-screen. The voice belonged to Edward. He had an evil smile on his face. He walked towards the duo. "So, today's your birthday, huh?" "Yeah!" Lazlo sniffed as Penny helped him up. "Do you wanna make somethin' out of it!?!" "If you insist!" Edward sniffed. Then he gave Lazlo a sissy ass push. Lazlo then gave Edward a jaw shattering punch to the face. The punch knocked Edward out cold. "Fuckin' dick!!" Lazlo sniffed as he rubbed his fist. Penny ran up to the unconcious platypus & looked at him. He was moaning a tiny bit. "Yo'....got....tha.....**FUCK OUT!!!**" she shouted, then ran off laughing. "Fuckin' duck-lookin' motherfucka!" Lazlo sniffed. Then he recovered. "Anyway, I would like to go to the batting cages, Penny." "Aight then." Penny said as she took out her keys. "Let's go."

At the batting cages, Penny had put $50 bucks into the ball machine & it was spitting out balls at a fast pace. Lazlo was hitting them all. Well, almost all of them. He missed 50 out of the 120 that shot out. "Dat wasn't half bad, G." Penny complimented. "Fo' yo' first time." "T-Thank you, P-Penny." Lazlo panted. "Do you wanna take a break?" Penny asked. "Y-Yeah." came the reply. "Aight." Penny said. "Maybe, I'll treat you to a pop. Dat'll be a wise thing." So they was at a soda vending machine. "So, which pop do ya want?" Penny asked. "Pepsi?" "Yeah." Lazlo answered. So she put the dollar into the machine & like any other vending machine, it spitted the dollar out. "What tha hell?" Penny asked as she picked up the dollar & put it back into the machine. It spitted the dollar back out. "What tha fuck's goin' on here?!" Penny sniffed. "Maybe, you should use another dollar." Lazlo suggested. "Good thinkin', G." Penny said as she took out another dollar, which was crispier & newer than the last one. She puts into the machine & presses the Pepsi symbol. Then two sodas came down. "Two sodas?" Lazlo asked as he grabbed the sodas. "Damn! That must've been a lucky dollar, Penny." "I guess." Penny said. "Here." Lazlo said as he gave her the second pop. "Thanks, G." Penny said as she opened the soda. "What do you wanna do next?" "I want to get a massage." Lazlo suggested. "Okay." Penny said. "Let's go."

Meanwhile, back at camp. Patsy was baking Lazlo's cake & was looking through a cookbook. "Now. What sort of dinner should I cook for us?" she said outloud as she flipped through the pages. "_Eeeeehh!_" "What the hell's that?" Patsy said. After a few seconds of hearing nothing, she went back to flipping through the book. "_Eeehhh!_" the sound came again. Patsy slammed the book closed. "I know, I heard that!" she said as she started looking around. "_**Eeehhh!**_ **Will you get back to the book....**" the voice started, before a white blurred object lands onto Patsy. The object was a naked Quagmire. "_Heh! Heh!_ I'm ready & rearing, Patsy! _Oh!_" "**Get offa me!**" Patsy shouted as she threw the naked man off of her. She stands up & dusts herself off, then she turns to him. "You cheeky cracker ass dick! How dare you come into my cabin naked & expecting me to have sex with you?! Are you outta your fuckin' mind?!?" "Giggity!" came the reply. Patsy was pissed. "**That's it! You're goin' down!**" Then she starts beating the shit outta him. The audience cheers, laughs, & applauses. Then ten minutes later, she threw him out of the cabin. "**That'll teach your ass!!**" she shouted at him. "**Fuckin' bitch!**" Quagmire was bleeding from ear to ear. "M-Maybe, I shouldn't do somethin' like that, again." he groaned with pain. "G-Giggity!" He passes out & the audience laughs.

At the massage polar, Penny & Lazlo was getting their massages. They were both getting their backs massaged. "So, how are you feelin', G?" Penny asked. "The word's you lookin' for is 'large', Penny." Lazlo said as sighed deeply. "Glad to hear it." Penny said. Unknown to them, there was two other massage beds placed next to them. "_Agggh!_ My back's killin' me." said a nausally female voice. "Thank god, that I found these extra massage passes." said a male voice. "Now let's enjoy ourselves. That'll be a wise thing." Penny suddenly lifts her head up. "Uh, Laz. Did you heard those two voices?" "Kinda." Lazlo said. "They're just other people, Penny. Nothin' to get upset about." "But, I swear to god, dat I just heard dat fuckin' good fo' nothin'..." Penny started as she turned her head just to be nose to nose with Lois. Sorta speak. "Lois. What tha fuck are you doin' here? This is suppose to be me & Laz's private session." "Well, Peter had found these extra massage passes & we was bored; so we decided to use them." Lois explained. Lazlo turned to his left side to see Peter. "So, if yall here, who's runnin' the camp?" he asked. "Someone, that owes me a favor." Peter said.

**_(Cutaway)_**  
That someone was Homer. He was at Peter's desk, eating some chocolate eclairs, caramel cake, chocolate cake, Ho Ho's, Twinkies, jelly-filled donuts, glazed donuts, chocolate chip cookies, chocolate chip ice cream, & cherry cheesecake. The audience laughs. Homer looks at the camera.

Homer: What? You should know, that I _love_ to eat pastries.

Just then Brian walks in. He was carrying some boxes & cases of dounts, eclairs, ice cream, ho ho's, twinkies, cookies, cakes, coffee, & some cheesecakes.

Brian: Alright Peter. I've got wat you wanted from the store. Donuts, eclairs, cakes, cheesecakes, &.....

As he lowered his arms down, he saw Homer at Peter's desk.

Brian:(surprised to see him) What the hell are you doin' here?  
Homer:(eating a eclair, cheesecake, Ho Ho, & chocolate chip ice cream at the same time) Well, that Peter guy found some extra massage polar passes, & he & that Lois lefted.  
Brian: Oh. So, why did he left you in charge? I kinda, know how to run things run around here.  
Homer: Interesting story really. I was outside, when I heard him sayin'; _'Ooooh! It's time for my pastry mid-day snack!'_ And you know me. That I must get some of that! So, I ran in here & drooled over his sweets & he asked, if I wanted it. I was ready to do anything for those tasty sweets & he really wanted to go to get a massage; so we came to a compromise. He & Lois go get a massage & I get to eat these sweets! _Oh!_ And keep an eye on the camp, also. I almost forgot about that part.

Brian: Okay? That was a mouth full. So do I just,....  
Homer: Yeah, just leave the sweets there. I get to them. That'll be a wise idea.  
Brian: Okay then?

He sets down the sweets & leave. After he lefted, Homer jumps onto the sweets & started scarfing down the treats. The audience laughs.  
**_(End cutaway/flashback)_**

"Him. Of course." Penny said, boredly. Then she turned to Lois. "You betta not say or do somethin' stupid or I'll get off this table & beat tha shit outta yo' fuckin', ugly, mentally retarded ass & yo' big ass ugly thing dat you call a nose, which takes up almost 80% percent of yo' ugly ass face!!" Then she grabs Lois by the neck & makes a threatening fist and puts it against her nose. "**_You_ get me?!!?**" "Y-Yeah, I-I get you." Lois said in a frighten voice. "I-I-I get you." "Good!" Penny said in a calmer voice as she let Lois go. "You know, I just realized, Penny?" Lazlo asked. "What?" Penny asked. "Today's rap music sucks!" Lazlo replied. Penny then thought about what Lazlo had said. "Yeah, you right 'bout dat, Laz." she said. "Rap's bullshit!" "Yeah." Peter said, getting into the conversation. "I don't like all that southern retarded shit, yo!" "_**Peter!**_" Lois shouted. "Don't be disrespectful!" "Shut tha fuck up, ho!" Penny sniffed as she shoved Lois off her table. Lois hit the floor with a thud. The audience laughs. "Fuckin' slut! Continue _fatty_." "Thanks. That southern shit is gay as hell! Like FloRIDa! What the hell? H-He's just a pop singer & all that gay shit." "Yeah." Penny said. "Soulja Boy, 50 cent, Kayne West, Lil Wayne & them sucks! I rather take rap from tha 90's then tha shit, dat plays today!" Lazlo & Peter nodded in agreement. "How about R+B?" Lazlo asked. "Don't get me started on R+B." Penny said. "Dat shit definately sucks ass! Especially Rihanna. I hate dat bitch! She can't sing to save her life! I mean, a fuckin' song about a fuckin' umbrella! Fuckin' shit! I'm glad she got hit by Chris Brown, who's music, also sucks by tha way! **Fuck 'em both!!**" "Nicley said, Penny." Lazlo said. "Nicely said." Penny smiled. "Is it just me or does almost everything, basically sucks these days?" Lazlo asked. "It's not you. Everything _does_ suck!" Penny said. "Except for me, you, Ollie, _P_, & tha rest of my blood." "Thanks for sayin', that I don't suck, Ms. Penny." Peter said as he ran towards her & hugged her tight. "Not you, stupid!" Penny struggled to say. Unfortunately, Peter didn't hear her. "I hate _American Idol_, too!" Peter said as he let her go. Penny was pissed. "**I DIDN'T MEAN YOU, ASSHOLE!!!! I MEANT PATSY, MUTHAFUCKA!!!!**" she shouted. Peter was sad. "**I hate you!!!! _Waahaahaaa!_**" He runs out crying. "Fuckin' small dicked cunt!" Penny sniffed. "Damn Penny. You ran him off. _Cool!_" Lazlo awed. Penny smiled.

Two hours passed by. Penny & Lazlo was done getting their massages & was back in their uniforms. "So, what do you wanna do now?" Penny asked. "What time is it?" Lazlo asked. Penny looked at her watch. "It's 12:45." she said. "No wonder." Lazlo said. "I'm hungry." "So, what do you wanna have lunch at?" Penny asked. "How about we get some food from that place; _'Martin's Dogs'_ is it?" Lazlo asked. Penny nodded. "Yeah, _'Martin's Dogs'_. Sounds like a wise idea, G! Let's go." At Martin's dogs, Penny had payed for their lunches & was eating their food in her suv & watching some tv too. "Enjoyin' yo' lunch?" Penny asked. "Yep." Lazlo answered. "Dat shit's good, ain't it?" Penny asked as she took a bite from her patented 'Fred G. Sanford dog', which was loaded with chili, nacho cheese, onions, peppers, garlic, & hot sauce. "Yes, it is." Lazlo said. "Damn! There's nothin' good on!" Penny sniffed. "There's never shit on fuckin' tv, durin' tha day!" "Well, except for a few shows, Penny." Lazlo said. "Yeah, I know, dat you like to watch those borin' old court shows & dat Maury." Penny said as she rolled her eyes. "I don't know why." "Because, they're entertaining, Penny." Lazlo said. "Especially, those court shows." "Well, thank god for tha internet." Penny laughed. Lazlo then yawned. "God, I'm tired all of a sudden." "Those dogs will do it to ya every time." Penny said. "Do you wanna take a nap?" "Yeah." Lazlo yawned again. "Dat sounds like a wise idea, Laz." Penny said as she locked all of the doors on the suv. "Takin' a nap, will take up most of tha day." So they set their seats back into the 'recline' & went to sleep.

It wasn't until sometime later, that the duo woke up. Penny looked at her watch. "Damn! It's after 6:30!" she exclaimed. "Yeah, so?" Lazlo asked as he stretched & yawned. "I was plannin' on takin' you to tha club for two hours." Penny explained. "Oh." Lazlo muttered. "So, we have to go back to tha joint, to get changed into our clubbin' clothes." Penny said as she started up her ride. So she pulled out of Martin's Dogs & drove back to camp.

Back at camp, Lazlo went back to his cabin to change & Penny went to her destination to change. Anyway, when Penny was in her & Patsy's cabin; she found Patsy fast asleep on the kitchen table. Penny smiled. "_P_, cooked herself to sleep. Maybe I should wake her." she said to herself. "No, maybe I should wake her, after I get changed into my clubbin' clothes." Five minutes later, Penny was in her clubbin clothes. "Aight, now to wake up _P_." she said as she went to a sleeping Patsy. She picks her up & starts to shake her violently. "**WAKE UP, _P_!!!!!!**" "What? Who? When?" Patsy stuttered. "Wh-Why did you do that for, Penny?" "Because, it's almost 7." Penny said. "Oh, yeah. I suppose, to get the stuff to the hotel." Patsy said as she stood up. "So, how are things goin'?" "Things are goin' great, _P_." Penny said as she put on her hat. "You're not gonna forget to bring Lazlo to the Williams-Johnson Hotel around 9 or 10, are ya?" Patsy asked, grabbing her keys. "No, I ain't gonna fo'get, _P_." Penny said. "I ain't gonna fo'get." "Good." Patsy said, as they both left the cabin.

Meanwhile, Lazlo was getting ready. Raj was watching. "Uh, Lazlo. What are you gettin' dressed up in your clubbin' clothes for?" "Because, Penny's takin' me to the club, stupid!" Lazlo sniffed. "Duh!" "Why can't you stay here with..." Raj started to say, before he was interrupted by a angry Lazlo. "Don't you dare say, what you're about to say! I need to go out with girls. I can't spead all my time with a whiny cunt like you! Hell! Even Clam's goin' out with girls."

**_(Cutaway to another club on the other side of town)_**  
Clam was drinking with a bunch of females, in that club's VIP section.

Clam:(drinking some Brandy) I wonder, what the poor, lonely people are doin?  
Female: Who cares? When you got us, Dwayne.  
Clam/Dwayne:(notices his glass is empty) Yo, bar keep! Gimme some more Brandy!  
Bar keep: Yes sir, Mr. Dwayne Wade, sir.

So he gives Clam/Dwayne & his bitches some more Brandy.

Clam: _Ahh!_ Now this is the life!  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"No wonder, he's not here." Raj muttered as Lazlo started to leave. "Now, if you please excuse me, I've got an appointment, that I got to attend to!" "**Fine! Go ahead & leave!**" Raj called after him. "**I'll just stay here & masturbate to a photo of Nina!**" Just then, Nina walked up to him. She had heard everything & was pissed. "I've heard that! Just for mentioning about you masturbatin' about me; I'm gonna cut your penis off & shove it up your fuckin' ass!" "Oh shit!" Raj muttered as Nina grabbed him by the collar & started slashing at his crotch with a knife. Lazlo walked up to Penny, who was at her ride. "Are you ready, Penny?" "Yeah." Penny said. "Let's go."

At the nightclub, which was the very same nightclub from Chapter 7. Penny & Lazlo was in line. The bouncer, was picking random people to go inside. Lazlo noticed. "Oh shit! Here he comes! I hope, we get picked!" "Don't worry, Laz. We'll get picked." Penny said, taking out four $100 dollar bills. "We'll get picked." Just then, the bouncer picked Penny & Lazlo. "You two! Go inside!" The bouncer barked. So Penny & Lazlo ran into the club. "Well, at least you get to keep your $400 dollars, Penny." Lazlo laughed. "I wouldn't say dat yet, Laz." Penny said. "I'm gonna take you to tha Ultra VIP section." So Penny, went up to the Ultra VIP section's bouncers & whispered to them. They nodded & opened the way into the section. Penny ran to Lazlo. "There you go, Laz." she said. "Gee, thanks Penny." Lazlo said as he & Penny went into the section, but not before Penny gave the two bouncers $600 dollars each. Inside, the Ultra VIP section, there was celebrities like; Ice Cube, Anthony Anderson, Robin Givens & some other people, who rich enough; was in there celebrating their birthdays & or anniversities there. Anyway, Penny & Lazlo sat at a table, that was in a corner. "D'you wanna, get yo' drinks from tha counter?" Penny asked Lazlo. "Yeah." Lazlo said as he was standing up. "Aight." Penny said, as she was getting up. They was at the counter now. "I hope, you're not gonna drink again, Penny." Lazlo said. "Don't worry, 'bout dat, Laz." Penny said. "I'm gonna get some pop." Then she turned to the counter. "Hey! We want some drinks!" "Comin'" said the voice. "Hey, didn't dat voice sound like dat slug?" Penny asked. "You mean, Slinkman?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah." the reply came. "It might be." Lazlo said. Just then, the aformention slug walked up to the counter. "So, what do yall.." he stops to see Lazlo & Penny. "Lazlo. Is that you?" "Yep." Lazlo said. Slinkman turned to Penny. "And you're that one girl, who danced & made a $1000, back in chapter 7?" Slinkman said to Penny. "Yep." Penny said. "So, Slinkman. Guess what day it is today?" Lazlo asked, with a smile on his face. "Um, is it three month anniversity since Michael Vick was released from jail?" Slinkman asked. "No." Lazlo said. Slinkman thought about it. "Is it your birthday?" "Yeah." Lazlo said. "So, I expect, you want a free birthday drink, eh?" Slinkman asked. "Yeah." Lazlo said. "You're not gettin' a birthday drink." Slinkman started. Lazlo & Penny looked at each other. "You're gettin' a birthday dance!" Slinkman said as he went to the wall & fist pressed a red button. Just then, five sexy strippers come to Lazlo & start dancing on & or around his lap. The head stripper looked at him. "So, how old are you gonna be?" she asked in a sexy tone. "Six-Six-Sixteen." Lazlo stuttered nervously. "Looks, like we got ourselves a man here." The head stripper said to the other four strippers. "_Ooooh!_" the other four said. "That means, that I bend over & you slap my ass sixteen times." The head stripper said. So, she bend over & Lazlo started slapping her big ass, while Penny & Slinkman smiled at each other.

It was going on towards 9:45 now. Penny looked at her watch. "Damn! It's almost 10!" Then she turned to Lazlo, who was stroking his thin mustache & drinking some pop. "Hey Laz. It's time to go." Penny said. "But why, Penny?" Lazlo asked. "I'm havin' a great time here." "Because, I have to take you to tha Williams-Johnson Hotel." Penny said, getting her keys. "Okay." Lazlo said, getting up. Then he turned to the strippers. "Uh, that's really some nice dancin' by the way. And nice, uh, ass too!" "Well, at least he mentioned our firm, sexy asses." The head stripper said to the others. "Yeah." the other four strippers said. Slinkman looked at his watch. "Well, since it's almost closin' time, you can dance for me." "_What?!?_ _Again?!?_" the strippers exclaimed. Then they sighed & started dancing for wealthy slug.

15 minutes later, Penny & Lazlo arrived at the Williams-Johnson Hotel. The Hotel was fancy & all that shit. "This is it, Laz." Penny said. "Have a great time." "Aren't you coming inside, Penny?" Lazlo asked. "No." Penny said. "But I got some instructions fo' ya. You go to room 950 & go inside." "That's all?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah." Penny said, as she started up her ride. "But before I go, I got somethin' for ya, dat yo' gonna need." She then reaches into her pocket & took out a small envelope that said; 'Do not open, until you're in hotel room.' & gives it to him. "What is this, Penny?" Lazlo asked. "It's somethin', dat yo' gonna need." Penny said. "See you later." She drives off & Lazlo goes into the hotel. Inside the hotel, Lazlo went up to the front desk & ranged the bell. The desk attendant came up. "Yeah?" he asked. "I need a key for room 950, please?" Lazlo asked. "_Oh!_ You're the other part for the occupants up there, sir." The attendant said, getting Lazlo the card/key for the room. "I hope, you have a great time." Then the attendant held out his hand. Lazlo then noticed what the man wanted. "How much?" he sighed as he rolled his eyes & put his hand into his pocket. "About a $100 dollars." The attendant said. "Here's $120." Lazlo said as he gave the man the money. "Thank you, sir." The attendant said, as Lazlo went to the elevator.

On the nineth floor, Lazlo walked down the blue-carpeted hallway. "939, 940, 941. Well, at least I know, that I'm in the right hallway." he said to himself. After several more rooms, he was at 950. "This is the right room!" Lazlo said as he slid the key/card through the scanner. The door opened to a room, that had a nice king-sized bed, with red sheets, covers, & pillows, a table with candles, two plates, & two glasses, a cd player & a note on the cd player. Lazlo noticed the note & went towards it. He picks it up & reads it. "_'Turn on the cd player.'_ Okay." he said as he turned on the cd player. Some soft R&B music plays. Lazlo then goes back to the note. "_'After turnin' on the cd player, sit down at the table.'_ Okay?" Lazlo said, sitting down at the table. Then he hears a soft, sexy female voice. "I guess, that I have a customer." the voice said. "That voice sounds so familar." Lazlo muttered. Just then, he sees a rather sexy-looking Patsy. She was in her stripper appeal, that she wore in the last chapter, except with a few modifcations. She was showing a lot more & she was wearing no stockings & her skirt was tighter & smaller. She was wearing red lipstick & was carrying Lazlo's birthday cake. He was awed. "D-Damn P-P-Patsy. Y-Y-You look r-r-really hot." Lazlo stuttered nervously. "Thank you, dear." Patsy said as she sat in the seat, that was next to him. "So, uh Patsy. What type of dinner, did you made for me? Is it somethin', that I like?" "Maybe." Patsy said in a sexy voice as she took out a silver platter dish from her bag & set it on the table. "See for youself." Lazlo lifted the top of the dish to see, a quad-cheesed pizza with pepperoni & some monzerella sticks, that was split open in the center. "Quad-cheese pizza with pepperoni & some monzerella sticks on the side." Lazlo said. "My favorite!" "I thought so." Patsy said, as she reached for a slice of pizza. "Wait Patsy! I wanna do somethin' romantic." Lazlo said. "What?" Patsy asked. "This." Lazlo said, as he wraps his arm around hers. "Now, let's get a slice." Lazlo said. So, they grabbed a slice of pizza & eats each other's slice.

After the pizza & the monzerella sticks was eaten. Patsy turned to Lazlo. "So, Lazlo. D'you want to eat your cake now? Or do you want your presents now?" she asked in a sexy voice. "How 'bout, we have both!" Lazlo said. "Okay." Patsy said, as she lit up the candles on the cake. "Make a wish dear." Lazlo made a wish & blew out the candles & Patsy served the cake. Lazlo takes a sample of his cake. "_Mmmm!_ This cake's delicious, Patsy!" he said. "Is it better than your mom's?" Patsy asked. "It's **_way_** better, Patsy!" Lazlo said. "Thank you, dear." Patsy said in a sexy tone, as she takes a sample of her cake & took a sip of lemon ice tea. "I'm ready for my presents now, Patsy." Lazlo said. "Okay." Patsy said as she stood up from her seat. She starts dancing erotically. Lazlo was awed. "This is one of my gifts for you, dear." Patsy said erotically. "H-Have you always dance like this?" Lazlo stuttered. "No. I only learned to dance like this; in the last chapter." Patsy said. "Me & Penny took pole dancin' lessons." Then she sits onto Lazlo's lap. "Did Penny gave you that envelope?" "Y-Yeah." Lazlo stuttered, as he took out the envelope & opened it. He looks at it. "_'Coupon for one lap dance.'_" he read. "O-Okay." So Patsy grabbed Lazlo's hands & took him to the bed. "Ready for your lapdance now?" Patsy asked in a erotic voice. "**Yeah!**" Lazlo exclaimed. So Patsy started dancing erotically to the music. She started taking off her black vest & threw it onto the floor. She then dances on Lazlo's lap. Lazlo starts to have a feeling, that he never had before. "What the hell?" he muttered as he looked down to see, that he was having an erection. "_Oh shit!_ I'm havin' a hard-ass boner!" he muttered to himself. "I hope, Patsy doesn't find out about that!" Unfortunately, she did. "I see, that someone's growin' up." she said in a erotic voice. "Uh,..." Lazlo stuttered. "Yeah." Then Patsy starts to unbutton his shirt. She feels his 6 pack abs. "Mmmm. I like the feel of your abs." she erotically said. In response, Lazlo wraps his hands around her waist & starts to pull up her tight shirt, until it was off. He throws the shirt aside, & rub her sexy abs. "I love the feel of your firm, sexy abs, too." Lazlo whispered. Patsy smiled as she put her hands onto the zipper on Lazlo's pants. Doing this action, made Lazlo's erection harder. She unzipped his pants slowly, while Lazlo waited patiently for her to reach the bottom. Soon she reached the bottom. "Well, looks like you don't need your pants anymore, huh Lazlo?" Patsy said in a erotic voice. "I guess not." Lazlo said as he kicked the pants away & Patsy gets back to dancing.

After little bit more dancing, Patsy shoved her covered breasts into Lazlo's face, giving him that fetish for them. "Oh god, Patsy! I love your sexy-ass breasts!" Lazlo awed. Patsy laughed seductively. "Thank you, dear. Do you wanna guest what size are they?" "Uh,.." Lazlo stuttered, nervous that he'll get the answer wrong. "If, you answer right, you'll get to take off my bra & feel 'em." Patsy said lovingly. "Uh, are they 36B?" Lazlo asked nervously. Patsy then takes his hands & put them on her back, where the connecting straps to the bra was. "Yep! That's right!" Patsy answered. "You get to take off my bra & feel my breasts." So Lazlo, taking his time, undid the connecting hooks to Patsy's bra. Patsy didn't mind him taking his time. Soon, the bra was off & Patsy's 36b breasts was in full view & was in Lazlo's mercy. He put his hands on the breasts & started rubbing them passionately. Patsy enjoyed this. "Mmmm." she uttered. "You enjoy that, don't ya?" Lazlo said to her. "Yeah." Patsy replied in a sexy tone. To make the moment more romantic, Lazlo then licks her breasts. Patsy especially enjoyed this. "_Mmmm!_ That's right, birthday boy. Lick my titties." To follow this, Patsy puts her hands down Lazlo's black boxers & started rubbing his erected dick. Lazlo enjoyed this. "Oh shit!" he exclaimed. "You like that, don't ya?" Patsy asked erotically. "Oh yeah." Lazlo uttered. "Well, let's go to the bed & finish this, shall we?" Patsy said in a erotic voice. "Y-Yes." Lazlo stuttered. "T-That'll be a w-wise idea." So they went to the bed & Lazlo put his hands in Patsy's skirt & started pulling them down. Soon her thong underwear was exposed. Lazlo looked at them. "Oooh. I like your thongs, Patsy." he commented. "Oh, do you?" Patsy asked. Lazlo nodded. "Well." Patsy said as she stood up. "How 'bout my ass?" She turns around & shakes her sexy ass at him. "D'you like my ass?" "**Oh, yeah!**" Lazlo exclaimed, then he stopped. "Uh, you didn't put a tattoo on it or anything like that, did you?" "No." Patsy replied. "I wouldn't do anything that stupid." "Good." Lazlo said. "Now, lemme take off those thongs & let's fuck." "Wait!" Patsy said. "There's two things, that we need to do." "And what's that?" Lazlo asked. "Pick up your envelope." Patsy said. So, Lazlo picked up his envelope & something fell out of it. He picks it up & see it's a condom. "A condom?" he asked. "Well, better safe than sorry." "Yeah." Patsy said as she put her hands on his boxers. "The second thing is; lemme take off your draws." "Okay." Lazlo said, putting his hands back on Patsy's thongs. "On the count of three. We pull down our draws." "Okay." Patsy said. "1, 2, 3!" They both pull down their underwear. Patsy saw Lazlo's erection. It was brick hard now. "_Mmmm!_ I think someone's ready." said Patsy in a erotic tone. "Yeah." Lazlo said. So, he put on the condom & Patsy laid in the bed. The sex began.

Patsy grabs the erected dick & puts it into her 'love tunnel'. She lets out a pleased moan. Then she started pushing herself up, then down & repeated this. Lazlo then grabs her sexy behind & holds on, while she does this. To make this moment more memorable, Lazlo slaps her sexy ass. "_Oh!_" she cried. Then in a naughty voice said; "Mmmm!" Lazlo noticed. "You like that, don't ya?" "Yeah." Patsy said. "D'you want me to keep doin' that?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah." Patsy said. "Keep slappin' my ass, while I hump you, baby." So Lazlo kept slapping his lovers ass as they made love & Patsy shouted & cried while he did this. After a while, Lazlo was getting bored of slapping Patsy's ass. He wanted to do something different, so he sucks one of her breasts. Patsy enjoyed the sensation from this. "_Mmmm!_" she uttered. "That's right, baby. Suck my tits." So, Lazlo continued this action for at least ten minutes. When the ten minutes went by, Lazlo decided to suck the other breast. He kept sucking for another twenty five minutes, then he stopped. Patsy looked at him. "Did you enjoy suckin'?" "Yeah." Lazlo answered. "I glad, that you did." Patsy answered. "I bet, you're gonna enjoy _**this**_!!!" When she said that, Patsy started humping him harder & harder. Lazlo especially like this & had a feeling that she was trying to make him cum first. Luckily for him, he learned to hold all of his build up & he humped Patsy back & hard too. Patsy felt the jolt. "_Oooh!_" she cried. Lazlo like the way, Patsy responded to that. So he decided, he's gonna make her cum first. He starts humping her harder & harder. Patsy was about to hit her climax. "Oh shit!" she muttered. "I'm about to cum!" Lazlo grew an evil smile on his face. "Perfect!" he said to himself, as he was about to reach his climax & cum too. He gives her that final pump. "**Oh shit!!!**" she shouted as she released her juices. Doing this, made Lazlo release his juices into her. After the cumming, both lovers falled into the bed. They were catching their breaths. "So,....did you enjoy......that?" Patsy asked, between pants. Lazlo swallowed & turned to her. "**Yeah! That was the best birthday present ever, Patsy!!!**" he exclaimed. "I'm glad, that you enjoyed it." Patsy said, as she smiled. "I always wanted to loose my virginity to you." "I always wanted to loose mine's to you too, dear." Lazlo said as he looked at Patsy. He notices her glowing a bit. "I see, that you're glowing." "I think, it's one of those good things, that happens when you have sex, dear." Patsy said. "It's been a long wait." Lazlo said. "Yeah. It only took about five years on our old show, two years on this show, & twelve chapters to do it." Patsy said lovingly, breaking the fourth wall. "Come here, darling." Lazlo said. Patsy did the order & came to him. He grabs her waist & pulls her towards him. "You're the best, Patsy." he said. "You're the best." "I know that, dear." Patsy said. Then she leaned over & kissed him. "I wonder, what everyone else is doin'?" Lazlo wonder. "Well, it's after 11:30. They're probably asleep." Patsy said.

**_(Cutaway back to camp)_**  
Everyone indeed was asleep, except for two people. The two people was; Penny & Edward. She had him in a headlock & was squeezing him tight too.

Penny: **What tha hell are you doin' here?  
**Edward:(struggling to breathe) I-I was, just checkin' on you.  
Penny: **Why punk?!?** **Huh!!!?**

She squeezes him harder.

Edward: S-So I, can-can see you undress, M-Ms. Penny.  
Penny: **You dirty muthafucka!!!!! I'm gonna bet yo' ass!!!**

Then she throws Edward onto the ground & started beating on him. The audience laughs & cheers. After seven minutes, Penny threw the perverted bloody platypus outside.

Penny: **IF I EVER CAUGHT YO ASS IN HERE, WATCHIN' ME UNDRESS AGAIN; I'LL GET MY KNIFE & CUT YO' FUCKIN' BALLS OFF!!!!!!**

She slams the cabin door closed. It shows Edward all bloody.

Edward:(groggy) T-That w-was s-so h-hot!!!! M-Maybe next time, s-she'll gimme a h-handjob.

Then a tree branch falls onto his head, knocking him unconcious. The audience laughs.  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"You're right, Patsy." Lazlo said. Then he yawned. "God! Am I tired." "I think, it's catchin'." Patsy said, as she yawned. "I think, it's time for us to go to sleep, Patsy." Lazlo said. "Yeah. That sounds like a wise idea, dear." Patsy said. So Lazlo reached over to the hotel's bedside table & turned off the light. Before they went to sleep, Patsy turned to Lazlo. "Happy birthday, Lazlo dear." she kisses him. "Happy birthday." So with that, the two lovers went happily to sleep.


	21. Penny Vs Penny

Penny VS. Penny

It was the very next morning now. It was about 6:30. The sun was rising over 'Da Pines'. The wind was blowing lightly & the clouds were moving away to let the sun break through. The birds were chirping & people was starting their morning commutes. Anyway, the scene is on Lazlo & Patsy. They was just getting up. "Oh god!" Lazlo said as he stretched. "What a night!" "I bet, you're gonna remember that for a while." said a female voice. Lazlo turned to the direction, where the voice came from. The voice came from Patsy. "You know, I will, sweetie." Lazlo said with a smile on his face. "How are you doin' this mornin'?" "I'm doin' fine, dear." Patsy said. "What are you doin' up so early?" Lazlo asked. "I'm always up early." replied Patsy. "Anyway, I ordered room service." "So, how long, until they'll be here?" Lazlo asked. "Right about..." Patsy started, before there was a knock on the door. "Now." Patsy said as the audience laughed. She gets up, put on a robe & answers the door & Lazlo goes to the bathroom to do his duties.

Ten minutes later, Lazlo was fully dressed & so was Patsy. In her uniform, that is. Anyway, they was at the table. The table had silver platter dishes. "Smells good, Patsy." Lazlo said. "What's for breakfast?" "It's somethin', that you're gonna like, dear." Patsy said. "It's bacon, eggs, sausage, pancakes, & orange juice." "Sounds like my type of grub." Lazlo said as he started eating. "I thought so." Patsy said as she started eating. Soon, they was done. "Full?" asked Patsy as she wiped her mouth off with a napkin. "Yep." Lazlo burped. "So, what time do we checkout?" "At 9:00." replied Patsy. "So, until then. Let's just enjoy this room." "Okay." Lazlo said as he jumped into the bed. He grabs the remote & turns on the tv. "D'you want your newspaper?" Patsy asked. "Yes please." Lazlo answered. So Patsy gave him the newspaper & he started reading. Patsy takes the remote & turns the tv, to what she wanted to watch, until checkout time.

Meanwhile, back at camp. Penny was now up. She was doing her morning exercises. "I wonder, if _Laz_ had a great time wit _P_ last night?" she wondered as she lifted her weight. "Hopefully. Especially, since it's their first time, havin' sex." She then sets her weights down & went to start on her breakfast, which was orange juice, a egg, sausage, bacon & cheese sandwich & fruit slices. After Penny ate her breakfast, she looks at her watch. It said; it was 7:45. "Well, since tha pool room's not opened yet & _Laz_ & _P_ still ain't here. I'll go to my ride & do some repairs." Penny said to herself. "Dat'll be a wise idea." She grabs her cd player & goes outside.

At Lazlo's cabin. Raj & Clam was already up. Raj was upset for some dumb reason. "Lazlo didn't come home last night, Clam." the annoying elephant complained. "So?" Clam asked. "So? Lazlo can be either hurt or even dead and you just sit there & say _'so'_?" Raj then turns his head. "I am ashamed of you, Clam!" "Looks like someone needs to get laid." Clam retorted. The audience laughs. "What d'you mean by _that_? I've gotten laid before, Clam!" Raj sniffed. "When?" Clam asked as he opened a energy drink. "Uh,..." Raj started, before being rushed up by Clam. "**Ha! I knew it! You haven't been laided! Ha!Ha!Ha!**" "It's not my fault, that I'm not attractive." Raj whined. "Yes it is." Clam said. "You suck, because you always whine like a little bitch or do gay shit! And that accent really turns off the girls." "My accent does not turn girls off!" Raj said offended. "It turns the girls on. I'll show you!" He goes to the cabin window & opens it. "Hey ladies! Who wants to go out with a swingin' single elephant, that spins records?" There was a cricket chirping. Clam laughed. "Ha!Ha! You couldn't get anybody but a cricket! Ha! Ha!" The cricket looked at Raj. "Oh, hey there, boy! I likes the way your trunk looks! _Oooh! _And the way you look at me with those sexy brown eyes!" the cricket said in Bruce the gay guy's voice. "Ewwwww!" Raj said as he put his head back inside the cabin. "Ha! Ha! You're homophobic!" Clam laughed. "What a stupid cunt! You can only attract gay crickets!" "Fuck you!" Raj sniffed as he stupidly kicked the side of his bed, which was a stupid move, because he was beginning to feel some pain. "_OWWWWWWWW!_" the stupid elephant hollered as he hold his foot in pain. The audience laughs at his pain & so does Clam. "Ha!Ha! Silly bastard!" he laughed as he went off to get some breakfast.

In Peter's office. Peter was watching the movie; 'Speed' on his laptop on youtube. And he was also eating 20 ft. turkey, bacon, chicken & ham club with a side of chips & drink. The scene is on the laptop.

_**(Cutaway to laptop)**_

It's at the scene, when the bus is about to jump the 50ft. gap.

Keanu Reeves: (in surfer voice & turns to the passengers) Dudes & Dudettes. _**Hold on!**_

Everyone ducks down for some dumb reason. Reeves looks straight at Sandra Bullock's character. She has a worried look on her face.

Sandra Bullock: Oh god, Jack.

Reeves than ducks on top of her and the bus hits the ramp that leads to the gap. The bus files off of the ramp, but it doesn't make it as a record scratch can be heard. It then falls into the pit.

People on the bus: _**AAAAHHHHHHH!**_

Reeves: _Dude_. I can go for some pot right now.

The bus slams into the ground, thus making the bomb on board explode, killing everyone on the bus.

Then a message comes on & it says;

_Everyone on the bus dies, the mad bomber gets his money & gets away_

_& the LAPD goes back to eating donuts at the local 'Dunkin' Doughnuts'._

_The End._

_**(End cutaway)**_

"_Hee!Hee!Hee! _That was a great movie!" Peter appauled. "I especially, like when the bus falls into the pit & explodes! Now since, that's over, what should I do now?" He sat there & thought about it. "I know! I'll watch that godawful show; 'The Proud Family', just for laughs & to make fun of it." So Peter turned off his laptop & turned the tv on to 'The Proud Family'. But then he stopped, as Brian walked in with the mail. "Mail's here." he said as he put the mail on the table. "Is there anything for me?" Peter asked. "Yeah, there's some pizza coupons for you." Brian said dryly. "_Goody_!" Peter exclaimed as he snatched the coupons from Brian's hands. "_**Goddammit, Peter!**_" Brian sniffed as he looked at his hand. "You almost ruined a letter for a camper!" "So?" Peter asked. "Who cares? I got my pizza coupons._**Yay!**_ " Brian rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Now give me the mic." "The PA mike?" Peter asked. "Yeah." Brian said. "I accidently broke it." Peter said stupidly. "How did you break it?" Brian asked. "Uh,..." Peter said as the audience laughed.

_**(Flashback)**_

Peter was at his desk, eating & reading a magazine.

Peter:(eating while reading) _Oooh! _**Big-ass tits!**

He grabs the PA microphone by mistake & accidently takes a huge bite out of it.

Peter: _**OW!**_** My fuckin' teeth! **

audience:(laughs)

Peter: What did I...

He looks at the half-bitten off microphone.

Peter: Oh. That. Well, might as well get back to my magazine.

He gets back to his porno magazine, like nothing happened. The audience laughs.

_**(End Flashback)**_

"I guess, I gotta deliever the letter to Penny, myself." Brian said as he rolled his eyes. "Yeah. That'll be a wise thing, old bean." Peter said as he drooled over his prized pizza coupons. "Fuckin' idiot!" Brian muttered as he went to deliever Penny's letter. "_Hee!Hee_!" Peter laughed as he turned to the tv. Then he changed his mood. "**Oh, come on! This fuckin' show sucks!**" he jeered as he threw an empty beer can at the tv. The audience laughs at this.

Penny was at her suv, doing repairs. "A lil twist there." she said as she turned a bolt. "There! Finished!" Then she looked at her watch. It was 8:45. "It's almost time fo' _P_ & _Laz_ to come back. Well, I can always beat dat cunt, Quagmire in pool." Penny said as she closed the hood to the suv. Just then, Brian walked up to her. "Hey dawg. What d'you want?" "I've got a letter for you, Penny." Brian said as he gave her the letter. "I would've had you come down here to get it, but _Fat Ass _broke the PA mic & he's to busy watchin' that bullshit; 'The Proud Family'."

"Watchin' tv." Penny said. "What else is new. And one of tha worst shows to watch too." "Yeah, I know." Brian said. "It's one of tha worst cartoons on tha fuckin' planet." Penny started. "Dat shit's not even fuckin' funny. Dat damn girl is a whiny bitch. Tha dad's an asshole. Tha mom is a slut & tha grandma's stupid old bitch. Matta of fact, tha whole fuckin' family's stupid & retarded. It sets tha black race 400 years. Tha creator of dat fuckin' show, should be shot in tha fuckin' head! If I ever see dat bitch girl in tha fuckin' street, I would beat tha shit outta her!"

The audience applauses after this. "Well said, Penny." Brian said as he started to walk away. "Well said." "Fuckin' punk-ass pigtailed bitch!" Penny sniffed. But little did the sexy looking Motown mongoose know, that someone was watching all of this.

_**(Cutaway)**_

Somewhere in California. It shows a decent looking house, with a red sports car. Inside, was a 16yr. old light-skinned black girl. Her hair was black, which was made into ponytails. She was wearing a tan t-shirt, black skirt, white socks, & black Nikes. She was watching Penny's rant on tv. The human girl's name was Penny Proud. She was cross & pissed.

Penny Proud: Dat fuckin' mongoose bitch! How dare she talk about me dat way!

Then it shows the tv with Penny talking. _A/N: To make this less confusing, the two Pennys will be labeled like this for now on. Camp Griffin Penny/The Proud Family Penny/CG Penny/TPF Penny._

Camp Griffin Penny: _Dat show sucks so fuckin' bad! I would kill dat stupid bitch, if I ever see her. Whiny bratty slut!_

The Proud Family Penny:(stands up and is red & angry) **DAT'S IT! THERE'S NOT ENOUGH ROOM, IN THA CARTOON WORLD FOR TWO PENNYS! PENNY SMILES **_**MUST **_**DIE!**

She then grabs her car keys & some clubs, jumps into her sports car & speeds out to Camp Griffin. The audience ooohs in suspense as suspenseful music plays.

_**(End cutaway)**_

"Well, time to go play pool wit dat Quagmire cunt." Penny said as she wiped her hands on a towel. She leaves towards the pool room. "I hope, he's off his game."

Meanwhile, Edward was playing basketball against Ollie Williams. Ollie was winning & was many points ahead of the stupid platypus. He was about to dunk the ball, when he stop dead in his tracks. The ball bounced on Edward's head.

"Hey! What's the big idea?" he sniffed as he rubbed his hurting head. Ollie just stood there. "**Answer me!**" Edward shouted. Ollie still stood there, all silent. "What's the matter, with you?" Edward asked. "_Shhh_!" Ollie said, breaking the silence & looking swiftly around. "What? What's wrong?" Edward said, also looking around. "Who do you see?" "_Shhh_!" Ollie said again as he put a hand on Edward's bill. Then in nearly a whisper said, "Somethin's gonna go down later." "What are you talkin' about?" Edward asked. Ollie looks around, then whispers in Edward's ear. "I just felt a chill. Some one. Some where's gonna come here & beat tha shit outta _P-Money_." "_P-Money_? Who the hell's that?" Edward asked. "Penny." Ollie whispered. "Ms. Penny?" Edward asked. Ollie nodded. "Who's gonna beat the shit outta Ms. Penny?" Edward said, getting angry. "D'you know dat girl from tha Proud Family, Penny Proud?" Ollie asked nearly in a whisper. "Is she that bimbo on that shit Disney Channel?" Edward asked. Ollie nodded. "Her?" Edward asked. "Yeah!" Ollie said a bit louder, but not shouting like he usually do. "Maybe, I better warn her." Edward said. "Nawl." Ollie said. "She's not gonna believe you. Someone dat's closer to her should warn her, like Patsy." Edward then thought about it. "Yeah, maybe it'll be a wise thing for her to warn Ms. Penny. So, let's get back to playin' ball." "**CAN'T! I GOT PLANS!**" Ollie said in his usual tone. "**BESIDES, I WON!**"

Back at the hotel, Lazlo & Patsy was getting ready to leave. "That was a great birthday." Lazlo said. "I especially, liked my present." "I knew, you like it, dear." Patsy said, zipping up her gymbag. "We, should do that again sometime." "Yeah, that sounds like a wise idea, Patsy." said Lazlo. So the couple, holding each other's hand left the fancy _Williams-Johnson Hotel_.

Back at camp. Patsy & Lazlo was getting out of her suv. "I wonder, what Penny's doin'?" Patsy wondered outloud. "I dunno." Lazlo said. "She's probably, beatin' some asshole in pool. Well, see you in a minute, Patsy." Lazlo goes to his cabin.

He opens the cabin door, to see Raj high & Clam drunk & shit. "What the hell?" Lazlo asked. "T-T-T-This s-s-shit's so fuckin' a-a-a-amazin'!" Raj said highly. "I-I-It's been s-s-so l-l-long!" "Shut the fuck up, you increasenly annoying small-dick bitch!" Clam slurred drunkenly. _**"BLLLLAAATTTT!" **_"Look at these stupid motherfuckas in here drunk & high." Lazlo laughed as he threw his clubbin' clothes into the laundry pile. Raj & Clam turned to him. "W-W-Who the h-h-hell's that?" Raj asked highly. "Shut up, queer!" Clam shouted as he threw a can of beer at Raj's ugly-ass face. The can hit him, knocking him unconcious. The audience laughs. Clam then turned to Lazlo. "That bastard's a cunt, Lazlo. That bastard's a cunt." "Yeah, silly bastard he is." Lazlo said. "Well, I'm off." "See ya." Clam said after him. Then he starts to shiver a bit. "Why am I feelin' cold all of a sudden?" Clam started, before he stopped. "It must be the liquor or the weed smoke talkin', but I feel somethin' major's gonna happen later in this chapter." Then he grabs Raj's unopened beers, opens them & gulps them down in in gulp. The audience laughs at this. "That was good!" Clam burped. Then he yawned. "Tired." Then Clam falls asleep, with his mouth wide open. The audience laughs at him.

Outside, Lazlo met Patsy. "So, d'you wanna go look for Penny?" he asked. "Yeah." Patsy said. "Let's go." But before, they can go find her. They heard a strange sound. "_Pssst_!" "Did you say somethin'?" Lazlo said to Patsy. "No." repliled Patsy. "_Pssst_!" came the sound again. "Alright! Who's there?" Patsy exclaimed as she & Lazlo both posed in karate-like poses. "**Don't fuck with us!**" "_Over here_." said the voice. "Who is it?" Lazlo asked. "_It's me, Ollie_." said the voice. Ollie appears from behind the trashcans of Patsy's cabin. "Why are you hidin' behind the trashcans?" Patsy asked. "And why are you whispering?" Lazlo asked. "_Can't tell ya, here_." Ollie said. "_Let's go fo' a drive_." So Ollie jumped into his car. Lazlo & Patsy shrugging their shoulders, decided to follow him into the car. Ollie started his car & drove away.

"So, what's up, Ollie?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah. What's up?" Patsy asked. Ollie turned to the couple. "**SOMETHIN'S GONNA GO DOWN LATER!**" he shouted. "Really?" The couple asked. "**YEAH!**" Ollie said. "What's happenin'?" Patsy asked. "**P-MONEY'S GONNA GET BEAT UP & BEAT UP BADLY!**" Ollie shouted. "_P-Money_?" Lazlo asked. "Who's that?" "That's Penny, dear." Patsy said. "**YEAH!**" Ollie said. "Who's gonna beat her?" Lazlo asked. "**D'YOU KNOW DAT PENNY PROUD GIRL FROM THA 'PROUD FAMILY'?**" Ollie asked. Patsy & Lazlo nodded. "**WELL, SHE'S GONNA DO IT!**" Ollie shouted. "I wonder, what Penny did to her?" Patsy asked. "**I DUNNO, BUT IT'S MUST'VE BEEN PRETTY MAJOR!**" Ollie said. "**DAT'S WHY, I'M TELLIN' YALL THIS, SO P-MONEY CAN PREPARE FO' THA BEATIN'!**" "Oh shit!" Lazlo started. "I don't like the sound of this. This Proud girl attackin' Penny for no reason." "Sounds like some kinda of thing, that Charles Manson might do." Patsy muttered. Then she turns to Ollie. "Drive us back to camp, Ollie." So Ollie did the command.

_**(Cutaway to a Interstate)**_

The Proud Family Penny was driving at a pretty fast pace. She was rubbing one of the clubs with one hand & driving with the other.

The Proud Family Penny:(rubbing the club) You'll soon taste blood, my friend. You'll _soon_ taste blood.

Then she looks at a small stereo-like device.

TPFPenny: Now, to find this bitch's cell number!

She presses a button & a lot of cell phone numbers scrolled across the tiny screen, until CGPenny's cell number appears with her name.

TPFPenny: _Ah! _There's dat ho's number! Now time to put tha pedal to tha medal!

She steps on the gas pedal hard & speeds up as suspenseful & gloom music plays. The audience oohs more.

_**(End cutaway)**_

Back at camp. Penny was in the poolroom. She was playing against Quagmire. Quagmire was losing. "_Dammit! _This sucks!" he sniffed. "Dat's because, yo' a stupid asshole, asshole." Penny laughed. The audience laughs at this. Penny goes up to Quagmire. "Gimme my green!" she said. So while cussing, Quagmire gave her, his money. "This isn't alright!" he sniffed sadly. Penny put her won cash into her pocket. Lazlo & Patsy ran up to her. "Penny! Penny! You're in deep deep trouble!" they both said to her in unison. "Why? Because, I beat dat fucka, Quagmire in pool?" Penny asked as she laughed. "No. It's somethin' worst than that!" Patsy said. "Calm down, _P_." Penny started. "Take a breath. Whats' tha bad news?" "Well, it's..." Patsy started, before Penny's phone rang. She answered it. "Who dat is?" she asked. "_It's yo' worst nightmare!_" said the voice evily. "Who tha hell is this?" Penny asked angrily. "_I'm dat girl, dat you called; a whiny bratty bitch!_" said the voice. Penny stopped & thought about it. "Oh shit!" Penny said. "Yo'..."

"Dat's right!" _TPF_ Penny said with an evil smile on her face. "Ms. Penny Proud. I'm drivin' on tha Interstate right now. I'm comin' to yo' show to kill yo' ass!" "Kill me?" _CG_ Penny said to her phone. "I would like to see you try!" "Oh, I will." _TPF_ Penny said as she swirve to avoid a pothole on the highway. "And it's gonna be so funny to kill you in front of your friends & fans!" "No. What's gonna be funny is; when I kill _yo' _ass in front of _my_ homies & fans!" _CG_ Penny retorted. "You light-skinned, big headed, dick suckin' ho'!" "_**Ho'?**_" _TPF_ Penny exclaimed angrily. "**Yo' tha fuckin' ho'! You bitch!**" "**Fuck you!**" _CG_ Penny sniffed. "I'll see you tomorrow, slut!" _TPF_ Penny said as she hung up. "Fuckin' slut!" Penny sniffed as she shove her phone back into her pocket. "Looks like, you have to start trainin', Penny." Lazlo said. "Yeah. If you wanna win against that bimbo." Patsy added. "What do you mean, _'if'_?" Penny asked. "I'm gonna win. So, let's start trainin'!"

At Penny & Patsy's cabin. All three of them started the training. The first choice was weight lifting. Patsy & Lazlo was lifting the 20lb. weights & Penny was lifting the 100lb. weight. "_Damn! _This is too light!" Penny sniffed. "I need mo' weight!" "Are you sure, Penny?" Patsy asked. "Yeah." Penny responded. "I need tha total weight of dat Proud bitch!" "Uh, how much does she weigh?" Lazlo asked. "I think, about 130lbs." Penny said, as she turned to Patsy. "Gimme 30lbs., _P_!" So Patsy put on 30lbs. on each side of Penny's weight. "There. The weights are on, Penny." she said. "Aight! Time to start liftin'!" Penny said as she started lifting the heavy weight. She lifts it above her head & then lowers it & repeats this action sixty more times within ten minutes, then she stopped. Patsy turned to her. "I think, you need a test dummy to practice your moves on." "Really?" Penny asked. "Yep." Patsy replied. "And I know who, too." "Who?" Penny asked. "You'll find out. You just rest for a few." So Patsy & Lazlo went off to find the 'test dummy' & Penny rested a bit.

Outside, Patsy & Lazlo was looking for the said victim. "So, who was you thinkin' about, to use as Penny's test dummy, Patsy?" Lazlo asked. "I was, thinkin' on usin' some dumb asshole, like stupid Lois or that dumb ole Edward." Patsy said. Just as Patsy got done saying that, the aformentioned redheaded woman walks up. She was carrying some grocery bags. "C-Can you two, help me?" Lois asked as she was struggling to carry the bags. Patsy looks at Lazlo & evil smiles spread across their faces. They turned to her. "Sure. We'll help you, but there's somethin', that you have to do for us." "S-Sure. I-I'll do anything." Lois stuttered. "If you guys help me." So they took some of the bags from her & took it to Peter's house.

At the kitchen. Lazlo & Patsy was setting out the food on the counter, along with Lois. "Doritos. Doritos. Fritos. Krispy Kreme Donuts. Doritos again. Damn! Fatty's got a lot of snacks." Patsy said as she set out the food. "There's a whole lot more comin'." Lois said as she set out more chips & snacks. "Follow me." "I wonder, how much more shit, does she haves?" Lazlo wondered. "I don't want to know." Patsy muttered. "I don't want to know." Then Lois backs up a forklift from off-screen. "Here's it is." Lois said, as she turned off the forklift. "All snacks, chips, meat, & shit like that." Patsy took a deep breath. "Alright, Lazlo. Let's just get this done, quick." "Yeah, that'll be a wise idea." Lazlo said, as he grabbed some groceries. The audience laughs at this, as the trio put away 'Fatty's' lunch, dinner, post dinner snack, post dinner-pre midnight snack. post dinner-post midnight snack. Post Midnight-pre breakfast snack.

Soon they was done. "There! We're finally done!" Patsy panted. "So, what did you two want me to do?" Lois asked. "We want you to be Penny's sparing partner." Lazlo said. "Sparin' partner?" Lois repeated like a fuckin' idiot. "Yeah." Lazlo & Patsy said in unison. "Why me?" Lois asked. "Because, Penny hates you." Patsy said. "Oh." Lois muttered. "Fuck me." "No time for that." Lazlo said, as the audience laughed from this. "Penny's waitin'." So he gave Lois a push & they left the kitchen. Just after they lefted, the fat ass himself, runs into the kitchen. "I smell food!" Peter said as he looked around the kitchen. He looks into the refridgerator & see all of the food. "**OMG!**" Peter said. "Look at all this delicious, tasty food!" Then he had a thought. "Should I eat all this food now, or should I eat a little bit now, & save the rest for later?" He thought about it. "Eh! I'll eat all of this now!" Then Peter grabs the entire refridgerator & takes it to his office.

Back at Patsy & Penny's cabin. Penny was still taking a break, when Lois, Lazlo, & Patsy walks in. Penny looked at Lois. "Well. Well. Well. Look at what we got here?" she said smugly. "Stupid-ass, no brained Lois. I see, dat yo' came down here, to get yo' ass whupped by me." "Whupped?" Lois asked. Then she turned to Lazlo & Patsy. "I thought, yall said, that Penny wanted me to be a sparin' partner?" "Yeah. That's right." Patsy said. "You silly cunts!" Lois sniffed. "You wastin' my time. I better be going." Just as Lois is about to leave. Lazlo locked the cabin door. "You ain't goin' nowhere." he said. "Yeah." Patsy said, evily. "You're goin' to be Penny's sparin' partner. Whether you want to or not." "Dat's right." Penny said as she walked towards the stupid woman. She raises her fist & hits Lois in the nose. Doing this action, causes stars to come out of Lois' nose & starts a battle in a Mario & Luigi Bowser's Inside Story.

_**(Mario & Luigi Bowser's Inside Story-like fight begins)**_

Penny is in the Bowser fight mode & Lois is the creature/monster fight mode.

Penny: Aight. Let's do this, bitch!

Then above Penny's head were three icon boxes that said; 'flee', 'items', & 'punch'. She punches the 'punch' box & she goes towards Lois & raises her fist.

Penny: Ha!Ha!**HA!**

The word; _Excellent! _appears & Penny hits Lois in the face. The word _'Lucky' _appears, as the number 60 appears, along with stars from Lois. She rubs her face.

Lois: **Oh, you're gonna get it!**

Then she raises her fist at Penny. She throws a fist, fortunately Penny ducks.

Lois: _Dammit!_

Then it was Penny's turn again. The player chooses the 'items' box. The items appeared. They was listed as this:

_Spicy Chicken wings-boosts SP._

_Fiery Chicken wings-boosts DEF & SP._

_Penny Triple Deckas-Restores 120 HP._

_Fred G. Sanford Dogs-Restores 250 HP._

_Squirt sodas-Restores 30 HP._

_Chocolate Brownies-Restores 25 HP._

The player chooses the fiery chicken wings & Penny eats the wings, which made fire briefly come out of her mouth & the words 'DEF' & 'SP', along with a arrow, pointing up appear.

Penny: **Aight!**

Then Lois decides to power herself up.

Lois: If you can power up._ I _can power up.

She takes out a Oreo cookie & eats it. The number '5' appears.

Lois:(pissed) Oh, fuck me!

Penny: Don't worry. I will. _I_ will.

Then the three icon boxes appears above Penny's head again & Penny hits the 'punch' box again. She sets her sights on Lois again & rises her fist.

Penny: Ha!Ha!**HA!**

Then her fist started glowing. Penny noticed.

Penny: What tha hell?

She released her punch & hit Lois in the nose. The word; _'lucky' _appears as well as the number 50.

Lois: _Holy shit!_

Then it was Lois' turn again. Lois decides to do a running kick.

Lois: Time to do my patented Lois kick!

Then she runs off. Within a few seconds, Lois comes running towards Penny. She was doing a war cry.

Lois: _**AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!**_

Seeing this, Penny moves off to the side. Doing this, made Lois kick the wall, which was a dumb move, as there was a cracking sound coming from her leg.

Lois: **OW! MY LEG!**

She limps back to her position. It was Penny's turn again. The three item boxes appear over her head again. A new attack box appears also. It says; _'bodyslam'_. Penny punches the bodyslam box.

Penny: Aight! Bodyslam!

Then she looks at Lois.

Penny: Time fo' you to lose, loser!

Then she did a couple of jumps. When she jumped the fifth time, she she went into the air & spun like a ball. Lois watches the spinning mongoose ball.

Lois: What the hell? What are you doin'? Get back down here!

After Lois, said this. The Penny ball turns back into her.

Penny: Say yo' prayers, ho! Ha!Ha!Ha!

Then Penny slams down onto Lois, belly first. Doing this made Lois disappear. Then Penny's level-up appears.

_HP 70_

_SP 59_

_DEF 65_

_'Bling' 45_

All of the numbers went up, by 35%.

Penny: Yeah!

audience:(applauses)

_**(End Mario & Luigi-like fight)**_

Lois was layed out on the cabin floor. "Damn! You got me good." she said. "You got me good." "Dat was some practice." Penny said. "I'll say." Patsy said. "That last attack you gave her, was totally amazing." "I know, right?" Penny asked. "Yeah." Lazlo replied. "So, are you gonna continue training?" "Yeah." Penny said. "Well, you can do whatever you want, Penny." Patsy started. "But Lazlo & I are done trainin'." "Whatever." Penny said. Patsy turned to Lois. "You can go now." Lois sighed. "I'm gonna go get blitzed." Then she leaves to get high, probably with Raj & Clam. Patsy turned to Lazlo. "So, what do you wanna do now?" "I dunno." Lazlo said. "How 'bout we go fishin'?" "Fishin'?" Patsy asked. Lazlo nodded. "I haven't been fishin' for a while." Patsy said. "Ever since, the time we went fishing with 'Fat Ass'."

_**(Flashback)**_

Patsy, Lazlo, & two other campers was in a fishing boat with Peter at some lake called; Shit Creek.

Patsy: Why are we here at Shit Creek again?

Lazlo:(turns to her) Don't you remember, Patsy. _Greasey_ wanted to bathe in some soup, so he put tons of soup mix into Lake Griffin. All of the soup ingredients killed all of the fish.

Peter: Yep. That was a good swim. A dream come true.

Patsy: Okay. So answer me this. Why Lazlo & me are here with you?

Peter: Because, you, him, & Ms. Penny are my subsitute friends. When Quagmire, Cleveland, Joe & Brian are busy, I turn to you three.

Lazlo: Okay. So, why the other two campers are here then?

Unknown camper#1: Because, we wanted to go fishing.

Unknown camper#2: And we really wanted to be noticed.

Peter: Shut up, kid!

audience:(laughs)

Patsy:(roll her eyes) Whatever. Now where's the fishing poles & all that shit?

Peter:(realizing that he forgot them) I knew, I forgot somethin'.

Patsy+Lazlo:(facepalm) Dammit! You fat bastard!

Peter: Not to worry. You can always have fish jump into your lap.

Patsy: You kiddin' me, right?

Peter: No. I saw an episode from your old show; that fish jumped into your lap, Ms. Patsy.

Lazlo: I remember that episode, Patsy. Lumpus was really pissed, when yall passed by on that boat, & the fish jumped into your laps.

Patsy: That's because, the night before, Ms. Doe went to the lake & gave the fish crack. Just like that episode of 'King of the Hill', when Hank accidently gave the fish crack. And then the next day; she gave us a lil' bit of crack & the fish started jumpin' on our boat.

Lazlo: Oh. So that explains it.

Peter: Crack or not. I want some fish!

He grabs Patsy & throws her into the lake. The audience laughs.

Peter: Don't come back, until you get some fish!

audience:(laughs)

Lazlo:(dryly) You're an asshole, you know that?

Peter: I know. I'm clever! _Hee!Hee!Hee!_

audience:(laughs)

Lazlo then shoves Peter off the boat & into the creek.

Lazlo: Now, _you_ don't come back, until _you_ get some fish!

audience:(laughs)

Patsy swam back to the boat.

Lazlo: Here, lemme help you up, Patsy.

He helps her into the boat. He looks at her. She noticed.

Patsy: What?

Lazlo: I see, that you caught a fish.

Patsy: No, I didn't.

Lazlo: Oh, yes. _You_ did.

He points to her shirt. Patsy looks down to see a fish in her cleveage.

Patsy: Oh, _I_ did.

She takes the fish out of her sexy cleveage.

Lazlo: I guess, that's the one, that didn't get away.

Patsy: That's for sure.

audience:(laughs)

Just then, Peter stands up.

Peter: Look! I got some fish!

Lazlo: So? Who the fuck cares?

nobodys: We care.

Patsy: Fuck you!

She picks them up & throw them into the water & starts the boat & takes off.

nobody#1: This sucks.

nobody#2: Yeah.

Peter: Shut up, cunts!

audience:(laughs)

_**(End Flashback)**_

"Hopefully, the boats are in workin' order." Lazlo said. "Yeah." Patsy said. Then they lefted. Penny turned her head. "Hey!" she called out. Patsy & Lazlo stopped. "What?" they asked. "Bring some of dat fish fo' me." "Okay." Patsy said. So, the couple lefted, as Penny continued training for her big fight.

It was sometime later now. Penny had finished training now & was eating herself a soft shell taco. "Oh god!" she said as she took a bite from her taco. "All dat trainin' sho' makes you hungry." Just then, Patsy & Lazlo came back with the fish. "We're back with the fish, Penny." Patsy called. Penny set down her empty plate. "Took yall long enough." "Sorry, but you know, how it is with fishin'." Patsy said. "Yeah. Yeah. I know, _P_." Penny said. "I know. Just gimme tha fish & I'll start guttin' it." So Patsy gave Penny the fish and Penny go over to the sink & start gutting up the fish. "So. Did you tell everyone, about your fight?" Lazlo asked. Penny stopped gutting the fish. "Oh fuck! I fo'got all 'bout dat!" "D'you want me to spread the word?" Patsy asked. "Yeah." Penny said. "But here's some advice, _P_." "What?" asked Patsy. "Don't ever say dat again." "What again?" Patsy asked, getting confused. "Tha word." Penny said. Then she whispered in a softer voice. "_You know, how 'Greasey' is, when someone says dat line._" "Oh." Patsy said. "Alright, Penny. I'll tell one person, who can't keep a secret, & then they'll tell another one, & so on." "So, who's the person?" Lazlo asked. "That perverted bastard, Quagmire." Patsy answered. "Well." Lazlo said. "Good luck with that."

Meanwhile, Quagmire was about to drink some scoutch. "Losin' sucks." he sniffed as he was about to take a drink. "It sucks ass!" Then he sees Patsy coming. Quagmire set down his scoutch. "Well. Looks like, my luck's changin'!" he said as the audience laughed. Patsy saw this scene unfold. "Oh god!" she muttered to herself. "Hey cunt!" "What do you want, Patsy darling?" Quagmire asked. "First of all. I want you to stop callin' me 'darling'." Patsy started. "Okay, darling." Quagmire said. Then he stopped. "_Oop! _Sorry." "That's okay." Patsy said. "The second thing, I want you to do somethin' for me." "Sure." Quagmire said. "I'll do anything for you." "I want you to make ads for Penny's fight." Patsy said. "What? Penny's havin' a fight?" Quagmire asked. Patsy nodded. "Against who?" Quagmire asked again. "You know, that girl Penny Proud, from that shit show 'The Proud Family'?" Patsy asked. "Yeah." Quagmire replied. "Well, the fight's against her." Patsy said. "I want you to spread the word." "Okay." Quagmire said as he stood up. "Wait." Patsy called out to him. "What?" Quagmire asked. Patsy gave him $700 dollars. "Here's $700. From me." she said. "_Alright!_" Quagmire exclaimed. "Ads! You got it, Patsy!" Then he leaves to spread the word & to make the ads. "Hopefully, he get things right." Patsy muttered.

Later, Penny was about to cook the catfish. She was corn-mealing them down. She takes a sniff. "_Ah! _Now dat smells good!" she said as she dipped the catfish into the corn meal. Then she put the breaded catfish into the frying pan. The frying pan sizzled, as the fish cooked. "I enjoy dat sound." Penny said. Suddenly, Patsy walks in. "I see, that you're cookin' that fish, Penny." she said to her. "Yep." Penny said. "Ya gotta eat somethin', befo' you beat tha shit outta some stupid-ass bitch, _P_. Cross dat. You always gotta eat somethin' good, befo' you beat tha shit outta a stupid bitch. So, did you spread tha word, 'bout my fight to dat cunt Quagmire?" "Yep." Patsy said. "He's gonna print ads for it." Then she took a sniff. "Damn, Penny! That fish sure smells good." "Of course, it smells good, _P_." Penny said, putting some more fish into the skillet. "I'm usin' my ole great grandmotha's recipe." "Recipe? Why haven't I heard of it?" Patsy asked. "Because, she was _my_ great grandmotha, _P_." Penny said. "And it's been on my side of tha family fo'ever. Matta of fact, there's ton of recipes. Even tha original recipe fo' KFC chicken." "Wait. Wait. Wait." Patsy started. "Your great grandmother was the creator of that chicken?" "Yeah." Penny said. "Tha colonel stole tha recipe from her."

_**(Flashback)**_

Penny's great grandmother, Niecy Smiles-Tyson was frying some chicken in her kitchen for a fried chicken judging contest.

Niecy: _Mmmm! _Dat chicken sho' smells good! I can't wait, til da folks eat it.

She takes a already cooked piece of chicken & starts eating it.

Niecy: _Oh god! _All those 11 herbs & spices, sho' brings da flavor in da meat! Maybe one of these days, I'll have enough money, to make my own restaurant.

Later, she & her family was at fried chicken judging contest. Everyone was about to get their chicken judged. Colonel Sanders was the head taster.

Sanders: Okay. I say, okay y'all. It's time fo' the judging contest now.

crowd:(applauses)

Niecy along, with her daughter; Lisa Bonet Smiles-Tyson & son; Scott 'Scottie' P. Tyson, was nervous.

Niecy: I hope, my chicken's gonna win.

Lisa: Don't worry, ma. Even if da colonel doesn't think, yo' chicken's good. We still do.

Scott: Yeah. Yo' chicken is da best in da south.

Niecy: Thanks.

Lisa: Even, if you don't win, it's not like 'yo gonna become da world's most popular chicken producer from this.

Niecy: Yeah.

Then she notices Sanders coming.

Niecy: _Oop! _Here he comes. Smile & look presentable.

Sanders walked up.

Sanders: Lemme, I say, lemme taste some of that chicken.

He tastes the chicken.

Sanders: Oh lord! This is, I say, this is the best chicken, I've ever had! What is your name, Ms?

Niecy: Niecy Smiles-Tyson, sir.

Sanders: **LOOKS LIKE, WE HAVE A WINNER! MS. NIECY SMILES-TYSON!**

Crowd:(applaudes)

He gives her the winning trophy.

Sanders: Here you go, Ms. Niecy. Here's yo' trophy. How 'bout you work for me?

Niecy: I dunno. Lemme talk about this to my family.

Then she talked to her kids.

Niecy: Should I do this?

Scott: I dunno. He make take advantage of you.

Lisa: Don't listen to him. Go ahead & work fo' him. If things, go bad, you can still become da world's popular chicken producer.

Niecy: Hmmm. You have a good point there. I'll do it.

Then she turned to Sanders.

Niecy: You have a deal, my fine sir.

Sanders: I knew, that you would come to my side, Ms. You're not gonna regret this.

Niecy:(puts on fake smile) I hope not. I hope not.

_**(End Flashback)**_

"So, what happened?" Lazlo asked. "Well, tha colonel stole great grandmotha's Niecy's recipe & after all dat; she became tha creator of Tyson's chicken products." Penny said, as she flipped the fish in the skillet. "One of tha world's famous chicken producers." "So you know, the secret ingredients for the chicken then?" Patsy asked. "Yep." answered Penny. "But I swore not to tell anyone."

Soon, the fish was done. "Aight. Tha fish's done. Now we can eat." "Damn! That smells good." Lazlo said as he breathe in. "Tha smell's one of tha good things, 'bout my fish." Penny started, as she cut a piece of her fish. "Tha actual meat is tha greatest part." Lazlo takes a taste of his fish. "Oh my god! This is the best tastin' fish, I ever had, Penny!" he awed as he ate a little more. "Thanks G." Penny said as she ate some of her fish. Patsy watched the two eat their dinners & decided that she might as well eat the fish too.

Little bit later, now. The trio had just got done eating their dinner. "Oh god!" Patsy burped. "That was a pretty fillin' meal." "It sure was." Lazlo said, as he yawned. "Damn! I'm tried." "Dat's what happens when you eat my fish or chicken." Penny said as she threw the bones on her plate away. "Yo'll get stuffed & sleepy." "What time is it?" Lazlo asked. Patsy looked at the clock. It was almost 10:30. "It's almost 10:30." "Well. Time fo' me to hit tha bed." Penny said. "I gotta rest up, so I can be ready to beat dat bitch's head in tomorrow." "Wise idea." Lazlo said, getting up from the table. "I shall be goin'." "G'night, G." Penny called after him. "Good night, Penny." Lazlo said, as he went over to Patsy. He dipped her back & gave her goodnight kiss. "Good night, Patsy darling." "G'night, Lazlo dear." Patsy said. "See you in the morning."

It was the next morning now. News about Penny's fight, had gotten around to everyone at camp. Peter was with Penny. They was making preparations for the fight. Penny had plenty of food & drinks, along with a safe, to keep them safe from fat ass. "When is this girl suppose to come?" Peter asked. "Sometime later today." Penny asked, as she locked up the safe. "Why you ask?" "Because, of those tasty-lookin' snacks!" Peter said, as he drooled. Penny was cross. "No! Those snacks are not fo' yo' fat ass! Those are fo' tha fuckin' crowd!" "**Oh, dammit!**" Peter pouted angrily. "Don't you got those tons of food, dat dumb ass Lois, brought yesterday?" Penny asked. "Oh yeah!" Peter exclaimed. "I forgot all about those!" Then he runs off. "Thank you, Ms. Penny!" "What a stupid piece of shit!" Penny sniffed. Just then, Lazlo & Patsy walked up to her. "So, are you gonna train some more, before Penny comes, Penny?" Patsy asked. "Yeah, a lil' bit, _P_." Penny replied. Lazlo looks around. "Damn! I guess, you wasn't kiddin', Patsy. You told Quagmire to make a whole lot of ads for Penny's fight." "See? I wasn't lyin', dear." Patsy said. Just then, Clam walks up to them. "Uh, where's the place, to uh, place bets at?" "It's where tha dog is at." Penny started. "In his quarters." "Thanks." Clam said, as he ran off towards Brian's quarters. "Damn! Even _Clam_'s bettin'." Lazlo said, as he turned to Penny. "I bet this fight's gonna be worth it." "Yeah." Penny said. "Time to train some mo'! Let's go!" Then the trio leaves, to train.

Meanwhile, Brian was collecting everyone's bet, when Stewie walked up to him. "So. You're collectin' everyone's bets, huh?" he asked. "Yep." the dog said, as he collected a background loser's bet. "Can I place a bet?" Stewie asked. "How much are you willin' to place?" Brian asked. "I'm willin' to place $70 for _Hip Hop Girl _to win." Stewie said. "Alright." Brian said, as he wrote down the information. "$70 dollars it is." "Alright." Stewie said. "Are you gonna pay me, when Penny wins?" Brian asked. "Yeah. Yeah. Sure." Stewie said quickly. "I will." Then he leaves.

Then a nobody walks up to the dog. "How much are you willin' to place?" Brian asked. "I'm willin' to place $10." The background loser said. "_Ha! _$10 dollars?" Brian laughed. "Are you kiddin' me?" "No." The background loser said. "My mom always send me $10 dollars, for lunch." "Well, you better keep your puny $10 dollars." Brian started. "Only big wigs, that bet $30 dollars or more, are allowed to place bets here. So, just spend your puny $10 dollars on some McDonald's. _**NEXT!**_" The background loser walks sadly away. "Stupid dog!" he muttered as it was the only swear, that he can say. The audience laughs at his childness.

It was much later now. Everyone was getting ready for the big fight. Patsy & Lazlo was helping Penny prep. "So, is dat bitch here yet?" Penny asked. "No. Not yet." Patsy said. "Good." Penny said. "This gives me plenty of time fo' tha crowd to build & mo' time to prep." "I hope, there's enough snacks." Lazlo muttered. "You know, how _fatty_ can get." "Yeah." Patsy muttered. "Not to worry 'bout him." Penny started. "I've got him enough grub to keep him occupied."

_**(Cutaway)**_

Peter was sitting nearby. There was two truckloads of McDonald's. He was eating.

Peter: _Oh god! _These McDonald's cheeseburgers are good!

He eats 25 more.

Peter: _MmmhmmmMmm! _I hope, these last, until the fight's over.

_**(End cutaway)**_

"Hopefully, those'll last him, until I beat tha shit outta dat stupid bitch." Penny said. After the CG Penny got done saying that, TPF Penny arrives in her car. The brakes on the car squealed. Everyone in the crowd noticed. "**She's here!**" someone in the crowd shouted. "So you noticed that, huh?" someone else said to the aformentioned person. "Shut the hell up." said the first person. "**Hey, mongoose bitch!**" TPF Penny shouted. "**Where you at? Come out, so I can rip dat so-called face off yo' fuckin' head!**" CG Penny responded to this. "You! You come over here, where tha fuckin' crowd is!" So TPF Penny did. "Well. Well. Well. We finally meet." TPF Penny said smugly to the CG Penny. "Yeah. I've been trainin' my ass off & now I'm finally gonna beat tha shit outta yo' ass." CG Penny sniffed. "I'm gonna wipe up tha floor wit you." TPF Penny said as she pointed in CG Penny's face. "Fuck you." CG Penny muttered crossily. Just then, Lazlo got inbetween them. "Ladies! Save your fighting, until we get to the crowd! So get ready." So the gonna-be fighters, went to the ring.

Lazlo got into the ring. "Ladies & Gentlemen. It's the time, that you all been waitin' for." The crowd cheered. Lazlo turns to TPF Penny's corner. "In the Magneta corner. Weighin' 130lbs & wearin' magneta top & trunks. She's a startin' quarterback for her high school football team. She's spoiled & loves to whine. Penny Proud!" "_**BOOO!**_" the crowd hissed, as they threw stuff at her. "You suck!" Peter shouted. "Oh, go fuck yo'selves!" TPF Penny jeered, as she kicked some of the stuff, that the crowd threw at her.

Lazlo turns to CG Penny's corner now. "In the midnight blue corner, wearin' black & dark navy blue top & trunks, weighin' 115lbs., She's the main star of her high school basketball team. She loves to beat up stupid ass people, just for the fun of it. Your friend & mines. Annette 'Penny' Smiles." The Crowd cheered. The two fighters walked to the middle of the ring. "Alright. Remember the rules. The fighter, that's KO's the other first, is the winner & the greatest Penny of all animated shows." Lazlo said, as he moved out the way. "**START FIGHTIN'!**"

_**DING! **_

_A/N: The fight sequence will be in a cutaway type way._

_**(Fight scene)**_

TPF Penny throws the first punch at CG Penny, fortuately; CG Penny ducked, making TPF Penny slam into a wall.

CG Penny: Ha!Ha! You missed you dumb bitch.

Then CG Penny throws a punch into TPF Penny's face. The punch landed on her face. The audience & crowd cheered. TPF Penny held her bleeding nose.

TPF Penny: You broke my nose!

CG Penny: Yeah.

TPF Penny: Now it's time fo' _me_ to break somethin' of yo's!

Then TPF Penny stands up & attacks, well tried to attack the CG Penny. The CG Penny saw this coming & grabs TPF Penny's neck & started twirling her in the air.

TPF Penny: _**Whoaaaaaaa!**_

CG Penny: Shut up, you stupid bitch!

Then she slams TPF Penny into the ground. The crowd cheers.

crowd:(applaudes)

Then TPF Penny stands up.

TPF Penny:(pissed) **Dat's it! I'm gonna get you now!**

Then she goes for the attack again, but CG Penny jumps into the air & TPF Penny slams her head against a pole. The Hanna-Barbera 'clunk' sound effect was heard. the crowd laughs and applaudes & so does the Camp Griffin audience. TPF Penny falls onto the floor.

CG Penny: **Ha! **This is _so_ easy!

Then TPF Penny stands up. Blood dripping from her forehead. She was extremely pissed.

TPF Penny: **ENOUGH PLAYIN' GAMES! TIME TO GET SERIOUS!**

She pounces onto CG Penny. Fortunately, CG Penny grabs TPF Penny grabs her by the neck again & starts choking her.

CG Penny: **Die ho'!**

She then slams TPF Penny onto the ground again & starts stomping on her. The crowd cheers.

crowd:(applaudes)

After seven minutes of stomping on TPF Penny, CG Penny gets off her.

CG Penny:(takes a deep breath) _Ahhh! _I can just smell victory!

TPF Penny. Even more bloody, stands up.

TPF Penny: **D-Dat's it! Yo' done fo'!**

She releases a punch & the punch lands into CG Penny's nose. The crowd boos.

crowd:(boos)

TPF Penny: How d'you like dat?

CG Penny wipes the blood from her nose.

CG Penny: You made **me** bleed **my** own blood.

TPF Penny: Dat's right.

CG Penny: **DAT'S IT! YO' ASS IS GOIN' DOWN!**

Then she takes out a Penny Triple decka & a Fred G. Sanford dog & eats them. The powerup sound from the Super Mario Bros. was heard. Eating the items made her more muscle bound & stronger.

CG Penny: **Say yo' prayers, yellow ho'!**

TPF Penny: **HOLY SHIT!**

Then CG Penny grabs TPF Penny's head & starts punching the shit outta it. Pretty fast too. 200 to 300 punch per minute. The crowd goes wild & started chanting; _'Beat her ass!' 'Beat her ass!' _

crowd: **BEAT HER ASS! BEAT HER ASS! BEAT HER ASS!**

The stronger CG Penny's punching lasts for ten minutes. Ten minutes later, CG Penny drops TPF Penny. The crowd was cheering & TPF Penny was coughing up blood.

CG Penny: Give up?

TPF Penny: N-No. I-I-I'm gonna kill you, e-even if it's gonna k-kill me.

CG Penny: Dat sounds like, a wise idea.

Then CG Penny picks up TPF Penny by her pigtails & started swinging her by them. TPF Penny was screaming.

TPF Penny: _**AAAAHHHH! OWWWW! **_**MOMMA!**

CG Penny: **Shut tha fuck up!**

Then CG Penny slams TPF Penny into the ground. The crowd goes wild.

crowd: **YEA! YAY!**

The scene is on Lazlo & Patsy.

Lazlo: **Go Penny!**

Patsy: **Kill the fuckin' bitch! Defend our family name!**

Lazlo: **And defend the show's name too!**

CG Penny takes out another Fred G. Sanford dog, loaded with extra chilli & cheese.

CG Penny: **Time to end this!**

She throws the dog into her mouth & eats it. The Mario Bros. powerup sound plays again. Then she suddenly becomes more muscle bound & powerful. She starts jumping. On the fifth jump, she went airborne & turns into a ball & starts spinning.

The scene is on the crowd now.

Stewie: What's the bloody hell's she doin'?

Patsy: Looks like, she's gonna do her bodyslam move.

Lazlo: Except, it's gonna be millions of times, as painful.

The CG Penny ball stops spinning & turns back into CG Penny, who is ready to slam down onto TPF Penny.

CG Penny: **Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha! ULTRA PENNY BODYSLAM FO' THA WIN!**

Then she slams into TPF Penny. When she did that, there was aftershocks felt everywhere, within the 70 mile radius of the camp. There was a eerie silence as dust flew. After the dust cleared, CG Penny stands up & looks down on TPF Penny, who was flat as a pancake. A bloody pancake.

CG Penny: Do you give up?

TPF Penny:(weakly) Y-Yes. I give up. Y-Yo' tha b-better P-Penny.

Lazlo runs up to CG Penny & raises her hand.

Lazlo: **THE WINNER! ANNETTE 'PENNY' SMILES! THE BETTER PENNY OF ALL ANIMATED SHOWS!**

crowd: **YAAAYYYY!**

audience:(applaudes)

Then the entire crowd comes over to CG Penny & lift her into the air.

crowd: **PENNY IS THE BEST! PENNY IS THE BEST! PENNY IS THE BEST!**

Then they put her down.

Patsy: Let's celebrate Penny's win!

Penny: And I'm payin'!

Nina: What are we gonna have?

Penny: Why pizza, of course, double N.

crowd: **YAY!**

Peter: Pizza? _Mmmm!_

He starts drooling up a river, as the audience laughs. The crowd leaves, leaving Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo. They look at TPF Penny.

Patsy: What'll we do with her?

Penny: I'll handle it, _P_. You & yo' boy go join tha others.

So Lazlo & Patsy ran off. And CG Penny looks into TPF Penny's face.

CG Penny: Now, it's time to dispose of yo' ass. Ha!Ha!Ha!

The scene goes black as she was about to grab TPF Penny. CG Penny's evil laughter can be heard.

_**(End full fight cutaway)**_

Later, at 'Springer's Pizza & Junk', everyone was at a large table. At the table was plenty of pizzas, wings, & pop. Peter then stands up, holding a glass of water. "Before we eat. I would like to give Ms. Penny, the 'beat the shit out of a character from another series' badge." Everyone applauded as Peter put the badge onto Penny's black vest, right next to her 'knife-throwin' badge'. "You also get a check for $589,726,000 dollars." Everybody applauded as he gave Penny the check. Peter then held up his glass. "I would like to make a toast." Everybody held up their glasses. "To Ms. Penny. For beatin' the shit out of a totally useless character, from a really bad show." "**Amen!**" the campers replied. The audience applauded in agreement.

Patsy then stood up with her glass. "I would like to make another toast." Then she turned to her cousin. "To Penny. For defendin' the family name, in the time of crisis & for bein' awesome & cool." "**YEAH!**" Everybody else said as they clunked glasses. "And she's sexy too!" Quagmire added. "Now, let's start eatin'!" Peter exclaimed as he took a slice of his pizza, which had everything, but a kitchen sink. "_Mmm! _Pizza loaded with everything. _Mmmm!_"

The scene is on Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny now. "So." Lazlo said as he took a bite from his pepperoni & cheese pizza. "What did you end up, doin' with Penny Proud?" "Oh. She's bein' exaimed by some top men, _Laz_." Penny said as she took a bite from her slice of pepperoni, sausage, peppers, & extra cheese pizza. "Who?" Patsy asked, as she took a bite from her triple pepperoni pizza. "Top...Men." Penny said, in a serious tone.

_**(Cutaway)**_

It shows a guy hammering a nail into a crate, then putting a deadbolt lock, to keep it secure.

Then it shows the man, pushing the crate on a trolley, through a long secret government warehouse, full of other crates. He keeps going, until he gets to a path & turns left.

_**(End cutaway)**_

_A/N: If you don't get this joke, it's based on Raiders of the Lost Ark & Family Guy episodes; 'Peter's Got Woods' & 'Back to the Woods'. _

_Well, this chapter starts, the beginning of a long feud between Penny Smiles & Penny Proud. I promise, there's gonna be more chapters like this in the spinoff fics._


End file.
